bio

Where I grew up, in a very conservative state, things like masturbation were not even talked about. It seems to me that Idaho might be a bit on the homophobic side. Also, for some reason, some people have the unhealthy attitude that if you masturbate you are gay, when obviously as many straight people masturbate as gays do. At least in southeastern Idaho, that is the attitude. I never did have shower experiences with other guys because no one ever took a shower in P.E. I don't know how other people pulled it off without smelling horrible, because I had a terrible time with B.O.

I grew up on a farm, and although I had seen animals having sex, I hadn't had "the talk" from my parents when I first learned about masturbation. I was about 11 and my brother 9 1/2 when we had the preacher's boys (our same ages) sleeping over one summer night in a makeshift tent. The conversation worked around to girls and sex. They asked if we knew about masturbation; we said, "What's that?" So they explained, and we tried it, with amazing results in a few minutes. Having no terms for any of this, I called the orgasm a "thrill" — which it was.

As a youth my penis was something I used to pee out of. Yes, there were times, especially when taking a bath, when I would look at and play with it. While taking the bath I found that I could make it move by using what I now believe was my PC muscle. No big deal.

I am now in my late 50s. As a very shy, timid, and withdrawn boy, with no confidence in my soft, thin body, the other boys' fun and games (playing with each other naked) after "lights out" in the school dormitory didn't interest me — not even their pants of excitement and giggles of pleasure ("ooh! that feels nice!"). We were 9 or 10 years old then. I never saw my penis erect until my first ejaculation when I was 12.

I didn't discover masturbation until after puberty. Fortunately, puberty came early, when I was 11 years old. For a few months, I had erections but didn't know why. My stiff penis itched and tingled, but I didn't know what to do about it. In the privacy of my bedroom I would admire it and bat it from side to side. Somehow, I knew that this was something normal and enjoyed it. My father had discussed sex with me in a conversation so abstract that I didn't really understand anything. His closest description of sex was that men "had contact" with women.

My masturbation story begins at about age 12. My parents were at work and I was all alone. I began to play with myself. I was just entering puberty, and the hormones were really flowing. I tried imagining what it would feel like to have oral sex. I then spit on my then-5-inch penis and began to rub up and down. It felt wonderful. I then felt like I had to pee, only it felt better. My hips started to buck and my head started to spin. I had my first orgasm and ejaculation. I've been hooked ever since.

The first time that I recall masturbating was when I was about 4 years old. We were visiting with friends and I was sent upstairs to take a bath since it was nearly bedtime. I finished my bath and let the water run out. I noticed that I had an erection, which meant nothing to me at the time. But I put my hand on it and liked the sensation. I am uncircumcised, so I started examining my foreskin. I discovered it felt good when I pulled it back, so I started moving it back and forth. I guess I must have been so caught up in the moment and the pleasure that I kept on doing it for a long time.

Though as a young boy I was unaware of the name for masturbation, or even the fact that it was sexual, I engaged in it privately from my earliest memories. At that age I was unable to ejaculate, but I nevertheless enjoyed the pleasure induced by orgasm.

I've long wanted to talk about masturbating. The problem is that in my society (South Africa), it's regarded as either childish or perverse (or both!). Only two people I know have admitted that they enjoy this activity, and even they tend to shrug it off as something to do between sexual encounters. Now, we know that masturbation is something quite different to sexual intercourse.

My first sexual experience was, believe it or not, in kindergarten during nap time. A little classmate by the name of Joey used to sleep next to me on a separate mat. Well, on this particular day I failed to fall into the usual slumber and opened my eyes to see Joey playing "innocently" with what I referred to at the time as his peepee. I raised my hand and told the teacher that Joey was not asleep. She told me I wasn't asleep, either, and sent both of us to the time-out closet. Needless to say, Joey and I got bored in the dark closet.