[Regarding the Cucumber/Zucchini Vagina Simulator]: Rather then boil the cuke, run it under hot water after you've carved it out with a fruit baller or circular potato peeler. The internal depth can be adjusted by inserting the end of a screwdriver handle or broom-handle-shaped object. Be sure to poke at least two small holes (with a turkey tie or straight nail) right at the end of the cuke, and make sure the nail did, in fact, pierce the internal tunnel.
The best way I have found to simulate the silky soft, wet, and most important, warm feeling of a vagina is this method: Buy a cucumber or a zucchini that is at least an inch and a half wider than your penis, and an inch longer. Boil it as if you were about to eat it, until it is soft, but not falling apart. Use a butter knife to carve out the inside to the size of your penis. Be careful not to make it too big or you have wasted your time. Insert your penis into this little organic device to be sure the size is right, and adjust accordingly.