embarrassment

I was raised in a fairly conservative Christian home, and was raised to think that the act of masturbation was both disgusting and evil. It wasn't until I was 17 that I discovered the contrary, and that my masturbation life began. Like all boys I had a tendency to get random erections, and always found them annoying and sometimes even painful. Being uncircumcised, I also found what few experiments I held in touching myself to be painful as well, as my glans was too sensitive for much direct contact.

I grew up in the bush in Australia. We lived in a scattered community. The one-teacher school, with a couple of dozen kids, was in a village a couple of miles away, so we had to walk to and from school though the bush. I was 7 years old and in 3rd grade, but we all played together with boys in the upper grades. One afternoon I set off to walk home after school and was joined by three 9- and 10-year-olds. They told me that they wanted to show me something. We stopped at a picnic spot on the edge of the bush.

Sex for me began innocently enough. Starting at age 12, I enjoyed lying on my bed in pajamas, on my belly, rocking forward and back, because it made my penis feel good. If I did that long enough, for just a moment I would feel very good all over my body, like I was flying, and there'd be a little "jump" deep inside me. I had never heard of masturbation, didn't suppose that any observer would guess that my penis was being stimulated, and did it openly, whenever I wanted, even if other family members were present.

It's Thursday morning and I'm awakened by that slightly nagging feeling one gets when the call of nature beckons. Only 4 o'clock, and as late as I retired the night before, I had been hoping for a little more sleep. I try to return to this strangely comical dream I was having, but no luck. Call of nature gets more insistent, so I hop out of bed and head for the bathroom. Back in bed again I'm ready for another 40 winks. Except for whatever trigger sets off in my brain that "dicky boy" was getting ready for some action! I know from long experience this was a call I couldn't just ignore.

I grew up in a Southern family that was extremely religious. We never talked about sex, alcohol, or bodily functions. Our home was almost puritanical; I never saw my dad or brothers naked. I'm sure that my mother was actually afraid of sex; my dad never spoke of it, although I think he had a very strong libido, so he was probably hugely frustrated most of the time. (In mid-life he left my mother to have a torrid affair with another woman.) I began to have sexual fantasies around age 10, although I didn't realize that's what they were.

As a young child through 8th grade (age 14), I was sent to a private Christian school. This school was very strict in the teachings they presented to us. Everything was completely religion-based. Even the science and history classes were all about "God's plan." Anyway, I think this background is what kept me from masturbating at an early age like most young boys. When I was a little kid, I didn't even think about what my penis was for. I was not even concerned with myself in that sense until the end of 6th grade when I was 12.

I'm 47 years old, and I can't remember when I didn't know what an erection was. When I had one, it was lots of fun to play with. I remember being a little boy in the bathtub with a little tiny erection, rubbing it between my fingers, and it felt so good. My parents didn't give me much grief about it; they just studiously ignored the matter. I got the subliminal message that I should do it in private, or maybe not do it at all.

I've masturbated for as long as I can remember. For all I know, I may have been busy masturbating when I was born. Of course, my technique when I was young wasn't very sophisticated. I'd lie on my front, I'd use my right hand to clamp my flaccid penis against my right leg, and I'd cup my left hand over my scrotum, which I held to my left. Then, I'd wiggle my groin. I masturbated like this at least once a day, and I think my penis may have been my favorite plaything. It certainly is the only plaything I still play with 30 some years later!

I started noticing differences between boys and girls' bodies in nursery school. The boys and girls didn't have separate restrooms; I thought that girls had to urinate sitting down because their penises weren't fully developed like boys (of course we urinated standing).

I guess it all started when I was about 11 years old. Although I had heard of it, I wasn't masturbating then, because I thought you had to have started puberty before you could get an orgasm. So I hadn't even tried it.