guilt

As a boy of 6 I stayed on my uncle's farm for the summer. His 2 daughters were older than me by 6 and 7 years. Being farm girls they knew about sex and loved to take me to the attic where spare featherbeds were kept. There we all got naked and on those big, fluffy mattresses they taught me the basics of sex. I remember my little penis getting hard, and how it felt good when they would ride it (without penetration). But they rode it so long it got sore and I insisted on playing a different game.

I don't really remember discovering masturbation on a specific occasion, but I do remember that when I was about 10 or 11 I used to find it fun to lie on my stomach in bed with my penis between the fingers of my hand and move my hips up and down. I did this because it felt good and didn't associate it with sex, and so I wasn't at all embarrassed about it -- though my dad did try to stop me from doing it on more than one occasion. It felt too good to stop, though, so I would carry on again as soon as he left.

I am in my 50s and live in the center of Europe. The first time I came in contact with masturbation was when I was about 4. A same-age friend of mine and I were playing in a small forest, when an older guy of 10 or 12 joined us. Soon we were sitting under the bushes and discussing all sorts of things. We must have been talking about the opposite sex, when the older boy undid his trousers and started to rub his penis. He invited us to do the same, but with our 3 to 4 centimeters only at the time, we both were ashamed to unpack our treasure.

[This biography is by the same reader who wrote Shimmying up swing poles.]

I feel strange saying I began masturbating at age 11 between the 6th and 7th grades, but I read about other boys starting to "do IT" as early as age 8. Well, I did do something at that age, but couldn't identify "it" as sexual or something to be embarrassed about until I touched my penis one summer's night after the 6th grade. The discovery was awesome, but the approaches to "it" using the thumb above and the index finger below were scary.

I don't remember the first time I masturbated. The first time I remember I was very young, probably between the 2nd and 3rd grade. My brother and sister and I had been playing, but I said I was going to take a nap and asked them to be quiet because, "the kind of dreams I want to dream I need quiet for." I lay under the covers, pulled down my pants, and began rubbing my penis ("peepee" as it was called) on the mattress. I fantasized about masturbation ("it" as I called it) being contagious, and that if anyone slept in my bed after I had done it then they would do it, too.