fantasy

I am 20 years old, and although my road down the beginning of life's sexual path isn't as exciting as some other people's, I still have an interesting story to tell. My story begins when I was about 10 years old. I believe I had just started middle school and had our first health class (a.k.a. sex ed). At the time I wished I had paid more attention in that class, because one day one of my soccer teammates (a friend about 11 years old) asked if I had ever ejaculated. I stood there trying to think — first, what "ejaculate" meant, and second, if I had ever done it.

Although I probably had a hand around my fetal penis, I didn't masturbate to orgasm until I was about 14. A kid in the 8th grade lunchroom said something about "whacking off" and made a circle with his thumb and index finger. Up and down he gestured. I waited until a quiet Sunday afternoon when nobody was home. At that time I was still small enough to fit into an old canvas laundry bag, and I wore it over my naked body. The feel of the material stimulated me.

I kind of feel like the guy in Castaway — you know, he painted a smile and two dots on a volleyball for a friend. Well, I was circumcised, so, erect, there's that smile looking at me. My Wilson to bat around and make me smile through the years. There's been a few tears, too. But when I think about it, it's been me and Wilson through everything. The way I look at it, when I ejaculate, that's Wilson speaking. He's spoken to a few people, but mostly to me.

I can't remember a time when I did not play with my penis. It always felt good when it was erect and the skin tight. At age 7 or 8, a playmate joined me in this activity, but we did not do it to each other. Puberty came at about age 13 — pubic hair appeared and my penis began to enlarge. I heard boys in the playground talk about "coming," and I asked them about it and told them I had never done that. They said just to "keep on" doing it when I was playing with my penis and that I would get there.

Masturbation — what a wonderful thing! I probably started masturbating late in life. I was 15 the first time I did it. I had experimented quite a bit with girls by that age, feeling their breasts and and even masturbating them, although not to climax I don't believe. I always got erections during this petting phase but never thought about masturbating.

I was reared in a home where sex was never mentioned; I never even heard the word "pregnant." How I managed to get to be 11 years old before learning the facts of life I do not know, but I did. I moved to a new school when I was in the 5th grade, and there I began to get a real education in things I'd never heard of. I knew where babies came from, of course, but I had no idea how they got there.

My story is somewhat different because I did not ejaculate by hand until I was nearly 18. I was raised in an extremely sexually repressive home. My mother did not believe in sex for pleasure and rarely engaged in it. Sex was never discussed at our house, and neither my 3 older brothers nor I ever received any sex instruction at home.

I distinctly remember the first time I masturbated — it was after reading a book about puberty when I was 12. I was lying in bed and I had an erection. I didn't know about masturbation yet, but I did know about things like oral sex. For some reason, I thought, "I wonder what it feels like..." and tried, unsuccessfully, to get my penis into my mouth. Instead, I put saliva in my hand and put it on my erection — I thought of it as a simulation of my mouth.

I can remember my first time exactly. It was June 7, 1997. It was finals week at my junior high, and each day of that week was a half day, so I was home early. I decided to get online to see what was going on. The strange thing was I had seen some movies that used masturbation humor. I felt obligated to laugh when I heard these jokes, since everyone else around me was laughing. Quite frankly, though, I had no idea what masturbation was, and I had no idea why everyone thought it was so funny. I got on a search engine, typed in "masturbation," and off I went.