Oh, what a feeling

I can't remember a time when I did not play with my penis. It always felt good when it was erect and the skin tight. At age 7 or 8, a playmate joined me in this activity, but we did not do it to each other. Puberty came at about age 13 — pubic hair appeared and my penis began to enlarge. I heard boys in the playground talk about "coming," and I asked them about it and told them I had never done that. They said just to "keep on" doing it when I was playing with my penis and that I would get there.

The same afternoon in the bathroom, I did — and I had my first orgasm. Wonderful. What a revelation. From then on it was at least once a day. A few months later I began to ejaculate, a little at first, with more and more as time went, with increasing expulsive force. Oh, what pleasure.

My family was close-mouthed about sex, and no opinion was ever voiced about masturbation or whether or not it was "bad." Back then boys used handkerchiefs regularly, and surely there were many yellow-stained ones in the clothes hamper. I had no guilt feelings despite having heard most of the myths about "abusing" yourself. I usually masturbated in the afternoons after school, in the bathroom. Sometimes I'd do it in the tub, on my knees, using soap for a lube and letting the sperm swirl down the drain as the tub emptied. Around age 15, a neighbor kid my age and I did it together a few times, and to each other on at least one occasion. I think that was the first time I used Vaseline. About the same time the son of family friends (who was one or two years younger) and I masturbated quite often together, usually with Vaseline, although it was a chore to clean up. Once we tried oral sex; it felt good, but we were convinced it was an act too much like a "queer," and neither of us reached a climax and never did it again. We continued this for a couple of years at intervals, and we talked about what we thought sex with a girl was like (no adult literature was available then).

One day alone in the house, we got naked, and one of us lay face-down on a towel on the bed and the other lubed up his erection and lay down and pushed his penis in between the other's upper thighs at the base of his buttocks. Not much humping was necessary for a strong orgasm and copious ejaculation. We did our turns and both enjoyed it, but we never repeated it. Again, there were no guilt feelings, and we've remained friends for many years. I've had no other homosexual encounters and really have not wanted them. I admit I have fantasized about such, but my fantasies and reality have always been separate and distinct, and I've had no inclination to make more of the former.

One other teenage event: In high school, as a junior I think, I came back to the gym late one evening after a track run. I stripped down in the locker room and went to the showers, which were open on both sides of the room. Another guy was there showering, and since it was late, he undoubtedly thought he would be alone and was leaning back against the wall out of the shower spray, masturbating. I watched for what must have been a minute or so, amazed at the size of his penis, which was the largest I had ever seen. Unaware, my own had hardened and stiffened before he became aware of me. He hardly slowed, realizing, I guess, that there was no place or way to hide what he was doing, and continued with his motions, contracting his buttocks and pushing up through the downward motion of his hand. I proceeded to shower and did not speak. He ejaculated and left, and I proceeded to masturbate. He was gone when I got through.

In college, my daily masturbation continued secretly, most often in the shower late at night when almost everyone else had gone to bed. I never saw anyone else masturbating; no one ever approached me that way; and no one (to my knowledge) ever "caught" me doing it. It seemed normal and natural, even though at that time it was considered taboo even to mention it.

Because of the times and because I was in a mostly male college, so dating and other contact with girls was minimal, I was very late having my first intercourse. It was with one of the few graduate female students who shared a course with me. In the woods, her dress up and panties down, and my pants unzipped, I touched her vulva and ejaculated all over her stomach and my pants — the mother of all premature ejaculations. Later it was better. I masturbated her often over a several-month period, mostly manually, but a few times orally, which she enjoyed but would not reciprocate. I masturbated myself often that quarter.

Next was my first wife. We were both relatively inexperienced sexually. Intercourse settled down to once or twice a week, in the missionary position almost exclusively. She had certain qualms and would not permit me to stimulate her orally, but inexplicably, she truly enjoyed doing it to me and would wake me each morning that way. I believe women perform fellatio for two reasons: (1) because that like to do something that is enjoyable for the man, and (2) because they themselves enjoy doing it and because it is sexually arousing to them.

Why do I masturbate? Certainly because orgasm and ejaculation is pleasurable. The hand feels good to the penis, and also the penis feels good in the hand. The spectacle of an erect penis is visually exciting to me. It is almost awesome, because it represents such a huge change in the penis's usual small, flaccid appearance. Somehow it's almost magic. I've never seen people having intercourse in real life, but of course I've watched quite a few porno videotapes. This enhances my state of sexual arousal.

My second wife is almost 20 years younger than me and had about a year of a previous unsuccessful marriage. She has always had very few sexual inhibitions, and we have shared a sex life full of experimentation and variations. She likes to watch me masturbate on occasion and knows I do it in private sometimes. So does she, although she is forthright about masturbating for my benefit and interest. We masturbate each other sometimes as foreplay and sometimes to orgasm. Oral sex is a frequent part of our scene, and sometimes I can bring her to orgasm 5 or 6 times that way. She enjoys doing me, but, by consent, not often to the point of ejaculation. I am convinced that for us, the best intercourse position is with her on top, straddling me, so that she is in control of the pace and depth of the strokes and so she can move her clitoris to get the best stimulation. Sometimes with me on my back and with my erection lying on my stomach, she moves her vulvar cleft up and down my shaft with her clitoris rubbing along, too. Then she may move upward to my stomach and then on up to the hair on my chest, and then on up farther so my tongue can reach and titillate her clitoris. We have used a vibrator, which we both find to be pleasant, and have used anal stimulation now and then. We have not tried anal sex, since neither of us is inclined.

I have masturbated almost daily for most of my life, even through two marriages, the last of which is ongoing. I believe my occasional teenage encounters were not unusual and do not feel that they, or masturbation in general, have affected my psychosexual development and performance. I suspect that my sexual practices are far from unusual if one were to know the truth for certain about a large number of men. Certainly masturbation and pride in my penis and its capabilities are a continuing source of a lifetime of pleasure, satisfaction, and gratification.