As a young child through 8th grade (age 14), I was sent to a private Christian school. This school was very strict in the teachings they presented to us. Everything was completely religion-based. Even the science and history classes were all about "God's plan." Anyway, I think this background is what kept me from masturbating at an early age like most young boys. When I was a little kid, I didn't even think about what my penis was for. I was not even concerned with myself in that sense until the end of 6th grade when I was 12. Before that, I have no recollection of "physical" sexual desires. I used to fantasize about making out with girls before then, but I can't say I received any physical gratification from it. I was just going through the motions in my head of what I had seen in movies. I never got "turned on" by it.
Anyway, I have a cousin exactly the same age, and we used to shower together and play naked all the time. We were always staying the night with each other as we lived just 10 houses apart. That was pretty cool, living down the street from my cousin. Still, not once did we ever talk about or attempt any sort of masturbation together. I remember when we were 12, his house burned down, and his mom had to get an apartment while it was being rebuilt. I remember us going swimming at his apartment pool and taking a shower afterwards. That was probably the first real sexual desire I had. It was me, him, and my little brother (age 6 at the time). If my brother hadn't been there, I might have talked to him about stuff. I don't remember if I had an erection or not. I just remember that being there and in the shower with someone else had an appeal to me. He went off to visit his older sister that summer for a few weeks in California while the house was under construction.
While he was gone, hair started to grow around my penis (although not much), and I was getting a lot of erections. My brother used to run in the bathroom with a towel and hang it on my penis and laugh. Still, I never did anything with my erections. When my cousin came back from his vacation, he spent the night at my house. My brother was gone (thank goodness) to a little friend's house. At this point I felt uncomfortable showering or bathing with him anymore — but I made it a point to come into my room after my shower with a towel around my waist to see what he would say. I lay down on the bed with the towel on while he played video games. I wanted him to see my pubic hair and then maybe he would start talking about it with me. I didn't want to initiate; I was a chicken. Well, he said nothing and did nothing. I was not a "gay" kid, but this was the only thing remotely sexual I had experienced, and it wasn't even that. I just remember wanting so bad that night for him to ask about it or say "WOW" and show me if he had grown any. Even today, I consider myself to be straight, but I do like to watch males and who knows. I am not turned off by the possibility.
Things got quite hazy for me in the next year. I don't remember a whole lot. I don't know how big I was then or anything because I was simply really not concerned with it. I was not masturbating, so why did I care. I knew about sex from a book my parents had me read a few years before, and I am a smart person, so it was not from ignorance. I just did not really have a strong desire to masturbate. I remember in 7th grade at age 12 trying to look at boys' underarms when they lifted their shirts up. I had hair there, and there was only one other boy who did. How funny! We did not take showers; this was a Baptist school. It's funny to me now, but I remember thinking, "That boy is mature like me because he has armpit hair." In 7th grade I met a boy that I just sort of liked a lot. I never really had a friend where I was all touchy and silly like with my cousin, and he was the first person that ever used to just mess with me by touching and pinching and...you know how boys play. We were not really close, but we used to play on the back of the bus. I started thinking about him all the time and just wanting to be around him. I used to sneak peeks at his underarms in the locker room during our basketball games, and he had no hair. He was really Christian so I couldn't really talk to him about stuff either.
Anyway, we had sex education that year in 7th grade. I was 13 by then. It was abstinence-based, and I was surprised that the teacher actually did describe masturbation and said that most boys do it. He explained it, but he said it was up to the person and their beliefs as to whether it was right for that person. He was religious but realistic. Because it was so formal and none of the boys said anything about what they did, if anyone was masturbating at this point, they didn't want to share it. The teacher never stressed how good it would feel. All he said was, "Masturbation is stimulation of the sexual organs to make you ejaculate." That seemed so pointless to me, because he didn't describe that it was the same feeling as having sex. So my thinking was simply, "I guess I'll just have to wait until I have sex." My parents never told me about masturbation, either. I don't know why my stepfather didn't tell me about it or how to do it...he loves to talk dirty. Also in sex ed, we had to write an essay on how far was appropriate to go with a girl at a young age.
That summer after 7th grade when I was 13, I really started to notice myself and get noticeably horny, but I still did not masturbate. I wish I knew why I did not. I used to sit on the toilet and rub my penis, but I just felt like I had to pee, so I would pee and stop. Anyway, by the time 8th grade started, I was getting very hard erections and my penis had grown quite a bit. I don't know how big I was, but I'd guess somewhere between 5 and 6 inches. I grew a fear of urinating at the urinals in the boys' restroom because I always had an erection standing next to another boy urinating, and I didn't want him to see. The Baptist school upbringing made us all afraid, I guess. I finally made another friend who would talk to me about masturbating, but I never saw him outside of school, so we could not have done anything together. I bet we would have, though.
At the end of 8th grade, I discovered pornography with my cousin and another friend. One night we stayed up to about 3 AM reading porn stories...I was reading to the other guys, but again we did not masturbate. I was hard as anything and very horny, as I am sure they were too, but we did nothing. I should have brought up masturbation with them, but again I chickened out, fearing they would call me gay. I really wanted to do it — but something still held me back. I know I had a great time that night with them, and it would have been more memorable if we could have all masturbated together.
I did not get a girlfriend until 9th grade (no more private school). I still had not masturbated. I was afraid to kiss her because I always had an erection. I was so embarrassed and naive. It took me almost two months before I made out with her at age 14. Thinking back, I can't believe how pathetic I was. Anyway, at school on our lunch break we hid in a field behind the school to make out after I got comfortable with her. I used to get so hard, but she never touched me there or asked or anything. I was too embarrassed to bring it up. I spent all year with her and started going to her house near the end of the year to make out. Once during the summer after 9th grade when I was 15, she put my hands on her breasts while we were making out, but that was it. Man, I was horny. Another time, we were in her room and she straddled me. I was in heaven but scared to death — and when her mother came in, we got up. They were Filipino and I couldn't understand their language, but the mother never said anything to me — she just yelled at her daughter in their language. We finally broke up at the start of 10th grade. I did not have a girlfriend all that year. I just remember being horny all the time. I finally got so horny that I had to do something.
I should probably clear something up: I would always rub my penis before, and it felt awesome to do that. When I said I never masturbated, I mean that I never made a conscious effort to make myself orgasm. It was more like just pressing on my penis through my pants or pressing against the mattress. Anyway, I was 15 (two months before my 16th birthday) before I ever masturbated to orgasm. Imagine that! How can a boy hold out that long? It was over Christmas break in 1991, right before 1992 New Years. I was watching a football game on TV that night. I was in the bed and got such a strong erection that I just couldn't stand it. I made up my mind to play with myself as long as it took. Having never experienced orgasm, I didn't know what to expect, and at such an advanced age for this I didn't feel very knowledgeable about what to do. I just did what always felt good before: applying pressure. I did not stroke. I wrapped my right hand around the head of my penis and just squeezed. I did this for maybe 30 minutes — I just remember feeling good for a long time. I was very quiet, too, as my parents were home and I never locked my door. But I was naked in my bed squeezing my penis when I finally began to feel what true sexual desire was about. I squeezed, and as the feeling got more intense I started squeezing faster and faster. It started to feel so good that I had to lean up and watch myself do it, whereas before I was lying back. I kept going and going and finally...explosion. I wish so badly that I could recall the feeling I had. I remember my first ejaculation. It had to have gone at least a foot in the air (maybe two) and landed on my right arm. I got lucky it didn't land on the bedsheets, which were satin. There were other less-strong shots, but I didn't know what to expect, so I had stopped stimulating. I knew that I had ejaculated, so I wasn't scared. I was really excited. Then I cleaned up and went to bed after lying there feeling just wonderful for the longest time.
The next morning I went out to my "workshop," which was a storage building my parents bought so that I could be alone and play drums away from the house. As soon as I got inside, I thought, "I wanna do it again." I dropped my pants and started. It felt different somehow. I had the thought, "Maybe I should lie down again." I did that and leaned against the wall. Man, that was an intense orgasm. I felt it for an hour after I had finished, or so it seemed. I remember thinking about half an hour later, "Man, I can still feel it." It was great. I started masturbating every day after that...more than once. I would do it in the bed at night and in my building. What is funny is that I like girls, but I get turned on by guys, and anytime I saw a cute guy I would want to masturbate. I remember wanting to masturbate with boys who were younger than me. I guess I wanted to share it with them so they didn't have to wait as long as I had. When I was 16 I brought up masturbation to a 12-year-old boy who was a cousin of a friend of mine; he said, "I've been doing that for a year!" I was floored! I never asked him or anyone else to join me, though. I wish I had now; that would have been fun.
I didn't have sex until I was 16 and a half — very late by some standards, but it was not a full year after I had started masturbating. After that, I just did what most teens do, except I was about a year or two behind most other people. At 16, I grew to my adult length of 6 3/4 inches long and 5 inches around. I never played games to see how many times I could masturbate in a day or anything like that. Just off the top of my head I think the most I've ever done it is maybe 6 times. I have talked to a boy once who could do it up to 15 times if he had the whole day, but I was never that interested. I masturbated steadily throughout the rest of high school and college, even when I was getting sex regularly. I just thought, "What's the point of staying horny?"
Now, at age 27, I masturbate as much as ever. I am still horny all the time. I am married, and we can't always have sex, so I masturbate a lot. It doesn't really detract from our sex life, but it keeps me from staying horny when I can't have sex. Now that I have a kid on the way, masturbation is key.
The only thing I wish I could change about myself would be the amount of semen I can ejaculate on a regular basis. There have been times when I have had the force of a firehose and times when there was barely nothing. Other than that, I love masturbating.
If my child turns out to be a boy, I am going to tell him about masturbation when he is 10 or 11 so he can enjoy discover it when it first becomes possible, unlike myself. I plan to make sure he feels comfortable enough at home to masturbate even knowing that we know about it. I don't want my child to feel like he has to hide it, because it was not fun for me to have to hide it from my parents. If I have a girl, though, different story!
