As I mentioned before, we'll soon have a new page devoted to this topic, called JackinMyths. It will list popular myths along with the truth about each. Look for that within the next couple of weeks.]
The most intriguing myth I've heard was that each ejaculation (induced only by masturbation, of course) saps the male body as much as giving a pint of blood. By that measure, I could only masturbate once every six weeks. I should have been dead years ago.
- age 20, Vermont
I've heard masturbation may limit your penis size. For example, the more you masturbate, the smaller it is, and vice versa.
- age 16, New Jersey
I heard masturbation makes your penis a whole lot bigger. I know this isn't true, but a guy can hope, can't he?
- age 15, California
The most common anti-masturbation argument I get is it's just plain "perverted" and "immoral," which, as far as I'm concerned, are just as bad as the myths. Some people (or groups of people) will come up with any ludicrous excuse to make teenagers believe their genitals are dirty and something to be ashamed of.
- age 22, North Carolina (female)
The odd myth I heard is actually a reason to masturbate: that if you didn't masturbate your voice would never deepen.
- age 14, New York
While growing up in my early teens, my friends would tell me masturbation caused early aging, gray hair, and VD! I learned later this wasn't true, since I have masturbated regularly for many years, and I have no gray hair, I look 10 years younger than I am, and that masturbation is "safe sex!"
- age 33, California
"Get your hand off of there, or it'll stay that way forever!"
- age 16, Canada
I think I was warned that it causes Communism. Of course, I'm dating myself with that comment.
- age 44, New Jersey
In Catholic school a 5th grade teacher told us we would go to hell if we "played with ourselves" — but luckily, we all knew better. I believe that God doesn't care whether we masturbate. It's too trivial. It's simply a natural way we humans learn about our bodies.
- age 16, New Mexico (female)
My grandmother once walked in on me and said, "If you masturbate too much, you'll break it off."
- age 19, Oklahoma
The strangest one is that only gay men masturbate — like a straight man doesn't need to get off. Another is that girls don't do it. One of your readers seemed to say that just last week.
- age 28, South Dakota
Mostly the only people I talk to who are against it just think it's nasty. And if not that, they have religious beliefs and say it's a sin and takes away from the procreational gifts God intended man to have. I think they're all very shallow-minded.
- age 17, Georgia
I've been told that if you get semen in your eye you have to have it medically removed or you will go blind.
- age 18, Wisconsin
I have heard you can spread fungal or viral infections to your penis if you do not keep your hands clean, or if you are not careful with your hands before masturbating.
- age 27, California
A guy I know thinks you lose brain cells if you masturbate.
- age 15, Florida
I heard I would grow buck teeth from squinting during my masturbation sessions.
- age 20, Illinois
I've heard pretty much everything. Hairy palms, penises falling off. The main reasoning for these rumors seems to be that people think it overexerts the system. But using the same theory, people would be dead after sex, too.
- age 15, California
I heard all the usual myths about masturbation causing blindness, mental illness, etc. But I had wise and helpful older sisters who convinced me they weren't true. A junior-high teacher told a classroom of girls our vaginas would close up for good if we masturbated. We all got a good chuckle out of that one. Masturbation doesn't have any harmful effects, and I should know — I've been doing it for 24 years!
- age 36, California (female)
My friend said if you eat your semen after you masturbate, you will get a bigger penis.
- age 16, New York
When I was a young boy, an older high-school boy told me I would run out of "juice" if I masturbated too much. When my uncle and aunt couldn't have children, I decided he must have masturbated too much. I liked him a lot, so I didn't mind being childless like him. Thank God I didn't try to stop!
- age 63, Texas
Off the top of my head, I can think of some of the classics: hair on your palms, blindness, death (because all the blood goes to your penis!), loss of bladder control, impotence, sterility, abnormal amounts of ear and nose hair, and many others I can't recall right now. It seems whenever some ailment or abnormality cannot be explained, it is automatically blamed on masturbation.
- age 15, California
When I was 13, my friends said masturbation can cause severe stomach aches and sterility. It didn't bother me.
- age 39, New York
I would like you to know I masturbate at least once a day and I have had no pimples breaking out on my face. Masturbation is fun and exciting, and nothing has been proven that it can hurt you, unless you overdo it.
- age 15, Ontario, Canada
1. That asking or talking about masturbation is socially unacceptable. 2. That masturbating with another person of the same sex means you're gay.
- age 17, Kansas
Maybe that it causes shaky hands!
- age 17, North Carolina
I was always told I would go blind and a dark ring would show up around the thumb and index finger of the hand I used to masturbate with..
- age 20, Ohio
I once heard that if you masturbate too much it somehow causes bowel problems, and you get diarrhea for a week — pretty dumb.
- age 17, Canada
I heard it causes hair to grow on the knuckles.
- age 13, Maryland
The myth about going blind: My dad and I always joke about no longer masturbating when we need glasses (we do not do it together). The funny thing is that after about 45 years, he just recently started having to wear glasses to read. I will never let him live it down. But he and I still do it, because stopping masturbating would be worse than going blind.
- age 18, Arizona
This isn't really a myth, but the most annoying thing is people who say, "I don't need to do that. I prefer the real thing." Well, DUUHH, who the hell doesn't? But masturbation is still *great*, even if it ain't "the real thing."
- age 40, Ohio
I have a collection of old Boy Scout Handbooks going back to the 1920s. The oldest ones speak of "conserving bodily fluids," presumably because they might run out. I've been masturbating for over 40 years, and the supply seems to be endless! 30 years later (1950s), handbooks did not mention masturbation specifically but warned against "self-pollution." The handbook hinted at dire consequences for those who did, but never spelled them out.
- age 51, New York
I heard that if someone masturbates too much they would start to get acne. I found this not to be true. Because of my boredom I have been masturbating too much, but I am still nice and clear.
- age 17, Idaho
When my mom caught me at about age 14, she told me the ever-famous blindness myth. A few years later and a few years wiser, I told my mom that I don't even wear glasses yet and that she'd better leave me alone and knock before she comes into my room.
- age 23, Pennsylvania
One of my masturbating buddies once told me semen can help get rid of acne. Since I don't have any acne, I have no interest in attempting to ejaculate onto my face.
- age 14, Idaho
I heard you could get carpal tunnel syndrome from masturbating too much. I don't know if it's true, but I've been getting symptoms of CTS. However, I'm a programmer by profession, so I type at a computer almost as much as I masturbate. That might be the real cause of my symptoms.
- age 23, Colorado
Someone once told me that if you masturbated too much, something would happen to your penis and you wouldn't be able to pee.
- age 15, Wisconsin
My fingers would stick inside my vagina and I would be unable to get them out.
- age 18, Venezuela (female)
When I was 11 I didn't masturbate, but when someone brought it up one time my dad said, "No, I would never masturbate. It knocks 15 years off your life, and furthermore, it causes you to smoke." I mean, come on!
- age 13, Minnesota
I once heard masturbation causes you to become overweight.
- age 15, Indiana
I've heard them all! But I don't take any as being truthful! Why worry about what my masturbation could be doing to me when I know I couldn't stop doing it?
- age 17, Washington
1. If you masturbate you will become a lesbian. 2. You will not be a virgin anymore if you masturbate. 3. You can't have babies if you masturbate regularly.
- age 13, Canada (female)
A few years ago when we were having the annual physicals, I was paranoid that the doctor would know I masturbated. People were saying the wrinkles on the penis are different if you masturbate. I believed it for a while. (cough)
- age 17, Ohio
I have heard masturbation causes you to have a bad day, such as fail a test or get into an argument.
- age 15, Indiana
That your penis will hang down to your knees. From my mother, of all people!
- age 17, Georgia
[Editor's Note: If I wanted my kid to masturbate *less,* that's about the last thing I'd tell him!]
When one of the girls in our gym class asked the teacher about masturbation, he started ranting on about all this bad stuff that could happen to you. One of the weirdest things he said was that masturbation could give you back problems because of positions you take. They must be some pretty strange positions to cause back problems! The teacher was still talking when the bell rang, which was too bad cause I wanted to hear some more crazy myths.
- age 15, Illinois
The only myth/truth I have heard about masturbation is the more you do it, the happier you are!
- age 17, New York
