When couples have managed to get past initial embarrassment or reluctance to discuss masturbation, the results have often been powerful for both. First, they have found it quite informative to hear from someone of the other gender what feels good, how an orgasm feels to them, what works well, and what doesn't. These discussions often dispel misconceptions and help the listener feel better prepared to be a responsive sexual partner when the time for sex comes.
Many people reported that having a discussion as intimate as sharing masturbation habits and techniques deepened their friendships. Often these were people who already had serious relationships with others, and looked at the discussion with their friend as learning about the needs and responses of the other gender so that they could please their significant other when and if that relationship should become sexual.
Everybody, particularly younger readers, should realize that discussions about masturbation can be highly arousing. People should be clearly aware of their personal sexual limits before entering such discussions — perhaps even to the point of making sure that the other person understands these limits.]
With a few females, I've merely gotten into the basics — an exchange of, "Do you do it?" with the possible question (if we seem comfortable talking about it): "Have you ever fantasized about me when you do it?" There have been only two females with whom I actually discussed the fantasy without the intent of following through on it (darn it!). Conclusion? I've been highly flattered at the thought that girls whom I've thought about have also thought about me!
- age 32, Washington
This Week's Wackiest Response:
This one girl whom I find cute were talking about habits boys grow out of. She mentioned masturbation. I told her no one grows out of that. So she asked if I still did it. I said yeah, and she giggled and said, "That's sooo cute!"
- age 17, Missouri
One day I was talking to my niece about relationships, and the topic turned to sex. She wasn't very comfortable talking about it, but she did. I asked her if she had already had sex with her boyfriend. She was 18 at the time. She told me she was still a virgin and was afraid of having sex for the first time. When she asked me whether I was in a relationship I told her that the only relationship I was in at the moment was with my right hand. She didn't understand until I made a masturbation gesture. At first she looked shocked, but then she started to ask questions about it. The discussion went so far that I got aroused and felt the need to relieve myself. I told her that, and we ended up taking a walk in the woods. She watched me masturbate to orgasm. Oh, by the way, she admitted that she is a big fan of masturbation herself, but I never got a chance to see her in action. Our little experience was just a one-time thing. And a couple of months ago, I was the first to learn she isn't a virgin anymore.
- age 24, Belgium
At work, my boss and I talk about masturbation quite often. She has a son my age and thinks we are alike. When I told her that I masturbate 4 or 5 times a day, even in the staff toilets, it blew her away. She asked me to tell her more about myself, such as my penis size, to compare to her son (who apparently walks freely around the house naked). I think she has learned a lot about young men's bodies and sexual desires by talking with me. And I am always happy to help out. I love to talk to other people about my penis and masturbation.
- age 21, Australia
We were having sex education at school. My girlfriend and I were getting really aroused as we discussed masturbation. She whispered a suggestion to me, and I reckoned it would be fun — so she asked to go to the toilet, and a minute later, I asked to go, also. We masturbated each other in the girls' bathroom. It was *such* a turn-on that we have done it several times since.
- age 14, Scotland
Once at work, a girl and I were talking about masturbating. I didn't tell her that I did, but she was telling me about how she had walked in on her boyfriend as he was masturbating. After a little while she said, "Well, it didn't bother me, because I know all guys do it, even you." I was shocked and embarrassed. After that we rarely talked about it.
- age 18, Wisconsin
I learned that my sister does it more than twice a day. I didn't even know she masturbates, and I didn't imagine she would do it so often!
- age 16, Canada
At some point, my friends and I have all talked about masturbation. My female friends (including my girlfriend) all agree that most guys masturbate, and they have no problem with it. To bring up masturbation randomly in a conversation isn't normal for us, but none of us is uncomfortable talking about it. My girlfriend and I have talked about masturbation several times. I learned she does not masturbate, but she knows I do, and we are both fine with that. I learned from talking to other girls that very few of them (around here, at least) masturbate compared to the number of guys who do it. From conversation, masturbation seems pretty well accepted at my school. Talking about it is fairly easy.
- age 15, New Hampshire
My wife and I have talked about it. She had masturbated as a child, but she stopped during her early teen years. When we were engaged, she relearned it as we explored each other.
- age 53, Idaho
I have talked often with women about masturbation, such as why or why not to masturbate. I have said I do it and like it very much. I've learned a lot — some women have been shy and say masturbation is a problem, or only a bad habit. Still, they do it. Some think it's a normal way to express themselves sexually and an important way to enjoy sexual pleasure. They say masturbation helps them relax. Some have even shown me their dildos!
- age 33, Finland
My wife and I often have mutual masturbation sessions if we don't feel like having intercourse. We each love to watch each other climax from self-stimulation. It's a real turn-on for both of us. We have also done this with other couples.
- age 52, Maryland
I have talked about it with my brother's friend. Once I saw them masturbating together, but I didn't tell them. Then one day when I was feeling like I could take on the world, I confronted the friend with it. At first, he was shocked, but then we talked very openly about it. He told me how they started doing it a couple years back when they were almost my age, and they've never stopped. He is 24 now and isn't gay (I know because we are together), but he loves to masturbate with my brother. He was my first lover and the first person whom I have told that I masturbate. He was also the first one to watch me do it.
- age 15, Germany (female)
I've talked with men about masturbation many, many times. But the most illuminating discussions took place with a male friend back in college (we were not lovers...yet). One night we were both a bit stoned, and we started talking about our at-the-time nonexistent sex lives. Naturally masturbation came up, and we both admitted freely to doing it on a regular basis. What was most eye-opening to me was his telling me that he needed fantasies in order to reach orgasm.
- age 40, California (female)
I've had discussions with my wife and one of her (single) girlfriends. I think they learned more about guys' habits than I learned of theirs. While they would both admit to doing it, neither would go into much detail such as likes or dislikes, any particular hand movements. I admitted to doing it (and *often*), which kind of surprised them. I guess they both figured that if a guy is married he isn't interested in anything but regular sex. I guess I straightened out *that* misconception!
- age 47, Nevada
The girl I lost my virginity to is the only one I have discussed masturbation with. We started off by asking each other personal questions, and the topic came up. She asked me if I ever masturbate, and I told her I do it regularly. She also told me she had tried it before but didn't do it often. The day we decided to have sex, she had asked me if I had ever masturbated a girl. I said no, and she asked me if I would like to give it a shot. I did as she requested, and we both had a blast.
- age 18, California
I once spoke about masturbation with a girl who's a very good friend of mine. She was telling me about a sexual encounter she had with some guy, and then she asked me if I ever masturbate. I said yes, that I do it every so often, and then I asked her if she ever does. I got the surprising answer that she does it every day.
- age 17, New York
"I found out women don't have to insert something
to have sexual pleasure."
We had a German foreign exchange student last year. After talking with her for along time, I admitted that I masturbate. She was kind of surprised. Of course, once the topic was open to discussion, I had a lot of questions for her. I found out women don't have to insert something to have sexual pleasure.
- age 16, Iowa
I have talked to girls about masturbation many times. Four out of 5 denied that they masturbate. I decided to share my own habits, anyway. The one who admitted to masturbating told me about the various objects she likes to use, such as hairbrush handles. I found it quite interesting.
- age 14, Louisiana
I was in my building's laundry room. I started talking to a girl I had seen there before who was sitting on the washer. She said the vibrations felt good, so I sat on the next washer, and they did. We started talking about masturbation, and she said she had always wanted to see a guy do it. I went to her apartment to show her, but she had 2 roommates (also girls). I figured what the hell and stripped and masturbated in front of them. I learned that I liked it, and we have all done it a couple of times since.
- age 23, California
I have talked about masturbation with all 3 of my best female friends. The discussion has always started at my suggestion, and while one of them was originally hesitant, the other two were open about it. However, only one of the two girls was actually masturbating. We all learned a lot about masturbation — especially them — but also we all learned about the other gender's body.
- age 17, Greece
My girlfriend and I have talked about masturbation, and to date she is the *only* person ever I've talked about it with. She asked me about it first, and eventually the discussion led to her masturbating me, which I must say was one of the best experiences I've ever had (as well as the beginning of our sexual experiences). After that, I asked her if she did it and how she goes about it. At first, she was reluctant, but then she gave in and we learned so much about each other.
- age 20, Michigan
A few years ago I asked my girlfriend if she masturbates. She told me she does and even went into detail about how. She says she can use her inner thighs to do it. She explained that her inner thigh muscles are large and can stimulate her clitoris quite effectively. She admitted to doing it one time while waiting in an airport to catch a flight. I was amazed that she could do this! When I inquired further, she became shy and apprehensive about the whole thing. On average, I think women have somewhat more of a problem with masturbation than men do.
- age 28, Michigan
My boyfriend and I were watching a movie, and there was a masturbation scene. He casually asked me if I'd ever tried it. I told him I had, and you wouldn't believe his reaction! He was so turned on and horny he couldn't even sit still for the rest of the movie! So afterwards, we went up to his room and masturbated each other. It was probably one of the best experiences of my life... and all thanks to being honest!
- age 16, Oklahoma (female)
I have had many discussions with many girls. Mostly, we talk about ways of pleasing others and answer each other's questions. But every time I have an intimate conversation about masturbation, we always end up masturbating each other. I can't get enough of masturbation discussions!
- age 16, California
When my wife and I were going together, we were alone in her house and talking. Soon the discussion turned to sex, and we started discussing masturbation and how we felt about it. Soon after that, we experimented with mutual masturbation. After that night, we found great pleasure in doing it together. When she was pregnant with our kids and wasn't able or didn't want to, she took care of my needs. We still have mutual masturbation sessions and look forward to them as part of our active sex life
- age 32, Iowa
When I was in high school, a fairly outgoing girl once asked the guys at our lunch table about male masturbation. She was apparently considering masturbating with her boyfriend and wondered about things like how long and when guys masturbated. We guys just exchanged silent glances and didn't really volunteer much information. I can only assume no one was all that comfortable divulging information. In retrospect, it would have been nice to be able to refer her to this site!
- age 22, New Jersey
I have a lot of close friends who are girls. One is just an incredible person. We have discussed what each gender thinks is "right" to do in sex, but we've concluded that as long as both people feel good, it doesn't matter what you do.
- age 18, Argentina
I was at a party with about 14 girls and only 3 guys, and we were playing a game of What If, where everyone writes a question, they put the question in a bowl, and everyone randomly chooses a question and answers it. When all the questions have been answered on paper, the first person reads the question, then the person to their left reads the answer. The combinations are hilarious. We got into the issue of masturbation in the game, and every girl there pretty much admitted to masturbating. The guys were a lot shyer than the girls. I definitely learned something new about the uptight conservative Mormon girls around here.
- age 14, Utah
"She told me girls masturbate much more than guys do."
I have discussed masturbation with several female partners, but the most intense and productive conversation was with my ex-fianceé. She wanted to know how we guys do it. Furthermore, she wanted to watch me do it and pretend she wasn't there. This really turned me on because I had always wanted someone to watch me masturbate. Now it was possible. The mere fact that I was being watched was enough. She loved watching and I loved her doing so. Each episode turned into an intense session of lovemaking. It turned her on so much that eventually we reached a conclusion: she loved watching me masturbate because she had penis envy. I was the closest thing to her being able to have a penis. Ultimately, we began all of our sexual encounters by masturbating in front of each other, because let's face it, I love watching her, too. She also told me girls masturbate much more than guys do. They have a greater number of opportunities than guys. Girls can masturbate *anywhere, anyway*, and keep it discreet. My fianceé told me how she preferred to do it when she was sitting in class in high school. She told me girls would cross their legs while sitting in a chair and move side-to-side and back-and-forth so as to create friction with their labia and clitoris against their clothes. Wow, I thought — how easy they have it! But still, my fianceé confessed to wishing she had a penis because it's always there to remind her of sex. Do we guys take it for granted? Well, I had to agree with her that most of us don't. Masturbation truly turned her on, whether mine or hers. I'm glad we men have something to offer our girls to make them envious of us — ha ha.
- age 26, Arizona
Around 20 years ago I called up a woman to ask her out. I conversationally asked what she was doing, and she responded "trying to masturbate." I responded that I often masturbated, recently thinking of her. We experimented about six months with a masturbation-only relationship, all but a couple of times separately. Although I prefer masturbation to full intercourse, eventually my need to have intercourse with her ("at least once") grew to such a point that it broke us up. I learned that women like to masturbate, too.
- age 45, North Carolina
Other than stupid little "sex talks" to other guys on the net, the only time I've really ever spoken about masturbation is with my boyfriend. We actually met online, and talked about sex occasionally — just as normal people do. When we met, it was purely friendship, but things changed and we realized we liked each other more. We live together now, and the times we did talk about masturbation, we learned things — basically, just how each other likes it!
- age 18, Australia (female)
I talked to my girlfriend about it. She thought that it was very cool that we were able to come out in the open about masturbation. We both did it, and I learned a lot about the female anatomy. She told me where it's most sensitive and it was a very helpful conversation for both of us. Afterwards we went to her room and masturbated each other, it was the greatest night of my life.
- age 15, Wyoming
Yes, when I was 12 I talked to a girl I knew from school on ICQ. She asked me if I "did it" and I said yes. She told me that she did, too. I didn't even know that girls *could* masturbate before that! We talked about techniques and what we feel afterwards. We never shared our conversation, and were too embarrassed to talk about it in person!
- age 15, California
It's definitely more difficult talking to someone of the opposite sex about masturbation but the best part about doing so is that it usually ends up in some mutual masturbation. It's a great way to turn someone on, I think.
- age 19, New Hampshire (female)
My girlfriend asked me if I had ever masturbated and I said yes. She asked me why and I told her because I did not want to have sex at such a young age and have the risk of getting someone pregnant. I asked her the same question and she answered basically the same way. We showed each other how we do it and gave each other pointers.
- age 16, Maryland
Very few topics fall under the category of being so educational on one hand (pardon the pun) as well as arousing on the other. The discussion we had about masturbation was both! But most importantly it was honest, and honesty is the best policy! An added bonus was that each of us found out more about the other's sexuality, which helped us get to know the other better. Getting to know one another is the goal of any relationship platonic or otherwise, is it not?
- age 27, Jordan
I often talk with my best friend (of the opposite sex) about masturbation. We usually talk about how each other does if and how often. It seems to have brought us closer together and lets us talk to each other about everything. After we stated talking about it for the first time it felt really strange but now its just like an everyday topic even though its still really personal.
- age 17, England
On the way back from a spring break camp, we all (guys and girls) were jokingly talking about masturbating. The girls started listening in and started asking us questions about it, then they started telling us how they do it. It was really cool hearing how they do it, too. That is one trip I wont forget!
- age 15, California
I never really talked about masturbation with anyone until my boyfriend brought it up. I found that by telling him how I do it and how often, I get more turned on and have more intense orgasms because I know that he knows. I learned a lot about him, how he likes to be touched and how much he feels the need for sex. It's brought us closer together, and now we even masturbate in front of each other sometimes....which makes for better masturbation alone.
- age 20, New York (female)
Several months ago, my fiancee and I were sitting in the car one night after a date and we started sharing some of our hopes and experiences. We were getting into a pretty deep conversation when we started talking about sex and such. One thing led to another and we started talking about masturbation. I was thoroughly surprised to hear her talk about such things. However, I learned a lot about women that night and that it is certainly more common than I would have thought. She also learned a lot more about guys that night as well. Since then, we have been able to open up more with each other about sex and sexuality. It was risky talking with her about it, but I'm glad I did!
- age 35, Ohio
Yes, we just drifted into the conversation. It was very easy to talk to a girl about it, but I must say that it's easier and more fun to talk about masturbating with another guy. Most girls don't masturbate. My female friend didn't even know *every* guy masturbates. She thought it was just something that "nasty" people do. I told her every guy does it. She asked me how I knew. I told her because guys talk about it to each other openly. I learned a lot talking to her about masturbation but I still enjoy talking about it more with my male friends.
- age 16, Texas