I ask them if they like the way an orgasm feels. If they say yes, I ask them how they get it. That usually works.
- age 15, Toronto
Say something like, "You know, (so-and-so) was making fun of Bobby because Bobby said he masturbates. Everyone masturbates. I don't know why (so-and-so) won't admit to it — you know what I mean?"
- age 21, Texas
Don't ask them *if* they masturbate — ask them how often they masturbate.
- age 18, Florida
First of all, you don't need to know whether a friend masturbates. Masturbation is wholesome and healthy, but it should also be done in private. It is none of your business. Second, if your friend is male and middle-aged or younger, he masturbates. Married or single, gay or straight, he masturbates. If your friend is female, there is a good chance (about 50-50) that she occasionally masturbates. But a question for you: Why do you need to know?
- age 50, Oklahoma
When a friend calls and asks what I'm doing, as a joke I say I am masturbating. If she says, "Gross," or something else negative, I know she doesn't do it. If she takes the joke as fun and asks me if I'm having a nice time or something like that, I know she does. I tried that with my best friend and the next time I called her, she said the same to me. So I know she masturbates, too. If she didn't, she would never joke about it — I guess.
- age 15, Sweden (female)
I casually hint that I may do it and see how they respond. If they say, "That's nice," or something along those lines, they probably don't do it. But if they say, "That's so gross" and wig out, then they probably do. Also if they get offended when you hint or just flat out ask. I do it to my friends, and some of them are truthful, some freak out, and some are like, "Uh...that's terrific."
- age 18, Illinois (female)
Sometimes it just slips out. My best friend and I were talking about sex (with girls) one day and I asked him if, since he and his girlfriend were having sex, does he still enjoy masturbating. He said, "Yes, do you?" I said, "Yes, I'll never quit." We had never talked about masturbating before, but both sort of knew we both did it. The next time we spend the night together I'm going to ask him again. Wish me luck!
- age 17, Nevada
I know of only one of my friends who masturbates, but I didn't exactly ask him. One night we were walking and talking outside, discussing people at school — whether they were homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, or "self-sexual." We both laughed. His parents are never home, so I commented on how lucky he was to have all of that time after school to masturbate. He thought I was joking and that I was being sick. This friend had never masturbated before, so I explained to him that I masturbate and don't think it's perverted. About two weeks later he came to me and said he had taken it up. That was about a month ago, and from what I know, it's become a habit with him!
- age 14, New Jersey
Make jokes about it. You could be talking about a girl at school or in a movie and make some joke about how he must go home and do it three times a day, or that you need to go to the bathroom and have a "moment for me." I've opened up a lot of conversations like that, and later I was able to talk about techniques, frequency, etc., with my friends.
- age 16, Georgia
I have JackinWorld bookmarked and did not want to ask my roommate if he masturbates — but I wanted to know so we didn't have to be so stressed about masturbating and being quiet when we where in our rooms. He saw it in my bookmarks, and I said I get all my masturbation ideas from JackinWorld, and he said great, he would look at it for ideas too. Now we are open about masturbation and even watched a video and did it together. Thanks, JackinWorld, for helping two straight guys male-bond.
- age 22, Texas
Look at your hand and say, "You know, if you masturbate someone can tell by looking at your hand because it makes an extra line down the middle of your palm and wears the skin some." When they look, you know they do it and you can tell them so. It has worked for me pretty well so far.
- age 17, Michigan
I would say, "Do you think it is bad for me to masturbate?"
- age 13, Arizona
Just make it clear that you masturbate and don't seem embarrassed about it. Your friend will admit to it, too. I think every guy wants to know that others masturbate and they aren't alone. Maybe that's one of the reasons this site is so popular.
- age 29, Rhode Island
Mention something about masturbation and ask for their input. When I want to know if a friend masturbates, I normally say something like, "Man, you should try this stuff I found, K-Y Jelly. You need just a little, and it's a great lube — comes off completely with just water, much better than Vaseline. What kind of lube do you use?" They normally just jump right into the conversation.
- age 15, Nebraska
Ask him if he's human.
- age 21, Ontario
One way that worked for me was telling a friend that I masturbated during foreplay with a woman. My friend began to talk about masturbation then. I suppose another way would be to wait until the subject of sex comes up; then mention some past masturbation experience or fantasy one has had. This invites the other person to volunteer a past experience. By starting out talking about the past, you give the other person an out if talking about masturbation in the present is too embarrassing. I mean to say, it lets the other person assume an "I used to do that but not anymore" stance if the topic becomes more embarrassing to them.
- age 40, Mississippi
Why dance around the subject? Just come out and ask. Even if they don't give you a straight answer, you can usually tell from their response whether or not they do.
- age 18, Florida
Ask him how long it's been since he had sex with someone. If he answers with any time period over two weeks, I would say: "That's a long time. How can you stand it for so long? I wouldn't be able to hold it without masturbating." If he is a real friend, he will say he masturbates.
- age 42, Delaware
If he does masturbate, he'll be more comfortable if instead of asking the straight question, you ask him indirect questions like, "How often?" or "Do you use lube?" or "When was your first time?" By far the best way to do it is to get him to ask you. Then you've got a right to return the question — but always be sure he is sincere in wanting to know, and is a close, trusted friend.
- age 15, Canada
After hearing a reference to masturbation on the TV, radio, or from another person, just start to talk about it as if it were the most normal thing in the world. (It is, anyway, right?) Either the friend will open up, too, or will go home and try it for the first time and possibly report back the next time it comes up. I remember the first time masturbation became a common topic among my friends. Unfortunately this didn't happen for me until I was in college. But now I know it is worth talking about. New techniques, conversations that fuel the fire, so to say, and reassurance that anything you want to do to or with your own body are absolutely normal.
- age 20, Pennsylvania (female)
When you're spending the night, wait until you're both in your pajamas (preferably boxers) and start talking about sex. When it's obvious he's got an erection, ask him if he needs to masturbate (you can say it jokingly if you want). If he says yes, take it from there; if he says no, act surprised and say, "Don't you jack off?" Whatever his answer, confidently say, "Well, I do. It's fun — you should try it." This usually breaks the ice, and he'll be more open to discussing masturbation.
- age 16, Virginia
The best way to approach the subject is to be honest without being foolish about it. If you are good enough friends with someone, you can just mention masturbation as if everyone (including you) does it. Be honest about it. Don't bring up the subject to people you would be embarrassed to admit to masturbating to. When I was in high school, no one admitted to it. When I was in college, most people admitted to it. Now that I'm out of college, everyone admits to it. Even in front of casual friends, it's okay to bring up. Everyone does it, and the sooner this fact is established among you and your friends, the better.
- age 26, Georgia
Tell your friend that you masturbate, and then ask if you're a freak. If they say yes, that means they don't, and if they say no, that means they do.
- age 17, Florida (female)
The hard part is usually just bringing up the topic. "Hey, I found this cool Web site called JackinWorld!" usually works pretty good. And if you admit that you've "tried" masturbation, they probably won't feel strange that they've done it, too. Don't push them, though...they might want to tell but be embarrassed. After they think about it for a few days, they might decide to tell you and be waiting for an opportunity. So the next time you see them, ask if they checked out JackinWorld yet!
- age 30, Virginia
Frankly, I don't give a damn whether my friends masturbate. I know my girlfriend does it (I've watched, lucky me...) but as for my guy friends, screw it. That's their business, not mine — private stuff, you know?
- age 15, Colorado
I talk casually with people in a group about sex in general. If other people in the group share things you know only someone who masturbates would know, you're in. Simple as rain. This is how I got several girls I know to admit up to it and even ask me to join them. Just be smooth about it.
- age 16, Michigan
You can't! Girls just don't talk about these things.
- age 16, Michigan (female)
Why be coy about it? Just ask. If they can't take it, fine. If you think they won't take it well, then don't bring it up. Besides, whether they're male or female, odds are that they do.
- age 24, Florida
Just shake his hand. Is it sticky?
- age 16, California
Don't let him out of your sight for 24 hours, and you will be sure to find out!
- age 18, Canada
I would do like a friend did with me — start talking about the topic. Share with your friend that you masturbate. Tell jokes about masturbation and get friendly with it. At first your friend might just blush and feel embarrassed, but after a while he or she will give in. Who knows — maybe they'll share in the fun with you!
- age 16 , Florida (female)
I've found that very few friendships are such that one can ask or admit this. If your friend is someone with whom you can have a serious conversation about sex (not locker-room talk) then there is enough trust that you can admit it to each other without fear of being made fun of or spurned. In my case, the question came up in the course of a talk about not getting enough sex from our wives. We both essentially admitted, "Hey, you've got to relieve it somehow."
- age 37, Texas
I got a friend to complete a sex survey in a magazine (maybe Cosmo, I can't recall) and made her promise to tell the truth. I had to fill it in, too. I discovered she loves to masturbate as much as I do.
- age 17, United Kingdom (female)
Don't be a pansy about it! Open your mouth and speak the words! It's not like you are asking him to describe his "favorite muscle" to you. Take charge and grow a backbone!
- age 15, California