DO YOU FIND IT EASIER TO TALK TO OTHER PEOPLE ABOUT TWO-PERSON SEX THAN ABOUT MASTURBATION?

Yes, it's far easier to talk about regular sex than about masturbation. So many people still think they must pretend that masturbation is shameful, or for kids, or harmful, or not for them – even though they do it regularly themselves. Only one or two of my friends will discuss it openly with me, and what a relief that is. Is it a coincidence that they are the smartest, most open, most responsible people I know? I think not.
- age 39, Texas

I like to talk about masturbation with friends, but I would never do it with them, unless they brought up the idea then I'd agree. But usually, I only talk to my girlfriend about sex, because she is the only one I feel comfortable talking to about it.
- age 14, Arizona

At this age, I don't have a problem admitting that I masturbate. I am single and not dating, so solo sex is my outlet. Masturbation doesn't have the same stigma that it did when I was an adolescent. It was something you didn't admit to. You were told that if you did do it, you would quit when married. That was a joke. Masturbation is something I will do until I die. With sex education being more open and free, it is all right and acceptable for young people to masturbate and not be ashamed and suffer the guilt.
- age 42, California

It is way easier to talk to most of my friends about my masturbation. Because we are so young, most of us haven't had sex yet, so masturbation is something we have in common to talk about.
- age 18, California

I've found that it changes with age. When I had just started masturbating (11 or 12), it was taboo to admit to your pals that you masturbated. I think it was sort of a subconscious belief that you masturbated because you weren't getting any sex. As I've grown older, I have found that guys who openly admit it to their friends seem to appear honest, secure, and sure of themselves. Again, I think it is a subconscious belief that during adulthood, masturbation is one of the few pleasures most men have that nobody can take away from them.
- age 33, Indiana

It is much easier to talk to others about two-person sex because masturbation has always been looked down upon. There are so many myths and misconceptions about why it is "wrong." Sex, on the other hand, is not looked down upon to the extent of masturbation because sex has been life's way of continuing and renewing life. Two-person sex has also become the "norm" to talk about with friends because it's all over the media. Masturbation hasn't made it to Hollywood yet, so for now, it's kept quiet.
- age 18, Canada

Two years ago when I first had full penetrative sex with my girlfriend, I went around telling all my school friends what I had achieved and exactly what had happened. In contrast, I have never discussed masturbation with any of my friends – only my two younger brothers – even though I still masturbate two or three times a day. I'm afraid that my friends will think that I'm a pervert or something if I admitted how often I have to masturbate in order to keep from having "wet dreams."
- age 15, Finland

Of course it is much easier to talk about sex than masturbation. Masturbation is still, and will be for many years, thought of as an embarrassing topic. I work in construction, and many men joke about masturbation. Many think of it as a last resort, to be reserved for when there is no partner available. And even then, it shouldn't be often. Of course, this is not true. We (most people) still refer to walking in on someone masturbating as "catching" them in the act – as if it is something bad or shameful. Even as open as kids are today about masturbation, they still make many derogatory jokes about the act. And when I discuss the subject with my own son. As open as he and I are about it, there is an ever-so-slight change in him, so that I know he has some feelings of embarrassment about the topic.
- age 44, California

I find it much easier to talk to one of my male friends about masturbation than sex. I'm not saying we get off together; it just seems more natural to talk about masturbation than sex. We both mention our sex lives but seem to be more into masturbation topics. I also think that talking about sex is harder because we both have different sex lives and respect one another's girls. Now with masturbation, we both have the same "tool," so we can give each other tips on better ejaculations, like how to last longer.
- age 18, Nevada

It is just as easy to talk to someone about masturbation as it is about sex, simply because in today's world, masturbation is starting to be accepted more as a form of safe sex.
- age 25, Pennsylvania

It is easier to talk about two-person sex. I think it has to do as much with ego as it does with embarrassment. I mean, as a guy, I would rather brag to my friends that I had sex than tell them I had just masturbated. Most guys don't want to admit they do it, even though they know they do and most every other guy does too. I, on the other hand know my friends do it, so if I feel like talking about sex or masturbation, I will. They can't deny they do it, and neither can I.
- age 16, New Mexico

The only place where I really get a chance to talk about sex is online, in which case, I'm comfortable to talk about most anything sexual with the greatest of ease.
- age 49, California

I guess it depends on who I'm talking to. Some of my guy friends won't talk about masturbation because they think it's "gay," but they love to brag about all the girls they (supposedly) have had sex with. I know some girls who will talk to me about masturbation with no problem. I can comfortably talk to my mom and 17-year-old sister about both. My girlfriend and I talk about both, but we only masturbate each other and have decided that is as far as we'll go for now.
- age 15, Florida

It is easier to talk about two-person sex. A lot of people still seem to think that you're a loser if you masturbate. Masturbation seems to be a more personal activity that isn't really necessary to discuss. I would have liked talking about it when I was a teen, when it was all mysterious, magical, and new. Discussion of masturbation on JackinWorld is still important to me. It must be that revealing it face-to-face to another person, and still feeling embarrassed about masturbation and sexuality underneath it all, is preventing me from discussing it.
- age 37, New York

My friends and I talk about both masturbation and sex, but I first did not want to talk about masturbation because I was scared that they would think that I was gay.
- age 15, Texas

Masturbation is the only time I can indulge in any kind fantasy, unusual technique, or just plain craziness without any concern for what someone else will think about me. That is such a private and precious thing that I am reluctant to share it with anyone. Two-person sex is, by nature, already a shared experience. I still don't talk about it casually, out of respect for the my partner's privacy, and I expect the same respect from her. I have been in some situations where past revelations came to light, and it was very uncomfortable.
- age 49, New Jersey

Most of my friends and I haven't had sex yet (I know, we're pathetic). We have nothing to talk about regarding two-person sex. So, we talk about masturbation much more.
- age 17, Canada

I find it nearly impossible to talk to anyone about either masturbation or two-person sex, especially those my age. I regard both issues as highly personal. The exceptions are my best friend (male, age 42) of 24 years, with whom I can talk about both issues, and my JackInsider pen pal (age 57) of nearly a year, with whom I discuss masturbation readily. We discuss all aspects from techniques to frequency to orgasmic bliss. However, when we finally met each other face-to-face recently, we were too shy to discuss anything but our many mutual, non-sexual interests.
- age 61, Michigan

Most people are more interested about your two-person sex life than they are your masturbatory sex life. After all, everyone knows that almost everyone masturbates. Except with my best friend (and my parents), I don't talk about any kind of sex with anyone. He and I know about each other's sex life, and we sometimes talk about masturbating; but mostly we're interested in talking about our girl friends and what we think about other people's sex lives.
- age 17, California

I don't talk to anyone other than my wife about either topic. It's not a question of embarrassment or shame – it's just a now-very-old-fashioned feeling that sexual activity with or without a partner is a private matter.
- age 52, Missouri

I find it easy to talk about both! Most guys know that the friend they are talking to wants to have sex with another person, and it's interesting to find out what they will do their first time. But it is also interesting and easy to talk about masturbation, because you know everyone does it, and you know that everyone loves it.
- age 15, Australia

I have very cool friends; we talk about masturbating all the time. But for some reason, we aren't real comfortable about talking about actual sex. I guess masturbation isn't considered as intimate as sex with a partner. But I do have one friend with whom I talk about masturbating *and* sex. We are entirely open with one another on these subjects, which is very gratifying.
- age 40, Texas

I don't know why, but even at my age, I still am shy and nervous talking openly about sex and things concerning sex with anyone.
- age 29, Kentucky

My friends and I regularly talk about both, and I don't think one is any easier to talk about than the other – although we have more experience with masturbation than sex.
- age 15, Canada

My buddies and I always talk about masturbating. It's such an everyday thing, it has never occurred to anyone to be offended by someone saying, "I need to bust a nut," or "I j**ked off this morning." I guess when you hang around a bunch of horny sailors, it just becomes commonplace.
- age 24, Connecticut

In our society sex is probably the most common topic talked about among people over the age of 13. It is something that people always want and strive for and feel lucky if they are having it. On the other hand, masturbation is seen as something that people do when they "aren't getting any." So yes, I do find it easier to talk about wanting sex than wanting to masturbate. I would never say to my friends, "I really want to masturbate right now," because we just don't talk about that. It's taboo.
- age 17, New York (female)

It's easier to talk about two-person sex because when you're past your teen years, you're not supposed to be masturbating, but sleeping around. Otherwise, you can be deemed as a loser, even though everyone knows that it doesn't matter how many sexual partners you have. Masturbation is still fun and a life companion, yet many think of it as shameful or proof that you don't have a "real" sex life.
- age 29, Mexico

These are both private topics. I would think that discussing sex between two (or more) people would be more difficult to talk about with others, because then you are invading the privacy of two (or more) people: yourself and your partner(s). When you discuss masturbation, you are only invading the privacy of one person: yourself, and maybe you don't mind that invasion of privacy.
- age 31, California (female)

I find it just as easy to talk to others about masturbation as I do couple sex. Shouldn't one be a part of the other?
- age 43, Illinois

I find that talking about sex, as in boys and girls, is easier with girls, because for some reason they think that I want to know all about their sexual histories. This is all fine and good. As far as masturbation goes, it's easier with guys, because Lord knows, if it's one thing a man loves to talk about it's his penis – whether about masturbating, intercourse, jock itch, ball sweat, or just its general mood of the day.
- age 19, California

I think it's because people think that masturbation is even more intimate than two-person sex – so it's less talked about. You may imagine that a person has sex with someone else, but you rarely think about somebody "doing it" to him or herself. On the other hand, when the mood of the room is right, talking about masturbation comes more easily, since it's got more "thrill" to it – or so it seems. Everybody shares a tiny secret with everybody else, so the people become somewhat closer to one another.
- age 25, Germany

I talk to my housemate all the time about the sex I have, and in great detail, too. She talks to me about masturbation, although it is currently the only form of sex she has. I bought her a vibrator for her birthday and less than an hour after I gave it to her, she burst into my room with tales of how she had used it and what it felt like. Even though I had masturbated in the intervening hour, I couldn't tell her I'd been doing the same with myself – although I'm quite happy to talk about my sex life in explicit detail. For me, an orgasm and masturbation session is a very private thing and I never discuss that with anyone – boyfriends or best friends. I love it too much to talk to other people about it.
- age 23, United Kingdom

It's impossible for me to talk to anyone about sex or masturbation. Neither was mentioned in my home when I was growing up, and I am basically self-taught about both. The closest I ever get is after having intercourse is to say that it was good. This is ridiculous, and nobody should have to have this much trouble discussing something that we all do. I have been able to have some good discussions on chat or bulletin board sites, which helps, but only as long as it's anonymous.
- age 55, Massachusetts

Well, I really don't talk about either except with my boyfriend. It's a private thing and I'd like to keep it that way.
- age 16, Maryland (female)

Maybe it's an English thing, but I find that very few people I know are capable of having an interesting conversation about any form of sexual activity – either it's a taboo subject, or it's discussed in crass, juvenile terms. Interestingly, the few people I do know who are happy to have a real conversation with me about these subjects are female. They tend to talk about masturbation and/or partnered sex in whatever ratio applies to their own sex lives at the time!
- age 45, United Kingdom

I haven't talked to any other men – only women. My wife and I masturbate ourselves and each other. We have no qualms about it. In fact, I am off work today and she had to go to work. I wanted sex this morning, but she said since she had to go to work I should masturbate myself. I will do so, and she will want to hear all about it when she comes home.
- age 57, Virginia

I'd rather talk about sex. Whenever masturbation ends up in a topic and they ask for my input, I'm at a loss since I don't really feel the need to masturbate regularly or often. Then I become the topic of the moment and practically interrogated as to why not. This little cycle is rather annoying, so I prefer to avoid talking about it.
- age 20, California (female)

Timely question! I had "the talk" with my 12-year-old son just the other night. He turned beet-red and fidgeted like crazy when I discussed two-person sex with him, but was very attentive and had plenty of questions about masturbation. I directed him to JackinWorld, and judging that his bedroom door was locked and his light was on until about 11 last night, he found the site and my talk very informative. Why? I think it's his age – he hasn't had his first girlfriend yet, and discussing anything female makes him very self-conscious.
- age 36, Michigan

Actually to me, it's pretty easy to talk about both. I have a few friends who aren't virgins and don't mind talking about the "experience," which kind of gets me in the mood to masturbate. But I'd still prefer to talk about masturbation, something I could relate to more. All in all I just feel like I'm helping other people in a way, by letting them know that I'm open about talking about masturbation so that they themselves wouldn't be so shy about the subject.
- age 17, Virginia

That depends on who the other person is. My husband and I can be very open about masturbation. In fact, we sometimes do it together as part of foreplay. And there are a few close girlfriends with whom I can talk about it (and, again, a couple with whom I've done it). On the whole, though, I find masturbation to be a very personal topic.
- age 44, California (female)

My best friend is the only person I talk with about sex. Because we don't have any secrets, we can talk about masturbation as casually as about two-person sex – and that's absolutely fine for me.
- age 20, Germany