Males seemed more likely to be open about their solo-sexuality, even though most acknowledge there might be a few guys who haven't masturbated much. However, females seemed more reluctant to acknowledge that many girls and women do indeed masturbate. A few teenage males described deliberately bringing up the topic in mixed groups just so they could tease kids who deny masturbating, regardless of gender.
Some males and females reported having an easier time discussing masturbation at a distance from their discussion partners, such as in online chat rooms or over the telephone. Almost everyone reported feeling much closer to the other person after discussing masturbation with them, whether in person, over the telephone, or online.
Where discussion about masturbation did not go well, usually it was the female partner in a relationship who was disturbed by the thought of her partner masturbating because it would diminish his interest in her. Some females would try masturbating but would be unable to achieve orgasm.
Finally, there were a few opposite-sex discussions about masturbation reported by preteens whose parent had discovered them masturbating and subsequently talked with them about it, usually to tell them it was okay to do it.]
I have a close female friend with whom I always talk about masturbation. I even showed her the female section of JackinWorld and she tried it, all because of me. It made me feel I had done something great!
- age 15, California
I have discussed masturbation with most of my past girlfriends, usually after doing it for them. In the past it was hard for me to ejaculate during regular sex, so I would ask if I could masturbate to orgasm. My second sex partner was the person who made me feel good about my sexuality. Until I met her, I did not know women enjoyed sex. I bought her her first vibrator. My current partner had never used a vibrator until she met me.
- age 44, Florida
I don't think it's nice to talk to girls about masturbation.
- age 15, Georgia
I talk about masturbation with guys only when I am online. It could be with friends (males) from school, but we never talk about it in person. Online and on the phone are the most comfortable ways for me to talk about it.
- age 15, California (female)
In the process of becoming physically intimate with a woman, I'll usually ask her if she masturbates. The answer always proves interesting and gives me pretty reliable information about how we will communicate as the relationship progresses. I prefer a positive response. This makes me more comfortable because much of my sex life involves masturbation. When I hear "No" or "That question is too personal," I find myself looking for other good qualities before I pursue further sexual expression with that woman.
- age 58, New York
During choir we weren't doing anything. Everyone in the choir is really close, and somehow we started talking about masturbation! Most guys said they do it, and even a few girls admitted to it. It was funny to see what most of the girls thought about it.
- age 16, Indiana
I have talked about masturbation with some friends who are girls. One close friend is very easy to talk with. We often exchange information about each other's features! I like talking with her because we are honest and open-minded about it.
- age 18, Ecuador
I've had limited conversation with my spouse. She doesn't seem to want to get into the topic. I've discussed it with many online friends (female), and they admit to it more often.
- age 42, Ohio
Once I discussed masturbation with a good friend who is a girl. She told me she tried it once on a dare, and ever since, she has done it almost every day. Since then, we've talked about both my masturbation habits and hers quite freely. Talking with close friends about some things that might seem "dirty" really opens up the lines of communication. Everyone should try it.
- age 15, Washington
My wife and I discuss masturbation regularly. It gives me insight on how to please her, and I enjoy watching her masturbate during our mutual sessions. She enjoys the same and finds my suggestions on how to masturbate me extremely helpful. All around, it's an excellent exchange of information, likes, and dislikes.
- age 44, Pennsylvania
When I was 14, I went to sleep to my aunt's house. I have a female cousin who was 16. My other two female cousins (15 and 12) went to sleep in another room because we were angry with each other. I was sick and sneezing a lot. My cousin told me about an oil that would make me stop sneezing if I put it on my chest, so I took off my T-shirt and she put it on my chest. That aroused me and I got an erection. She noticed it and asked me if she could see it. I agreed and showed her my penis. Then she asked me if I masturbate, and I said yes. She asked me if I would masturbate in front of her, and I finally agreed. I masturbated and then let her masturbate me.
- age 15, Ireland
I've discussed it with my wife several times, and also with other women. Usually the conversation is smooth and easy. Only my first time was embarrassing: I was 12 and had spent the afternoon with a girl from my class. We were good friends. Suddenly she asked if she could masturbate me. I did not know at all what she meant, but she assured me it would be great and that I should let her go ahead. So I did, and she did. When she finished me, she showed me how she masturbated herself. We talked about it for quite a while then, and at other times about what we had discovered about it and how we could masturbate better.
- age 33, Switzerland
One day my female best friend casually asked me if I masturbate. I shyly replied, "Yeah." I was surprised she brought it up. Then she offered to give me a pair of her panties to heighten my experience. It sure did! She said the thought of guys masturbating turns her on. I feel lucky to have such a great friend!
- age 17, Pennsylvania
My girlfriend and I were talking about masturbation, and I started getting pretty excited from the conversation. I finally asked her if she wanted to watch me do it, and she said she would. That was the best orgasm I had ever experienced.
- age 15, California
I usually ask women I know pretty well if they masturbate. Over half of them say yes — that's about as far as I ever go. However, the last time I discussed it with a woman, I asked her if she ever thinks about me. It made my day when she said she does and then described what happens in her fantasies — some things we could never do in real life.
- age 31, Washington
When I was a high-school freshman, I used to get pretty explicit with a few guys in one of my classes and up-front about the fact that yes, we masturbate, and yes, people who deny it know full well that they do it, too. One girl who was pretty wild admitted it without reservation. If some of the more popular girls were drawn into those sorts of conversations, they would never actually say they did — but their body language and smiles would tell the truth. Usually the conversations would move on to other things. We only really brought them up to laugh at kids who tried to deny it. This was definitely an unusually friendly and bonded class. We had a substitute for a whole year who couldn't be bothered to teach us anything. By the end of the year, almost everybody had gotten into one of these conversations and admitted to masturbating.
- age 16, Illinois
I've talked to boyfriends about how to masturbate them, what they liked in terms of speed, pressure, grip — that sort of thing. I've talked a little with my current boyfriend about how often each of us masturbates. He gets uncomfortable about discussing it, though. He doesn't want to indulge my curiosity on the subject.
- age 28, California (female)
In art class I was talking to a girl about watching a movie one night and how arousing it was. She asked me jokingly, "Did you have a chicken-choking moment?" I guess I wasn't feeling too modest, because I blurted out that I used up my allotment of three sessions that night. She gave a laughing "Ewwwww" and then said straight-out that was about her pace as well! It was cool, because this girl is two years older than I am. It really stunned me that she would share that so honestly. Since then, I've thought about her a number of times while I was masturbating and have always had strong ejaculations. I would love to tell her that, but I think it might be *too* personal.
- age 15, Florida
I have referred to my masturbating when I talk to very good female friends. We both talk about it as a common, routine, daily event — like having a beer or working out. We also make fun of another female friend who claims "not to know how" to masturbate. Most women with whom I have discussed it pretty much accept masturbation as a common occurrence among men, and probably less common among women. I am gay, but I don't think that matters much when it comes to masturbation or talking about it with the opposite sex. After all, the only real difference between gay and straight men is the subject of their sexual desires, not whether they masturbate.
- age 26, Georgia
I'm not sure why, but all the girls I've spoken to about masturbation either have been disgusted by the thought of it (for personal or religious reasons), or it just didn't work for them.
- age 15, Missouri
Whenever I talk to females about masturbation, they seem so intrigued. They know that every guy does it, but when I tell them straight-out that I do, they cling to every word after that. Then the subject of mutual masturbation arises. When I tell them I sometimes masturbate with my best friend (a guy), they become quite curious. As you can imagine, they have many questions to ask me after that!
- age 17, Florida
My girlfriend asked me if I masturbate, and I shied away from the question. I'm fairly conservative. She said she'd never had a guy answer "no" before. She said she masturbates, so I admitted that I do, and the conversation ended there — although I wish it hadn't. Stupid me!
- age 19, Kansas
I spoke with my female friend about it online, even though she lives close by and I could have called her instead. Perhaps it was more comfortable for both of us this way, typing instead of talking on the phone. The funny thing was, she never actually answered me when I asked, "Do you masturbate?" She tried hard to dodge the question, even though I know she does. Still, she was so eager to answer my questions about it that I ran out of questions. I think that was the longest I have ever chatted with one person.
- age 16, Canada
I have talked to my best friend about me masturbating. She has even admitted that she does it. We talk about how we each do it, what our parts look like, and how big they are. I'm not embarrassed to talk with her about this. It makes me feel better about myself to know that other people do it, too.
- age 14, Alberta, Canada
I talked about it with my wife. She thought that if I did it, it would hurt our sexual relationship. She thought it would make sex less enjoyable for her. I tried to explain there was not much connection. She had the feeling I was hooked on masturbation (not true) and that it would cause me to be less in bed. I don't think she understands males very much.
- age 62, California
I've talked to many girls about it, and surprising though it may be, we have actually had mature conversations about it where we got to know each other's sexuality better. We have discussed techniques, frequency, and how to please your partner. Sometimes we have become aroused, and sometimes we haven't. Either way, we always have become closer to each other.
- age 17, Oregon
Recently I talked with one of my good female friends about masturbation. She wanted to know the difference between lubed and dry masturbation, and I wanted to know how the whole multiple-orgasm thing works. Now I'm not sure who has it better!
- age 18, California
I walked in on my 13-year-old brother masturbating one night. It was pretty obvious, and he didn't try to hide it. He just said, "Wait, don't go," because he thought I'd tell our mom on him. He was begging me not to tell her, and he was shocked as hell when I said, "Hey, don't worry — I do it, too." He didn't know how girls would masturbate, so I told him about how we do it, and showed him my vagina and clitoris. We haven't masturbated for each other, but we have talked about it. Who knows? I think we'd both kind of like to do that.
- age 14, Washington (female)
My friends who are girls are very open about masturbation. We have all openly admitted that we masturbate. We have talked about how we do it, where, and how often. We have also talked about how important it is to our generation and how we should embrace it, not reject it.
- age 19, Texas
I have talked with females about masturbation before, and it's kind of funny the way they respond. Regardless of how it comes up, the girls usually seem pretty interested. However, when I ask if they masturbate, the response is always, "That's *so* gross." I can never figure out why they say it's gross for them to do it but are more than interested in my masturbation habits. That's girls for ya!
- age 16, California
I have talked about masturbation extensively with close friends of the opposite sex, my ex-boyfriend included. At first I would initiate the conversation and there would be much giggling and joking. But then the conversation would evolve to a more serious level, involving our talking about past experiences and our feelings about masturbation's taboo status in our society. I left all of those conversations feeling very comfortable with myself.
- age 19, Alaska (female)
I have talked to a male about masturbation. The conversation went well, because he and I are really good friends. He told me several times he wants to masturbate with me and that he really likes me. We shared how we both masturbate. I did show him a few ways that I masturbate, and he showed me how he masturbates. We talked about how good it feels to masturbate and how it's a great way to relieve sexual tension. He wants to have sex with me as much as I want it with him, but I told him I want to wait until marriage for sex. So we both agreed to just masturbate with each other. It's great to have an such an open relationship with a guy.
- age 16, Massachusetts (female)
Only with my girlfriend. During our late-night phone chats early in our relationship, I told her I masturbate. She figured most guys do and wasn't bothered by it. The closer we got, the more she encouraged my doing it! She says she masturbates on rare occasions. Now she often talks with me on the telephone while I do it.
- age 17, California
At work we all talk about masturbation, because everyone wants to know who is active and who isn't.
- age 19, Ohio
A friend and I once talked about masturbation — actually through a reference I gave her to JackinWorld. At first she denied doing it, but after a while she opened up and told me that she does it many times a week — almost daily. For the next couple of weeks we would discuss various techniques that she had tried or that I had tried and whether we liked them. I learned that she was very dissatisfied with short orgasms and prefers to prolong the sensation, whereas I like to get right to the point and ejaculate as soon as possible. We eventually grew apart, but I don't think I'll ever forget how turned on I was thinking that my friend actually pleasured herself as often as I did.
- age 17, Ontario, Canada
My mom caught me doing it, and we talked about it.
- age 12, Arizona
My second boyfriend actually introduced me to the concept of female masturbation. Until then, I hadn't really thought it possible for a female to achieve orgasm manually. First he explained it to me, and then we tried together to teach me. Considering I reached my first (and second, and third) orgasms with him, I guess it went very well. Much later, I tried to talk about masturbation with another guy with whom I was becoming very close, but he wouldn't open up much. That was frustrating.
- age 16, California (female)
My girlfriend once asked me if I still masturbated even though we were sexually active then. When I told her I still did, she asked why. I told her that sometimes a guy just has to do it himself, and that a woman is not always there to satisfy him. I also said it helps me to be better in bed with her. She understood and thanked me for being so honest.
- age 18, Michigan
When I was a sophomore, a girl and I were getting to be pretty good friends. One night we talked for a long time on the phone, and we got to know each other really well. The topic eventually got around to sex. I was *shocked* to learn that she was just as horny as I was! We kept talking, and she asked me if I masturbate. Being one never to shy away from that question, I responded with, "Heck yes!" I think she expected it but was taken aback by my honesty. Anyway, she told me that she does it, too, and we talked about it a little. I told her I *have* to do it every day, and she said she does it only once a month. This still boggles my mind! We talked about orgasms, because, well, she'd never had one. Can you believe it? I still can't! This was the first time we got really close, and ever since, we have been best friends. We've talked about it a lot since then, and the topic has become sort of open — all of our friends, male and female, talk about it.
- age 16, New York
