Responses from older people were more likely to describe either negative parental reactions to the subject, or total avoidance. A few adults remembered being embarrassed when a parent talked to them frankly to condone masturbation, but now look back on the discussions with gratitude.]
When I turned 18, my father confronted me with the fact that masturbation is basically a natural function, so I should not feel guilty about it. I thought that was way too embarrassing, but later on I realized it was way cool for my dad to be so open and candid about it.
- age 26, Philippines
My parents have never said anything about masturbation, thank God. I'd feel really uncomfortable if they even knew I masturbate.
- age 16, Nevada
My parents never mentioned it at all. My dad gave me "the talk" when I was 11, and he never even came close to mentioning masturbation. By then I'd been masturbating for about a year, and I had questions, such as why is stuff coming out of me? — it never did that before. However, my dad was very uncomfortable, so I decided to let him off the hook. He gave me some books to read, which also never mentioned the M-word. Luckily, a few months later I made a new friend, and we answered each other's questions.
- age 32, New York
My dad's very cool. We can talk about anything — video games, school, girls, and sex. Of course, discussing sex just about always leads to talking about masturbation in some way. He "caught" me doing it when I was 14, and back then, I almost expected him to ground me for life. Instead, we had "the talk." He told me it is "the man's way" to masturbate. And ever since then, I've been very comfortable around him with that subject. I've never seen him doing it, but I sure know he does. And unlike some people, I'm not freaked at all about my parents being sexually active. (Just not in front of us!)
- age 17, Florida
When I was 15 my mother "caught" me masturbating. She proceeded to read me the riot act, saying masturbation was dirty, sinful, and something "nice girls" just don't do. Fortunately, my older sister had a little chat with me soon after and told me masturbation was a perfectly normal thing for a "nice girl" to do.
- age 38 California (female)
My mom is pretty cool about talking with me. She jokes about sex and masturbation and stuff like that. However, I think the most she's ever said to me about masturbation was when she did my clothes and saw a hole in my pocket. She asked if that was the hole that I use to play "pocket pool." I understood it. Too bad my dad's so uptight.
- age 13, Ohio
One day when I was 13, my mother asked me what the hard crusty stuff was in my boxers. I told her I'd been eating ice cream before bed and must have spilled some on my underwear. She told me to quit eating ice cream before going to bed because practically every pair of my boxers she washed that day had ice cream stains! At the time I was masturbating a few times a day. I changed my clean-up habits after that incident. Just last week when I was home for the weekend, she was doing my laundry and joked about the "ice cream story." We both had a good laugh. I hadn't fooled her at all when I was a young horn-dog!
- age 21, California
My mother had just bought me a Penthouse magazine, and I was looking through it that night when she came into my room. She asked if I liked it. I said I did. Then she said, "Shall I leave you then?" and made a hand motion that meant masturbating. I got kind of grossed out by my mother talking to me about it, even though I knew that's what I would do later that night!
- age 16, New Zealand
I started masturbating at a *very* young age — well before I knew anything about sex or what I was doing. I would hold a blanket between my legs and squeeze until it felt good. I used to notice my mom crossing her legs and shaking occasionally, when she was deep in concentration. I asked her about it once, and she told me it was something people should do only in private.
- age 27 Louisiana (female)
My dad and I are quite open with each other about masturbation. He buys me erotic materials and sex toys and sometimes tells me about techniques. Although he and I are open with each other, we keep it secret from my mom!
- age 13, Colorado
There was a covered-up scandal at my junior high. My cousin's gym class had been taught a lot of things about sex, among them that it's okay to masturbate. My mother said of my cousin, "His church teaches that it (masturbation) is wrong. Actually, ours does, too." That's all anyone ever said to me about it.
- age 29, Minnesota
My dad once mentioned masturbation to me. He was not very detailed — all he said was that it's called masturbation, a little bit about how it's done, and that it is perfectly normal. I did an Internet search and a link to your site came up in the results, and JackinWorld taught me the rest! Thanks a lot!
- age 14, California
The only thing my mother ever said was to mention it was a sin one day while we were driving to confession. Interestingly, at the age of 12 or so, I rejected the idea and didn't believe her (although I kept that to myself). I could not remember a time that I didn't masturbate nightly, and figured I would have been struck by lightning or something after doing the same sin thousands of times.
- age 30, Oklahoma
My parents said they would throw me out onto the street and tell the local radio.
- age 14, Albania (female)
I was reading the Childcraft Annual book "Our Body" (1969 edition) when I was about 5 years old, and I got to the page showing a woman on a kidney dialysis machine — a big, intimidating piece of machinery. My mother told me one day that if I played with myself, I'd wind up having to use one of those. I think that line kept me from touching myself for about 7 years. The only other time she ever said a word was when she walked in on me one day after school (I had a blanket over me, reclining in my beanbag chair) and she shouted over to my dad to come see what I was doing. I was thinking, "I'm sure he's seen *that* before..."
- age 31, Washington
My parents never went into the subject in depth, but they said they know I'll do it and they don't care.
- age 16, Indiana
When I was about 12, my father told me masturbation would not cause mental illness, hair to grow on my hands, etc. However, he provided no clue about how to do it. My mother caught me masturbating once when I was about 14 and told me I shouldn't do it. She later told me, "Some boys rub Vaseline on their penis to make it less sensitive." I was using a lot of her hand lotion at the time. Vaseline did make my penis less sensitive, but only for about an hour after I masturbated with it.
- age 52, Colorado
My mom has been single for 6 years. My dad died, and she never wanted another relationship; therefore, she masturbates herself. She calls it a good substitute for the real thing. She also has a number of toys she uses. My mom has always taught me there's nothing wrong with masturbation. It's all completely normal and everybody does it. Although this may sound kinky to some people, she even taught me how to masturbate, and I'm very grateful for that.
- age 15 Germany (female)
I had shown a friend how to masturbate. We were 13 or so. He got caught masturbating early one morning while doing his paper route; the police were called, and he implicated me. My dad got called, so he talked to me. He said I shouldn't do it, that it meant I was a homosexual and that I was too nice a boy to be like that. My friend and I continued to masturbate after that, sometimes mutually, but always more carefully.
- age 55, Oregon
When I was 14, I shared rooms with my 17-year-old brother. I was always curious about what he did every night under the sheets. When I asked, he showed me how he masturbated, and I had to join in. The next day he told our father that he had shown me how to masturbate. My father was very happy to hear it — he said there is nothing wrong with masturbating, and he was glad my brother and I could share in this.
- age 19, Texas
The only overt reference to masturbation that I can remember happened when I was about 5 or 6 years old. I was sitting in the bathtub and just kind of handling my penis, but not really masturbating. My mother came in to check on me and she gasped and ran over and slapped my hand and shouted, "Stop that! Don't *ever* play with your pee-pee. That's NASTY!" I just couldn't imagine what she was so freaked out about — I didn't understand what could be wrong about what I was doing. When I was older and had reached puberty, there was no mention of sex or masturbation at all. It would have been nice to know I wasn't really the perverted freak I thought I was for wanting to touch myself all the time.
- age 37, New Hampshire
My mom has talked quite frankly with me about masturbation. She once asked me if I was doing it and said that she'd be worried about me if I wasn't. On the other hand, my dad has great difficulty talking about sex. If I approach him with a sexual discussion, all he can say is, "Sex is wrong." Only my best friend and I have discussed masturbation in great detail.
- age 14, Wisconsin
"Masturbation was one area where the apple
fell pretty far from the tree."
My parents never said anything about masturbation. The closest my dad came to talking about it was to say, "Don't play with yourself." Like most people my age, I've pretty much become my parents, but masturbation was one area where the apple fell pretty far from the tree. I've discussed it with my son, and we're both comfortable discussing it. One time about a year ago, my son and I were going somewhere, and he asked me if we had to leave right away, because if we didn't, he wanted to go to his room and masturbate first. That's when I knew he was really comfortable talking about it.
- age 41, Colorado
I've never talked to a parent about masturbating, and I don't want to. It's too embarrassing! I talk only to my friends about it.
- age 15, Canada
Once when I was 15 or 16 my father must have discovered some of the pornographic books I had on my shelf behind the other books. He came upstairs and spoke to me — both of us were a bit embarrassed — but he was very kind and thoughtful. "I don't think there's really anything wrong with it," he said. "It probably can't hurt you, but maybe doing it TOO much isn't a good idea." I gather he meant it could be a bit selfish or anti-social if a person came to prefer masturbation over all other sexual outlets. Maybe there's something to that, but I also came to understand my father's attitude later when I examined the books left in my grandfather's study after my grandfather passed away. Certain "health" books there suggested that "self-abuse" could weaken you, though they dwelt upon case-studies in such detail I often found it arousing and masturbated while reading them. I finally decided my father was partly right, but I studied further and have come to my own opinion that masturbation is a fantastic human experience, regardless of other "outlets" or the lack of them.
- age 44, Texas
On my 13th birthday my dad realized I'm really starting to change a lot, and he jokingly asked if I have wet dreams yet, if I have sexual desires, and if I have started masturbating yet.
- age 13, Maryland
My parents never said anything about masturbation. Instead, they pretended it didn't exist. I won't do that with my kids.
- age 36, Rhode Island
I was looking for some shampoo when I found a vibrator in my mom's closet. I asked her about it, so she explained what she uses it for and said masturbation is normal. She gave me a book containing information on techniques and things, like what type of lubrication works best and how to use visual stimulation. Since that happened three years ago, we now have open discussions about masturbation. My sister has even spilled about it, too.
- age 16, Canada
Back in 1966 or so, my dad kind of caught me masturbating. He sat on the thought for a whole day or two before mentioning to me that it was cool, and that he did it when he was a teenager. That was interesting, I thought.
- age 46, Colorado
The only thing my dad told me was, "It's okay to masturbate once or twice a day if you need to, but if you wake up with a chapped penis, you'll know you're doing it too much!"
- age 15, Kansas
When I was between ages 8 and around 13, my mother caught me masturbating and exploring sex play a number of times. Every instance brought strong admonishment from her, sometimes punishment, and at other times near pleading with me to stop. I never did (or could), no matter how much I might have intended to. Once when I was 12, she suggested that perhaps my acne would improve if I were to stop masturbating. My father never said anything about masturbation or sex to me.
- age 58, New Jersey
When I was 11 my dad said, "You know, it's okay to play with yourself." I didn't even know what he meant until a couple of years later! My mom has been silent on the subject.
- age 15, Michigan
I was brought up on a farm, so sex was no secret. Once my father found me watching the bull doing his stuff and remarked that if I didn't do something about the bulge in my shorts I would probably burst them. I was only 13 and blushed. He assured me there was nothing to blush about, that it was normal to get "sexy," and that if I had any sense I would attend to it. He left and returned 15 minutes later, looked hard at my shorts and remarked, "I see you took my advice." He never mentioned it again.
- age 62, United Kingdom
When I was 11 my mom found out I was visiting JackinWorld and tried to get my dad to have "the talk" with me, but he refused. So she brought up the subject of puberty to me and tried to get me to talk to my dad! I said no, so she gave me reasons to ask my dad. I still said no, so she briefly told me what puberty is and also mentioned masturbation.
- age 13, New Jersey
My parents never mentioned sex whatsoever to my brothers or me. I grew up in South Dakota in a neighborhood with lots of children. We started touching each other, boys (some girls, but mostly boys) at a very early age — 4, 5, 6, some 8 or 10. Some of the older boys showed us and told us all about sex, but not our parents. They only told us it was nasty. I've enjoyed sex all my life and enjoy masturbating every day. I believe we should teach our children about sex as early as they can understand, perhaps around age 8. I did, and my children are now 35-40, married, and well adjusted.
- age 68, California
I have never once heard my parents mention the word masturbation. The only thing they ever said is that I should never touch my "private parts" unless I was washing or using the restroom. They never even told me what these private parts should be called.
- age 19, Wisconsin
My mother caught me at it and told me I should stop or I would be weak-minded. Then she told me she masturbated in bed some nights. She was a widow. She talked very openly and frankly with me. I asked why doesn't masturbation make females weak-minded? She had no answer for that. I kept on masturbating.
- age 71, Texas
My dad was driving me to a skateboard competition and noticed I had an erection. He asked me how often I masturbate. I said twice a day. Then he admitted to doing it 2 times a day as well. I was glad to hear this, because it shows I don't have to worry so much about hiding the evidence. My mom knew about it all along.
- age 16, Ireland
When I was about 7 years old, my mom found me masturbating in the living room. I had recently discovered masturbation and did not even try to hide what I was doing. She said, "When you do that, you should do it where no one can see you — like in your room, okay?" I was deeply embarrassed, but fortunately her wise reaction did not condemn masturbation; it simply taught me not to do it in public — that it's a private activity. I hope other parents would respond similarly.
- age 20, California