Other common responses were "It's none of your business" and "Do you?" Not surprisingly, adult readers would be more likely to say yes than teen readers. Also, many (male) readers said they'd say yes to their father but no to their mother.
It was a little disappointing seeing the language some of the "no" people used. One person actually said "I'd deny the accusations." What? Come on, get over it! MASTURBATION IS NOT A CRIME!]
I would tell my parents I do not. This is a lie, of course, but I am very uncomfortable talking about sexual things with my parents. I would rather confess to the National Enquirer than to my parents.
- age 17, North Dakota
"Yes, and don't talk to me about that again."
- age 21, Ontario, Canada
I would simply shrug and say, "I am sorry, that is my business, and it is very personal to me!"
- age 13, Arizona
I would probably say no just because it would be a quick and easy way to get out of the situation. The thought of discussing anything even remotely like that with my parents disgusts me. I don't think there's anything wrong with masturbating and am fairly open when my friends ask me, but my parents are a different story!
- age 16, Texas
"You have to ask?"
- age 18, Oklahoma
I'm not too sure what I would tell them. Yes, I would like to tell them the truth, but I probably wouldn't. I only wish they could feel the pleasure I feel.
- age 15, Pennsylvania
My mom asked me when I was 15. She bluntly asked, "Are you masturbating?" I was shocked and asked why she would wonder. She said she had found "evidence" on my sheets and that I once had left some on the bathroom floor. Knowing my mom had an open mind, I said yes. She said she knew that boys my age do that and didn't care. Her concern was, and I quote, "It's not my job to clean cum off the floor."
- age 21, Illinois
"Umm.... what's masturba...masta.... Uhh, how did you say that again?"
- age 16, Texas
I would say, "Yes, I'm exploring my sexuality — is that okay with you?" They already know, but that's what I would say.
- age 15, Alaska
I would say,"What!? Mom! That was uncalled for!, now if you'll excuse me, I have to take a shower!"
- age 14, California
"Come on, Mom...all the kids are doing it!"
- age 18, Pennsylvania
I would be embarrassed, but I'd have to say I did. The amount of evidence (magazines, tissues, and videos) in my room gives me away.
- age 14, Australia
It happened when I was 14. I said, "Of course, don't you?" This threw my dad for a loop. He stammered and blushed and finally admitted he did. Then we both laughed and he just said he and Mom had both seen me in my room "doing it" and that I needed to be more careful. I started to ask him where he did it but didn't want to push my luck.
- age 63, Texas
Wow. I would be completely shocked. Then I would most likely tell them I do not, because that is what they want to hear. In a small, isolated community, people are all trapped behind a screen of information — but only the information they want to hear.
- age 16, Maine
Two words: Flat denial.
- age 15, Alaska
I would simply answer, "That is a bit personal." I feel talking about it to an adolescent is one thing but asking if they do is another. Since masturbation is not harmful, what's the difference whether a person does or not? Personal questions are best not asked. Would you want to discuss your parents' sex life with them?
- age 29, Ontario, Canada
"Only if I'm alone or with somebody."
- age 15, Michigan
"Yes." But I wouldn't offer any more information; I'd wait for them to ask more. Then, of course, I'd have to decide how much to tell them, but that's a different question.
- age 20, New York
First I would ask them, "What is that, and how is it done?" Then I would lie, lie, lie. Unless they offered to buy gas for my car if I told the truth! I could be bought.
- age 16, Washington
Well, after I got over the initial shock of my super-puritanical mother asking me something to do with masturbation, I would definitely tell her the truth — yes, I do. What's the point of lying about it? 90% of people do it and the other 10% lie about it! I would also want to know why she was asking, praying to God that I hadn't been too loud or obvious or something! If my dad asked me, I would tell him it was none of his business.
- age 23, Maine (female)
I'd say, "Come on, Mom/Dad, it's time to take you back to the home."
- age 19, Massachusetts
That did happen to me once, about a year ago. I told my parents I did, and they were cool about it. My dad even said he did it, and he even let me have my own Playboy subscription (I'm not kidding). Now I can masturbate and not feel guilty.
- age 14, California
I would say no, because my parents believe in that old-fashioned way of not "touching" before you're married and all this mess. I'd be grounded forever if they knew.
- age 15, Virginia
If my mom asked, I'd say, "Why do you want to know?" If my dad asked, I'd say, "Is this a rhetorical question?"
- age 16, Iowa
I would say that over 90% of males do, so there is over a 90% chance I do. Does that sound familiar?
- age 15, Tennessee
[Note: When Joycelyn Elders (to whom this site is dedicated) was asked if she masturbated, she said, "Well, two-thirds of women do, so there's a two-thirds chance that I do."]
I'd say, "Only when I'm thinking of you," then walk away laughing.
- age 17, Canada
I'd hope I could say that I did. I'm afraid I'd say I need my privacy about a few things and blush and run from the room. Why does something so wonderful have to have so much secrecy about it?
- age 14, Texas
I would probably give them a straight answer because my parents raised me to be honest and truthful.
- age 16, Texas
I'd immediately deny it. I mean, why would I want to talk to my *parents* about it? That grosses me out. Now, if it was a friend who asked, I'd probably say yes. He's someone who can connect with me, you know?
- age 15, Virginia
I think I would tell them yes but tell them I am not sure if it is wrong or not. It sure seems normal to me, but I don't always feel comfortable with it. I still feel a little guilty. I would ask them if they masturbated when they were teenagers, and I guess I would even ask if they masturbate now. I would really press them to tell me exactly what is wrong and ask why I sometimes feel guilty. I think I would even be glad they asked, because then I might not feel like I'm hiding something.
- age 16, Indiana
First I would get all embarrassed, and if they continued to question me, I would have to say, "Well...doesn't everybody?"
- age 14, New York
If my parents asked me now I'd jokingly be honest and ask them what they thought I was doing in the bathroom for all that time when I was younger. If they had asked me when I was younger (pre-JackinWorld), I would have denied it, red-faced.
- age 29, Rhode Island
I would say yes. Then I wouldn't have to be embarrassed anymore when the subject came up. They would know I was doing it and I wouldn't have to hide it. I would get more privacy, I think.
- age 15, Norway
Well, I would probably say, "Sometimes!"
- age 14, Canada
When I was 16, my mother did ask me. I just said "Sure, don't you?" She just blushed and walked away!
- age 33, Netherlands
Well, first of all you know it took a lot of guts for them just to ask the question. So if they got up the courage to ask it then I would probably come out and tell them the truth. That would also take a load off my mind, and probably theirs, too.
- age 15, Texas
This actually happened to me in a way. When I was about 17 I had masturbated in the shower with a condom. I put the condom in a paper cup to discreetly dispose of later — only I forgot about it and left it sitting on the toilet tank. A few hours later, when my mom was getting ready for work, she found it and asked me about it. I semi-calmly remarked, "Chalk one up to youthful experimentation!" and made a quick, but I hope graceful, exit.
- age 21, Indiana
I would say, "Oh my god...How stupid are you?"
- age 13, Michigan
Whoa! I would probably admit that yes, once or twice I had, but I most likely would not let on that I still do. I mean, after all — they are my parents.
- age 26, Maine
I know I shouldn't be ashamed of it, but I'd probably deny it. I'm not sure why. We've never been very open about sexual topics in my family.
- age 17, Michigan
I would probably say, "Eeewww" or "That's sick." Although I do masturbate twice a day. It's one of those topics I don't feel comfortable talking to my parents about.
- age 16, Canada
I have no clue. But I'm leaning towards no because they'd think it's sick and think there's something wrong with me. Some people just don't know the power of pleasure.
- age 15, Massachusetts
It already happened. I had some sort of nasty disease in my testis, and my mom got the notion that maybe it was caused by me masturbating too much. She asked, and I lied. I usually don't lie, but she would have completely freaked if I had told her.
- age 16, Texas
"Yes, Mom and Dad, I do. I am normal."
- age 15, California
Plain and simple, I would say, "Every day!" I mean, if they are asking, then they are ready to hear yes.
- age 25, Texas
"Yes." They probably do it anyway, so why not?
- age 17, Ontario, Canada
"I have before, yes — but who hasn't?"
- age 18, New Jersey
I would first turn *bright red* and get all sweaty and embarrassed. I would then be too embarrassed to talk. I would deny it, but it would be too obvious that I was lying. Then I'd run off and stay away from them for a while.
- age 16, Massachusetts
"Yes I do. What is the big deal?"
- age 19, Texas
Well, first I have already told my mum I masturbate. She once asked me, "What's 'JackinChat'?" I told her it's where boys go and talk. She said, "Yeah, but what does it mean?" I totally freaked out for a second but then said, "It's a masturbation resource." She didn't stress out that much. Oh well. So if she asked me, I would say "Yes mum, I masturbate." But if my dad asked me I'd lie because he hasn't told me masturbation is okay yet, and I think he would be ashamed (sad but true). Besides, they have split up so I rarely see my dad.
- age 14, Australia
I think I would have to crawl into a hole and die!
- age 15, Delaware
(pause) "Yes." (longer pause) "Why?" (wait for answer...maintain eye contact)
- age 18, Alaska
I'd just look at them and scream with shock, then laugh, then say it's my beezwax, and run to my friend's house to avoid any more encounters with overly curious people. ::shiver:: The thought makes me go wiggy!
- age 15, Massachusetts (female)
My mom asked me a couple of years ago whether I have problems of puberty. I suspect she asked because usually my sheets were full of yellow spots, you know. I replied that I used not to escape from my wet dreams and ejaculate in bed. (My mom is a physician and it would be stupid to say that I never do it, so I chose some kind of neutral answer.) Truly, I like to masturbate in bed before going to sleep as well as when waking up.
- age 18, Russia
I would be really open with my mom (we're really close) and probably ask her if she did too. But if my father did, I'd tell him that's none of his business, and that he shouldn't be asking me something like that. I don't have a problem talking with my mom about anything sexual. I think mostly it's easier to talk to someone of the same sex about personal things like that.
- age 17, Michigan (female)
Interesting question. Of course now being 35, I would freely admit to engaging in self-pleasure no matter who might ask the question (although I'm sure my parents never would). However when I was a teen times were very different. No one, especially other boys, would be caught dead admitting to masturbation. It was always joked about that kids who beat off were weirdoes or perverted (or even gay — and I am gay). So at that age, I would never have admitted it, even if it was my parents who asked. I wonder if I was a young teen now, what would I do? I think I would probably say that I did. Sometimes change is good!
- age 35, New Hampshire
"No," Because I would feel weird having my parents knowing I masturbate, and they would probably think I was masturbating every time I took a shower or went in the bathroom (even thought I wasn't).
- age 16, Texas
Honestly, I would walk away and give them a weird look!
- age 20, Indiana
"That's disgusting — why are you asking me that?"
- age 17, Washington
I would say, "Hell yes! Just like you did when you were my age!"
- age 18, Arizona
"Yes." The reason is I've already had a couple close calls with my mother where she had to have known what I was doing. Also, if they think I am not masturbating, they might think I am going out every night and having sex, which is worse.
- age 17, Ohio