People were more divided as to when children should be told. Many said that since they had started masturbating at a particular age (often between 10 and 14), that is when they would tell their kids. However, parents of young children talked about their 3-to-6-year-old kids already playing with their genitals — many since infancy. So one might conclude that if parents wait to tell kids about masturbation until their children are 9 or 10 — or into puberty — they may have waited too long, because the children will already have discovered masturbation on their own or from friends. Many people said the age would depend on when they noticed the child beginning to become sexually aware. And some people said it would be a progressive discussion rather than a single "talk." For example, they would just show awareness and acceptance to younger children when they casually rub their genitals. Older children might be ready for a discussion of orgasm and ejaculation.
The greatest variety of response occurred in how people think they should talk to their children about masturbation. Some would mention it along with the "birds and bees" talk. Others would be more detailed in their descriptions or point their kids to an information source such as a book or a Web site such as JackinWorld. Many would wait until they find their child masturbating to talk about it.]
I'd probably act the same way my sister does to her 3-year-old son. When he's playing with himself (even if it's in front of all of us), she'll usually just ignore it. One time she said to him, "Do you like doing that? Does it feel good? All men like doing that, including your father," which I thought was hilarious. I think it's a very healthy way of dealing with it and will leave him with positive feelings about his penis, testicles, and sexual pleasure in general. I would talk to my sons when they're 10 or 11 about masturbation, orgasms, and semen and what to expect with all of that. I'll tell that it's all normal and okay and that it's a great source of pleasure. I might even tell them that I did it a lot in my teenage years, and continued after that, just not as much. I'd do all this because nobody did it for me and I wish they had. I think it would have made all my sexual experiences a lot easier and more pleasurable.
- age 36, New Jersey
This Week's Wackiest Response:
Teach my kids? Heck, I taught my parents — and my grandparents! They were like, "Masturbating? What's that?" Then I showed them, and they loved it. They do it all the time now!
- age 16, Canada
When I was a pubescent youth, my dad walked in on me as I masturbated. When I gasped in shock and shame, he simply winked and walked out. That wink told me everything I needed to know. Even though I was careful never to get caught again, I no longer worried that I was doing something he didn't approve. I used the same approach with my boys, and I think it worked with them — although we never openly talked about it. Approval can be given in lots of ways without having to say anything.
- age 66, Texas
I'd just let my children masturbate whenever they wanted, as long as it wasn't grossly obvious. They can develop their own ideas about it. I think a son would probably do it anyway, while a daughter would at least know about it, if not do it herself. I would answer any questions they had, and intervene if I thought they were doing it excessively or tormenting themselves over it.
- age 14, United Kingdom
I have a child who is now very young. When children get older and start to question the subject, it is important for them to have access to positive information that is not pornographic. I am a strong advocate of this site and would definitely let them have a look around. You guys are doing a great job of keeping the site packed with positive information. Keep up the good work.
- age 24, Louisiana
I would not talk to my children about masturbation. That would be weird, and they would be embarrassed, too.
- age 14, California
When my son turned 12 and began to put on a few pounds (he had been very thin), I told my wife he was reaching puberty and I would need to talk to him soon about masturbation. She was shocked to think he could or would masturbate at that age. When I sat down with him, he was very embarrassed for about the first minute. But I first told him about my own experiences in my youth. That broke the ice. We laughed and laughed. I told him how my dad had "caught me at it." I went onto the Net and found this site, along with others. Ever since then, he and I read JackinWorld every week. It has actually bonded us that much more — in a healthy way. Nothing perverse was ever said or done. We just had frank discussions!
- age 44, Arizona
I would definitely tell my son about masturbating. I wish my father had told me about it, because it is sort of a father-son bonding thing. From that start, you can then talk about sex, relationships, and the girls your son is going out with. I don't really like to talk to my father about stuff involving girls right now — I just feel uncomfortable. But if we could have opened up those lines of communication a long time ago, I'm sure things would be different! Masturbation is healthy, and I would definitely show my son how to do it if he asked. I would encourage him to talk to his friends about it and maybe even to masturbate with them. It's a male-bonding thing.
- age 17, New York
The less you tell kids the better, other than giving them a guilt-free environment. My son will know there is nothing wrong with masturbation, but that's about it. I honestly believe that one of the benefits of masturbation is finding out what feels good — exploring one's sexuality. The journey from curiosity and excitement to actual masturbation is as important as masturbation itself. Learning about your body and its reactions is very important. Being told what to do and how you will react is a shortcut kids don't need. They need to walk this path alone, but in a guilt-free, stress-free environment.
- age 37, Alaska
I would not discuss masturbation with my children unless they asked me first. They might be better off to find out from some other source.
- age 14, Virginia
We have two children — a son and a daughter. My son is now 14 and has been masturbating since he was 12. He was next to his mom on the couch watching a show about testicular cancer. As the show explained how to check for symptoms, he was absent-mindedly doing so through the leg of his shorts. He had an orgasm in front of his mother. He was highly embarrassed by it, but she took it well and told me. I sat down with him and talked very openly. I told him his mother, I, and most all other people masturbate, too. He was quite relaxed about it after that.
- age 42, California
When I have children, or I adopt, I will make sure they know that masturbation is normal. I will tell them it is natural that guys at that age are just experimenting with their bodies, which is what my dad told me.
- age 17, South Carolina
I have already started by telling my children that masturbation is pleasurable and not wrong. I started telling them when they were 8 years old. My boy asked many questions, and I answered him. My wife answered my daughter. They enjoy it now and share their experiences with us. My daughter loves her body, as well as my son his. I have seen my son masturbate, and he really gets into it.
- age 40, New York
I plan to tell my kids about all types of sexual activities. I grew up in a promiscuous high school and learned to appreciate a good sex education. Personally, I'm bisexual, so I plan to tell them about that, too. I plan to tell them about masturbation around age 10. I want them to know it's always okay to explore and never to be ashamed of their own bodies. And of course, I'll let them know that if they ever have any questions or concerns, they can tell me and ask me about anything.
- age 18, Texas
I would definitely show my son how to masturbate. I think this would eliminate any doubt and fear. My friend's father did that with him, and when he told me about it, I think I would have liked that, too. His father was 38 at the time. He said his father spoke to him about it first and then showed him how to masturbate. He said he saw this father's erection, saw him stroking it, and saw him have an orgasm and ejaculate — explaining all the while. He said that afterwards, he masturbated in front of his father and felt totally comfortable after that, eliminating any forms of shame, doubt, or fear
- age 34, California
With my kids, I will neither condemn nor encourage masturbation. It's not something I would want *my* father involved in, so unless I'm asked, I'm not going to volunteer any information.
- age 16, Virginia
I have two children, one boy and one girl. I taught my son that masturbation was perfectly all rright and that all men and boys do masturbate, some more than others. Nevertheless, all men do it. At age 14, he proudly showed me his erection and I showed him mine. We began talking about masturbation and I showed him how to do it, although I think he probably already knew how. We both masturbated to orgasm and after that we never discussed it again. I did not touch him and he did not touch me — we just watched each other and it was awesome. We have a teriffic relationship and can still share our thoughts and ideas on the subject, even though he is grown and married.
- age 53, Texas
I plan to have very open conversations with my children, telling them that masturbation is not a bad thing and that we support them doing it. If necessary, I would show the boys how and give them tips on cleanup, but only if they asked me. I plan to have a very open attitude towards discussing sex and masturbation with all of my children. I would tell the boys at about age 10 (masturbation only), girls maybe 12. That may seem young, but I started at 11 on my own.
- age 19, New York
I have two sons and talked to them when they were 11 and 12 years old. They said they were both already masturbating. They had lots of questions, and we found JackinWorld by chance. A point for other dads: Young boys compare themselves to others constantly. They wonder if they are normal. My eldest son had always thought one of his testicles was much smaller than the other. I explained that one could ride higher and one lower in his scrotum. Afterwards, he checked himself out in the bathroom and came back to tell me, yeah that's all it was — not a size problem. He said he felt quite a relief. Until then, he had hated to change in front of other boys. This opened more communications among the 3 of us. They both are more relaxed now about their bodies. I am glad we talk openly. I only wish my father could have done so for me as well.
- age 39, Nevada
I have been masturbating since I was 8, so it's hard for me to say when I would tell my son. Some friends and I discovered it while we were playing a game. I probably would not mention it until they were about 13. And then, I would only bring it up casually. I would just let them know it is perfectly normal and it should be done. And if they ask about masturbating with friends, I would definitely encourage it. I did and it was brilliant fun for all of us!
- age 16, United Kingdom
I have raised two boys. One is now 22, the other 12. When they were small, I made a point of not interfering when they played with themselves, as nearly all boys do. They would do this in front of me while watching TV — things like rubbing themselves through their pants, and sticking their hands down inside their pants. They knew I saw, but I made no move to stop them. When they were around 10, I talked to them about masturbation in simple terms, saying they would find it very pleasant to rub themselves, and that was okay. When they were 11, I explained the whole drill, that if they hadn't already, they would have orgasms. I told them what that was and that it feels great, and that soon they would shoot stuff. I told them all boys do it, and there is nothing wrong with it, but it should be done in private. I also told them it was okay to experiment with other boys. Both have done so extensively. They know I know, and that I approve.
- age 52, West Virginia
My mom and I are only 17 years apart in age, so I guess we get along much better than many moms and daughters. Anyway, one afternoon when I was 15 or 16, I walked into her bedroom and found her on her bed, naked and masturbating. She seemed slightly embarrassed, but stopped to explain to me what she was doing and why, and that it was okay. Since then, we talk very openly about all forms of sex, and she has even bought me my own vibrator to use whenever I get "the urge." I'll probably do the same kind of thing when I have kids
- age 19, Texas (female)
I started masturbating at age 7, so I am going to introduce masturbation to my kids about that age. I'll tell them why it's healthy and that it's a private activity. I want my kids to feel secure doing it, but don't want them doing it at inappropriate times or places.
- age 23, Louisiana
I have already given this matter much thought. When I have kids, I intend to be very open with them about masturbation and sex from a very young age. I have specific concerns for my daughters. Boys seem to just figure out masturbation on their own — it's just right out there, begging to be touched. With girls, there is often a sense of "don't touch." I plan to give my daughters vibrators when they reach puberty, however old they might be when they get their first periods. Not only will I be giving them a good and healthy message about sex, I will also be initiating them into their womanhood in a special way, and hopefully helping them to feel good about their bodies and sexuality.
- age 27, Ontario, Canada (female)
I have taught my children about masturbation along with normal sex education. My teenage son and I openly discuss it at home. My wife does the same with our daughter.
- age 36, United Kingdom
At about age 11, I would introduce my children to masturbation (both male and female) by directing them to this site or some other resource and letting them explore the world of masturbation for themselves. Although I would draw the line at physical contact, I would talk to them about anything they wanted.
- age 14, New Zealand
One day I walked in on my dad masturbating. I didn't know what to do or say. He sat me down and we talked about it. He kept on masturbating while he was telling me about it. When he ejaculated, I asked him what the white stuff was. He told me to touch it and taste it, which I did. My dad continued this kind of thing many times, asking me to watch him, and in some cases, suck his penis. I now am very hurt about this, and I don't speak to him much, if at all. I thought what he did was very wrong, and I thought how wrong he was to make me suck on his penis. I saw a professional about this and I got over it, but I still don't like what he did to me. So, when I have a child, I will explain to him what masturbation is, but never do what my dad did to me.
- age 22, New York
I would tell them that masturbation is a normal thing that all men and some women do, and that I don't care if they do it.
- age 16, Pennsylvania
Yes, having 3 young children, I will help them with truth and honesty. Hopefully, they will avoid the guilt and shame too often associated with this universal practice. As for what age, it'll depend on each of them and when the timing is right for each to be ready for the discussion.
- age 33, New Jersey
I will leave this site on our computer "accidentally"!
- age 15, Maine
I will never teach my children to masturbate themselves. Learning alone to do those sorts of things is one of the biggest pleasures of life. Why should I help them in those discoveries? I have never been helped, and I can assure I get on quite perfectly!
- age 18, France (female)
Most important, a parent should make sure kids understand that their developing sexuality is neither scary, shameful, nor unspeakable. Rather, parents should impress on their kids that it's just another part of growing up, and that they are willing to answer their kids' questions in an informative way. My parents approached the issue more or less in this way. I knew from an early age that one wasn't supposed to masturbate in public, but my parents managed to teach me this without giving me the impression that masturbation was shameful or "bad." I hope I'll be able to do as well when I have children.
- age 26, New York
My dad had his first orgasm when he was 10, so when I was about 8 and he saw I was getting frequent erections (we are home nudists), he told me all about sex and masturbation. He described how to do the fist method, what it would feel like the first time, what semen is, and how it looks and tastes. Dad told me it was normal and healthy for males and females to masturbate. Since I had my first orgasm just before I turned 11, and my brother right at 11, it means my kids will start early, too. So, I will tell them the same things my dad told my brother and me when they are 8 or 9. And I will tell them to go ahead and have fun and enjoy it like I do.
- age 15, Maine
I believe in healthy masturbation. I told my sons about it when they were both around 12. Now in their teens, they do it more than ever. I just supply the lube for them.
- age 35, Nebraska
When, and if I have children, I will in no way force the idea of masturbation on them. But neither will I push them from it. I will most likely try to let them discover it for themselves, and if they then approach me about it at some point (the way I confronted my mother about it), I will be frank and completely supportive. I'll tell my child it is completely natural and healthy. I don't see myself starting the conversation before my child does, though, because it would probably be a little embarrassing for them. My main concern would always be that they simply do not have any guilt issues with it, that they learn not to be ashamed of it, and know it is perfectly normal. Books often help. I remember ones that were given to me, and how I pored over the masturbation chapters.
- age 16, New Jersey (female)
I have two boys, ages 15 and 12. When each was 8 years old, I told him all about masturbation — how it's done and how it's a normal and healthy thing that most people of both genders do. I encourage both of them to indulge in masturbation if they so choose. At times, I'll happen to see them in the act (occasionally, both at the same time). They aren't ashamed for my wife or me to see them doing it, and they don't stop if we happen to walk in on them. My wife's only rule for them is, "If you get it on the sheets, you get to wash them." Of course, she usually ends up washing them herself, anyway. Both boys are well aware that I still enjoy masturbating on occasion. I also encourage both of them to read JackinWorld regularly, which they do.
- age 43, Maine
Part of the fun of masturbation is the self-discovery and feeling of secrecy. (Even today, when I live alone and have no "fear" of discovery, I sometimes read pornographic magazines under the covers with a flashlight to relive the thrill of youthful secret masturbation.) I'd give my kids their privacy when the door is closed and let them know they can ask to be left alone. I'd answer any questions they ask, but leave it at that. I'm not about to buy my kids erotic magazines or videotapes, lube, or toys. And I'm sure not going to give them any hands-on lessons!
- age 23, New York
I have two young boys, and I think it is important to start talking to kids about the differences between males and females starting when they are about 5. They have a lot of questions, and it's important to be honest with them. Each child is different, but I seriously think talking to boys about sex and masturbation should begin at age 9 or 10. I am sure I will share this site with them as they get older.
- age 33, California
It starts at birth. My son (now 16 months) fondles himself frequently — in the tub, when naked, etc. Clearly, he enjoys it. It's fine. As he gets older and no longer wears diapers, I am sure he will fondle himself more often. We will teach "private time" and such things. As he gets into his pre-teen and teen years, when the subject arises, we will discuss it frankly and without shame. No problem!
- age 36, Washington
I will certainly try to teach my children about masturbation. One way to get kids to be comfortable with a situation is always to be open with them. Now, I'm not going to discuss my sex life with a 4-year-old, but I suppose I would just sit down with my child at about 11 (give or take a year or two) and tell him what it is, and that it's okay! I'd probably show him JackinWorld (I plan to adopt a boy), and just tell him I am perfectly okay with it, and that I did it, too. I'd also probably ask him if he wants any magazines to "help out," because I wish *my* mom had done that for me!
- age 14, South Carolina (female)
As a single dad, I took the time to explain to both of my boys the changes that would happen to their bodies. When they had questions, they asked me instead of their friends. On several occasions, some of their friends would ask me questions, and I asked them to talk to their dad (but answered a question if they were not close to their dad). I told my boys they could masturbate when they wanted and I would not condemn their actions, but asked that if they wanted privacy, to close their bedroom door and I would respect that.
- age 56, California
I would definitely teach that masturbation is perfectly healthy and that most guys do it, despite how often in high school they bag people who do it. I'd make jokes about it at ages such as 13, and probably say I did it when I was in school.
- age 19, Australia
I wouldn't do anything. A son will figure it out when the time comes. There is no need to talk about it with your kids. You should talk about sex, and I will do that as soon as they are old enough, when they may be doing it. But I see no need to discuss masturbation.
- age 30, New York (female)
It's nice to see a question in here for adult men. I sat each of my boys down when they were 11 or 12. I noticed they were spending more time in the bathroom. That was a dead giveaway to me. I told them about sex and masturbation. I even told them about my own masturbation as a teenager, and later as an adult — that when I was a boy, it was a taboo and every boy's secret. I wanted them to know that it was okay and that everyone does it. I took them to the library (we had no Internet at that time). I let them look at all sorts of books and pictures and literature. I think they grew up with more openness, and I hope it has been good for them in their marriages, too.
- age 53, Arizona
Judging by my own experiences, my children will probably develop a healthy attitude toward masturbation themselves. Of course, when they need any information I would answer their questions. I have a lot of trust in the current mentality of the environment I live in.
- age 20, Holland
I'd tell my children about masturbation at whatever age I see them touching themselves. I'd say, "That feels good, doesn't it? I love the way my genitals feel, too!" A little later, as they got more intentional about it, if it felt like the right time (difficult when you were raised in a guilty atmosphere yourself), I'd say, "I Masturbate — play with myself — too. You're never too old!" Most of the rest would probably take care of itself. Fairly early on I'd have to tell them it makes some people uncomfortable to see people touching themselves — and that's one of the interesting things about sex. Almost everyone does it, but few people are comfortable about sharing what they do, except with their special someone, and they do wonderful things together!
- age 58, Massachusetts
I'd let my husband (fiancé at the moment) do it. He knows more about it than I do. Of course, if it was with my daughter (assuming I have one), I'd probably tell her around the time she got a proper boyfriend (not the 3rd-grade type!) and when she started getting periods, etc. I'd just tell her it was all right, and probably tell her about this site.
- age 19, Australia (female)
I'm not set in my decision, since it is not in the near future. However, I would want my children to be somewhat informed and not feel ashamed of it. A friend's dad (who is a psychiatrist) keeps a very open relationship with my friend about everything. Once when my friend was about 11, his dad just casually asked him, "So, are you masturbating yet?" My friend didn't really know what it was, so his dad briefly described it. My friend's reaction was, "Gross! I'll never do that!" His dad lightheartedly reassured him that indeed he would — it was just a matter of when. I have never discussed it with either of my parents, and with the type of relationship that I have with them, do not regret that. I hope however to have a different type of relationship with my kids. Eleven or 12 is a pretty healthy age. (I started at 10, but not everyone did. A friend of mine didn't start until he was 15.)
- age 23, Washington
If I saw my little boy touching his penis in the bathtub, I would say something like, "That's a wonderful part of you." As he got older, I'd be very open with him about his sexuality, including masturbation. I'd tell him that I did it, too. I would certainly give him the address of JackinWorld. My parents taught me that my penis was a "dirty thing" and that I "shouldn't touch it," which brought about a lot of frustration and guilt when I did start to masturbate. You guys have helped me understand more and feel better about my own body and masturbation practices. I would want my boy to have that information and support before he gets to be my age!
- age 24, Pennsylvania