My wife and I have never reconciled the "masturbation issue." It is painful to know that your life's mate does not, or cannot, understand a building block of your sexuality. My wife feels very hurt that I have the desire to masturbate, even though we have talked many times about masturbation not necessarily being related to marital sexual satisfaction. We have been married 10 years now, and the issue has been handled basically as "don't ask, don't tell." I masturbate in secret, and she doesn't ask about it. Indeed, this situation is far from ideal, but from what I gather, most marriages have at least one element that is not quite ideal — so I will not complain any further.
- age 36, Florida
This Week's Wackiest Response:
I regret having sex with the rose bushes out back. I still haven't been able to get rid of the aphids.
- age 19, Illinois
I don't have a single regret. I learned about masturbation at age 12 from a buddy who was 14 and have been grateful to him ever since. I've had career and financial ups and downs, marital issues, etc. The one constant, and I should say *pleasurable constant*, has been the ability to masturbate the tensions away. I've been at it for over 50 years and see no reason to change my ways.
- age 62, Oregon
When I was 16, I began masturbating online for anyone who was willing to watch via the Yahoo adult chat rooms. The thrill of being watched was way cool, but, I being naive, lost several hours of sleep and put masturbation before homework. The results affected my grades and my self-esteem. It was fun for two years, but enough is enough.
- age 18, Kentucky
I regret the guilt I felt when I first started masturbating. When I started at around 11 or so, I began to feel that somehow masturbation made me feel less smart. Like most kids, I often felt as if people could tell I masturbated just by looking at me. As I look back, it wasn't that masturbating made me less smart; it was that I became so preoccupied with it that everything else going on in my life at that time seemed to take a back burner. I think the kids of this generation and those after it, will benefit most. No longer do kids have to suffer silently, as I did, with this very natural practice.
- age 34, Indiana
I regret that I did not have a real sexual education when I was younger. All at once, I realized that I had pubic hair, that my penis could become hard, and that I could have fun with it. I never realized the evolution. If I had known these things were to happen, I would have lived through all the phases more fully, but I never did.
- age 17, Monaco
I regret not masturbating when I was in the mood for sex and my wife wasn't. Now, I masturbate almost every day and don't have to feel bad if Wifey is not in the mood.
- age 61, New York
Someone once said that anyone who claims to have no regrets about anything in life is lying to self and others. Yet, my only regret about masturbation would be that I grew up in a conservative, midwestern environment during the 1940s and '50s. Had the times been different, I might have avoided the guilt, fear, and shame about masturbation and enjoyed myself as I do now; moreover, I might have found someone with whom to share my frequent masturbation. Since 2001, I have been communicating with a JackInsider pen pal, sharing my thoughts on masturbation, as well as on our many other mutual interests. After an initial meeting a year ago, we got together again this weekend. We spent part of our visit naked and masturbating together. It was a wonderful bonding experience for both of us. Now, I can honestly say that I have resolved my last regret about masturbation. Thank you, JackinWorld, for helping me resolve that final regret.
- age 62, Michigan
I have no real regrets. Sometimes I wish I had not done it so often when I was growing up. It seems that I masturbated between one and three times a day. As a married adult, I sometimes feel that I still "do it" more often than I really need to. My wife knows that I masturbate and she has no issues with it. Sometimes we have mutual sessions together, just to take the edge off.
- age 30, Nebraska
I wish I hadn't discussed masturbation with people so much. They now think that I masturbate constantly and that I have a very large penis. I don't mind the part about the large penis, but 6 1/2 inches doesn't seem all that big.
- age 14, Ohio
If I had known how, I would have started to masturbate earlier. But not until age 15 did one of my friends tell me how to masturbate. I have loved it ever since. I do regret that I did not ask her earlier.
- age 26, France (female)
My only regret is that I have only two hands.
- age 14, Arizona
I can think of one huge masturbation-related regret and it involved being too shy or afraid to masturbate with my best friend when I was 15 years old. He was a really cool guy; he would always start a conversation about masturbation, and it always seemed to be his favorite topic, but I never took the hint that he actually *wanted* me to do it with him. As it turned out, he is gay and I am, too — so now, more than ever, I wish I knew where he lives! I have actually spent a lot of time trying to find him, but no luck yet. I hope he reads this!
- age 28, Connecticut
I wish I hadn't started looking at porn. I find that masturbating without it is much better, but it's so convenient to use porn that I often do.
- age 17, Canada
I have to wonder if frequent masturbation has made my penis less sensitive. I am in my 30s now and cannot ejaculate quickly. It almost always takes 10 minutes or more of stimulation. I grip harder to increase stimulation but I think that has produced diminishing returns. I wonder if there will be a time later in life where I cannot ejaculate at all. It started when I was younger — I had a fear of premature ejaculation. Never once have I ever experienced it, but I think that fear started me thinking, "...Gotta be able to go long enough for the woman to have an orgasm." I wonder if I have gone too far.
- age 32, Iowa
I wish I had tried different techniques when I was younger. As a child and through my teens, I masturbated only one way, the hump-a-pillow way. I think my clitoris became conditioned to coming only in that particular manner. These days, I have to do it in the utmost secret, because it just looks ridiculous when a grown woman masturbates like that. Besides being not remotely sexy in the least, it has made orgasms during sex extremely elusive. Though my technique is personally fulfilling and very physically satisfying, I'm not entirely happy with it and I'm still working on learning how to masturbate like a porn star.
- age 21, Tennessee (female)
Honestly, I wish I had masturbated with some of my male friends. I mean, I am straight, but I am also curious to see how other people do it. Also, many of the people I know who have done it together seemed to enjoy it. I also wish that my father and I had a more open relationship about sex and masturbation. I remember he walked in on me once and just told me to put it away. Then he showed me how to put it away so no one would know I was aroused. I don't feel I should hide it, but he does.
- age 18, New York
I regret that I ever began masturbating with my cousin. It's not so much that he's my cousin; it's the kind of person he is. He's not very sexually attractive, has bad hygiene, and frankly, seems pretty repulsive to me. The fact that we even do it together seems somewhat detrimental to him because I think he gleans some kind of warped sense of emotional attachment to me from it. That I even do it with him anymore is more out of habit than anything else; it's really all our relationship is based on. I regret this because I think I could have had a really great first sexual experience with someone I actually cared about. I'm not happy that the memories I will associate with him are going to be sexual. I'm going to cut it off so I can get past it and someday move on to a healthier relationship with someone I actually care about, no strings attached.
- age 17, Washington
My greatest regret is having a father whom I idolized, but who was hopelessly old-fashioned about masturbation. His negativity engendered almost a lifetime of guilt and secrecy — not to mention an increased compulsion to indulge in something that, if it was *that* bad, had to be awfully good. Perhaps having to sneak around to do it added to the mystery and pleasure, but the guilt was something else. It took almost a lifetime, but I overcame *that* guilt only to have it replace by another — having to sneak around my wife to masturbate. Oh, well... who ever said life was fair?
- age 73, Arkansas
I did have a regret — I had some experiences with my best friend in grade school, and afterward we felt awkward about it and never mentioned it. But then I found this site, read some Q&As, and it helped me realize that everything was normal. I sent him the link to JackinWorld, and since then, it's become a lot nicer between us. So I used to have a regret, but now I don't at all. I realize that everything is normal.
- age 15, Wisconsin
I don't have any regrets about masturbation. I learned about it around age 10, and since then it has helped me through some tough times. I've also learned how to enjoy myself (and my partner). When I was younger, I felt some anxiety, but I suppose I learned from that as well — that we should not take societal bias (or religious misinterpretation) too seriously. I have been able to apply this feeling in other parts of my social and political life as well. I learned that everyone masturbates. Someone once referred to the practice as a very private joy. I agree! However, as one of the many varied things that people can do together sexually, it is a pretty fine activity!
- age 51, Illinois
I wish that I had never started masturbation, because now I can't stop. I want to stop but I can't. I've been masturbating almost every single day for two years now.
- age 15, California
My only regret is the time that I stopped at a rest area late one night to take a short nap, have a smoke, and a pee before continuing on my trip. When I walked into the men's room, there was another guy standing at the urinal next to me and masturbating. I joined in and after a few minutes he asked if he could suck me. I let him, because I was horny and I wanted to know what it feels like to have another guy give me oral sex. Not two minutes after he started, a highway patrolman walked in and busted us. I had to pay a $100 fine and do community service (cleaning restrooms at a public park) for a week. I will never masturbate in a public place again!
- age 25, California
In the two years I've enjoyed masturbating, the only thing I regret is not being more open about it. I never really talked that much about it until recently. When people asked me if I masturbated, I always denied it, and now I wish I had just admitted to it. It would have been a lot easier! But if someone brings up the topic now, I will be very open about it.
- age 14, Iowa
I regret that for years I was ashamed and guilt ridden about having to masturbate. It came from my mother's attitude, I guess. I can remember being in trouble a few times for doing it and used to have to hide what I did carefully to avoid being caught. It wasn't until I was through university and free to read and learn what I wanted that I became more relaxed about what I did. Then I felt free to do it whenever I wanted, rather than just when I absolutely had to relieve myself — what a waste.
- age 39, United Kingdom (female)
The only regret I have is using impure thoughts and fantasies when I masturbate. I'm a Christian and I don't see anything wrong with masturbating, but I do believe that lustful thoughts are wrong.
- age 27, Indiana
I regret that sexual behavior came between my best friend and me. One night I was sleeping over at his house and we started talking about girls and stuff. Then we started to talk about masturbation and we both got really worked up, so we decided to do it in front of each other. I suggested that we do it to each other and he agreed; so I did it to him first. We were both really getting into it and I went down on him before he climaxed. I was so pumped up then that I masturbated myself as he watched. He didn't say anything to me then, but now when I come over to his house he calls me a queer. Since that night, he only gets with me when he wants me to do it to him again. Other than that he doesn't want anything to do with me.
- age 15, Ohio
The only regret I have is being told by my priest that I would go to hell for masturbating. He asked me in confession if I had any impure thoughts or deeds. Being honest, I told him I had started to masturbate daily and more than once a day. I was a boy of 14 when I told him and had guilt feelings for years. I did stop for a few weeks, but I decided I would rather go to hell than never masturbate again. Now, I still masturbate daily and sometimes more than once. If I go to hell, I hope I have an erection and penis in hand stroking away. I hope Father is there and watching, too. He probably masturbated, as well as me. I don't plan to quit until it's over.
- age 52, California
No way! I think that masturbation has actually helped me with my sex life. In my year or so of masturbation, I have found that after masturbating it takes me longer to have an orgasm, so I will be able to have sex longer. This should make sex much more enjoyable for my partner and me.
- age 16, Michigan
I wish I had been more open in letting my partner masturbate. For the first 10 years we were together, I felt that the only way we should have sex was together at the same time. Now I realize I should have encouraged him to masturbate. I spent lots of time feeling rejected each time I discovered he was masturbating. What a waste! Masturbation keeps relationships healthy and everyone happy.
- age 40, Arizona
I regret that sometimes I let masturbation get in the way of my social life. Sometimes I wouldn't do things with my friends that I should have because I wanted to go home to watch porn and masturbate. Once I matured more, I realized it was a bad choice to make.
- age 16, Massachusetts
I wish I had been more open and less secretive about masturbation when I was younger. My teenage sons talk about it openly; they do it together and with friends — and I do so wish that I could also have enjoyed those kinds of shared, male-bonding experiences. But 25 years ago, it was still very much a taboo subject in my family and community. So I guess I also regret not being born 25 years later!
- age 40, Scotland
I regret violating certain girls' trust by doing things like smelling their panties and masturbating in their presence without their knowledge. I didn't get caught or anything; I just feel guilty for taking advantage of them in a sense. The sad thing is that I will probably continue to do so.
- age 16, California
I wish that I had learned to masturbate sooner. I didn't start masturbating, or have my first orgasm until age 25. If I had been able to satisfy my sexual needs when I was younger, I think I probably wouldn't have lost my virginity at age 16, which wasn't a very pleasant experience. For years I questioned the reality of orgasms, and wondered if they even existed. If I had masturbated back then, I would have known more about my body and how I got aroused and achieved orgasm. I think that would have made sex better.
- age 26, California (female)
One thing that I wish was different was the openness between my dad and me about masturbating. I know he masturbates — I've seen him doing when I walk in on him. The problem is that when I walk in, he covers up quickly and I never hear anything about it again. Being more open with each other about masturbation could have helped me out in my earlier years, since I started puberty *very* early.
- age 16, California
Having had my first "wet dream" at 14 and then later beginning a lifelong love affair with my right hand, I have viewed with amazement my 11-year-old grandson as he announced that he'd had his first "wet dream." His strong tendency to have his hand in his pants tells me that he is now at stage two. I am jealous.
- age 64, Australia
Based on the new studies about frequent masturbation as prostate cancer prevention, I wish I had done it a dozen times every day during my 20s and 30s. I had my prostate removed because it was cancerous, and it is just not as much fun as one would think. Trust me — pleasuring yourself as often as possible is way more fun and healthy! Save your gland — it's in your hand(s)!
- age 45, Arizona
When I was 12, I decided to buy a pack of condoms to masturbate with. My friends told me it was a good feeling. I put one on and started to pump and thrust my penis in and out of my pillows. I finally ejaculated, went to take the condom off, and noticed reddish patches on my penis. I later found out that I am allergic to latex. The redness went away after a couple of weeks, but I was in bad pain.
- age 16, Ohio
I think all of us who grew up in the '50s and '60s wish we could have had the information we get nowadays from JackinWorld. I wish I could have realized then that more masturbation rather than less was better. I suppressed my natural desire to masturbate for too many years and missed out on living my early sexual years to their fullest. I'll never know how many orgasms I could have had in a day when I was a teen, or if I might have been one of those talented self-suckers. At least now through JackinWorld, I've met others who have similar backgrounds and I no longer feel alone in my desire to enjoy this gift of masturbation. So, I can share it openly whenever we meet.
- age 57, Ohio
Looking back, I wish I had taken more care to be gentle with how I went about things. Having relatively recently experienced sexual intercourse, I found that all the pressure I'd been applying while masturbating had made it nearly (but *only* nearly) impossible to achieve orgasm any other way, thanks to desensitization. I'd definitely recommend this to anyone else out there: Even if slow and steady starts to lose its charm, take it easy!
- age 18, Missouri
When I first started to masturbate, it dominated my life. If I was alone in the house I would masturbate and ejaculate at least 3 times. If someone was in the house, I would take a shower in the morning and at night so I could masturbate more. A few times my mom would go to pick up my little sister from a friend's house around the corner, and I would actually start to masturbate as soon as she left, hoping to be finished by time she got home. I regret becoming so obsessed with the experience. This was all before I discovered girls, and now I masturbate only if I really need to.
- age 17, California
I wish my parents hadn't caught me out! When I was very young and didn't know what masturbation was, or that it's a private thing, I didn't take the precautions I take these days — and I got "caught." We don't talk about it, but it is still humiliating to think about. Also, I wish I had bought a vibrator earlier than this year!
- age 20, Australia (female)
The only regret I have is that it is a sin and now I'm going to hell. But I guess I was headed in that direction anyway.
- age 14, Wisconsin
I wish I had been safer when I masturbated with some of my friends. I'm 24 and only started to be sexual with other guys this past year. Unfortunately, as you get older and your peers have been in more sexual contact with others, this makes the risk of contracting a disease even higher. Even though what we did together was considered low risk, I still ended up with genital warts. It's something I have to live with for the rest of my life. So, if you can, put a condom on yourself to reduce your exposure to things like this. That way it won't affect the amazing times you can have.
- age 24, Canada
One time I took a pair of women's panties to masturbate with, and I kind of felt bad after I put them back.
- age 17, Pennsylvania
I regret that masturbation is a subject that people joke about but rarely share. I regret that I have not done my part to share it with other people. I think everyone would benefit from learning about themselves and others through masturbation. On top of that, the stress-release and endorphin boost cannot hurt a person's happiness. Forget Prozac — I recommend some lube and your hand — and maybe a friend for a bad case of depression.
- age 20, Michigan
No, at least not since I discovered masturbation — but if I had to think of something, I wish I'd had "the talk" when I was younger. I wish my family and I had been much more open about sexuality; it would have saved me many worries. And I wish I could talk about it with my older brothers — I'm sure it would be tremendous help, but somehow I just can't bring myself to do it. It's probably largely due to the way I was brought up and the generation gap that's between me and my parents (my father especially). Nevertheless, I do enjoy masturbation now and try not to have any regrets — it's way too much fun!
- age 17, Italy