I was in a relationship with a woman who took more pleasure in herself than in me, and so she very rarely made love to me. I asked her if it was something about me and she said no — intercourse was just a messy bother for her, and she said her orgasms alone gave her all the satisfaction she needed, never mind me. Plus, she didn't want kids and did not trust any form of birth control — not a good situation. My current relationship is much better. We both enjoy our moments of self-pleasure and don't mind if the other does it, but we also enjoy a very healthy sexual relationship with each other. I'd say if you'd rather masturbate than please your partner or spouse, masturbating alone is a bad thing.
- age 36, Nevada
This Week's Wackiest Response:
You're never alone when you have voices in your head!
- age 15, Iowa
When I went on business trips alone, I would spend every evening masturbating. Sometimes I would call my wife as I did it. It was certainly better than cruising around the bars to find someone else to sleep with. When she didn't feel like having sex, I would masturbate next to her in bed. I don't think she ever minded, and I know I didn't. I guess that's one definition of a good thing — or at least a definition of one that's not bad.
- age 41, Florida
Masturbating is a good thing because it always ensures that I can last more than a minute with her, which also helps to ensure that she has an orgasm.
- age 29, Pennsylvania
It's neither good nor bad. It's quite the same thing as masturbating when not in a relationship.
- age 18, Massachusetts
It *could* be a bad thing if it takes anything away from the relationship. Far more likely, though, the people in the relationship either can't get together as often as they'd like or have unequal sex drives. Masturbation can keep the one with the stronger libido (or both of them) satisfied until the next opportunity to get together comes along. It's also safer than cheating, with all the STDs and crazy people out there. In our instance, my drive is stronger, plus the wife is often tired, upset, or preoccupied, so I take care of myself. Once in a while I'll come home and she'll tell me in a naughty way that she "rubbed herself." (I'd like for us to do it together.) I'd say it's a good thing.
- age 47, Colorado
It's a good thing. In a relationship I had, my girlfriend and I were masturbating with each other. When I reached my orgasm, I ejaculated all over her chest and breasts. She got quite angry and took it as if I had no respect for her. So, I say it's good to masturbate in a relationship, but alone, not together. Mutual masturbation ruined me. Now I ejaculate all over myself and love it!
- age 17, New York
With apologies to Martha Stewart, it is a good thing! When I was a doctoral student, we had a professor who had done a lot of research into masturbation while in a relationship, and he had good information to indicate that masturbation may actually *increase* while in a relationship — the theory basically being that having more sex makes you hornier. I see no reason why anyone should stop the self-love just because they're in a relationship. My partner and I have a great sex life, but we both still masturbate individually. I think it makes the sex together even better.
- age 37, Canada
I don't think it's a bad thing because sometimes a person needs solitary release. I am in a relationship and my partner understands that it's not that I don't want to have sex; it's just that sometimes I need to relieve stress, or that I just need some time to myself. I look at it as self-care.
- age 24, Pennsylvania
Masturbating in and of itself is never a bad thing. If you're in a serious sexual relationship, it's still not a bad thing as long as you can still pay sexual attention to your partner. If your partner objects to the idea of you still enjoying a little "private time," I have to wonder if the partner might have some sort of sexual or emotional hang-up.
- age 31, Florida
It's a very good thing. Being married doesn't mean one has constant partner sex because there are two very different personalities involved in the relationship. I have always had a much stronger sexual desire than my wife and masturbation has been the only thing saving me from frustration. And, it's also very different from intercourse, so I have never thought of it as cheating or slipping around. It's just another way to enjoy sexual release instead of taking away from it. I thank "The Force" for my trusty, willing hand.
- age 68, Texas
It's a good thing, of course! My husband gets up for work at 5:30 a.m. and I wake up at 7:30. If I feel aroused when I wake up, which I usually do, then what am I to do? I feel that my masturbatory habits are completely different from my sexual life with my husband, although they are both equally enjoyable.
- age 56, United Kingdom (female)
I think it's a good thing, because then you don't get way too needy, and therefore don't pressure the girlfriend or boyfriend into something unpleasant.
- age 13, Denmark
It isn't either good or bad in my opinion. It's okay, and totally normal. I am 22, have been married for about a year, and I masturbate regularly by myself. So does my wife. We both enjoy our bodies and sexuality by ourselves as well as with each other. My best friend, who is still single, is in a serious relationship and he masturbates regularly, as well.
- age 22, California
There seems to me to be nothing wrong with masturbating even when in a serious sexual relationship, as long as it's done appropriately. That is — first, it shouldn't get in the way of relationship sex, or be used to substitute for unsatisfying sexual experiences with the partner (and that issue should be resolved by a joint effort to make the experience more satisfying). Second, some partners could feel betrayed by a partner's masturbating, so it would be wise to discuss it openly and to explain that it does not reflect insufficient sexual satisfaction with the partner. If one partner masturbates secretly and is discovered, the repercussions could be far worse than a one-time slightly awkward conversation. All that said, yeah — masturbation, even in a serious sexual relationship, can be fine.
- age 20, New Jersey
Through at least the first 15 years of my marriage, my wife and I had sexual needs so different that solo masturbation played a big part in keeping our marriage together. Without it, either I would have been constantly frustrated by her lack of wanting to have intercourse any more than 3 or 4 times a month, or she would have resented having to "give in to sex" hundreds (maybe even thousands) of times when she didn't want it. I never flaunted my masturbation activities; I just took care of things privately. So, it can be a good thing.
- age 48, Ohio
It depends on the attitudes of the partners towards masturbation. Luckily for me, my girlfriend is cool with it and we do it both together and alone. For us, it's not a matter of good or bad but absolutely necessary!
- age 30, Australia
It's an excellent thing. When my boyfriend and I aren't together and my hormones go into overdrive, I pleasure myself and I'm sure that he does the same. I also love to watch him masturbate, because it turns me on and it lets me know what he likes.
- age 15, New York (female)
Masturbation in a serious sexual relationship is a good thing, because your hand never fakes an orgasm.
- age 27, Ohio
I find that I masturbate more when I'm in a sexual relationship than when I'm not. I find myself thinking about recent experiences, which makes the masturbation even better. I think that when in a sexual relationship, any man *has a responsibility to masturbate* — especially before any sexual encounters — he'll last a lot longer.
- age 19, Maryland
Three years into my marriage, my husband confronted me one evening and admitted to having a friend from work with whom he masturbated regularly. I knew from the onset of our relationship that he was a once-or-twice-a-day masturbator and this didn't bother me. At first, this really ticked me off that he could keep such a secret from me and that he would dare have a relationship outside our marriage, especially with another man. We went through counseling and I now realize that he is bisexual and that his bisexuality is as much a part of him as his arms or legs. That part of him needs satisfaction that I can't give him. He freely admits that they only masturbate together and nothing else. He had been struggling with his bisexuality since around age 15, and this has been his first and only bisexual encounter. It is with a man he trusts and whom I trust. He satisfies me more than 100% in bed, so I can live with this!
- age 26, Florida (female)
I'm married, which obviously is a serious sexual relationship. We have a good sex life, but I have a greater desire for sex than my wife does, so masturbation provides a welcome release for my libido. I masturbate at least once a day; and I understand and accept that my wife does not have the same desire to have sex every day.
- age 38, Hong Kong
Masturbating at any time is great. My only main rule is that masturbating too much, no matter what the situation, is not so great. I think that masturbation in a relationship should be at least observed, if not assisted, by the other partner, instead of enjoyed alone, even though I don't always live that out. Even though masturbation is a lot of fun, contact with others on any sexual level can be much more fun.
- age 24, Iowa
It's a good thing. The partner must understand. If not, then the partner should get used to it. Otherwise, you need to find another partner, because the masturbation is going to keep happening. Man cannot live by woman alone. By design, the nature of males is to populate the world. You are better off to use your right hand than to get an STD because some stranger met you when your battery was full!
- age 41, Illinois
It's a bad thing if your partner finds out.
- age 24, Canada
I see no reason to label private masturbation in a serious sexual relationship as either "good" or "bad." People express their sexuality in many ways, the most common being solo masturbation. Another way is masturbation with a person of the same or opposite gender. Finally, we find expressions of sexuality through intimate relations with another person. Each of these levels is a manifestation of who we are as human beings.
- age 62, Michigan
Masturbation is not a bad thing in a serious relationship! You may want to try mutual masturbation with your partner. Watching her play with herself is almost as good as having sex with her regularly.
- age 19, Nebraska
I think it's a great thing to do. I encourage my husband to masturbate, and I do so myself whenever I feel the need. I believe it keeps one sexually active and takes pressure off the need to perform at other times. Less stress adds to better orgasms, and masturbation allows one to become more aware of what feels good. The result is better sex!
- age 36, Montana (female)
It's a fantastic thing! First, I believe that there is nothing wrong with masturbating alone while in a serious relationship with someone, especially if they are not around at the time — such as when your partner goes away on a business trip. I'd much prefer my partner to be masturbating than to be wandering around in my absence building sexual frustration, which could tempt him towards another woman as an outlet. Secondly, sometimes one partner has a higher libido than the other, and it's better to masturbate than to go unsatisfied and get frustrated about it! There are lines to be drawn in some cases, but for the purposes of this question, I am assuming that "alone" includes "with magazines or movies," but not cyber-sex or adult phone lines and such.
- age 20, Australia (female)
I started to have full penetrative sex with my girlfriend about a year ago. Initially, I thought it was wrong to masturbate once we had started having intercourse. I also wanted to save up my ejaculate for proper sex. However, we only got to see each other once a week and I found that I was so excited that I would have an orgasm as soon as my penis was inside her. We would then have to wait a while until I got another erection. Now, I masturbate about an hour before we meet; this means that I have a spontaneous erection when I see her taking her clothes off, but I can also thrust in and out for about 15 minutes before reaching climax. So overall, I think that it is good to masturbate while having a serious sexual relationship.
- age 14, Finland
The answer can be either yes or no. I think masturbation will most likely continue no matter how active you are with a partner. I think this is a very important part of self-expression. I think that it can become a bad thing if it starts to take the place of intercourse.
- age 34, Indiana
I think masturbation in a relationship can be a good thing under certain circumstances. First, I wouldn't masturbate if it were to interfere with my sexual life with my partner. In some ways it can be helpful in that department, such as in experimenting with different things you may want to try with your partner, or learning to control your orgasms. Second, if it would upset the partner to find you masturbating, I would make sure to communicate about it clearly beforehand. And last, it can also fill a void in your sex life, may be a good change from the same old ways, and could be a learning experience to bring to your partner. Always try to be truthful with your partner about it, as long as it won't hurt them in the long run. Handle the situation carefully — everyone's sex life is different.
- age 51, Colorado
I think my current boyfriend masturbates too much. If he gets an erection, it's either masturbate or have sex and he gets erections very frequently. Since we moved in together a few months ago, I've found signs of his masturbating in the shower, on the couch, in his underwear, and who can help but notice all the tissues under our bed (a habit he must have picked up in his teens and no matter how close a waste basket might be, he won't use it). It's not that I don't get enough sex from him or that it's not great sex, but I think he gets too much sex from masturbating. He even admitted to masturbating in his car while driving and over at his friend's house while the two of them watched pornos. I cannot convince him that if he were to masturbate less, his orgasms would be more intense and would last longer. With age, I hope things change, because he is a great guy!
- age 21, Tennessee (female)
I used to think masturbating in a serious relationship would be a bad thing. It felt as if I were cheating in some weird way, depriving my partner of my full attention. I couldn't help masturbating when I needed to and always felt guilty about it. But after much discussion with my partner, I realized that there is nothing at all wrong with it. When you get aroused and you can't wait for sexual intercourse, you have to do what you have to do and not feel guilty about it.
- age 30, Oregon
No matter what type of relationship one is in, masturbation is a release that humans have so that they can enjoy their bodies. Additionally, I have found that at times masturbating alone is actually a part of my personal foreplay before sex with my spouse later in the day.
- age 63, Georgia
I think it's bad if that's what you always resort to. I am in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend during the school year; our universities are 300 miles apart, so we see each other only every three weeks. We both masturbate regularly while not seeing each other, sometimes together on the phone — or we'll tell each other something sexy to think of for later while we masturbate. However, once together, we rarely masturbate as we always engage in other sexual practices (including mutual masturbation) when we get randy.
- age 20, Florida
I've been married for 37 years, so I guess that qualifies as a serious sexual relationship. I didn't masturbate for the first few years of marriage but have done so since then. I used to masturbate about once or twice a week. Since retiring, and with my wife at work, I masturbate about four or five times a week. I think it is a good thing because my wife only wants sex about once a week, and so I don't have to bug her for it or be angry if she turns me down. I would like for her to watch me masturbate, but she wants no part of that. Many of the times we do have sex, I would prefer a hand job to intercourse because it lasts longer and she continues when I would normally stop. That feels really good.
- age 61, New York
It's important for many men to masturbate before a date with a girl so that they don't ejaculate too soon. I know for me, if I don't masturbate before I see my girlfriend, it's not nearly as long-lasting when I'm with her. So, in my opinion it's perfectly healthy. Besides, you can fantasize about her when you do it.
- age 17, Netherlands
If masturbation is used in place of intimacy, or as a way to exclude your partner from intimacy, then it is an unfair practice and should be considered a bad thing. If it is used because the other party is not able to enjoy intimacy due to separation or other valid reason, then it is a good thing. It keeps one from walking around "with a loaded gun," so to speak.
- age 39, South Africa
My last serious relationship ended because my partner at the time thought that my masturbating without him was equivalent to cheating on him. He asked me why I did it and I flat-out told him the truth — that sometimes I'm in the mood and he's not; plus, there is a certain level of pleasure that only I can achieve by myself. He didn't buy it — still thought I was cheating on him. My current relationship is all the stronger because we both masturbate alone regularly. I've walked in on him and he's walked in on me. We even masturbate side-by-side in bed without touching each other. We both know we have needs that the other just can't fill all the time. I really enjoy watching my partner masturbate, and he really enjoys watching me masturbate as well.
- age 42, California
A good thing — although a serious relationship binds two people together, they still must maintain their individuality. Masturbation is one of the best ways. My girlfriend and I have a very serious relationship. We will be engaged soon and we have sex together quite often. However, I still masturbate almost daily, and I know my girlfriend masturbates regularly as well.
- age 29, Florida
Why would it be bad? My girlfriend asked me if I ever wank and I told her the truth — that I do it almost every day! She thought I was some a freak or something until I did it in front of her and see saw me start to shake, moan real loud, and then squirt all over my neck and face. Then she understood how good it feels when I do myself. When she does it to me, she doesn't do it right and I just sort of dribble my semen out.
- age 15, Ohio
It's a great thing. My wife and I have had a richly rewarding sex life together for 27 years. But both of us continue to masturbate (no, it *isn't* just a guy thing) and neither feels secretive or guilty about it. Sometimes we do it together, sometimes alone. Some nights when I'm feeling sexy and my wife isn't, I'll lie beside her, raise an erection, and start stroking. She'll watch, and if the mood strikes her, she'll take over when she sees me near orgasm and then carry me over the line. For us, sexual intercourse really *is* lovemaking — deep and multi-dimensional. Masturbation is a simpler but still irresistible pleasure, like that banana split you let yourself have on Sunday after counting calories for a week.
- age 54, Massachusetts
It's a great thing! I have been married for 13 years and I still masturbate on a semi-regular basis. The orgasm is so much more intense when I masturbate that I can't give it up.
- age 44, California
Masturbation is always a wonderful thing, whether you're in a serious relationship or not. The feelings and pleasures that I get from masturbation are distinctly different from my feelings during lovemaking with a partner, and I don't see anything wrong with that. When I'm touching myself, I have the opportunity to shift into fantasy and concentrate totally on myself with no sense of guilt over not paying enough attention to my partner. And, my orgasms are usually much more intense. When I'm with my partner, I have the joy of sharing something intimate and beautiful with him, which I can't experience alone. I need both expressions of my sexuality to be fulfilled.
- age 30, Ontario, Canada (female)
I know that my parents participate in very regular sexual activities (by what I hear through the bedroom wall early most mornings). But often, when I go into the bathroom to shave or brush my teeth, I see the silhouette of my father frantically masturbating in the shower. I believe that both my parents are happy, both in a sexual and non-sexual sense, so I think that this is a good example of masturbation helping a sexual relationship (possibly by reducing the risk of premature ejaculation).
- age 15, United Kingdom
Masturbating alone at any time is a good thing. Some guys claim that as long as they are having sex frequently, they don't masturbate as much alone. The opposite is true for me. The memory of an explosive sexual encounter with my wife really gets me going the next day. Plus, the more I masturbate, the longer I can hold out when it comes to sex play with her. I think it's a very important thing; she knows I do it; she even buys me baby lotion, which I keep in a dispenser in the shower. And I bought her a vibrator last year to encourage her to please herself when I'm not available. It's a completely natural thing.
- age 36, Massachusetts
I think it's a good thing. Both my husband and I masturbate and I believe it has strengthened our sex life. For one thing, by masturbating we aren't dependent on each other as the only means of sexual release. And given our hectic schedules, that's a great relief. Also, as a woman, I find that I can satisfy myself sexually with masturbation in ways my husband can't. That's no slight against him; it's just a fact a life!
- age 43, California (female)
If you masturbate while in serious sexual relationship I have a couple of suggestions. First, you shouldn't masturbate to the point where you lose interest in your partner. You should also not fantasize about other people too much because that could lead to disinterest in your partner, as well. But masturbating to prolong an orgasm is a great thing. This way you don't climax too early during sex. Basically you need to keep your partner's best interests in mind.
- age 23, Maryland
I've been in a relationship for years and I can't imagine not masturbating alone. In fact, I masturbate more often than I have sex with my partner. So masturbation is just as important a part of my life. Yes, it's great to be intimate, and masturbation isn't a substitute for sex. But neither is sex a substitution for masturbation. Sometimes I'm horny, and it's just too inconvenient to have sex, or my partner isn't around. But often, I just want to be selfish and pleasure myself and not worry about satisfying someone else.
- age 33, New Zealand
