| Total Responses by age and gender | |||
| Under 20: | 60% | Male: | 87% |
| 21-40: | 28% | Female: | 13% |
| 41-60: | 8% | ||
| Over 61: | 3% | ||
| Responses by answer | |||
| Total | Male | Female | |
| Yes: | 53% | 44% | 9% |
| No: | 30% | 29% | 1% |
| It depends: | 17% | 14% | 2% |
| Total | 100% | 87% | 12% |
The age pattern reflects response patterns to previous survey questions on JackinWorld: Site visitors are mostly teens and young adults. We haven't kept records of gender proportions before.
The other striking observation of the overall pattern is that almost all of the females think mutual masturbation outside of a committed relationship is cheating. Roughly one-half of the males think it is cheating, while about one-third think it is not.
Many said simply either that mutual masturbation outside a committed relationship is cheating or that it is not cheating. Others said it depends on whether the committed relationship is marriage (cheating) or pre-marriage (not necessarily cheating). Gay people were much more accepting of mutual masturbation outside the relationship, particularly in situations where a partner is not available.
Some answers distinguished between masturbation where people masturbate themselves but together (not cheating), and mutual masturbation where people masturbate each other (cheating). Other answers distinguished between the genders of the mutual masturbators: Same-sex, not cheating; opposite sex, cheating, and vice versa for gay relationships. Likewise, many answers distinguished between the masturbators reacting to each other with sexual desire (cheating) and reacting to either an external stimulus such as an erotic video or an internal fantasy that did not involve the other person (not cheating).
Finally, many people think that if the relationship partner knows about and accepts the masturbator's behavior, it's not cheating; if deception is involved, it is.]
Focus on the intent, not on the physical action. Whether or not the person has "had sex" with another or mutually masturbated, the intent was to shift "sexual focus" to another. It's cheating!
- age 17, New Jersey
Yes, it's cheating. Intimacy given to another is intimacy taken away from your loved one. If your most intimate feelings of pleasure cannot be shared with the one you love, you need to move on to another partner.
- age 39, Washington
If I were mutually masturbating with my partner and he masturbated with someone else, I would consider it cheating. If I weren't, I would assume that my partner just needed to relieve his sexual tension and I would forgive it.
- age 17, Canada (female)
It depends on how you define "mutual masturbation." I would say it is not cheating because I have been in several faithful sexual relationships with one girlfriend at a time for years, but have masturbated by myself and with male friends throughout my life. Cheating on someone would involve intimate intercourse, love, and a commitment behind your significant other's back.
- age 24, Pennsylvania
Last summer, I was in a relationship while I masturbated with another guy. I don't consider it cheating, but I felt really bad about it. So I stopped doing it. When my relationship ended, my friend and I started up again.
- age 14, New Jersey
It is cheating unless the other person knows about it and accepts the behavior. Anytime you do something sexually behind your partner's back and he or she isn't aware of it (and would be upset about it), that's cheating regardless of the sexual activities — from masturbation to full sexual intercourse.
- age 36, New Hampshire
That is absolutely cheating! If two people are in a committed relationship, any type of sexual contact with someone else is cheating. If someone needs to go outside a relationship to find pleasure, then they were really not that committed in the first place, and not ready for that type of relationship. Sexual matters are private and should be shared only between people who are mature and ready and who feel love for one another. Mutually masturbating with someone else means they are none of these things.
- age 17, North Dakota (female)
It is not cheating if the person who is masturbating tells his or her significant other. My wife and I have discussed having a mutual session with other people, and we've agreed that if I want to masturbate with another male, it's okay, as long as she knows. The same for her — she can masturbate with another woman. We love and trust each other very much and talk about everything, so there is no misunderstanding between us. If you don't talk about all aspects of your sexuality with your partner, then things like this can be detrimental to your relationship. But if you are open with your partner, go for it.
- age 24, California
I don't think it's cheating as long as you don't touch the other person.
- age 31, Texas
I don't consider it cheating unless you are in a gay relationship and masturbating another gay guy. That's more like a relationship.
- age 16, California
I've always considered it cheating, even though my girlfriend probably wouldn't mind. I *know* I would get a sexual rise from doing it with someone. It would be a sexual experience with that person instead of with my girlfriend. That's cheating.
- age 22, Canada
I don't think it is cheating. A friend of mine has a girlfriend and comes over to my house to masturbate with me before and after his dates. He doesn't believe in pre-marital sex with his girlfriend, but he gets stimulated during his dates. So we watch movies and masturbate together. It keeps him safe in more ways than one.
- age 17, Michigan
I believe it is cheating when you engage in *any* intimate act with someone other than your partner — including intimate sexual conversations, masturbation, phone sex, any intimate body contact, voyeurism, and exhibitionism. If you are in a committed relationship, that is what your partner is for. You share your intimacies only with him or her.
- age 25, Oregon (female)
Yes, I feel this is cheating. I have been with my girlfriend for almost 8 months, and we plan to be together forever. Just the thought of her masturbating another person is terrible for me to consider. I know she feels the same way. Just *don't do it!*
- age 16, Missouri
If each one masturbates himself, I wouldn't consider it cheating. I think it would be cheating if they masturbate each other.
- age 14, New York
It is cheating under certain circumstances. For example, if a guy mutually masturbates with a girl behind his girlfriend's back, it's cheating. If a guy mutually masturbates with another guy (heterosexual guys here), then it isn't. This question is similar to the presidential scandal — is oral sex cheating?
- age 17, Canada
Masturbation is normal, healthy, and enjoyable — good enough to be shared with a friend. But once someone forms a committed relationship, all sexual behavior (except masturbating alone) is best contained within that relationship. When a guy or a girl looks to someone outside the committed relationship for sexual activities (recreation), that is a sign of problems in the relationship. Mutual masturbation is not far from intercourse. Would you want your partner to be masturbating with somebody else? Masturbating yourself is nobody else's business — but when you involve a 3rd party, then yes, that's cheating.
- age 39, California
Of course it is. It is the same as President Clinton saying he didn't have sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky. Obviously, the President had oral sex with her, and I think it is largely accepted in this country that he cheated on his wife. It's the same thing with mutual masturbation.
- age 15, California
I would consider it cheating. Intercourse isn't the only way to have sex; masturbation also falls under that category.
- age 23, Washington (female)
Of course it is! My girlfriend and I both come from families who believe strongly that sex should be postponed until marriage. Moreover, we both know we're not ready to handle the possible consequences. But we have begun to explore a little. Mutual masturbation (which we have not yet done, but probably will do soon) is another way to show your love. You can show how you feel about someone and not have to worry about the risks of having sexual intercourse. Participating in this act with someone other than your partner is the same as sleeping around with others.
- age 17, Virginia
Yes, if the other person is the opposite gender. However, I don't see any harm in masturbating with a friend of the same sex. One of my close girlfriends and I masturbate together from time to time. Her husband knows about it and doesn't mind a bit. We've done this since college, and he doesn't see any harm in us continuing.
- age 36, California (female)
Partners in a relationship should discuss and agree on sexual relations outside the relationship. I see it as cheating. Sexual intercourse would be. Masturbation with another person outside the relationship is a sexual, intimate behavior. It creates a breach in what most would consider an intimate relationship.
- age 16, Ohio
If the 2 people are just friends and they are just relaxing together and masturbating, then I don't see how it could be considered cheating. I wouldn't be mad if my girlfriend masturbated with another girl or even with another guy.
- age 25, Tennessee
Nope, it's not cheating. I have a steady girlfriend, and we've been together almost 2 years. We have safe sex a lot, and it's fun. I've known my best friend since I was 11; he and I masturbate together at least once a week. I've told my girlfriend, and she doesn't mind. She thinks it's funny (as in weird!), but she says it doesn't make her jealous. I think it helps that she has 3 teenage brothers, so she knows that guys sometimes do this together. It's just sex with a close friend and that's all.
- age 17, California
Well, I know one person who *wouldn't* think it was cheating ("I did not have sexual relations with that woman"), but I think masturbating goes too far. If my girlfriend were even to kiss someone else, I'd consider that cheating.
- age 16, Scotland
Yes, it's cheating. I hope to get into a committed relationship with an old friend very soon. My masturbation partner understands that when I do, our antics will cease. That pleasure will be only for my true love.
- age 42, Maryland (female)
It depends — if I found that my girlfriend was masturbating with another girl, I could understand a little better than if she were masturbating with another guy. I do have mutual masturbation sessions with another boy my age, and we are both heterosexual. It's an escape I guess, especially when the girls aren't always interested in sex right away.
- age 16, Michigan
Yes, it is totally cheating. It's easy not to think so, especially if you're straight and masturbate with another guy. You'll probably think it's just having fun with a friend. But your sexuality is something to reserve for the person you're committed to. And I think we all know that masturbating is *very* sexual (as well as great fun)!
- age 18, Indiana
It depends on if I'm involved, too! But seriously....For me, it boils down to circumstances and intentions. If I feel threatened by the other person (that is, the other person gains higher priority than I do), I have a problem with it — even more so if it's done behind my back. If it's just a limited occurrence that doesn't involve deception or lack of consideration for the other person in the relationship, bah! Who cares?
- age 24, North Carolina (female)
I don't have a girlfriend now, but when I did, I still masturbated with my best friend. If you're straight and doing it with a male friend, that's okay. If I had been masturbating with another girl, then that would have been cheating.
- age 18, Pennsylvania
No, I don't consider it cheating. I travel a lot, and it's unfair and unrealistic for me to expect my lover to sit at home waiting for me to show up. I don't consider his indulgence in mutual or group masturbation to be anything other than what it is...sexual release.
- age 38, Oregon
I wouldn't consider it cheating, because when mutually masturbating you aren't really showing love to the other person like you would in a committed relationship.
- age 13, Ohio
Mutual masturbation is only one step away from sex. What starts as mutual masturbation can become more exciting. Before you know it, you go all the way. I once met a guy and we got along very well. Our conversations became erotic, and we found that we shared one fantasy — to masturbate in front of someone. We decided to try it, and it was cool. At first, we masturbated in front of each other. In a couple of weeks we started masturbating each other. Finally, we spent a night together. Then one day I got a call from a woman, his wife, whom he had told everything out of guilt. He never told me he was married and had a child, but now his wife has divorced him and everybody knows what we did. A lot of friends and family dumped me. It still bothers me that I split up what until then was a happy family. If only I had known.
- age 22, Belgium
It depends on the intent of the masturbation. If you are doing it just to be masturbated, it's not as bad as doing it because you like the other person.
- age 14, Oklahoma
As a man in a long-term, serious relationship, I have found that I enjoy masturbating with other guys. At first, I felt guilty for cheating on my wife. Some may call it rationalization, but I have come to a conclusion: Since I am not having an affair of the heart, *and* I am meeting what seems so basic a need and sharing the experience, I'm not cheating. However, if she were ever to find out about it, her feelings would be hurt. Then it would feel like cheating. So I guess the answer is, yes, it's cheating. My solution: Tell him or her that you like to masturbate with other people. If they find that acceptable, then it's not cheating.
- age 30, New York
I have a steady girlfriend; we haven't had sex yet, but we're slowly getting into that sort of thing. I've rubbed her genitals and fingered her a few times, and she's masturbated me — once to orgasm with my pants loosened. A male friend and I have masturbated together (without any contact, in a totally heterosexual way) since we both started masturbating at age 12. Although my girlfriend doesn't know about it, I don't see this as cheating. But if I masturbated with another girl, it would be cheating.
- age 16, Australia
I consider mutual masturbation to be sex — in fact, it's a major part of my sexual repertoire. I think it is really sex just as oral sex is really sex. (Though *some* people don't agree with that, either!) However, if you don't think masturbation is sex — for example, if you're straight and mutually masturbate with a straight person of the same sex — then it's not cheating. Most important: If your committed partner knows and doesn't care, then it's okay. If you hide it or your partner objects, then it's cheating.
- age 29, South Dakota
Having sex with someone other than your partner is cheating, since masturbation is a form of sex. But I wouldn't consider *non-mutual* masturbating with a person of the same sex cheating, because it's rather common among teens.
- age 17, Germany (female)
It is definitely cheating! I am not in a committed relationship right now, but whenever I have been, some of the most erotic experiences I ever shared with my partners were during mutual masturbation. I believe it shows how comfortable and accepted you feel by your partner to masturbate with and be masturbated by them. If you go behind his or her back and masturbate with someone else, it shows a lack of respect, commitment, and partnership you hold with the only one you should love.
- age 22, Canada
I would not call it cheating at all. First, the two parties are *not* touching each other sexually; they're just masturbating together. The way I see it, that's just something like a game. Some people play football together, some people run together, and some people masturbate together. I think its kinda kewl and hope I'll do it when I grow up. And yeah, it's a big difference for a man who is married to a woman to masturbate with another woman instead of a man. I know that my mom would break up with my father if she ever found him masturbating with the woman next door!
- age 16, Norway
I think it's acceptable if you just watch each other. Thinking about and watching others is normal and is not cheating. It's only when you go as far as physical sexual contact that you are being unfaithful. Of course, there's the lying about where you've been that evening, but that's another issue. I think the actual watching is okay. Actually, it's a fantasy of mine. Now I just need a partner!
- age 37, Ohio
I frequently masturbate with a partner other than my girlfriend. I masturbate with both males and females, and I believe it is important to have freedom of sexual interests. My girlfriend knows about these activities and encourages me to do it, as I often learn new techniques from others, which I then use to masturbate her.
- age 17, United Kingdom
Great question! I have struggled with this for a while. I am married but have been masturbating with a friend since we were in our early teens (he is married, too). It's not like having a love affair — love isn't even a consideration. It's just a physical activity I cannot do with my wife (she doesn't have a penis). Many would find this wrong, but I justify it as not cheating since (1) we were doing it before I met my wife, (2) it fills a need that she cannot, and (3) it's not an emotional attachment. I am deeply committed to my wife and our children.
- age 28, Massachusetts
No, it's not cheating. My boyfriend often masturbates with a couple of his friends (they're my friends, too), and I sometimes enjoy watching. They know what they like, and it's not really sexual or erotic — just relieving stress. We're all quite cool and relaxed with it. What I learn from watching enhances our own sexual experiences.
- age 24, New Mexico (female)
I guess it depends on the situation and how often it happens. If it happens while your girlfriend is away or you are on a trip and that is all you do, then I consider it just relief from stress. It feels good and helps you relax. No problem as long as you would feel the same if your girlfriend did likewise.
- age 18, Michigan
