Still others described situations where one partner is threatened or disgusted by the other's masturbation. The masturbating partner often continues to masturbate in secret, with the heightened risk of discovery sometimes adding to the intensity of satisfaction. Other masturbating partners feel frustrated and wish that their significant others would change their views.
Finally, some people celebrate the unique relationship with themselves that masturbation provides, recognize the difference in satisfaction from that found in partner sex, and vow to continue masturbating for as long as they can.]
My masturbation frequency is never affected by sexual relationships. I usually relate to masturbation as a different aspect of my sexual life. I masturbate a lot, and I love it.
- age 33, Israel
I tend to masturbate less because my girlfriend usually pleasures me, so I don't have to do it so often by myself. But when we broke up, I masturbated more often the couple of days after.
- age 15, Nova Scotia, Canada
I tend to climax too quickly with a new partner until things settle down and we get to know each other better. At such times I actually masturbate more — both to reduce my eagerness and also to prolong my time to orgasm. If you follow the principle that your partner should already have come to orgasm before you enter her, things can get off to a good start.
- age 44, United Kingdom
Although my girlfriend masturbates, she gets angry when I say that I do. She feels it's her job to make me happy and thinks she has failed to do that, even though she hasn't! Also, I do not like it when she masturbates me, because I do it to myself much better. I would much rather have oral sex done on me than to be masturbated.
- age 17, Massachusetts
My wife and I no longer have sex. She says she doesn't want it any longer. Therefore, I masturbate 2 or 3 times a week — sometimes with her help. She doesn't mind. In fact, she prefers it this way. When sex was good, masturbation happened once a week.
- age 48, Canada
Hardly. I have been married for 37 years, and except for about a month after marriage, I have masturbated regularly. This has not decreased with age. At one point I rather hoped that as I got older the desire would diminish, but it has not. I have found, in fact, that the desire to masturbate can increase after sex. For example, if sex has happened the previous evening, I usually wake up with an erection. If my wife is awake, we have sex. If not, then masturbation is the only solution. At first I felt quite guilty about this, but now I accept it as normal.
- age 62, United Kingdom
When I am in a relationship where sex is *not* involved, I don't masturbate as much. It sounds strange, but perhaps it's because the focus isn't all on having sex with each other. I am more preoccupied with where we will go Friday night or if he or she has to work a certain day. When I am in a relationship where there *is* sex, then I am constantly turned on and ready to go at any moment. If my boyfriend or girlfriend isn't around to give me any play, then I do it myself — very frequently. In fact, I think I masturbate about 5 times more than when I am *not* in a relationship. Does this all make any sense?
- age 19, New Hampshire (female)
Being in a serious relationship does affect my frequency. When I met my current sweetheart, I didn't masturbate for months. I was too busy thinking about her. I didn't even think about doing it — it's weird. But then after a while, I got a little tense, so I had to start relieving myself.
- age 15, Michigan
"A guy just has a special relationship with himself
that probably will never go away."
I've been married for about a year and masturbate about the same or maybe a little more than before I was married. I think the reason is that my wife frowns on it. She feels I should focus all my sexual energy on her. I have told her it doesn't have anything to do with her — that a guy just has a special relationship with himself that probably will never go away. Besides, masturbating has now become really cool for me, because it seems so much more taboo knowing she protests it. I have to find a special place in our home when she is asleep or away. And the orgasms are so intense.
- age 30, Indiana
I seem to masturbate more now that I am with my girlfriend. She says she does, too. We also masturbate together often.
- age 15, New Zealand
I am married, and she does not feel I should need to masturbate. So I have to wait until she and the kids are not home or very late at night when they are asleep. I would prefer her to be involved with my sessions so that I do not have to hide it from her.
- age 35, North Carolina
It isn't affected. My boyfriend lives in another country, so masturbation is the only way for me to "release some tension," so to speak. I wouldn't cheat on my boyfriend with another guy, so I have a way to give myself pleasure until my boyfriend and I can be together again.
- age 18, Florida
Not at all. I've been married for over 15 years and still love to masturbate regularly. The orgasms from masturbation are totally different from when I make love. Masturbation is still a thrill for me, and I will continue it until I can't anymore. My wife finds it quite erotic to know that I love to do this. She loves to watch me when we do our mutual sessions. Masturbation is quite a healthy part of our relationship and always will be.
- age 38, Indiana
My boyfriend doesn't like the thought of me masturbating. He'd much rather please me by doing it for me. The problem is that sometimes he's not around. Or, I just want to give myself an orgasm — but then when I do, I feel guilty. We've quarreled over it and almost broke up once. He just needs to understand that every once in a while I need to masturbate alone.
- age 15, Washington (female)
My masturbation frequency has tripled since I've been with the love of my life. She turns me on in every way, and my whole sexual self has just gone into overdrive. Even if we have mind-blowing sex, I still need to masturbate later just to enjoy the recollection.
- age 23, Ontario, Canada
Not really. I am gay, so everyone expects me to do it no matter what. They have this stereotype about gays always masturbating. Besides, it actually helps my relationship more than anything.
- age 17, New Mexico
Surprisingly, if I am in a sexual relationship, my masturbation is more frequent and intense. Thoughts of sex with my partner are usually fresh in my mind so that my masturbation is more vivid. I suggest that you tell your significant other that you masturbate and why, so they won't feel upset or inadequate if they find out. Masturbation fulfills a different need than does sex with a partner.
- age 24, Pennsylvania
"When I have a girlfriend, we can both
bring our attractions back to reality."
I think I'm less likely to masturbate when I'm in a relationship. There's something about physically having a girlfriend — being able to share cool moments, hug, and kiss that lessens my need to fantasize. In a way, when I have a girlfriend, we can both bring our attractions back to reality.
- age 17, Washington
Not at all. In fact, she sometimes joins me. Then we watch each other. We have learned a lot about masturbating the opposite sex by doing this.
- age 39, Massachusetts
I tend to masturbate less if I'm in a steady relationship. I don't really need to, but if I go a long time without seeing my boyfriend (or girlfriend, as it sometimes happens), I masturbate more than ever! Most of the time if I masturbate while I'm in a relationship, it's with my significant other.
- age 15, New York (female)
I think it has increased since I was able to admit to my girlfriend that I enjoy masturbating. I used to feel guilty when I masturbated, but after I told her about it, her positive reaction reassured me it was okay. I think she always wondered whether I did, but didn't know how to ask me. So instead, I hinted to her that I masturbate. Now after admitting to her that I do, she has all sorts of questions about how often I do it, whether I ejaculate, etc. So I happily tell her about my sessions and even offered to show her how I do it. I think it's great to share this sexual experience with someone who understands. If I had not told her and she caught me red-handed with my penis in my hand, she would probably flip.
- age 28, California
The better the relationship, the more I want sex and the more I masturbate.
- age 17, New York
Although my masturbation frequency is affected, it doesn't change very much. If I'm in an intimate relationship (no sex, just a lot of kissing) I fantasize about my girlfriend and the things we do. If it is not so intimate, I masturbate to release sexual tension. The type of relationship affects my reason for masturbating much more than my frequency.
- age 20, South Africa
When I masturbate it is usually because my "friend" is not doing such a good job of it. He tends to get angry with me when I try to show him by guiding his hand, so then I just move his hand away and do it myself. He is not too happy, but if he is not willing to learn, I am not going to wait around — no one should. Masturbation is not a bad thing, and you should not let anyone tell you different.
- age 20, Tennessee (female)
Before the relationship with my current girlfriend, I used to masturbate quite frequently. But after going out with her and having sex nearly every day, I no longer needed to masturbate as much. So I stopped completely. After about 2 months I was no longer having sex every day, so I needed another sexual outlet — and out came the old friend again.
- age 18, Australia
Usually, but not always, the more sex I have the more I also masturbate. Or, maybe it's the other way around — the more I masturbate, the more I want to have sex. Sexy feelings beget sexy feelings.
- age 28, California (female)
If I am in a serious relationship, my masturbation habits slow down considerably. I still masturbate, but not half as much as I would if I were not involved with a girl. I also discovered that when she is away for a long time, I begin to masturbate more frequently.
- age 14, Iowa
Only on those days when I am not having sex with my partner. My average daily number of orgasms tends to stay about the same, whether they come from activity with my partner or myself.
- age 30, Illinois
Very weird — I have been in love for about a month and I have cut way back on my masturbation. We aren't really in a relationship yet, and I am not even sure we'll ever get there. I don't feel guilty or anything — I just don't have the urge to do it as much as I used to.
- age 17, The Netherlands
Generally I masturbate less when I'm in a relationship, especially if I'm having sex regularly. However, even while having sex daily, I still masturbate at least once a week — as opposed to once a day when I'm single.
- age 21, Florida
I'm married, so how often we have intercourse certainly affects how often I masturbate. Beyond that, there are a few women in my life for whom I have "warm" feelings, even though I have never been sexual with them in real life (a crush is not the same thing as a marriage!). But the only thing I can do with my feelings when these "relationships" happen to be cordial is go masturbate.
- age 37, Montana
If things are going great and we're getting it on regularly, I masturbate maybe once a week. If things are not going so well, I might masturbate once a day. The sexual release needs to come from somewhere. If things get stormy and I am upset, I may not masturbate at all until the situation is resolved or I get over it. Ugggh! Those are the dark days.
- age 20, North Carolina
I tend to masturbate more when my relationships are going great because my sex urge is higher.
- age 18, Virginia
I masturbate more often when I'm not in a relationship. When I am in a relationship, my masturbation frequency varies, depending on our level and quality of sexual activity. Stress is also a factor. Sometimes I masturbate more in more stressful situations; other times I masturbate less. Perhaps it depends on the type of stress?
- age 42, Canada
Actually, masturbation has improved my relationship sexually. My girlfriend loves to watch me masturbate, and I like to watch her. We often masturbate together. She also loves to masturbate me. You should never be afraid to teach your girlfriend the art of self-stimulation. It increases the trust and love in your relationship — at least, that's how I feel
- age 31, Washington
I masturbate at least once a day and maintain this regardless of what kind of relationship I'm in. If I've masturbated as usual, then I'm better able to control when I ejaculate, and this is especially helpful when I'm with a woman. When I do abstain (rarely), it is when I masturbate with another guy. That's when I like to "save up." Even though I shoot fairly quickly the first time, I can continue with another 2 or 3 times with no problems. So whether it's by myself or with another guy, I always masturbate — and I love it!
- age 44, Nebraska
When I haven't been in a relationship, I tend to go in surges of masturbating — long and often for a few days as I think of present or past fantasies — and then I don't need it for a while. During non- (or pre-) sexual relationships I think I have masturbated more regularly, focusing more on my own body and needs, and thinking of what I might be doing soon with him — sort of a rehearsal. But once into a regular sexual relationship, I mainly want intercourse and need to masturbate only for what I don't get from sex, or to celebrate my own body. I no longer masturbate as a "rehearsal" for intercourse, which is something he has said he still does.
- age 37, Oregon (female)
My relationship never affects how often I masturbate. I masturbate almost daily. My wife also enjoys masturbation, although she does it only 2 or 3 times a week. We have sex almost every other day, and we enjoy masturbating each other or in front of each other. I love to do it, my wife loves to do it, and I guess we'll continue to do it for a long, long time.
- age 26, United Kingdom