First, before you approach this person you need to make sure that you kind of know how that person feels about homosexuals. If the person you're going to ask is homophobic then you better not ask him. I'm not saying that if you do this you're gay; it's just that some people view masturbating together as such. The best way to approach him would be to do something together naked such as skinny dipping or daring each other to go streaking. Maybe you can watch a porno with him and see how he reacts. If you're real brave, just start masturbating while watching the porno; he will either get up and leave or will join you in the act. When I was in my teens I masturbated with my brother, some of his friends, and my next-door neighbors. We are all straight and had girlfriends we just sort of formed this sex club. However, all of my close friends were very homophobic, so I never approached them about masturbating. Tread carefully — if you don't choose the right group, you'll be stereotyped as someone who is gay.
- age 38, Colorado
This Week's Wackiest Response:
Practice having sex with a brick first — it helps.
- age 19, Iowa
Be careful whom you ask. I think you'll know, one way or another before you ask, but remember that some guys are not as open as others. A conversation that starts out with general sex topics and gets narrower as you talk will probably give both of you plenty of time to get excited and therefore be more receptive to the idea. I'm convinced that it does *not* make you gay to enjoy some mutual masturbation with a same-sex friend. I did for many years by just "feeling out" friends and finding that many were willing if not eager to try it out. The physical part comes naturally, I think, but remember that you *both* need to get off if you want it to be completely mutually satisfying.
- age 45, Virginia
I've masturbated with members of the same sex and I think that there are definitely things that someone should know before they proceed. For one, you really need to know what you're interested in doing — do you just want to masturbate in front of each other, or do you want to masturbate each other? Think about comfort for both of you — if either you or the other person isn't completely comfortable in the situation or with what's going on, then you're likely not to have much fun with it. Especially for a first experience, be completely up-front and open about your intentions — make sure that you and the other person each know the other's intentions before going ahead. However, once you've figured everything out and found a willing partner, the experience can definitely be more than fun. Two guys who masturbate together should keep open minds — remember that just because you enjoy sexual contact with a person of your sex, it does not necessarily mean that you are homosexual. Sexual orientation is much deeper than just whom you get off with.
- age 21, Washington
If someone had enough guts to come up to me and ask me how he should go about asking to masturbate with someone else, I'd just masturbate with him right then and there because I also would like to try masturbating with someone else, but I have no idea how to go about it.
- age 16, Massachusetts
If someone wants to try masturbating with another guy, I suggest that the two see each other naked first. Nudity in front of other guys is sometimes a really big issue for guys. I would say before masturbating with another guy, the two should strip down, see each other's packages, and get comfortable being naked with each other. If they can be comfortable with each other without clothes, I believe the next step would be to begin discussing the subject of masturbation. One time a few years ago, a friend of mine and I were in a somewhat similar situation. He and I showed each other our penises and eventually, stripped naked and just conversed with one another. We have never masturbated together, but I would definitely recommend getting nude together as a first step.
- age 20, Maryland
First, be sure it's what you really want to do and that if you ask the person, it won't mess up your relationship. If you are sure about these two things, then just sit the person down and ask them what they think about masturbation and if they are comfortable with it. Then, ask if they would like to do it together?
- age 16, New Zealand
Proceed slowly. Test the waters by bringing up the subject of masturbation. If you sense a positive response, try venturing into the subject of mutual masturbation. At each step, assess the response and then go from there. I was fortunate; the first time I masturbated with a girlfriend, she had initiated the process. When I reacted favorably, she didn't waste any time. We masturbated together that very night. But that doesn't always happen. So like I said, proceed slowly and carefully.
- age 45, California (female)
I would say they should really think about it. I masturbated with one of my friends several times and it would always escalate to other things, usually giving each other oral sex. Although I don't regret this, it has made our friendship very awkward at times. So, I would tell them to think about it and realize that masturbating together almost always leads to something else.
- age 17, Illinois
Don't pursue it. Why engage in a type of behavior that may cause you to question your sexual orientation for the rest of your life? Stay with fantasy; it won't disappoint you.
- age 67, Iowa
Take it slow and look out for warning signs that the other person doesn't want to participate. At the first warning sign, stop and don't push the issue. I was successful with my best friend by inviting him over for a sleepover one weekend. That night, we were playing video games and I kept the conversation geared to sex, mentioning the enormous breasts on the women in the games we were playing and a few times mentioning the packages on the guys. Then we went online and I told my friend about this great site I found and I went there and showed him. It allowed guys to post pictures of their erections so they can be rated by anyone visiting the site. We had a blast looking at the site, laughing at some of the teenie weenies and gauking at some of the monsters. When we went to bed, I causually mentioned ratearod, we started talking, and I suggested we compare erections. He agreed and we compared wood. After that, I said I was too hard to get to sleep and had to masturbate. I started to stroke my penis under the covers and soon noticed my bud was doing it too; so I just pulled off my covers and so did he. We just watched each other that night, but the next, we stroked each other.
- age 17, Michigan
I'd tell him "Don't do it!" Masturbation is a fine and healthy activity when enjoyed in private. But to do it with anyone other than your spouse is wrong.
- age 42, Arizona
From my past experiences, I would have to say to just flat-out ask them. In my freshman year of high school, I really wanted to get sexually intimate with one of my (female) best friends. About a week later, she came over to my house, and I asked if she ever was ever sexually intimate with anyone before. She told me no, and that she wasn't ready for vaginal sex because she didn't have much knowledge of STDs and condoms (as was the case for me). I suggested that she might want just to see me naked, and that I would also like to see her naked. She hesitated at first, but then agreed and we took off our clothes and just lay on my bed. I immediately got an erection just by seeing her erect nipples and shaved vagina. I was shocked when she gripped my penis — and then one thing led to another.
- age 16, Texas
(1) Understand that masturbating together is a perfectly normal and common activity. (2) Understand that it says nothing about your sexual identity: Both gays and straights do this. (3) Understand that there is a big difference between doing it privately between friends and doing it in a public restroom with a stranger. (4) Understand that your friend probably has the same desires as you but is afraid to bring the subject up. (5) Understand that many guys have looked back upon the experience as a truly wonderful bonding time with a friend — a memory that lasts a lifetime.
- age 58, Georgia
Observe the man you want to masturbate with and he will give you clues as to his secret likes. My intended partner asked me to watch TV with him and he had access to Canadian cable, which had full-time porno. He would repeat this from time to time, so I decided the next time we viewed some of his film that I would just ask him for permission to "touch" him. He wanted to know my definition of touch and I told him; before we finished that we were touching and now we pleasure each other any time we are alone and have some time when one wife is away for some free time — at her hair appointment, the grocery, the doctor, etc. You will be able to develop a time and routine. Mine was next-door and very "handy," if you please.
- age 79, South Carolina
I've never had to give someone that advice, but I have masturbated with my best friend — quite an interesting experience. It actually started out as a game of truth-or-dare, but because it was at night and we each hadn't relieved ourselves for a few days we were horny; so the game was directed as such. It started with a lot of truths, and then a bunch of "you-show-me-yours-and-I'll-show-you-mine" dares. Then it got more like, "I dare you to masturbate," and then it was, "I dare you to masturbate me." We just masturbate together now, and occasionally walk on the wild side and exchange oral sex or something. We both decided we were bisexual, so we were fine with it, and there wasn't any kissing, but just a lot of fun. It helped us bond, and we came out of the whole thing closer friends — I guess being that intimate will do that. I'd just casually direct the conversation to these areas. You'd be surprised what can happen, and my instance turned out for the better! Yours may too.
- age 16, Florida
Be quite clear why you want to do this. Be aware that if you are homosexual, you may begin to develop deep or tender feelings with a consenting partner. If that partner can't reciprocate because he or she is not homosexual or feels no attraction to you or your proposal, be prepared to scale back your expectations. If both of you are homosexual, this could be the beginning of a romance or a wonderful mutual sexual experience. Take care to express your needs and desires with enough respect for the other that, if the interest is not mutual, you would not be the object of anger, rejection, or derision. If you are reasonably well assured that both of you are heterosexual, you may find the experience to be bonding, very pleasurable, and life enhancing.
- age 67, Pennsylvania
Make sure your significant other (if a different person from the person you're masturbating with) is all right with it, or that she (or he) won't find out if you think it would bother her. Relax and make sure you're close to the person you're masturbating with.
- age 18, Rhode Island
If it's a male, don't do it. Don't buy the hype of this site — masturbating with a male makes you gay. If you are female, go ahead. Women with minor lesbian tendencies are still attractive to males, so go nuts — just don't go dyke. I am not trying to be crude, rude, or not understanding; I am not homophobic — I am just stating my opinions of what would cause more or less impact on someone's life.
- age 20, New York
Personally, I'd make sure it's someone you know fairly well, and then just ask, "Hey, can you show me how to masturbate — I'm not quite sure how. If you don't want to, that is okay — we can forget about the whole thing." That is how I had a same-sex experience, and I got more than that! She was amazing. She was a little older than I was, and we did a lot more!
- age 17, Australia (female)
Be very careful and let the other person take the lead. You can tempt, but if they don't accept, you run a high risk of ruining the relationship you have. Believe me — I have done it.
- age 52, Tennessee
You should just ask if they masturbate and then play around. I have had the opportunity to masturbate with 3 guys. If you do masturbate with your friend, it is very intense. It feels way better — and what feels even better than that is oral sex!
- age 15, Poland
My advice would be to be prepared to laugh if off (the proposition) if the other person is not interested. Initiating same sex is tricky at best with someone you know may not be gay. It has worked for me mostly when the other guy is really turned on — usually with porn, an uncooperative girlfriend ("blue balls"), or massage. Giving back rubs has led to mutual masturbation many times. Of course I did not stop with the back! Most guys will get an erection with erotic massage. I have only had a couple ever say no once I got them all worked up by rubbing their body. Moving down from the back to the butt works wonders. Massages keep them coming back for more — even the really straight guys!
- age 24, Pennsylvania
First: It isn't gay! Second: It's fun, so just do it! Third: you'll be amazed at how liberated it will make you feel. The freedom to masturbate with a friend is awesome.
- age 42, Texas
When you want to fool around with someone of the same sex, you have to step very delicately. I'm gay; when the other guy is straight, I have invited him over for movies and beer (or some kind of liquor). Make sure it's a boring movie that you probably wouldn't be able to make it halfway through. Then as you both get bored, hop up and pop in a porn (a straight or bi one is probably best). Watch for a while and then just gradually start stroking yourself. More than likely, he'll follow suit or ask what you're doing. If he asks, just tell him that watching the movie just kind of got you hot and that you couldn't help it. That has worked with me on 3 or 4 occasions. BR> - age 24, Minnesota
I've done this and it's great fun. We were watching a porno that I had put in as a "joke." The topic of masturbation came up, we both admitted we did it, and how much we enjoyed it. We were going to take turns in the bathroom when we decided we were comfortable with ourselves and that we could do it together. I remember saying it was no big deal because we both know what a hard-on looks like and we both know what a moving hand looks like. It was a little awkward at first but we were soon enjoying ourselves as if nobody was there. We did it together many times over the years and nothing sexual ever happened between us.
- age 29, New Mexico
A reasonable start would be to open the subject of masturbation. After establishing a mutual admission of the pleasures of masturbating, you could then say something along the lines of how exciting it is to masturbate with a member of the opposite sex, throwing in a comment that it is similarly exciting to masturbate *even* with another of the same sex. Depending on the feedback received, there may be a basis for either proceeding with a proposal or withdrawing if it seems that is the best choice.
- age 41, Texas
Maybe try it with someone you're close to and comfortable with; for example, close family members about your age.
- age 15, Pennsylvania
Keep your penis in your pants and masturbate only when you are in the company of yourself — naked in your own bedroom, watching great porn, and having some good lube.
- age 20, Oregon
Most people would say to be very delicate with this situation, but I did not proceed this way. My best friend and I go swimming at his house all the time. I had always been interested in masturbating with him, so when we were changing into our swim trunks, I saw he started to get excited, and I asked him if I could masturbate him. He did not seem to be caught off guard at all, he merely said yes.
- age 16, Texas
I first masturbated with other guys in a public swimming hall, and sometimes I still do. Here in Finland, it is compulsory to take a shower and sauna naked. You can always find guys there who are interested to see your penis and also to show off theirs. If somebody seems to like looking at it, let him know that you are showing it to him. Let it get almost erect so that only he can see it. Then the next step is to find a private place at the swimming hall — use a men's toilet or other private spot. Sometimes it is difficult to find privacy in a public place, so when starting to masturbate with him and you feel nervous to continue, ask him if you can go with him somewhere private such as for a drive in a car.
- age 40, Finland
Don't. It's gay. I'm not saying this to annoy people or anything, but I'm sick of people saying that they're not gay and then saying that they give oral sex to guys and do anal sex with men. I know everyone says that being gay is also about being comfortable around men and such, as in conversation, but technically, you can be comfortable around anyone without being sexual with them. Personally, I am usually more comfortable around women, but if I didn't have a sexual preference and I met a guy who acted and responded like a woman, then I'd be happy with that. So, unless it's really your thing and you're bisexual or gay, don't do it.
- age 15, Australia
This needs a delicate approach. First, I'd advise the person to make sure they're comfortable with the idea of masturbating with someone of the same gender. Second, I'd suggest that they ask a same-sex friend they know also masturbates and may be comfortable with it if they'd be willing to masturbate together. So I guess, make sure you're not going to regret it if it does happen, and be comfortable enough with the idea that just because you masturbate with someone of the same gender doesn't mean you're gay. Just be open to the opportunity and enjoy it.
- age 42, California
Find a close friend with whom you share the details of your intimate life. This person should be from your own peer group and also someone you trust. You may have a buddy that you chat about girls with, and you also know that he enjoys masturbation and isn't freaked out by being around other naked guys. A good example of this would be a friend that you may be on a sports team with and you shower together often, so there is no worry involved about being around your pal naked. Make sure you have a good spank-mag or skin flick playing, because even though you may want to masturbate with your friend, it would be nice to have something else to look at so that you and he can project your sexuality on something other than each other (assuming you aren't both gay or bi — if this is the case, enjoy watching each other).
- age 24, Canada
Why do so many people think it's strange to masturbate with other people? My brother taught me how to do it almost 3 years ago. We share a bedroom and see each other naked all the time, including with morning erections. We masturbate together almost every day — usually at night before we go to bed. I also masturbate with some of my friends. It's just a natural thing to do.
- age 14, Virginia
My advice would be "DON'T." Masturbation is something that should be enjoyed in private and alone, not something to be done with somebody else. What thoughts are in your mind when you enjoy the erection, triggering, lift off, and detonation are bound to vary greatly from person to person — they may be about heterosexual acts, homosexual acts, or deviant thoughts such as masochism, but it must all be entirely in your own mind. Solo sex is in keeping with Christian teaching (see 1 Corinthians, Chapter 6, verses 12-20), which deplores having sex with a prostitute or with any person other than a spouse of opposite sex, and masturbation seems to be recognized as God's gift to enjoy our body with Him and to create "a way out" for guys from sexual sinning in the real world.
- age 51, United Kingdom
My girlfriend actually came on to me, which was awesome. She didn't know that I was bi at the time, but just pushed me up against the wall and started making out with me. Then we went to her bed and masturbated each other, which again was awesome. So I would say to go with your instinct — if that other person can't accept you for how you actually feel, then they aren't worth masturbating with. However, don't push yourself onto them quickly, because you risk ruining the friendship.
- age 14, North Carolina (female)
In every instance, communication is vitally important. Using, "I don't want to offend you, my best friend. I was wondering if you ever get to walk around your house undressed?" or, "You know you are my best friend and I want to try something new" should get the conversation going in the desired direction. If the response is negative, then you may have to continue solo. If it is offensive, apologize. When the response is silent, with an "I want to play" look on your face, look at your friend and let them know, "This is not easy and I care about you and your answer." Maintain eye contact, allow for a little silence, and then let them know your intentions. "I really like and trust you, can I give you a gentle hug?" " Would you consider getting undressed with me?" "I was wondering if I played with myself would you join me?" Hopefully silence turns to trusting chat and play. If the answer was positive, continue with talking, don't just jump your partner's bones. "Can we get undressed and play with ourselves?" "I really want to touch you, can we snuggle?" These are things I asked my best friend; with time, now, just a look that says "I want to play" is all that we need. Avoid embarrassment by asking your best friend's opinion. Don't give up a best friend because of new desires of sex; best friends are hard to find.
- age 44, Illinois
When I came to college, I became close friends with a guy really fast and there was a lot of sexual tension between us. One night while sleeping at his house, I woke up to find him on top of me. He got off to it, but I was still confused. A couple of days later while we were sitting in his room, he slowly reached inside my shorts and starting masturbating me. His roommate was in the room watching TV, which made it even cooler (we ended up having to go to my room). The best advice I could give is to either wait it out and see what happens or, if you think he or she wants to fool around, start something by yourself. WARNING: You might lose them as a friend if that person is weirded out, so be very careful! Also, just because you do stuff with a member of your sex does not make you homosexual. We are both straight — it's just fun!
- age 19, Mississippi
Proceed with caution and very slowly. I am speaking from experience. I misread signs from a buddy of mine and brought up the idea one night when the two of us were watching TV. Boy, did I blow that friendship! Perhaps it's better to try with someone you're not that friendly with, who knows. Just proceed with caution or you also may give up a friendship.
- age 36, Florida
First, choose a safe place — if this is your friend's first time, the fear of getting caught may be the one factor that keeps them at arm's length. Second, forecast the effect of this on the friendship. And third, go SLOW! Nothing can kill your chances faster than moving beyond someone's comfort zone. Last, I would tell them to develop their skill at observation — watch the body language. By paying attention, you may find that the way someone carries himself through gestures and movements, differs in meaning from what they have said. Once you have done these things, then your next step needs to be guided by the information you've gathered up to this point. There have been times where I would find myself in a sexual situation with someone and not one single word was spoken through the entire encounter. On the other hand, you may find the need to really discuss the matter at length before taking the next step. Don't decide the timing on your own, and if you are lucky enough to find success, it is very important not to push someone into doing something they aren't comfortable with. Pushing these boundaries may result in a one-time encounter, or even a "NO."
- age 35, Indiana
Try to find something that turns you both on, which will make it easier for you to suggest mutual masturbation. If you see the other person becoming aroused, then try to casually suggest masturbating together — but not in a way that would break the mood that originally got you both aroused. That way you can stay on the arousing topic and plant the idea that you might be interested in trying it out with them. If you don't do it that time, you can try next time because the idea is there now. You might be able to act on it if they're willing to give it a shot.
- age 21, Maine
All I can say is just do it and get it over with — I have a close friend who wanted to try it once, so we had a few drinks for him to feel more comfortable, put on some porn, and after about 20 minutes, I started rubbing myself. I put my hand down my pants and then took them off; I could see he was also boned, so I told him don't be shy and just do it, so he did. Since that first time, we have done it a few times and continue to do so, but we have not touched each other because he is straight and I don't think he is ready. However, when we masturbate and watch porn sometimes, we sit opposite each other and watch the other. He told me that he finds that a real turn-on. So, I say just do it. If you don't like it, you don't have to do it again; if you do like it, you just found something else that is lots of fun to do.
- age 32, China
I would tell the person to proceed slowly and carefully; it could cost a friendship, or it could lead to something far more complicated than a masturbation session. Then, I would suggest that the person might discuss sexual issues with the other person, including masturbation. If one can do so at a sleepover, things are easier, especially if one brings an erotic magazine or two. Later, a person might say something like, "I'm rather horny; I need to masturbate. How about you?" Don't press the issue; if the other person appears reluctant in any way, drop the subject. If you're both adolescents, however, odds are most likely in your favor.
- age 63, Michigan
I have gone through this personally and know that it can become a very difficult situation. First and foremost, neither of you should be placed in an "embarrassing" situation, but rather in an "experimental" situation. Letting someone you trust know when you have become aroused (in a joking but truthful manner) can break the ice, and will assure the other person that you are not embarrassed, but rather feel that you can share with this other person a very intimate detail about your aroused state. How they react or don't react will determine if they are open to their own sexual trust in you, too.
- age 24, New York
The first time, the focus needs to be on something besides each other — a porn film or magazine. If you're old enough, a couple of beers never hurt. Decide you're going to rub one off regardless of what the other person decides to do. At the very least, you'll get to show off your goods, but keep your attention on your own tool and orgasm. By you "normalizing" the scene, the other guy is more inclined to join in now that you've "blazed the trail." Last, write a note to all of us and tell us how it went!
- age 45, Indiana
I think that ideally, one would could likely get the most pleasure and meaning from the experience if it's shared with a close, trusted friend with whom you're relaxed and can feel completely comfortable; only with someone you know that well could you be reasonably certain they'd be receptive to the suggestion in the first place, or could you be sure you won't be put down or dumped as a friend if they're not interested. Acknowledging an interest in sex activity that doesn't conform to the perceived norms of our culture is risky for Americans, and the younger you are the riskier it seems; we make a very big deal out of this sex thing in general. Assuming you're guys and young, you probably talk a lot with each other about sex, and acknowledge that you perpetually want and are always ready for it. The fact that you probably spend a good deal of time together anyhow, allows you to pick an optimal moment and choose circumstances that guarantee privacy, a feeling of intimacy and freedom from distraction or intrusion. At that point, it's just a matter of directing the conversation toward sex, your present need for it (an advantage here is that guys' sexual excitement is physically obvious), that you're both going to have to masturbate eventually, so why not now and why not — hey, more fun — with each other? What's a buddy for, huh?
- age 27, California
I'm supposing that these two people have been friends for some time, are about the same age, are both male, and have plenty of privacy assured. Guys who are friends tend to talk about sexual matters and during the course of such a conversation the guy who wants to masturbate with his friend could suggest that they look at some provocative magazines, pictures, or videos together. After looking for a while, letting himself become aroused, and checking out his friend's state, he could say that he is really getting horny, so does his friend mind if he masturbates? If the friend indicates it's cool, he should get started, making little grunts of satisfaction now and then. If the friend is open to club masturbation, he will probably begin too; if he isn't, then he isn't.
- age 55, West Virginia
First, make sure to take it slowly — you can't just pop the question. Start with frank sexual talk about topics such as whether size really matters, what do girls want, erogenous zones, or "war stories." Establish whether the person masturbates (if they don't admit it, they sure aren't going to do it *with* another person). Talk more (mine's bigger then yours, whether guys give better oral sex, are you circumcised). From then on, it depends upon the person; if they've never done it before, you can offer to show them or help them "as a friend." If you have access to pornographic videos, watch the videos, masturbate through your pants, and then invite them to join in. If they make a remark about not having masturbated in a while, needing to, or feeling like it, say, "Well, why not right now?" Just remember — it's better to have never masturbated than to have tried and lost a good friend (who may be a tad homophobic or non-experimental). If they make boundaries, keep them. Go slowly and make sure you read the signals correctly.
- age 17, New Jersey