I think the person should approach it as becoming sexually active, because masturbation is a sexual activity. She will definitely have sexual feelings before, during, and after the mutual masturbation session.
- age 20, Ohio
If you love each other, it shouldn't matter. It may seem awkward to bring up the subject, but just be clear and direct. Any girl who *really* loves you will appreciate your frankness. Anyway, isn't any form of sexual activity supposed to occur ideally in *true* love?
- age 15, Massachusetts
Communicate, communicate, communicate. He needs to voice his opinion and ask hers; tell her why he wants to do this, and then get her opinion on the matter. If he's calm and rational, with no demands, he should be successful.
- age 20, Indiana
First, if your relationship is not at a level where you can talk freely about your sexual habits, you are *not* ready to get involved sexually in any way with her. Once you (as a couple) feel comfortable saying, "I had a great dream last night, it was about...and I..." then you can say something like, "I love you and would like to be even closer to you. How do you feel about..." etc. Just try to think like she might be thinking. She's probably in the same situation as you.
- age 17, New Zealand
Talk to her. Ask her if she has trouble getting to sleep when she goes home after a great date. Tell her how you feel after that date and how hard it is for you to get to sleep thinking about her. As the conversation progresses ask her if she ever touches herself while she thinks of you. Tell her that you fantasize about her often. If the conversation is going right, ask her if she would like to touch herself, or you. Or, maybe she'd like to watch you touch yourself. Then have fun.
- age 35, New York
I think you shouldn't do it. It can lead to many things, most of which you are not ready for until marriage. Masturbate alone at home.
- age 17, Texas
If you are not yet sexually active with your girlfriend, you may not want to bring up the subject. Most women I have been with were willing to have sex way before they would masturbate in front of me. It is hard enough to find a woman who will admit she does it, let alone let you watch her. It is kind of like sleeping with a woman before making her think you are interested in her. First things first!
- age 26, Tennessee
I am going out with a really pleasant and cute girl. We have agreed not to have sex for a while. I told her that was okay since I masturbate every day to take care of my urges. I said nothing else — just that frank statement. We were at my house the next day watching an R-rated movie; I got an erection and started to touch myself through my clothes. I stopped the movie and told her I needed a few minutes alone to take care of a little problem. She laughed and said she knew what I was going to do. Then I asked if she wanted to watch. She nervously said yes, so I just pulled down my pants and boxers and just stared going at it. She loved the show and wanted me to do it again after the movie. This time she offered to help, and things progressed from there. She later said she would never have had the nerve to say anything if I hadn't started to play with myself during the movie.
- age 15, Georgia
The most important advice is to not force the girl to do it. Talk about it first. I was shy and sexually insecure as a young woman; I never would have masturbated in front of any of my boyfriends. Masturbation is a very private subject for most young women, rarely talked about even amongst their closest girlfriends. I couldn't masturbate in front of a man until I was well into my 20s.
- age 36, California (female)
I had this situation when I was 14. When kissing, get your girlfriend to feel your erection through your jeans. Most girls will be turned on by realizing what effect they have on their guy. Offer to show her, with dimmed lights, what this can lead to. At first it may be best just to play but not ejaculate since this can be slightly shocking for girls at first. Most girls will soon be interested enough to want to touch you, and themselves.
- age 33, United Kingdom
I would suggest asking her how often she masturbates, not *whether* she does. Then he should talk openly about his masturbatory habits. If she has any respect for him (and she should if they are dating) she will open up if she feels comfortable. This is how my boyfriend approached me, and it worked. He even showed me this site.
- age 16, Canada (female)
Does the boyfriend think she's ready? Can they talk frankly about sex? Is it a very open relationship? If not, I'd say, "No go pal!"
- age 17, Montana
(1) Be open about the discussion of sex. (2) As the discussion of sex becomes more comfortable, bring up the topic of masturbation. (3) Remember to always be open and honest about sex and masturbation. (4) Tell her you like to masturbate and especially in the presence of someone you are attracted to and who enjoys masturbation as well. (5) Do not pressure her, but rather open it up for discussion. (6) If you both agree, have fun!
- age 29, Minnesota
Geez, this was a hard milestone for us. My boyfriend and I have talked about it many times. He would bring it up by telling me how beautiful I was and how he wanted to see the rest of my body. He never actually explored it on his own. I ended up sucking on his fingers and showed him what to do. It continued from there. The best thing to do is make sure she's comfortable.
- age 17, New Jersey (female)
When I wanted to start masturbating with my girlfriend, I let her catch me doing it. I don't know what made me decide to go about it that way, but she found it really sexy and she watched me finish. We've masturbated a few times together since. She's still not totally comfortable with it — she likes watching me do it more than she likes me watching her.
- age 18, Canada
My advice comes from personal experience: Remember that no matter how awkward or uncomfortable it may seem at first, a good, communicative, and ongoing dialogue about sexual matters within a relationship is tremendously important. It *does* get easier, and it is tremendously rewarding. Broaching subjects like this can be tough, but it's an important and healthy step in any relationship.
- age 22, Canada
I'm 16, my girlfriend is 14, and we've been masturbating together for 4 or 5 months. I think it would be tricky to ask a girl to start masturbating with you if you don't already have the sexual background. We had been having sex for a couple of months before we started masturbating each other and then watching each other masturbate. I think it would be best to find a way to bring the topic into conversation and see how she reacts. Perhaps you could talk about something you read about masturbation. If she responds, ask her if she does it. Then tell her you do it, and hint that you'd love to see her do it.
- age 16, Florida
It depends on whether you talk about sex seriously even though you are not sexually active. If so, you can talk about it. Just make sure that you talk about it in a way that, if she doesn't like the subject at all you can just turn it into a joke. Approach the subject by asking her questions about her masturbation habits — how often and how she does it. I think you have to ask her about it. I don't think there are any other ways.
- age 21, Sweden
I went through a bad relationship with someone who pressured me into doing sexual things, so it was difficult to get physical with my new boyfriend. I suggest that guys talk about it honestly with their girlfriends. Don't just jump right into it. Be open, honest, and above all, wait until she is truly ready!
- age 18, Illinois (female)
I wouldn't have a clue — I'm gay.
- age 24, Indiana
I would, and did, just the thing that anyone should do with anything they want in life: Ask for it! Or at least bring it up in conversation. Don't be afraid of your feelings. 9 times out of 10 they have done it themselves.
- age 18, Pennsylvania
First of all, ask her if she masturbates. If yes, then ask her if she would consider masturbating with you. If she says no, don't press it any further and tell her the option is always open. If she says no to the first question, explain to her she should try it, and if she doesn't feel comfortable, that you could help her. It worked for me!
- age 19, Minnesota
I've been waiting and *waiting* for my boyfriend to ask me! I want him to ask me so badly and I am too shy to mention it. So just ask her!
- age 14, Canada (female)
You could try to be sly about it — bring it up jokingly during play. Some women are turned on by watching a man climax. It doesn't matter who actually does it, as long as she is responsible for it. Be creative in your questions to probe her thoughts about the idea of masturbation. Women are all different. I had one girlfriend who was disgusted with the thought; another relished watching me. Just be tactful.
- age 27, Florida
I would tell her about my true feelings, saying how I get erections just thinking of her. I'd tell her that I know it's a bit too early to start having sex but it wouldn't hurt masturbating together. She doesn't even have to touch me. We can just see each other's genitals and masturbate!
- age 17, New York
When I was 17 I was dating a 15-year-old girl. We were getting very serious, and one night we were parked on a secluded dirt road kissing passionately. I had an erection, and she accidentally put her hand on my crotch. When she felt my erection through my pants, it scared her, but she wanted to see it. So I told her to take it out and play with it. Every night we were together since then she wanted to masturbate me. We never did have intercourse, but we had some great times.
- age 25, Arkansas
Bring up the topic of sex, and when she starts talking about it, just whip it out and start stroking. She will be so turned on that she'll immediately join in.
- age 17, Ohio
During a heavy petting session, let her know you are really aroused by her. Chances are she will be aroused, also. Tell her you respect her but would like to have some passion with her. Suggest what you would like to do and how much it would turn you on by doing it with her. Say that you already masturbate and fantasize about doing it with her. If she is already aroused, it should work for her. It would for me.
- age 42, Canada (female)
First I think the guy should judge whether the girl is mature enough. If the guy is mature enough, he should be direct and just ask her if she wants to masturbate with him. If the girl is mature enough she would say yes or no.
- age 16, Canada
I would get on the Internet with her and "stumble" onto JackinWorld and just try to stay on the subject. See if she likes the JackinForHer tips, and then see if she would demonstrate some of them. Then ask if you can show her some of the guy tips. It worked for me.
- age 18, Texas
Only if the two of you are communicating well, ask her how she would feel about exploring mutual masturbation as a way of handling the natural sexual feelings that always arise in a close, loving relationship. Explain that by sharing thoughts and feelings about mutual masturbation now, you both will find it much easier to save the ultimate for later in your relationship.
- age 54, Canada
In my last relationship, my girlfriend and I used mutual masturbation instead of intercourse. We had nearly as much fun but didn't have to worry about her getting pregnant or us passing STDs. I would suggest it to anyone.
- age 18, New Jersey
I would tell him just to ask her up front and not be shy about it. I think it would be great to have that type of relationship with my boyfriend. We could please each other without having to worry about the consequences of intercourse. Some guys think girls don't masturbate a lot, but I, for one, do.
- age 18, Alabama (female)
Be honest with her. Tell her how you feel about masturbation and that you want to masturbate with her. I usually ease into topics about sex. Note that sexual discussions require huge amounts of trust and comfort.
- age 21, Illinois
I recently masturbated with my girlfriend. We had talked previously about our individual masturbation experiences, and we even watched porn videos together. During one of the videos, I got an erection. I put my hand in my pocket, which she noticed. She then pulled off her pants and started to masturbate. I did the same. It was great. Ever since, we masturbate together all the time.
- age 15, New York
Every girlfriend I have ever known was quite open to it when I broached the subject. It's also a great alternative to sex because: (1) There is no risk of STDs or pregnancy, and (2) It's good if she doesn't feel ready for penetration but still wants to have some form of sexual contact.
- age 17, Washington
I have talked a bit with my ex-girlfriend about how we masturbate. We found it hard to start talking about it. At first, I wasn't sure how she would like talking about it. Even now, there is a shy, taken-aback feeling when we discuss it. But I found she was as interested in how I masturbate as I was in how she does. She has masturbated me, I have masturbated her, but neither of us has done it alone with the other watching. I suggest that you be open and try not to feel like you have something to hide. I am not having sex with her now, but she and I still discuss masturbation.
- age 19, California
I suggest they try what I did with my ex-girlfriend. The next time they're making out, he should start to take it out slowly (It will give his girlfriend enough time to know what's going on and stop it if she's not comfortable.) Then he should start to masturbate for a few seconds before he puts her hand on his penis and guides her in masturbating him, like putting his hand over hers and moving it over his penis. While she's doing that he should move to undo her pants and begin to finger her. If he wants them to masturbate themselves watching each other, then he should whisper in her ear that that's what he wants to do. It works and it goes slowly, so nobody is intimidated.
- age 15, Pennsylvania
I think masturbation should be kept within the "guy world." That's exactly why we discovered masturbating — to receive pleasure without a partner. So masturbation should be without a partner. If not, why not just have intercourse? Masturbation should be done only around males, or by males alone.
- age 14, California
I asked this question to some of my girlfriends. They and I think you should ask a girl only when she's very comfortable with you. In my opinion, masturbating in front of each other is more personal than doing it to each other or even having intercourse, because it's done so privately. When I tried it I felt very uneasy. I know that the guy I was with loved it. So my suggestion is to try other things first, or ask only if you know you're very close to one another.
- age 17, United Kingdom (female)
When I was younger, I would ask a question *assuming* the girl masturbates, such as, "You like to masturbate, don't you?" Or, "How old were *you* when you started to masturbate?" Once you break the ice, say, "I think it'd be cool (and safe) to do it together. What do you think?"
- age 42, California
Find out if your girlfriend masturbates. If she does, talk about it with her first. Make sure she's comfortable with it. Also, make sure you don't do something stupid such as ejaculating and then masturbating her with semen on your hand — you could impregnate her!
- age 16, Puerto Rico
I think he should ask her — or, just start masturbating. If she feels uncomfortable, she will probably make that clear.
- age 16, California (female)
Personally, I wouldn't ask directly how she feels about masturbation. Instead, I would bring it up in a conversation that deals with both mutual and solo masturbation. I would tell her how I feel about it, even though that takes *a ton* of bravery! Tell her you've been thinking about taking your relationship to a new level, just not "all-the-way." By sharing your feelings with her, you are being honest, which all girls admire in a guy. And she may feel the same way, but has been too shy to tell you!
- age 18, Alaska
Guys never asked me about it, but they would put my hand on their penis (through their pants). If I didn't want to, I would move my hand away and they would understand. With one boy, I wanted to and he understood, too.
- age 16, Maryland (female)
This question has no simple answer. Mutual masturbation is quite sexual and can easily lead you to go further. If your girlfriend is not ready to be sexually active with you, accept that. If you mention masturbation to her and she says no, remember that "no" means "no." Be careful not to pressure your girlfriend into anything — that would build resentment. I have been married 7 years, and only in the last 3 years have my wife and mutually masturbated.
- age 30, Canada
Bring up the subject carefully as my boyfriend did. "Would you like to try something new?" If she agrees, approach the subject gradually by asking if she would like for you to touch one another. If she accepts, ask her if she would like for you to masturbate together. That is how my boyfriend convinced me, and now we do it almost every day!
- age 17, Canada
I would strongly advise masturbation with a girlfriend before having intercourse. I did not follow my own advice, so I have a 2-year-old boy with another baby on the way.
- age 20, Ohio
I don't think I ever had a guy ask me directly if he could touch me. A few have asked me to touch them, and that was fine, even flattering. If it was okay with me to have them touch me, I let them. If not, I didn't. I just kind of went with the flow and they got the hint either way.
- age 23, Washington (female)
The first time I masturbated with my girlfriend was about 6 months ago. We were serious enough in our relationship that we could talk about it first. Even though it was difficult, I did it. You could even start off by hinting at something near the subject, like what people do instead of sex, then lead into talking about doing that for yourselves. When it happens just make sure *both* of you leave satisfied. I didn't my first time because she didn't know what she was doing. Have fun. Play safe.
- age 16, Minnesota
I have been going out with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. For the first year and a half we were very close, but I never felt that "close" that you feel in a sexual relationship. Still, I wasn't ready to have sex with him. About 4 months ago he mentioned mutual masturbation, and since then, I couldn't be happier! C'mon guys, girls masturbate too — and believe it or not you're not the only ones who think about mutual masturbation. It's a great way to find that sexual pleasure without worrying about pregnancy or STDs. Don't be afraid; just work with your lover. I have never had better orgasms than when my boyfriend masturbates me!
- age 16, New Hampshire (female)
I don't think he should even ask about it. I've heard that girls don't like the male way of masturbating.
- age 16, Norway
Remember that all people vary in their desire to become sexually active. Physical, emotional, and even moral issues are involved. The best approach is to talk to her first. Try to bring up the subject of sex in a general way (try doing this in a private, comfortable, and romantic environment). Both of you should share your thoughts and feelings. If you find some common ground, get into specifics. An open dialogue about your sexuality will lead to a much more fulfilling sex life for both of you.
- age 25, Kansas
Masturbation often leads to more involved sexual intimacy. Be careful to think things through. You don't want to get into a position you can't get out of (such as pregnancy). When you are ready, casually mention your own masturbation to her, almost jokingly. See if she picks up on the idea.
- age 18, Argentina
You should consider how well you know this girl and if you two have ever discussed sex. After you have decided to ask her, don't be too surprised if she rejects your request. And don't pressure her. When she is comfortable to do this with you, she will, and both of you will enjoy it!
- age 19, Oregon (female)
The first thing to do, if she does not yet know, is admit you masturbate. This is a positive thing, and it's a win-win situation. She will feel a release from the sexual tension between you. Likewise, she may admit that she masturbates. That should calm things even more. If she still doesn't go with it, point out that it is 100% less risk than intercourse (no pregnancy) and that you both will enjoy it.
- age 14, Florida
My girlfriend and I have not yet had intercourse. I get really turned on when I'm with her, and as soon as she leaves, I usually masturbate. Recently she'd been over at my place when my folks were out; we had been making out when she had to leave. When she left I immediately had my penis out, and after a couple of strokes ejaculated into a T-shirt. Then she returned unexpectedly and found the semen-soaked T-shirt. I admitted to her what I'd done, and to my surprise she asked if I would do it again for her, which I of course did. Although she won't return the compliment yet, it's really brought us closer. We usually end up with me masturbating.
- age 16, South Africa
What really works best is to respect her. I personally engage in this regularly; my fiancée and I are waiting until marriage to go all the way. The way we got into it was just showing respect for each other — if she doesn't want me to do something, I stop, and vice versa. As long as you're comfortable together, you'll find there's not much you *won't* do for each other.
- age 20, Florida