If you're masturbating her, I recommend starting slowly with gentle, passionate kisses. You could try licking her ear a little, although that really depends on what she likes. When you actually start masturbating her, the best way to start is to get a finger wet (usually just by licking it) and start rubbing her clitoris *lightly* (it's painful if you start pressing hard). When you actually go to insert finger(s), make sure that she is pretty "wet." A spot that is usually nice to hit is to bend your fingers in a "come here" motion once they are inside her vagina; it stimulates the G-spot. Encourage her to talk to you, tell you what she likes and what she doesn't like, and don't be afraid to take it slowly and explore!
- age 15, Michigan (female)
This Week's Wackiest Response:
Stay away from the whipped peas. Although it looks like guacamole, it doesn't taste like it, and it's rather disappointing.
- age 15, New York
Find a quiet time to talk to your girlfriend about sex topics in general, then gently steer the conversation toward the subject of masturbation. Tell her how strongly you are attracted to her and that you have wanted to share this very special activity between the two of you. Emphasize the safety of masturbation and how it allows both partners to experience orgasm while holding or watching each other, without the worries and dangers of intercourse. Also let her know that you can more easily learn what she likes by observing how she stimulates herself, so that you can do the same to her if she wants it at a later time. Above all, assure your girlfriend that you will never, *ever* tell others about something so personal as you might experience with her, and then make sure to *keep* that promise!
- age 22, Pennsylvania
Clip your nails and wash your hands.
- age 17, Minnesota
A lot of girls won't admit they masturbate, or aren't comfortable talking about it. If she can talk about masturbating with you, you're way ahead of the game because you can talk about it before you do it. She can tell you what she likes to do before you touch her, or while it's happening. Don't be surprised if she wants you just to hold her for a long time, or rub her back or legs, or focus on making her breasts feel good; girls aren't so focused "between the legs" as we men are. Relax; you will get there in good time. If she can't talk about it easily, you can tell her what you'd like to do and place her hand over yours. You aren't likely to discover what she likes best without her help, though. And *never* touch her breasts or vagina without having her show you or tell you that it's okay. That would only make her nervous, defensive, or even scared. Then neither of you would get where you want to go.
- age 51, Texas
I'd tell him to lie in bed and masturbate in front of her. He should let her know when he is about to ejaculate so she can watch him.
- age 31, Wisconsin
If I were being facetious, I would say to find a girlfriend that has experience milking cows — by hand. Seriously though, I would advise guys to think carefully before taking the first step; in any relationship, communication is vital. Listen to your hearts, not to your ductless glands. Perhaps the most important advice I have, especially for younger readers, is to be aware of the risk of going from masturbation to intercourse before either of you is ready for it. Masturbation with your girlfriend is a big step in itself. Most adolescents realize that the potential for pregnancy exists if semen is deposited even near the vagina. However, what some may not realize is that if either party has pre-ejaculate or semen on his or her hand and that hand winds up around the girl's vagina, the potential for pregnancy exists likewise. Some readers have probably found that out the hard way.
- age 62, Michigan
First, I would hope that both boy and girl are of an age that they can decide intelligently. Masturbating together or masturbating each other might not be the wisest thing for young, pubescent teens to do. If they do decide to start masturbating together, I would tell them to set their ground rules in advance. Once the heat of passion takes over, other things can happen such as vaginal intercourse or oral activities. The rules as to what will or will not take place must be agreed to first, and then observed by both participants.
- age 65, Oregon
Take it slowly, take your time, and work up to it gradually because if you rush it, something is bound to go wrong and it probably won't be as pleasurable as if you had waited and taken your time.
- age 16, Maine
Mutual masturbation with a girlfriend is great. However, it should be taken as seriously as having sex. You are sharing a very private and personal process. Make sure that the person you are doing it with is just as enthusiastic about doing it as you are so it doesn't turn into an act of shared exhibitionism. Have fun and enjoy.
- age 45, Colorado
Don't get her off first! If I get my girl off first, then she loses the mood and doesn't return the favor. I love to feel her hands on me, so I go first. I always return the favor for her, because I am always in the mood and she wouldn't be as forgiving.
- age 23, Tennessee
Tell her that you want to try something new with your sexual relationship. Tell her that you want to share everything with her, especially this experience. Tell her how much you would like to know that side of her. It's a great way to get to know everything about each other.
- age 19, California (female)
Don't take any chances — wear a condom.
- age 49, Michigan
I'd suggest that he make sure he's really comfortable with her. It should be at a time when they know they have plenty of time alone, and in a place where they will have a lot of privacy. They should take it slowly, so they can get comfortable with each other's bodies. And most of all, they should communicate, so each knows what the other likes.
- age 14, Oregon
First of all, make sure you are to that point on your relationship where you are comfortable enough to try something like that. When you are ready to ask her, wait until an appropriate time. Don't ask at the dinner table or at the supermarket. Timing is everything when talking about trying new things sexually. And last, don't be embarassed or angry if she says no. It might not be the right time for her, and maybe you need to mature more as a couple.
- age 21, Illinois
My husband and I masturbate together sometimes. Or, if I am just too worn out, he masturbates until he ejaculates. I don't get embarrassed. I like to watch him and he loves to watch me. It can be a lot of fun. If you love and trust someone, you should be able to do just about anything in front of them. Have fun.
- age 34, Massachusetts (female)
My girlfriend asked me how I masturbate and we talked about it. At first, it was a bit difficult to talk with her about it. A few days later, she asked if she could watch. So my advice is to wait until the subject comes up, be honest with your girlfriend, and she'll most likely be curious.
- age 16, Australia
Just let her know that you masturbate and let her know that you would like masturbate with her. It's just that simple. If she is not into masturbation, then you need to find another girlfriend!
- age 43, Michigan
Don't! Masturbate with a guy friend. It's much better.
- age 16, Washington
Forget it unless she's at least 21. Teenage girls have no idea how to masturbate a guy. You're better off kissing the girl goodnight, going home with a good friend that you trust, and the two of you masturbating each other. At least he won't wait till you're on the short strokes and groaning, then suddenly freeze, look horrified and tell you he's "afraid he might break it"!
- age 37, United Kingdom
First, try to find out if your girlfriend wants the same as you. Be alert for her signals and interpret them sensitively. Ask her what she likes and be gentle. Don't rush into it. Let your feelings guide you and the rest will come by itself. I think everybody has to find out for himself. Just try to be careful and sensitive about her — *love* her.
- age 17, Germany (female)
I would tell him that masturbation with a girl is an awesome experience that the two of you could share. He should start slowly and encourage his girlfriend to be verbal. One of the more consistent themes on this site is that guys do guys better than girls do. Personally, I don't know, but my fiancée and I have always communicated and taught each other about our needs, "hot spots," speed, duration, etc. All I know is that her hand now feels like my own. And, she always makes a lot of noise during her orgasm, so I have the satisfaction of knowing that I'm doing it right. It boils down to talking about it and each showing the other what you like.
- age 34, Nevada
Go slowly and have her tell you what she likes. I started with my girlfriend, and let me tell you — I make her feel so good, and she makes me feel even better, if that's possible. If you plan to rub her vagina, make sure that it's wet and it stays wet; if not, you can hurt her. When sucking her nipples, do not bite them. I did and that was not good.
- age 16, New York
Masturbation with a female is great. Masturbating a girl at the same time she is masturbating me is probably the most pleasurable experience I've ever had. Using your fingers to penetrate your girlfriend's vagina and rub her clitoris while she strokes your penis is an amazing experience. Simultaneous oral sex (69) is a close second.
- age 25, Ohio
Just lie back and let her explore and learn herself. I found it very hot even when my girlfriend unzipped me and pulled down my pants. I gave her some tips, but she found that the function of the foreskin was fascinating, so I just let her move it as she pleased. Just the sensation of her exploring on her own made me burst.
- age 20, California
Just talk to her about it. If you're close enough to want to masturbate together, you're close enough to talk about it seriously. If you bring it up and she avoids the subject, that's probably a "no." However, if she seems interested, there is a very real possibility that the two of you are well on the way to enjoying masturbation together.
- age 19, Kentucky
First, I would tell him to get her opinion on masturbation. Then have a discussion about masturbating in front of each other. Try telling her how hot and what a turn-on it would be for her to masturbate in front of you. That is what worked for my girlfriend and me. And we masturbate in front of each other and watch each other play with our privates.
- age 21, New Jersey
Make sure that you have complete privacy and can take your time. Also, make sure that she really wants to do it. If masturbating one another, tell and show your partner what you like, let her know whether what they are doing feels good. Don't make it all about the genitals, either. A little caressing in other places and a few kisses can make a world of difference. And guys...maybe stay around or awake long enough afterwards to say something nice?
- age 20, Australia (female)
My boyfriend and I were so comfortable with each other before we started masturbating together, it just happened naturally. Tell him to take his time with her. A lot of girls are not open about their sexuality, and it could scare her away.
- age 16, Tennessee (female)
You should know her well enough to be able to talk to her. My wife and I use manual stimulation much of the time and oral stimulation the rest. To us, penetration is not important. It doesn't give her the stimulation she requires for orgasm, and I have trouble maintaining an erection.
- age 67, Florida
My best advice would be: don't do it. Girls don't understand the whole male masturbation process. Keep it for yourself — or for your male friends!
- age 21, Canada
The key is to know the right time to bring it up. Masturbation should only be brought up if you are already having sex with your girlfriend. That way, if you ask and she says no, you don't have to worry about scaring her away and also make her think that you are rushing in too quickly. On the other hand, if she says yes, then it's time to dim the lights and break out the lube — because Christmas is going to come more than once a year!
- age 17, California
I would tell both of them to be tested for STIs. While this may not seem like an important thing to do, HPV, the most common STI today, can be spread through mutual masturbation (that is, if she has HPV, and he masturbates her genitals and then masturbates himself without washing his hands, he can pass the virus to his genitals, and vice versa). This is not a disease anyone wants to have, as it has been linked to several types of cancer (penile, cervical, and oral). In fact, it would be smart if both of them became highly educated on the whole issue of STIs and how to prevent their spread.
- age 32, Minnesota
I would advise him to wait until they get married (if they do), because sex should be kept until marriage. Adultery is a sin, and the Bible says that looking lustfully at a girl is committing adultery. Also, if seeing her masturbate in itself wasn't wrong — which I think it is — just seeing her naked would get you interested in having sex with her, which should be kept until marriage.
- age 16, Colorado
I would start by showing her how you masturbate first. Let her watch closely your facial expressions and your hip and body movement as you approach orgasm. When you are done, clean up and then get dressed. Then ask to watch her as she shows you how she pleasures herself. This way, you can each give the other your undivided attention. Plus, by getting dressed, you avoid the temptation to take it too far, since you only want to masturbate together and not have intercourse. Watch every movement she makes and pay especially close attention to what she touches and how. This will make you a better lover when it is your turn to do the touching on her.
- age 19, Nevada
While making out, hugging, or in any other personal embrace, slowly take her hand, move it to your erect penis, and let her feel it. If she doesn't want to proceed, she can move her hand away with no harm done.
- age 15, Ohio
Broach the subject gently and ask whether she likes to pleasure herself down there. If you get a positive response, mention that you do likewise and assuming that you're already lovers, perhaps ask if you could watch...then, could you touch...and on you go. Always get positive feedback before progressing; if there's doubt, don't push it. Just let her get used to it. Of course, if she's already been there and done that, remind her that each partner has different likes and dislikes and ask her to teach you what does it for her — you can get her to reciprocate later. Happy wanking!
- age 35, Scotland (female)
*Don't* insist or pressure her. Make sure you aren't asking her to do something she would feel bad about doing. Let her know what you think the advantages are — and some of them should be obvious — to masturbation over other types of sex play. She may be afraid (and maybe you should be, too) that once you go that far, it will lead to things that neither of you is ready for.
- age 17, Colorado
Set clear boundaries. Exposing your naked self opens up so many doors that you will not be able to go back through. Make sure you know each other's feelings about sex, and sexual acts, before you start. Masturbating with a partner almost always led to something else for me.
- age 21, Michigan
Girls like it. A guy masturbating is sexy, and the girl will probably want to help you get turned on and do stuff to you.
- age 18, Minnesota (female)
First of all, don't feel intimidated by the stigma that women are hard to please. It's actually not all that hard. Sure, the road to a female orgasm has more turns than a male's, but if you go into it with her guidance, you'll reach the destination in no time. Just don't try to pull any heroic "moves" until you get the hang of pressing the right buttons. As a free tip, try blowing and massaging the pubic area (not the genitals). The prolonged *promise* of getting to the goodies will drive her insane — in a good way, of course.
- age 21, Florida