Female sexual response needs to build much more gradually than a man's, beginning in the setting and mood of surroundings. Move slowly in toward her pubic area, caressing inner thighs, tummy, and buttocks, while continuing to talk sexy, kiss, and play with breasts and nipples. Tease her by moving into a sensitive area, and then back out for a while. Repeat the teasing.
As she becomes aroused, her vaginal lubrication will probably begin to flow. Becoming further aroused, she will "flower" (open her thighs and pelvis to the stimulation). Use your hands to help spread her fluid around her genitals. Where masturbation lubrication is an option for males, it's a necessity for females — trying to do it dry hurts. Be prepared with supplemental lubrication if she is dry; a synthetic "personal sexual lubricant" is best if you will likely have intercourse with a condom later on.
Be *very* gentle; her genitals are at least as sensitive as your testicles and scrotum. At this point you can use any combination of tongue and fingers to stimulate her labia, vagina, and clitoris.]
Keep it tender and slow — never rushed — never, never, never. Use vaginal as well as clitoral stimulation. Be as careful in handling her genital area as you would ask her to be with yours. While you are masturbating her, pay attention to her non-verbal communication — moans, body motions, breathing. If a certain movement or touching a certain area produces a sensual reaction, make sure to focus on this area or movement. Focus on *her* pleasure.
- age 37, Iowa
Don't spend the whole time trying to find her clitoris. Learn where it is before you start — or, maybe ask her to show you. Compliment her — tell her how sexy she is. Kiss her. Make sure you are both completely comfortable with each other and are *not* going to be interrupted. Be gentle with such a sensitive area of her body, and encourage her to tell you if she wants it harder, softer, slower, or faster. If you are not comfortable doing this, then you probably aren't ready for it.
- age 16, Australia (female)
Learn where the G-spot is; it feels like a soft, raised place on the vaginal wall. Look at a diagram of the female anatomy, and read comments from women (on this site) regarding what techniques work well for them. Think about and *feel* how much you like this woman while you are touching her. You will find yourself expressing these emotions with your hands. Explore the subtle areas: neck, wrists, bosom, inner thighs, lower back. Be prepared to take as much time as she needs for it to feel good for her. For men, the impulse is to climax as fast as possible, but for the gals, the journey is at least as important as the destination.
- age 45, Maine
Unlike men, who often enjoy strong direct stimulation to the penis, many women don't like direct stimulation to the clitoris. Evidently it's often too sensitive for much "man handling." (I think that is why vibrators are so popular with women — they provide indirect stimulation.) Ask *lots* of questions, and follow her lead. Ask her to show you what feels good to her.
- age 36, Texas
Pleasing a woman brings you double the reward. I still enjoy masturbating every day and many times in front of my husband of 40+ years. He also masturbates at the same time, which is a great turn-on for both of us. Believe me, there definitely is sex after your 30s, 40s, or 50s.
- age 60s, Florida (female)
The big thing is patience. Start slowly, and don't move right in on the clitoris. It's not a penis. Use her entire body — the more the better. Be sure to use as much of her natural lube as possible while rubbing her clitoris. Do not smother it with your finger; try to stay to one side or the other. (I have found that her dominant-hand side works best.) Last, don't be afraid of a little romance. It helps ten-fold.
- age 26, Maine
I told my boyfriend he should touch me there like he's afraid he'll break me — soft and gentle. And, it worked — I had the best orgasm I've ever had with him.
- age 16, New Jersey (female)
Start with light rubbing around the clitoris. Then, work your way around the whole vaginal opening. Next, slowly, push in and out, gently. Spread your fingers every once in a while to help her lubricate. As the intensity builds, start rubbing the inside wall of her opening, with a "come hither" motion. That should do it.
- age 24, Ohio
If you are stroking her clitoris and she seems relaxed or is enjoying it, keep up exactly what you are doing. Don't change anything! I just hate it when my husband decides all of a sudden to change his position in what he is doing. He almost has to start all over again to recapture the mood I was in.
- age 28, Canada (female)
First, be shorn of long nails. Then, using two fingers, rub in a gentle, feathery circular motion, slowly increasing in both speed and pressure, but never penetrating. Also, kiss, lick and suckle her nipples. It adds to her pleasure. In time, she will become very wet and "flower." Without breaking your rhythm, gently insert your fingertips into her. Continue with the circular motion, slowly — and I mean *slowly* — delving slightly deeper. Alternate the shallow and deep thrusts while maintaining the circular motion. As she gets wetter and wetter (and she will), kiss her — on the lips, her nipples, her breasts, beneath her breasts, her stomach and belly-button, beneath her belly button, and substitute your tongue for your fingers. She will be in heaven.
- age 34, Pennsylvania
Keep it slow, soft, and light at first. When you masturbate me, think of it as coaxing a kitten from under a bush. You have to be patient. Rubbing the side of the clitoris along the labia is a great way to bring on the heat. And don't forget there are many other places to touch besides the "little man in the boat."
- age 35, California (female)
I don't think you should masturbate a woman unless you're a woman. That's pretty gross. I say stick to your own sex. Masturbating a guy is a lot better, and getting masturbated by a guy is a lot better, too, because he already knows the territory.
- age 17, Tennessee
Ask her what she likes. Have her show you — turn on the light and watch her masturbate, if she's not shy about being observed. Be gentle if you insert a finger, and use a little spit for lube if needed. Focus on other areas in addition to the genitals (such as breasts, sides, and neck). Be patient; orgasms don't always come for women as quickly as they do for guys. For some of us, it's not that we're not aroused — it just takes a lot of effort to get over the edge. Then hold her when she's done.
- age 23, Maryland (female)
*Be gentle.* The softer you do it, the better. Tease — for some reason, girls like it *a lot*. Don't go in for the kill immediately; slowly work your way to the clitoris. If you want to "reach in," you *must* stimulate the G-spot, or it's not worth it. Stick two fingers into her vagina and curl with light but firm pressure behind the pelvic bone. Experiment to see what she likes best, and then do it. But, remember to tease.
- age 16, Florida
First of all, don't just concentrate on her clitoris or vagina. Concentrate on her entire body. There are all kinds of erogenous zones — search for them all. Listen to her responses; it'll be great fun for both of you. Second and most important, ask her to tell or show you how she makes herself feel good. Every woman is different, and even though you may know where her button is, you need to be able to push it just right.
- age 33, California
I recommend observing her own actions during a sexual encounter. You may even want to encourage her to play with herself while having sex. Once you learn the things she likes, such as stroking and pinching the clitoris in a certain rhythm, try it yourself. There's really no science to this, and with each partner you need to learn just what they like all over again. Practice makes perfect!
- age 17, Massachusetts
Be in tune to her needs. Don't always do what you *think* she would like — ask her. Communication is a major part of being sexual with one another. Simply ask her to show you what she likes. Ask her to lick the back of your hand to mimic the way she likes for her private parts to be licked. This learning experience can be fun.
- age 27, Missouri
Make sure you don't concentrate just on fingering her vagina. Do other things also, such as sucking on her breasts, caressing her breasts, and feeling her anus. You can even finger her anus as well as finger her vagina — she may get incredibly turned on by this. You can ask her to masturbate you also, and both climax together. It will be great, trust me. [Unless she is accustomed to having her anus touched or penetrated, that area will be especially sensitive. Be extra gentle there to avoid hurting her. Also, to avoid danger of vaginal infection, keep the finger you use for her anus well away from her vagina. Use other fingers for her vagina and clitoris. -Ed.]
- age 16, Australia
One thing most guys neglect is clitoral stimulation. Most guys go directly to the vagina — and although that feels good, clitoral stimulation is often overlooked. It's pretty much the most important part to concentrate on.
- age 17, Illinois (female)
*Please* keep it gentle. Take time to explore and discover. The clitoris is not a "button" like on an ATM machine. Please remember the clitoris is a "mini-penis" — treat it the way YOU would want to be treated, penis-wise! The main difference with a clitoris is that fingertips make the movements rather than a hand-hold (*usually*).
- age 40, Ohio (female)
Go in slowly; feel all around inside her. Make sure to take it slow, because you don't want to hurt her, and you can find the good spots better that way. Try using your middle finger inside her and your thumb on her clitoris.
- age 19, Michigan
*Talk to her!* You'll never know what to do unless you find out what she likes. Don't be afraid to ask questions, but don't be rude about it. When you're messing around, ask questions casually — such as, "You like it like this? Or this?" Communication is key to making any kind of sex good and comfortable for both parties.
- age 19, Washington (female)
Don't start by just shoving your fingers in. Give her time to get turned on. Start with a back massage that eventually leads to her chest. After reaching the chest, slowly begin to rub her through her underwear. Take your time as you begin to go into her underwear, and finally into her. If you don't rush into it, not only will she get totally turned on, so will you. This can lead to a great mutual masturbation session (or more!).
- age 33, Michigan
Rub her clitoris with circular motions. You can even put your lips around it and suck on it lightly while flicking it with your tongue. Once her breathing increases, try inserting a finger or two into her vagina and feel its walls. Also, talk to her — it drives them crazy! Tell her how great she tastes, and she is sure to have an explosive orgasm. Keep your finger in her vagina as she climaxes, and feel it contract and ripple. She could even climax again if you're doing a good job.
- age 16, Texas
Keep to a rhythm — don't change quickly from one movement pattern to another. Even if you think your partner is not responding, she may be, but just doesn't show it as rapidly as men do. Establish that rhythm (whatever it may be), and just keep steady. In the early stages, keep it light but firm. When she responds more strongly you can increase pressure, speed, or whatever. If she tells you something about the speed or pressure, *listen carefully!*
- age 43, Germany
When you get the chance, use your penis: Rub the head of your erect penis against her vagina. Before you go into the vagina with your penis, put just the head in her vagina and pull it back out. Repeat that a dozen times before the actual intercourse — it's fun! Also, use your penis to rub on her whole body — don't miss a spot.
- age 13, The Netherlands
Time is important to a lady, as well as a good atmosphere. Trying to *make* a lady climax anywhere, anyhow, doesn't work. My advice: Take as much time as necessary to make her ready with the touch of warm hands. A warm room doesn't hurt. either. Most of all, don't be too rough at the beginning — that can be a turn-off. When she starts flowing, you know you have started. Keep it going, and notice her responses. When she's really hot, then it would be time for some great safe sex.
- age 25, Australia
I usually like to start with foreplay such as licking her nipples, and perhaps using a feather to caress the insides of her thighs or her lips and clitoris. This usually makes her really wet. Then I like to sit behind the woman with her between my legs, reach down from behind, and rub my finger over her clitoris and tease her by inserting my finger while playing with her nipples with my other hand. If we are really getting into it I'll go for the G-spot. I have finally found my girlfriend's G-spot, and she *loves* it!
- age 24, Alabama
Maybe it is just me, but I can masturbate myself really well and don't need a guy to help. If he wants to, however, that's great and I welcome it. The only problem is I don't maintain my wetness, and then guys think I am not turned on and they stop. Or, they continue and rub me raw.
- age 17, Michigan (female)
I caress my girlfriend's vaginal lips with the slightest touch of my fingertips, almost like petting or stroking it. Then, when the time is right, I open up her lips and softly slide-drag a finger across her clitoris. It's the same for oral sex — soft, slow, and sweet. I don't even touch the lips; just kiss and breathe around the area and inner legs. Then at the right time I'll glide my tongue across her clitoris so soft that it barely touches. She *loves* it.
- age 23, Florida
It's her dance, even if you're leading. Look at her as your favorite partner, and use the moves she likes, not just what turns you on personally. First she will be rather dry, so stroke lightly over her lips and clitoris until you feel wetness from inside. Once there is enough to spread over the little clitoris, the sensation changes dramatically, and she will feel it more intensely. It may be a while before she shows you exactly what she wants, but by the time she is wet all over. (This is like you being fully erect with orgasm not far around the corner.) She will show you what to do, maybe more frankly than you expected. She'll probably want you to continue one motion for a fairly long time, so get used to enjoying that phase. Orgasm will probably be sweaty, wet, convulsive (just like it is for you), and possibly emotional, but don't stop there — wait 5-10 seconds and keep stroking her, because she can have several — and the first one isn't necessarily the best. Warning: Masturbating a woman is a phenomenal turn-on, but don't ruin it for her by insisting on intercourse or her doing you in return. If you can show your interest and sentisivity to her, she'll reciprocate when she's ready.
- age 51, Oregon
A woman is very sensitive (to the point of pain) if you go too rough. You don't need to penetrate her vagina for it to feel good. It's really important to remember to keep stimulating her as she climaxes — stopping brings her orgasm to a premature halt.
- age 21, Canada
My mate can receive direct clitoris attention only after she has gotten warmed up. I then start rubbing her clitoris in a circular motion, starting slower than she would like. It's like when a guy masturbates very slowly for a long time — you get to where you just can't stand it any longer. She also cannot stand it any longer, so she takes over masturbating. While she is busy I start to make love to her. She also likes the feeling of making love while she is being masturbated at the same time. This way we can both climax at the same time. I have met only a few girls who can climax from intercourse alone. Having a girl who knows her body well enough and is comfortable enough to masturbate while you are making love really helps drive up the satisfaction level.
- age 38, Kentucky
The key to great pleasure is communication. Women respond to different types of stimulation (oral, manual, etc.) on different places (clitoris, nipples, ears, etc.), so never *ever* assume that what worked for one lover will work for another. Some of us may be shy about discussing what we like or dislike — but if a guy can persuade his partner to share her preferences, she'll most likely enjoy his handiwork much, much more!
- age 18, Canada (female)
Lie with your head about level with her tummy to get a comfortable angle. Use deep penetration with one finger, maybe two (carefully) later. See if you can reach her cervix. Make "come here" gesticulations with your finger-- that is, curl it up so that it rubs down the front wall of her vagina — over and over again. She'll get a rather different sort of orgasm than she would from a clitoral session.
- age 29, United Kingdom
Less is more for a woman. Using gentle pressure, letting her lean into it, feels the best. Direct stimulation to the clitoris can be overwhelming, but pressing gently against the inner labia can stimulate the clitoris wonderfully. Also, if you insert a finger into the vagina, do it gently. Sliding along the bottom of the opening is nice, as is sliding up very carefully near the top of the vaginal opening.
- age 40, Iowa (female)
Keep it slow, slow, and slow! Take your time...it's for her, right? Slowly use one finger to softly touch her pubic area, and after a while, expand the area to include her labia. Use a vertical motion just inside of her to get her wet; then touch her clitoris very lightly. Use a slow, soft touch or she could be hurting! Use different motions (such as sideways, circular, or pulsating) to find out what "sounds" best: If she moans more, continue to use that motion. As she's closer to climaxing you can use more pressure and a wider range of motion, but be sure you don't go overboard! If she stops moaning/screeching/shrieking, go back to what you were doing before she stopped. And afterward, *don't* touch her clitoris — most women are very sensitive after orgasm.
- age 32, Washington
It's quite easy to masturbate a woman while having intercourse. I lie on top of her, between her thighs, turned a little to my left side with my weight mostly on her right thigh, which is angled out to the side. It is then very easy to rub her clitoris with my right hand at whatever intensity she is ready for, while thrusting away! My wife and all my girlfriends before her loved this technique, and they've often asked why more men are not aware of it.
- age 49, United Kingdom
I like it when my boyfriend kisses me for a while and starts to tease me over my jeans. Don't rush right into it. Rub her tummy, stroke her hair, and kiss her all over. Then once you've worked her up and made her crazy with anticipation, you can start by rubbing her vagina gently and then use the moisture to lubricate the clitoris. I really enjoy it when my clitoris is focused on — but then again, being teased can be fun too. But be kind: Don't tease for too long! Just let her know you care about her a lot. That's really important, too.
- age 16, California (female)
The clitoris is not just that little button on the top of the vagina; its core extends far within her and can be stimulated from the inner surface with a finger or two rubbed upward. If you can take care of the outer clitoris with your thumb or tongue or other hand while rubbing the inner clitoris with an inserted finger or two, you will have a winner on your hands. And be *gentle* with both!
- age 31, Washington
Mutual masturbation was our only sexual outlet (for fear of pregnancy) for several months before my girlfriend and I had intercourse for the first time. We continue to masturbate each other as part of foreplay. We have become experts of sorts. First, set the mood with music, undress slowly, and ease into a comfortable position. Work your way gradually down to massage her thighs lightly. Slowly move to find her clitoris — it will probably be "erect" by this point. My girlfriend prefers a circular motion around her clitoris rather than directly on it. Start slowly, and gradually build tempo. The most important thing is to know what she likes and cater to that; after all, we all have our favorite strokes and tempo. The more you talk about it before, during, and after, the more you will both enjoy it.
- age 25, Pennsylvania
