Also, for some reason, a lot of readers misread this question as asking for same-sex experiences rather than opposite-sex experiences. (One person even chewed me out for asking such a "perverted" question!) You gotta read that question carefully before you answer!]
I have not masturbated with a member of the opposite sex, but I would really like to. The only problem is I don't know what I would do.
- age 14, New Jersey
Yes, I masturbate my girlfriend whenever we engage in sexual activities. Usually, I just use my fingers and stimulate the labia minora, the area surrounding the clitoris and around the entrance to the vagina. I use a gentle vibrating movement with my fingers, nothing too rough. A piece of advice — if you are going to try this with your girlfriend, be very gentle and don't just poke your fingers inside the vagina. Instead, stimulate the area surrounding the clitoris. Unless your girl tells you, don't stimulate the clitoris directly — that is often too intense and uncomfortable for many women. Above all, talkto your girl and ask her what she likes or wants — perhaps even have her guide your hand. Different women like different things.
- age 21, California
Yes, mutual masturbation is an important part of my married sex life. Usually I rub all around the outside of her vagina and play with her pubic hair. When she starts getting aroused, I start rubbing up and down her "slit" with my middle finger until she starts moving against my hand. Slowly, I work my finger in and out until she can't stand it anymore and wants me inside her.
- age 33, Texas
This is a nice question. I would probably talk about sex with my girlfriend to make her very, very interested. I know she would not have sex, but I will kiss her a lot. I might get naked, put some Vaseline on my penis, masturbate in front of her, maybe stimulate her as well, circle her breasts or so. This would be my first experience.
- age 16, Mexico
I have masturbated females all my sexual life. Mainly I concentrate on their clitoris and their lips, while from time to time inserting my fingers in their vagina. Many years ago I learned males and females orgasm in pulses that are about 7/10 of a second apart...therefore I began to use this timing in how I pressed their clitoris. I even borrowed a metronome and listened to the 7/10 timing until I could match it with my finger (no women with me at that time). [Note: If you have a metronome, the appropriate setting is 84.] I found that most women climax quite quickly this way — much quicker than just plain rubbing their clitoris. Sometimes I would put a dildo or vibrator in a woman's vagina and then play with their clitoris...this was a very, very effective method of pleasing them, and that's the name of the game: giving your partner pleasure.
- age 75, Texas
My boyfriend and I have gone together for two years. He has wanted to have intercourse, but I do not want to do it, so we have been heavy petting for a year. I did not masturbate him until a month ago. We were making out and he wanted me to touch his penis. He unzipped his pants and for the first time took it out. I was very scared at first. I put my hand around it and noticed it was very warm and very hard.I moved my hand up and down only about five times and he had an orgasm. I didn't know what to do. I was kind of scared at the time. He put it away and the date kind of ended. We talked about it the next day, and hewas embarrassed about the whole thing. I told him I didn't think he should be. So about once a week when we get together, I masturbate him by hand. This seems to take care of his need for intercourse. I would rather masturbate him than have intercourse. He has wanted to finger me, but right now I feel uncomfortable with him touching me between the legs. He has honored this.
- age 17, Florida (female)
When I was in high school, my girlfriend masturbated me, and I would use my hand on her at the same time. That was when I learned about the clitoris and how to touch it lightly and around it. Since then, I have done masturbation with a woman with us facing each other and each doing ourselves. We began out of her curiosity to see how I did it. I encouraged her to do herself at the same time. She was much rougher on herself than I would dare to be.
- age 32, Washington
Yes, on a few occasions, when I was 15. I just thrusted my fingers in and out of her. Needless to say, it didn't do much for her. However, I did some reading, and the next time I masturbated her, I focused on her clitoris with a little fingering. This time she climaxed twice.
- age 17, Florida
For a couple of years, my wife had a damaged back and sex was very dangerous for her. We spent those years with mutual masturbation almost every night, got used to the idea, and rather enjoyed it. Our children were young and we didn't want more, so it was a sure-fire method of contraception. I did lots of oral sex but also would get the Lubriderm (her personal favorite) and use that with one hand on her clitoris and insert my fingers from my other hand. She had the most powerful orgasms she has ever had. We still enjoy it as a variation. We would lie head-to-toe so she could masturbate me while I was using both hands on her. It was a wonderful substitute.
- age 63, Texas
I used to stimulate my ex's clitoris through her pants when we were out in public (such as under the table in a restaurant). This would drive her wild because she had to pretend nothing was going on. When it got to be too much for her she would dig her nails into the back of my hand to get me to stop. It was hilarious watching her squirm. Unfortunately, she gave terrible hand jobs. I have yet to find a girl who is very good at that.
- age 24, Maryland
My ex-girlfriend and I used to masturbate each other fairly often. In fact, it made for a nice substitute for actual sex during her [menstrual] period. I learned what made her feel best by watching her masturbate herself and asking her what she enjoyed (and she did the same with me). I would generally concentrate on the "exterior," concentrating on her clitoris. Often during masturbation, she preferred to be touched through her underwear. Occasionally, when the mood was right (not to mention the timing), I would insert one or two fingers inside her for stimulation. I also became skilled at using her vibrator on her in her favorite way. For anyone who hasn't indulged in mutual masturbation with their significant other, I strongly recommend it.
- age 27, Texas
I've never masturbated a guy to orgasm, but almost. I stopped right in the middle because I didn't know what to do. The whole mood fizzled and he was a little mad — but next time I'll keep going until he ejaculates.
- age 14, Canada (female)
Since I was shown how to masturbate a female once from an old girlfriend, I have had excellent results. A current friend now calls me the "Fingerman" and has suggested, tongue-in-cheek, that her friends take me for a "test drive." Being gentle and rhythmic is the key. I wet my middle finger and rub it verygently over the clitoral hood, eventually touching the clitoris itself. I try to maintain a steady rhythm, and if necessary, I move my finger lower to replenish the lubrication. As her climax nears, she usually likes me to insert one or two fingers. At this point, being rhythmic can mean the difference between orgasm and frustration. Usually, if my touch is good, she'll orgasm in 12-15 minutes.
- age 26, California
About two years ago a friend of mine, a girl who lived down the street from me, came over to study. My parents were at work and somehow we started talking about sex. The next thing you know we were taking off our clothes. I had never had sex before and I was scared to, so we just started masturbating each other. I just felt her vagina and stuck my finger in it twice. When I put my finger in she made a little noise like it hurt, so I stopped. I did notice that it was very warm and moist inside. I really wish I could do it again sometime, for real!
- age 15, New York
The girl I lost my virginity to in college and I mutually masturbated before later on moving to intercourse. Mostly I massaged the insides of her thighs and her vaginal lips, and I used a couple fingers to stimulate the inside while trying to stimulate the clitoral area. She liked me to massage her backside too. We didn't use extra lubrication or toys. Mostly, I took my time and varied my approach so she wouldn't get sore and I wouldn't get bored or tired out. I let her guide me when we first started so I could learn.
- age 23, California
I haven't masturbated a girl yet, but when I do, I'll probably ask her what she wants. I don't think it's good for me to assume what would be the best way to masturbate her. It's a good idea to share how you like to be masturbated because I think it would enhance the pleasure for both. I would probably first touch and caress her in various places and kiss her all over. Then I would start stimulating her vagina.
- age 15, Georgia
Many times...with my live-in girlfriend. During "that time of the month," I do not like to have intercourse, so I do this instead. I am comfortable with it for some reason. As most women are very "excited" this time of the month, I am glad I can do something to help. I usually stick to the one- or two-fingered rubbing motion, while in a half-"spooning" position.
- age 24, Canada
Yes, and it's great fun! I've had only one girlfriend in my life, and I would masturbate her in her bed. And always at first, she'd say she didn't like it. Once I got going, though, she wouldn't let me stop. If I stopped for some reason she'd look at me, open her legs, point at her crotch and say, "Get back to work." It was so cute! A tip for you guys — a finger is all fine and good, but as far as foreplay goes, oral is the way to go. The first time I brought my girlfriend to orgasm orally, she couldn't believe it.
- age 21, Canada
After foreplay, I'd have us both naked, and then I'd lie with her in a modified "69" position where my penis was by her breasts and my hand could reach her genitals. Then I'd start to rub myself against her breasts while massaging her vagina, until she had an orgasm. I wouldn't stop if I had one — I'd keep going for her
- age 15, Canada
I have masturbated two guys. For one, I was so clueless, and he had to help me out and finish the job. For the other, it was better. We were in a relationship, whereas the other guy was a one-afternoon stand. He taught me, and I eventually got the hang of it. He was circumcised but seemed to have some extra skin, so I would grab on and move the skin up and down. I would lubricate with my spit (nice way to tease him with a little oral pleasure) and play with his testicles with my other hand, sometimes alternating to his nipples, too. I also occasionally tried some anal stimulation. When he would get close to orgasm, he would tell me so I wouldn't switch hands or stop at the wrong moment. Trying to teach him to masturbate me was harder, though. It was hard for me to explain how it is best for me. All I could say for sure was to go slowly and tease me with light caresses. I would eventually want him to "finger-bang" me by moving two or three fingers inside me fast and hard, but he would make me beg for that. Overall, communication made our masturbation sessions good.
- age 20, Pennsylvania (female)
I masturbated a girlfriend while driving (highly unsafe!) on the interstate. Foolish as it was, it seemed pretty successful. I began by rubbing her legs and clitoris through her jeans. It was fairly obvious when she started to get aroused. I moistened my finger and began to rub her clitoris and begin a little bit of penetration until she had an orgasm. Fortunately, the roads were empty enough and my head clear enough to keep us on the road.
- age 22, Tennessee
How can you keep something like that clean? I'd do it however he'd like it, fast or slow. I'd want him to guide my hand some of the way and then let me do it my way. A lot of guys say girls are bad at masturbating them. If so, why do guys have girls masturbate them in the first place?
- age 15, Ohio (female)
Every woman I have masturbated has had different likes and dislikes concerning stimulation — from lightly touching around the outside of the clitoris to one who liked two fingers in her vagina with the palm pushing down on her clitoris and a finger from the other in her anus. Most, it seems, like the clitoris directly but gently stimulated and sometimes a finger in the vagina.
- age 39, Colorado
How can you masturbate someone of the other sex? I call that sex.
- age 16, Hawaii
I've masturbated my girlfriend quite often. At first, I would let her guide my hand until I learned how she likes to touch herself. Now, as I've gotten more used to her preferences, I like to add a little of my own technique by treating her clitoris like a smaller version of the head of my penis. It's great to see her respond to the same stimulation that I find pleasurable.
- age 24, Canada
I have never seen anyone do it or even talk about masturbation. If I could masturbate a girl, I would do whatever she would like for me to do, letting her guide my hand for the first few minutes of it, to show me the best ways to give her pleasure. As I said, I would do anything she'd like me to.
- age 13, Florida
My girlfriend and I often masturbate each other, because we rarely have any privacy, and it's one of the few ways for us to pleasure each other without it being too noticeable if somebody should walk in. I usually start by rubbing her inner thighs and gradually working my way up to her vaginal area. What she's wearing plays a big part in how I do it — skirts and dresses are the best and easiest to deal with, but if she's wearing jeans or pants, I either slip my hand down them or unzip her for "easier access." It's usually just a simple massaging motion, with little penetration — she doesn't like to be penetrated by my fingers for some reason. Circular motions work best. I also find that blowing in her ears helps her stimulation. Usually she's doing the same to me, so as I get more excited, I tend to work harder on her. Also, the fact that there might be somebody else in the next room adds to the excitement. Thinking about touching a girl that way used to turn me off — until I found out how much they like it!
- age 24, Pennsylvania
When I masturbate a girl, I concentrate on the clitoris. I make sure everything is nice and wet and work around, but not directly on, her clitoris. When she is lubricated and aroused enough, I occasionally insert a finger or two. I have gotten good results this way and manage to make some girls climax.
- age 18, Iowa
I slowly massaged her thighs while edging closer to her pubic hair. Finally, I entered her vagina but concentrated on her clitoris. She helped me by showing where she liked the pressure to be. All in all, she had a good time. I could tell by the uncontrollable muscle contractions she made.
- age 27, Florida
I have not; however I plan to soon. I know my boyfriend masturbates, so perhaps I will watch him once or twice to see what he enjoys. Then I will ask him throughout the masturbation session (me doing him) what he likes, what I should do, if I can do anything else.
- age 15, Missouri (female)
Women like it really slow and erotic. Minimal penetration seems to be preferred — a slow circular motion around the clitoris with slow, short, jabbing inserts to the "honey pot." Also masturbating their anus while vaginally stimulating them can make them pop in a second. That is sometimes fun — kind of like a race to orgasm.
- age 35, California
Nope, never. I'm not sure what I would do, but I would just follow what she says and stuff like that, you know?
- age 15, Washington
I have fingered my girlfriend many times but didn't realize until very recently that I wasn't stimulating her clitoris. I would usually go in and out (rather deeply before, because I thought that would give her pleasure) and many times end up [stimulating her orally]. She finally told me the clitoris is at the top of the opening, and she showed me exactly where I should touch her to get her off. Even though I was embarrassed, at least I know now that I am making her happier.
- age 18, New Jersey
I've never masturbated a guy, but when I do, I will use the "fist" method. I used to think I would touch it all over, but now I think I would stroke the shaft rhythmically. I would first masturbate myself a bit and then use that hand to masturbate him (instant lube!). I would also touch his nipples and scrotum at the same time.
- age 17, Alabama (female)
When I was 19, my girlfriend asked me if I ever masturbated. I was kind of shocked but told her that I did. She said she thought so but was just curious. Then she asked if she could watch me "do it." I said, "I guess, but only if I can watch you, too." She said that she had never done it before but that she would. We took off our clothes and I sat on the couch and she sat in the recliner, and we masturbated while watching each other. I ejaculated in about two minutes. She came right afterwards and said that was the biggest turn-on she'd ever had.
- age 24, Wisconsin
It was a very scary experience, since I had no idea what I was doing. But my boyfriend seemed to enjoy it!
- age 15, Washington (female)
When I've masturbated girls I like to stroke them on the outside of their vagina first until they're fairly moist. After this, I insert my middle finger and move it in and out, up and down, and stroke her clitoris. I like to see how many fingers I can get inside. Girls seem to like this, too.
- age 15, United Kingdom
I begin by massaging the woman's mons, working my way gradually down to the clitoris. I take my time, and sometimes the woman draws my hand downward if she wants the pace to accelerate. I use two fingers to massage the minor lips to either side of the clitoris, drawing up the moisture of the vagina as it appears. Finally, I may insert one or more fingers into the vagina, using them as an anchor with the tips reaching for the "G-spot," while my thumb circles the clitoris. I find that general acceleration of the rate of "vibration" helps, and the woman may be "bumped up" to orgasm by momentarily stopping motion (a tiny fraction of a second — no long pause!). I liken this to a skipped heartbeat.
- age 34, Ohio
Well, let's just say I've tried. It's pretty hard to know what feels good. I just kind of rubbed around until she started jerking, but then my parents came home. Oops!
- age 17, Indiana