This would be a good incentive to go for the quality-versus-quantity argument, which is something that seems very practical even though I've never had the discipline to follow through with it. Of course, if you save it up for a few days, you get a better orgasm — everyone knows that. If they charged you for them, you could ration your pleasure to, say, every other day instead of every day. You'd have half the actual number of orgasms, but their intensity would be the same, if not better. And you'd be paying half-price for equal or greater pleasure intensity! How cost-effective!
- age 22, Tennessee (female)
This Week's Wackiest Response:
Dammit, my hand has been charging me $10!
- age 17, Australia
I currently masturbate about every other day. I would be forced to cut back to twice a week. The interesting question here is, what would happen if you tried to sneak a few under the radar and rip off the "Masturbation fairy" of its hard-earned fees? Would it accept my credit card as payment, or would I have to work a few hours at the Department of Masturbation to make up for it?
- age 26, Ontario, Canada
Of course, I'd masturbate as much as I presently do! I use lots of porn, and it costs me probably more than $5 for each masturbation session. As we say in French, "Quand on aime on ne compte pas" (when you love something, you don't count).
- age 40, Belgium
I would masturbate much, much less. I usually do it two or three times a day, so I would lose 10 to $15 a day. I don't have that kind of money. But how would they know if you masturbate? They would probably put a device in every man's penis so they could bill you at the end of the month.
- age 15, California
I know I'd do it a lot more if you *paid* me $5 to do it! By my calculations, if I had $5 for every time I have done it since I was 13, I'd have about $23,000 extra by now. If I had to pay for it, I figure I could get by doing it one or two times a week. I guess it would become looked upon as a vice if we had to pay for it, a little like buying a pack of smokes, a latte at Starbucks, or that Friday evening drink after a long week at work.
- age 45, Washington
I'd go bankrupt.
- age 14, Australia
My approach would be simple. I'd start a for-profit masturbation Web site or magazine — that way, I could masturbate and say I'm doing it to get ideas for my Web site or magazine. This would make the $5 charge tax deductible as a business expense on Schedule C. I'd also get a kick out of imagining the eyes of the IRS agent bulge as he sees: "Masturbation Charges--$5,555." I could compile video footage, too, to prove I actually masturbated in case of an audit. Boy, tax time never seemed like it could be so much fun!
- age 32, Washington
After all these years, it's such a habit now that I'm not sure I could curtail my pleasuring. Perhaps, I'd scale back a bit and just do it 5 days a week instead of 7. By the way, here's an important question: Who collects the "masturbation fee?" Could the funds perhaps be used to open up outdoor masturbation areas?
- age 50, California
I would start masturbating at a sperm bank to make extra money.
- age 15, United Kingdom
That depends on whether I could use a credit card.
- age 52, California
I would probably find the nearest masturbation Costco and buy my masturbation in bulk for a cheaper price.
- age 15, Michigan
I would put it on my charge card and declare bankruptcy when I couldn't make the minimum monthly payment anymore.
- age 48, Pennsylvania
I would be holding it in for the rest of my life, because you state "masturbating to orgasm" costs $5. So basically, I'd do the stop and go until I finally have sex, and boy, will that girl be in for some trouble!
- age 16, United Kingdom
Being financially better off than most and averaging about once a day, it wouldn't bother me at all. Also, the world would be overflowing with very young men willing to work for a little cash.
- age 62, Ohio
I'd probably do it once or twice. After that I wouldn't waste my money on it.
- age 15, New Hampshire
God, what a question! Considering I could afford it, I'd probably continue to masturbate at least twice a day. And yes, it's that important to me.
- age 45, California (female)
I would be broke — and the Masturbation Mafia would be after me for the millions of dollars I would be in debt!
- age 15, New York
I wouldn't change a thing. I would masturbate as often as I do now, but I wouldn't pay the $5 each time. They would probably arrest me and send me to jail, where I would then do it just as often. As long as they didn't cut my hands and fingers off, I would be just fine. Not really, but hey, you've gotta do what you've gotta do.
- age 19, Arizona (female)
When I used to have to pay for Internet usage, I would ring up large bills from looking at certain sites. The thing was, I knew it was going to cost me, but I couldn't help it. So in answer to your question, I'd probably just ring up a very large tab.
- age 17, United Kingdom
It's a rather odd question, but I would budget to masturbate at least once a day. Budgeting to masturbate is really setting a priority isn't it? Anyway, if it were a choice between things that I do that I don't need, such as having extra food treats and buying other entertainment, masturbation would win hands down (or hands around, however you look at it). It sounds like a great weight-loss program. Masturbate and lose weight!
- age 51, Virginia
I'd become a self-proclaimed orgasm thief.
- age 17, Maryland
I'd get a job giving out hand-jobs! 5 bucks a pop — cash time!.
- age 21, Australia
I'd start up a masturbator for hire service and just go around masturbating people. It would be a win-win situation — I'd get rich, and they'd have fun!
- age 19, Indiana
I would quit masturbating.
- age 29, Kansas
Now I remember why I've never smoked, drank, done drugs, or partied. I wanted to save money for the truly important things in life. As far as I'm concerned, $5 per orgasm is a bargain. If the price shot up (pun fully intended), I could always sell my product to the sperm bank and still be ahead of the game. (Who thinks up these questions?)
- age 62, Michigan
Oh, wait please! I am stingy like Dagobert Duck! I wouldn't do it anymore at all. Instead, I would pay my brother $1 (or, Euro in my case) to do it *for* me. So, I would save $4 to have for next time.
- age 21, Germany
I am well over 65 years old, so I regularly use Viagra, herbals, or both to enhance the experience. So, I am already paying close to $5.00 a pop, and regularly enjoy masturbation sessions at least 3 times a week. I have been doing this for over 3 years. As far as cost is concerned, it is certainly a high priority item for me. I probably would not reduce the number of my sessions until the cost exceeded $10 or $15 each.
- age 78, Oregon
Geez, that would be awful! Right now, I normally masturbate about once a day; that would be $1,825 a year! I would probably masturbate once a week at most; still, that is $260. That doesn't seem so bad for a whole year, but I already have trouble scraping money together for other things. I would probably have to give up going to my favorite fast food restaurant all the time. Think of all those people who have to do it 3 times a day that would be $5,475 a year, $105 a week! I am so very glad I don't have to pay to get off!
- age 16, Florida
This is a difficult question — first, because I am on a very tight budget while supporting myself through university, and second, because I am in a relationship and the sex is very satisfying, although my partner doesn't want it as much as I do. Basically, I think I would probably do it less if it cost me money each time, but if I had the money available, I would still do it sometimes. I can imagine that I'd do it a couple of times within the first few days of the week or fortnight following getting paid, then spent the rest of the fortnight waiting, frustrated, having drained my pay. It would be interesting to see how this would change when I graduate and gain full-time employment. I know what I'd be doing to celebrate getting a job!
- age 20, Australia (female)
I would masturbate twice a week ($12 a week in allowance) and still have $2 left over. But I am quite cheap, so I would probably masturbate only once a week. It would be super-cool to be the guy that collects the money for masturbating, because I'd rather be rich and have sex with my beautiful supermodels than be upper middle class and masturbating!
- age 15, New York
Please don't give the government any ideas like this. If they bring it to fruition I'll blame you, Ecker!
- age 20, Texas
I would get a friend to masturbate me. The question says "each time *you* do it," so then it would cost me nothing, and then I'd return the favor
- age 16, Australia (female)
Since going long periods of time without masturbating increases the pleasure of orgasm, this extra incentive to stave off sexual cravings could result in more intense, if less frequent, sessions.
- age 17, Pennsylvania
I would masturbate the same amount, even though I don't have a lot of money. Frankly, I think that the feeling is worth $5. I do it myself every other day, sometimes more; also, I hope that the $5 would also include a condom or some way to clean up!
- age 21, Minnesota
Actually, I'd do it less and the reason wouldn't be because I'm not the wealthiest person ever, but I've found over the years that if you masturbate constantly, the excitement and "spark" that was once so delightful and exhilarating, has dimmed. If you do it, like, once every two weeks, the orgasm will be much more intense. So with the new price, it would give me a reason to wait.
- age 15, New York (female)
I'd do it as much as I do now — it would be the best way of spending a 5 that I know of. And you could make it last as long or as short as you like.
- age 20, United Kingdom
I would not masturbate at all. I would rather go and get off with a guy for free. I masturbate around 3 times a week. But if they start charging, it would happen perhaps only once a month. I would rather have my boyfriend give me an orgasm than to pay for me do it. Anyway, I wouldn't be doing all the work then.
- age 16, Mississippi (female)
I'm a poor student, so I couldn't afford to. I'd end up with a *massive* overdraft! If you had to pay though wouldn't that be equivalent to sort of prostituting yourself?
- age 32, United Kingdom
I'd masturbate the same as I do now, and I wouldn't pay. I'd be a masturbator on the run.
- age 21, New York
This is a very good question. I am a once- and sometimes twice-a-day kind of guy. I would be able to cut back on the odd wank to save money each week, but I would still be spending about $35 per week on what would be termed "private expenses." Of course, I would want to know where my money was going and would expect the best possible value for it. Otherwise, I would feel compelled to lodge a complaint with the Masturbation Ombudsman (or similar authority).
- age 28, Australia
This would surely put an end to all my self-pleasuring. I'd probably stop masturbating entirely, having no job to pay for it. But that's not my main concern. Making a budget, planning in advance, it removes the joy and freedom. Also, consider the stress of needing to do it perfectly when you can you afford to. It would degrade your performance, and you'd only lament afterwards and think, "I could have done it so much better".
- age 17, Sweden
With the affluence of middle years $5 a time would make no difference at all. But when I think back to student years I'm sure I would have had a big problem. $50 a week or thereabouts is tough on student finances, and I guess I would have had to cut back somewhat. But the idea is really too terrible to contemplate.
- age 38, United Kingdom
Just who would get this money? If I were the government, I would legalize prostitution with this $5 fee.
- age 19, Texas
This policy would really change my spending habits around town. On average, I masturbate once a day, sometimes less, rarely more, so I'm fairly certain that I could afford the $35 per week that it would take to keep myself satisfied. Of course, I might not be going to the movies nearly as often as I do now, but then, one must make sacrifices, right?
- age 27, Arkansas
Considering that I masturbate around 5 times a week, I would probably drop this down to once. It would help me to hold off and increase the pleasure; and because I don't have a job, once a week would be practical.
- age 14, New Zealand
Now, that's regressive taxation" if ever I have heard it! When I was a lot younger (under 25) this would have been financially crippling as I usually masturbated a couple of times a day. If I had to pay $5 then, I would have had to cut back to maybe 5 times a week. Today, though — when I *can* afford to pay $70 per week — I don't have the desire to do it as much. So yes, I'd probably pay $30 per week — and I'd put the other $40 per week into buying stock in the masturbation licensing corporation.
- age 33, New Zealand
It depends what the money went towards. If it was used as a tax by the government I would abstain, as I do not agree with the way the government handles money. If it were for something worthy I'd get a second job just to masturbate, if need be.
- age 18, Georgia
If each orgasm achieved by masturbating had cost us $5, neither my buddy nor I would have been able to afford an education, enter our professions, or buy our house. We'd have no investments, savings, or 401(k)s. Diversion of so much money from other undertakings would leave us hopelessly impoverished in many ways other than financial! Our masturbation expenditures under the $5 tariff would be self-limiting, of course: Having no money for food inevitably weakens a guy, thereby making masturbation less frequent. Some sort of sad equilibrium would be eventually established — at what level, only experiment could determine. Neither of us is interested. Any takers?
- age 46, California