That would be anytime I was using a dildo, plug, vibrator, or the vibrating egg in my "back door." One time in particular would have been more embarrassing than others because I had a large vibrator there and I was masturbating with my butt above my head. I remember passing the point of no return and thinking how devastated I'd be if anyone were to see this. I could not stop and the ejaculate shot all over my chest. So there I was with an adult movie playing, my semen on my body, a vibrating dildo in my butt, and various toys on the floor. I would have been beyond embarrassed. The fear of this happening is why I got rid of all my toys many years ago.
- age 29, Maryland
This Week's Wackiest Response:
Dipping my penis in some coffee — he was thirsty! All he ever does is give out liquid. It was time for him to get some back.
- age 18, Australia
I like to masturbate while filming myself with a video camera. It really arouses me to see myself on screen afterwards. Strangely though, I don't like to see my face in the video, so I have gotten into the habit of wearing a Halloween mask. I also have a vibrator that I use to stimulate myself anally during a session. I would have to say that being caught masturbating naked in front of a video camera wearing a Halloween mask and with a vibrator inserted in my anus would be horrible in reality, but to be honest, I find it quite arousing in fantasy.
- age 37, New York
I do regular workouts at the gym and I am very disciplined about it. I always use the gym early in the mornings when nobody is around. One day after my workout, the locker room was still empty and someone had left a dirty magazine on the bench. I didn't read it, but I was doing warming-down stretches with just my briefs on and my erection felt uncomfortable. So I removed my briefs and without really thinking, and began to massage my testicles with one hand and masturbate with the other. The fact that it was almost "public" made the experience very intense, and I entered the shower section to ejaculate. Had any of the trainers or gym staff walked in, it would have been impossible to disguise what I was doing. They were all close friends of mine, and I would have felt utterly embarrassed and probably have begged to them not to tell anyone.
- age 22, United Kingdom
One time when I had been home alone and sucking my own penis for pleasure, my mom pulled into the driveway. She came in just after I made it to my room and closed the door. Phew, what a close one!
- age 16, Pennsylvania
I once stayed in a hotel room that had a bathroom with a mirrored counter, mirrors at both ends, and track lighting overhead. There was also a bidet that I used on my balls and anus. I really got worked up seeing my penis from all sides in all the mirrors. I continued into the hallway where a closet door mirror faced the entry door mirror, where I stroked away standing up. I finished off in the bedroom where there was a huge mirror over the bed and another above the headboard. When I finally ejaculated after "edging" for about an hour, it was one of the strongest and most intense orgasms in my recent memory. Lucky for me, it was too late for room service — plus, I made sure to bolt the door; otherwise, it would have been very embarrassing.
- age 49, California
I was using a technique I had read about on this site — the one where you put Vaseline in a baggie and stick it in between your mattress and box-spring. If my parents (or anybody else, for that matter) had "caught" me, I doubt I would ever be able to talk to them again. I mean, I know that they know I do it, but actually being "caught" in the act would be very awkward.
- age 17, Minnesota
There are a couple of times that I would have been devastated to get caught. When I was about 12, I masturbated using my sister's silky panties. If she had caught me, she would have killed me. Another time, quite recently, I was experimenting with anal stimulation and had a cucumber inserted in my rectum, which would have been difficult to explain if someone were to have walked in just then.
- age 22, Australia
I was on the Internet masturbating on a web cam for 12 or 13 people. All had told me they were women, but let's be realistic — I'm sure some were not. Anyway, I had my legs up on my computer desk and I ejaculated my semen so hard that it actually hit me in the face. This probably would have been an embarrassing time to get walked in on.
- age 16, Massachusetts
When I was young, I went through a phase of trying as many different positions as I could think of in which to masturbate. Once I stood on my head in bed with my back against the wall and legs spread-eagle. That would have been difficult to explain. It also violated that rule of always having an easy escape route — or an excuse that could offer an alternative explanation of my action.
- age 58, Georgia
I would have been the most embarrassed if someone had walked in on me when I've tried to get my mouth onto my own nipples. When I'm with a guy, one of my biggest turn-ons during heavy making out or foreplay is a when a guy gently sucks my breasts, so I've tried to do it to myself quite a few times. Unfortunately, I have somewhat small breasts, so I've never succeeded. I'm pretty comfortable with my physical appearance, but I wish I had larger breasts so I could enhance my self-pleasure a bit.
- age 15, Florida (female)
My girlfriend gave me some of her old panties and bras that she doesn't wear anymore. One time I put a bra and pair of panties on a pillow of mine and began to masturbate over it. I undressed the pillow, pretending it was her, starting with the panties. Using the panties to stroke myself, I finished by ejaculating on the bra. I would have gotten lots of questions had I been walked in on.
- age 23, Tennessee
I had found some of my dad's sex lubricant, so when he went to work, I put some on my penis and started to masturbate. At the time, I was completely naked and watching a porno on his bed. I think I would have died if he had found me doing it.
- age 14, Michigan
When I was 14 and with hormones raging, I started videotaping myself masturbating. Also, I'd videotape my body so I could keep track of the changes. Eventually, I got two of my close friends to do it, as well, and sometimes we'd change the videotapes and see what the other one did in private. Often, I'd just go back and watch old videos of myself masturbating and it would be embarrassing if someone had walked in and seen me masturbating to a videotape of my younger self.
- age 21, Illinois
One time, I was in my room, and I was masturbating. The difference with this time was that I had one of my legs open, and against the wall. I was standing up, and using a vibrator on my clitoris, because it felt better than if I was doing it sitting down. If someone had walked in, they would have thought that I was crazy! I was bouncing up and down with my vibrator because it felt so good.
- age 15, Florida (female)
If the question called for *both* embarrassment and legal problems, I would pick the time I was masturbating in the door-less stall of a public restroom. I was seated on the toilet with my pants and underpants down to my ankles. However, in terms of sheer embarrassment potential, I would pick the time I was pretending to be an astronaut in a space shuttle at launch — minus clothing. I was totally naked, lying flat on my back on my bathroom rug. My butt was pressed against the side of the bathtub, and my legs were bent at the knees, with their lower portion and my feet in a horizontal position. I had a pillow under my head, and I was quite comfortable in that "blast-off" position. Yes, I did "blast off" rather powerfully; however, gravity kept my goo from floating around my bathroom. Darn!
- age 63, Michigan
It would be most embarrassing if someone walked in on one of my bondage sessions. About once a month I strap myself down to the four corners of my bed with a vibrator in my underwear. Feeling myself strain against my bonds, especially during orgasm, is very powerful. This would be embarrassing because it would expose my hidden "kink," something that many people have a hard time dealing with.
- age 16, New Hampshire
When I was about 14, I was at a friend's cottage and we had been talking about masturbation for quite some time. During the day, I got the urge and decided to go inside. He had told me that he masturbated and used a hand cream — even said where it was. I just sat in his washroom and masturbated, completely naked, thinking of him doing so in the same room. If he had walked in on me then, I would have been pretty embarrassed to be sitting there naked using his lotion.
- age 25, Georgia
Masturbation usually isn't as much of a focus for me, being a female, as it seems to be with guys; however, I find it extremely stimulating and exciting, so I try to do it frequently. There is something about massaging my clitoris that just releases all my sexual tension. There is a particular time that I would have been really embarrassed if I had been "caught." I didn't have my dildo with me and was desperate, so I straddled a banana and used it to stimulate myself and fill me. It worked like a charm, but I would have been horrified if someone had caught me with my "fruit fetish."
- age 17, New York (female)
I decided to try something new, so I borrowed my sister's vibrator. I was naked, had her vibe, and was inserting it anally. I had a condom on it, but that would have been the most embarrassing thing ever if she had discovered what I was doing.
- age 24, Wisconsin (female)
I woke up one morning with morning wood. It was one of those that made you just have to masturbate, so I lubed up and went to town. My wife and I have toys that we use and I got one out, inserted it in my butt, and was really enjoying it when a knock came on the bedroom door. Here the kids had missed the bus and needed a ride to school. I told them I would be out in a minute. I finished myself to orgasm and what a feeling that was. But I could not imagine my embarrassment if they had just opened the door.
- age 47, Pennsylvania
Once I had a friend spend the weekend with me and we masturbated each other. I remember a few times when he was masturbating me and my mom was just outside my room in the hall. I was afraid she'd walk in. Having her walk in on me while he was masturbating me would be way more embarrassing than her simply walking in on me doing it alone.
- age 16, New York
I was tugging inside a tomb in Egypt's Valley of the Kings. Soon after, a group of old lady tourists came in. That would have been embarrassing.
- age 38, United Kingdom
I was having a solo cam session with an Italian friend. He's so hot that he makes me crazy. He asks me to be completely naked and stimulate my anus while I wank. It would be embarrassing to be seen in that position!
- age 22, Canada
Lying down. Beside a mirror. Getting as hard as possible to measure myself!
- age 18, United Kingdom
I was masturbating in the bathroom while wearing Teva sandals, a life vest, shower caps and knee pads. If anyone had walked in on me, it would have been pretty hard to explain why I was wearing all those things while masturbating.
- age 25, Massachusetts
The most embarrassing time for me to get walked in on, I actually *did*. I was looking at pictures of other guys when my mom walked into the room. I was able to cover up the fact that I was masturbating, but she noticed the pictures of naked men before I could hide them as well. My mom started to think I was gay, and then my dad had a long talk with me about the whole thing. I was able to convince them that I was just comparing penises, but my mom doesn't understand why guys would do something like that. My dad had this talk of "your penis is just fine" with me, and then they forgot about the whole ordeal. Sometimes I think my mom worries I might be gay, though. I mean, I kind of hide my girlfriends from my family because they give me too much hassle about having my friends that are girls over, let alone the one time I had my actual girlfriend over. At least within a week after being walked in on, though, everyone else forgot about it, and ever since then, I haven't been "caught."
- age 17, Virginia
About two years ago, I bought myself a dildo because I was curious about anal stimulation. The first time I tried it, it wasn't very pleasurable because I didn't have a lot of time to get used to it. But the second time, I was staying at a hotel and had plenty of time to loosen up. I managed to experience the most *explosive* orgasm of my life without even touching my penis. When I watched the videotape, I realized how utterly ridiculous I looked, with my legs flailing wildly in the air and my semen shooting all over the place while I plugged myself with this thing. Had anybody seen me, I would have been extremely embarrassed! However, I got very erect again as I watched the tape and masturbated again, long and hard, as I watched myself succumb to the pleasures of anal stimulation.
- age 37, Massachusetts
Sometimes I like to use a vibrator I have hidden in my room. I would not know what to do if my mom or sister walked in on me. In fact, my mom did "catch" me one time, and I was so embarrassed I didn't know what to do. What surprised me was that she just laughed and went to go and tell my dad.
- age 13, Mississippi
My wife had gone out of town for the weekend, so I went on a masturbation marathon. I tried all kinds of techniques. I had always wanted to try anal sex. It would have been really embarrassing if someone had walked in on me while I had a dildo in my anus.
- age 32, North Carolina
I was in grad school and my best friend came over one rainy afternoon. We plugged in some porn and started one of our many mutual masturbation (and other things) sessions. We had just gotten finished and cleaned up, and the doorbell rang. It was our girlfriends who came over to surprise us. It would have been a *big* surprise for everyone if they had been about 5 minutes earlier.
- age 28, Georgia
The most embarrassing time would have been when I was masturbating on my older brother's bed watching his homemade porn. This would have been the most embarrassing moment ever!
- age 18, United Kingdom
I was in my bedroom when I was about 15. I was quite hot. I had a large cucumber that I had gotten out of the refrigerator. I waited until it was warm, took it to my room, and started to play with my clitoris. I got my vagina very juicy and did some fingering. Then I got the cucumber and slowly put it in my vagina. It was very thick, but I went slowly and got it in. Then all of the sudden, it disappeared, and it was stuck in my vagina. I got up and jumped up and down. Finally after about ten minutes, I got it out. I was so scared that I didn't masturbate for a week.
- age 43, Florida (female)
One time I was practicing the stop and go method and when it came time to relax, I just sat there on the bathroom floor waiting. It would have been weird and awkward if someone had walked in and seen me sitting they're in the nude, waiting!
- age 18, California
Lying down on my bed (fair enough) — spread-eagle (standard) — legs lifted upon a chair (a little odd), caressing myself with a soft cloth — not the easiest thing to explain.
- age 15, Wales, United Kingdom
I had the end of a maraca up my butt! You can only imagine the noise it (and then later, I) made!
- age 27, Massachusetts
I read that uncooked liver wrapped around your penis would feel like the real deal. So, I bought two pieces. I would not have wanted my mom or dad to walk in on that scene.
- age 36, Canada
Once, I was on the Internet with a girl I had just met in a chat room. We both had a web cam and had met through a videoconference. It was pretty late, we were alone, and so we took our clothes off and began looking and turning each other on while masturbating. It was a healthy experience. We both learned about the opposite sex's sexuality, and nowadays we are incredible friends. Although I look at what we did as a healthy experience, if my parents had walked into my room it would have been incredibly embarrassing.
- age 16, Mexico
It was the first week of college, I had never had to live with a roommate, and I was at my climax when I heard a key in the door. In the two seconds I had I debated whether I should finish up or zip up. I tried to finish up, and now my roommate knows how big I am!
- age 19, New York
The most embarrassing would have been when I was naked in our pool masturbating. Everyone was home, but it was hot outside and I was very horny. But the thrill of being naked outside, when just anyone can walk in, only added to a very memorable experience.
- age 16, Australia
My nightmare as a father would be if I were masturbating at any time, in any way, and one or both my teenage sons should walk in on me. I've encouraged each of them to masturbate as a normal and healthy part of growing up, and their mom, who deals with the semen stains in their underpants and bedding, assures me that they've taken my advice. I'm equally cool with them seeing me naked — it's hard to avoid when you've got three adolescent-to-adult males converging on one bathroom at showering-and-shaving time every morning. But I just think there are some lines no dad should cross with his sons — lines between what's innocent and what's abusive. For instance, I wouldn't like them to see me with an erection, and even though I've told them in my talks that I still masturbate, I'd be way beyond embarrassed if either or both of them were actually to "catch" their old man practicing what he's preached.
- age 43, Missouri
One Saturday morning when I was 16, I was home alone and decided to experiment sexually with the family vacuum cleaner. [This is a very bad and dangerous idea. -Ed.] I checked the hose for fit, found that my erect penis went in nicely, and so switched on the machine. It made a huge, flapping/sucking noise, but the vibration of my flesh did create an interesting sensation. Just then, the door to my bedroom opened and there stood my younger brother, home early from football practice! There was nothing I could say — there he stood in his school letter jacket and jeans and there I sat on the floor, naked, with my penis in the vacuum cleaner hose. That was probably the fastest decompression I have ever experienced. I turned the thing off, got dressed, and then, with neither of us mentioning what had just happened, we began to work together on a home wiring project. At that point, it felt comforting just to bond with each other.
- age 62, New Jersey
I used to try to ejaculate into my mouth. I would put my feet up a wall, lift my head off the floor with my penis aimed directly at my mouth. I never did make it. I'm not quite sure what my wife would have made of it had she walked in on me.
- age 45, California