Intercourse is a "whole body" experience, whereas masturbation pretty much concentrates just on the genitals. A terrific orgasm affects the whole body, but in masturbation most of the attention (and the handwork) is focused on the genitals. In intercourse arms, legs, feet, lips, etc., intertwined and touching another warm, soft human being is a major physical part of an orgasm. All this is missing in masturbation. No doubt masturbation often provides more intense genital sensations during orgasm, but all the orgasmic energy going to the rest of the body has no good place to go.
- age 40, Ohio
This is a difficult question because the experience is so different. It's like comparing talking to singing, walking to running, hamburger to steak, moaning to wailing, snowboarding to skiing, or waltz to tango. It's all good but the shows are in different theaters.
- age 28, New York
In sex-ed classes they just told us that (a) the penis goes into the vagina and (b) ejaculates semen, but they were too embarrassed to discuss what goes on in the intervening minutes between (a) and (b). Some of the differences between masturbation and intercourse: Looking at a picture of a young woman's body vs. looking at and touching a real woman's body and genitals; thrusting into a pillow vs. into a person who can thrust back; lubricating myself vs. feeling her natural lubrication change from slippery to watery as her excitement grows; imagining that I'm thrilling whoever I'm fantasizing about vs. really feeling her stiffen and surrounding my penis with hot liquids as she has her orgasm; increasing my own speed to "go for" orgasm vs. feeling her urging when she's ready for me to ejaculate; feeling the force and amount of my semen vs. feeling very little as it goes into her.
- age 51, Oregon
Masturbation is easily one of the greatest things on earth – but intimacy can *top* it. There's nothing like feeling your partner's weight on top of you, or, of course, that feeling of penetration. There may be tools for females to use, but when you take care of things yourself there's that feeling of predictability, even though there's perfection. With real sex you're never sure what may happen next and what new waves of pleasure you may experience. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have something to take care of....
- age 18, Illinois (female)
The feel of another body, legs, arms, breasts...being able to kiss, fondle, caress during intercourse makes it the complete picture. I think of all those things while I enjoy masturbation. I usually masturbate while lying on my back. I've enjoyed many, many intercourse sessions with the lady on top. As I masturbate I move my body as I would if I were having intercourse with the lady on top. The sensation is fantastic, the orgasms supreme. Thrusting upward...yes!
- age 70, Georgia
I get a feeling of less control of myself, and more control of my partner in a way. This control can make you and your partner have very...well...different experiences, different feelings, motions, etc.
- age 16, Pennsylvania
With intercourse there is another person who can do unpredictable things. You cannot recreate this with solo masturbation. There is also a certain smell that masturbation doesn't have. But closing your eyes and really fantasizing can make up for a lot – but not all – of these differences.
- age 29, Indiana
The warmth of the body, the intimacy, the pure pleasure. Masturbation can't beat the feeling of knowing you are inside someone who loves you as much as you love them. Your hand can't moan when you are making it feel good. It can't kiss you afterward either!
- age 18, Tennessee
When having intercourse, you get to feel the passion building in the other person. You can feel the warmth of their body, the smells as they begin to heat and exude the telltale odors from every pore. You can hear the sound of their breathing as it increases, the feel of their hands caressing and touching the most sensitive parts of your body. And when they finally reach orgasm, you feel the power of their desires as they try to engulf as much of you as they can. Then, the peace and soothing quiet time as the tide ebbs and you are both enjoying the after glow.
- age 55, California
The amazing feeling of closeness with your partner, and the feeling of trust. I've never been in another situation where I trusted someone so much as when I am in a sexual situation with my partner. This is a feeling I don't think one could get from any means of masturbating. I don't think masturbating and sex can be compared at all. They are both amazing feelings, but they're completely different.
- age 16, New Jersey (female)
Masturbation, as great as it is, cannot beat intercourse. A hand is no substitute for the warm, grasping feeling on my penis inside a woman. The closest I have come is using a warm, soapy washcloth in the shower – very warm and very soapy. [See JackinSafety for warnings about using soap as a lube. -Ed.]
- age 65, New York
A vagina feels much better than your hand because it's soft and smooth. Also it allows the penis to be completely surrounded. For me personally I enjoy the soft and smooth feel of a vagina fully engulfing my penis. And it is pretty hard to simulate that by masturbating – although I've found that a hollowed-out object like a cucumber works fairly well.
- age 14, Texas
From intercourse I get about a quarter of the control of my own sensations and a more hit-and-miss approach to pleasure – and for some reason this all boils down to unbelievable orgasms. The only conclusion I can draw is that it is the non-physical terms that make it all worthwhile.
- age 22, Ontario, Canada
Sex is a lot more involving – a vagina gives much more sensation than a hand – and possibly the only way to get close to intercourse feelings is to have a good old fantasy!
- age 17, United Kingdom
Another person there having sex with you!
- age 21, Massachusetts
The incredible sensation of having my fiancé's penis in my vagina, both before and during ejaculation, is something I have yet to duplicate during masturbation. Lord knows I've tried – especially when he's away on long business trips. As good as a dildo may feel in my vagina, it just doesn't hold a candle to my man's penis.
- age 37, California (female)
I couldn't answer that because I'm a vir...a virg...a virg...*deep breath* a virgin. Don't tell anyone.
- age 19, Canada
That warm, wet feeling, for one thing. And second, when you masturbate, you have control of when you ejaculate. You're there giving yourself exactly what you want, so you have more control over your orgasm. In intercourse, the orgasm sneaks up on you and fires off all by itself. It controls you; you don't control it. It's much more powerful in that sense.
- age 38, Illinois
When I orgasm with my husband it is much more satisfying. I relax more; we talk sweet together. Feel so calm. Then we do it again – slower and softer. After this we go to sleep hugging each other. When I masturbate, it's lonely afterward unless my husband is by my side. We often masturbate together before intercourse, but I would trade any masturbation for real intercourse. To orgasm with a penis in the vagina is great. Fill me up. Love it!
- age 30, Washington, DC (female)
What I get from intercourse that I cannot receive from masturbation is the opportunity to give pleasure to my wife. Sex is especially enjoyable when I can help her experience orgasm one or more times before I do so myself. Giving sexual pleasure in covenantal love greatly enhances my own sexual joy.
- age 61, Ohio
I love the sweet, sensual feeling of making love to the one you love. When masturbating, you only focus on the genitalia and pleasing that area with stimulation. During sex, the whole body becomes an erogenous zone. Having your nipples stimulated, your neck kissed, your back squeezed as she climaxes makes the male orgasm all the more exciting. Masturbation can't come close to the feeling of two people joined as one. Especially the warm, welcoming feeling of her vagina.
- age 17, Michigan
Intercourse provides one of the smoothest, softest, warmest feelings that surrounds your penis, and I haven't found any imitation yet for that kind of feeling. Although, since I'm bisexual, oral sex (mouth to penis) from another guy comes pretty close if he really knows what he's doing. I think that's why another guy knows how to satisfy you better than a female: because he knows how it feels to do what he does.
- age 44, Ohio
Actually, I think masturbation is better than sex. I could care less about a man's penis inside me when I could have my fingers and my clitoris stimulated at the same time. Men I have dated have never gotten it right – only your true self can achieve the best orgasm!
- age 17, Michigan (female)
With intercourse, there's a feeling of wholeness that just can't be achieved with masturbation – the sensation of having someone else pressed against you, inside you, moving with you, responding to your touch. It's all about that person being *there* – the emotional bonds are inextricably tied with the physical feelings, which isn't something that can be replicated in masturbation. Sure, I can use a dildo to achieve more or less the same stimulation that I would receive from a penis, but it will always be lacking something. It's just not as enjoyable when it's vinyl instead of flesh.
- age 24, North Carolina
A vagina feels different, but masturbation causes you to "nut" just like a vagina – so who cares?
- age 19, Kansas
With intercourse there is always the element of surprise. You never know what's coming next, whereas in masturbation you always know your own next move. I have never really found anything in masturbation that equals intercourse – even mutual masturbation. It's the mystery that makes it different and more exciting. Or maybe it's the fact that I haven't had sex in 8 years that makes me desire it more!
- age 42, North Dakota
Physically, intercourse feelings are MUCH more intense than those felt masturbating. The orgasms last longer and I ejaculate so much more with intercourse; I have what I call "aftershocks," which basically are smaller orgasms for about 20 seconds after the "big one." I think the mind plays a major role with this, because the best orgasms I have masturbating aren't because of my technique but because of the surroundings. For example, just the other day I was driving in the country and I stopped at a historical landmark. This place was pretty secluded and I was pretty damn horny, so I walked into the woods a little way and stripped. I masturbated and had one hell of an orgasm, because being outside is a big turn-on.
- age 28, Illinois
I gotta admit, it's just the opposite for me – I enjoy the physical feelings I get from masturbation MUCH more then I get from intercourse.
- age 38, Ohio
"Paradise on earth is kissing a girl
so deeply you can't breathe."
The only thing you can't get from masturbating alone is the indescribable joy of sucking on a warm tongue while it all happens. Paradise on earth is kissing a girl so deeply you can't breathe.
- age 17, Texas
When making love with my woman, she often brings me to orgasm not by friction with her vagina but solely with pressure from her pelvis, with me deeply penetrating her. To simulate intercourse I use a two-handed technique where I take one hand and make a "peace sign" [a "V" with the index and middle finger]. With one finger on either side of my penis, I press hard against my pubic bone, simulating the way my woman grinds her pelvis into mine when we make love. The other hand is free to stimulate my penis. This technique will give you that deep penetration feeling when you're alone. I have found it greatly enhances my masturbation pleasure, and I experience intense orgasms with large quantities of semen.
- age 38, Colorado
Sex is a hell of a lot better then masturbation. Unless you use something the right size and the right shape there's no way to get anywhere near the feeling of actual sex while masturbating.
- age 16, Ohio (female)
Intercourse introduces a delicious variable – that of "grip" pressure. With masturbation you have complete control over grip pressure, length of stroke, and speed of stroke – but with one of those removed (which depends on the woman you're with) the range of experiences and feeling is that much greater. Depending on the position you choose, you can have all control taken away from you and just lie back and appreciate your good fortune!
- age 44, United Kingdom
Nothing – if you're doing it right, of course!
- age 19, Australia