Women have NO idea what a man's sex needs are — particularly masturbation needs. The woman who thinks masturbation is a form of "cheating" sounds overly possessive, too. If the guy snacked between eating meals with her, would that be cheating, too? The guy should let her know how often he masturbates and then ask if she wants to have sex that often!
- age 52, New York
I'd just tell them that masturbation is a part of the male lifestyle, and if they can't live with it, they can go live with someone who pretends he doesn't need it.
- age 27, Arkansas
Hell, just tell her she's lucky you ain't doing it with some other chick, instead of just masturbating.
- age 18, Kentucky
Try masturbating with her at times, show her you're not cheating on her just experiencing other pleasures. Try to get her to masturbate herself and find out the joy of self-love.
- age 20, Scotland
Even when a person is in a relationship, the two still like to have personal time. Personal time can be for shopping, a sporting event, or just being with friends and family. I'm married, but I like to use my personal time to masturbate, because sometimes it's just much more enjoyable when I'm alone. We also masturbate together, but when we do, we don't like to be touched by the other. I think that's because masturbation is a very personal experience — even when it's with someone else no one knows what you are thinking or feeling on the inside.
- age 37, Texas
"Once you can drive a car, it's not wrong
to take the old bike out for a ride."
It's like getting your driving license and riding a bike. Once you can drive a car, it's not wrong to take the old bike out for a ride. It's just two different ways of getting there; sometimes you want the speed and comfort of a car, and sometimes you want the exhilaration of riding yourself. If you can get a good orgasm with your spouse, that's one thing — but sometimes you want to do it yourself.
- age 18, New York
My wife and I have a terrific sex life, both together and individually. Early in our relationship, she, too, felt that my masturbation not only was "cheating" but meant she was somehow inadequate. It took a lot of gentle persuasion to build her self-confidence to the point that she could see the hot sex we shared together was not diminished by the hot sex we enjoyed individually. I was elated when she told me she had started masturbating on her own. I get extremely aroused when I softly awaken to the sounds of her masturbating in the bed beside me. That's hot! I gently roll toward her and help her achieve her orgasm. She repays the favor on the occasions when I masturbate after she's already asleep. We both masturbate frequently when the other is not there, and it's no secret. It only complements the already rich sex we share together.
- age 48, Virginia
When a guy masturbates, it sort of increases the time he can have sex before orgasming. One time my girlfriend pulled a surprise visit one day. I hadn't masturbated for about 3 days, and I didn't last long at all and before I ejaculated during foreplay, when usually I make her orgasm 5-10 times before I finish. So masturbating isn't that bad!
- age 16, Australia
That's a somewhat selfish attitude on the girlfriend's part! Masturbation is first and foremost a solitary experience, but just as pleasurable together with someone else. How else can you learn what pleases you? What particular touch or sound? Learning more about yourself helps in learning more about what pleases a partner. I am married and still masturbate, although on a somewhat less hectic schedule. Maintaining some masturbation keeps me from being grumpy when both of us are just too tired for a sexual relationship every night.
- age 46, Texas
Ummm...well, hun, men are usually always horny — and since it's just dangling there, we need to put it to use as much as possible. (Kiss, kiss.)
- age 18, New Hampshire
I have been married for 7 years, and my wife doesn't think it strange for me to want to masturbate, even after having intercourse. I have a very high libido, and usually making too much love to my wife hurts her vagina. We feel that in one sense it's more intimate to really let yourself go in front of your partner — it is nothing to be ashamed of. In most cases she will caress her breasts suggestively to provide a visual stimulant to my masturbation, and sometimes she will masturbate herself if she feels so inclined. I think your girlfriend should realize masturbation can be in the repertoire of any loving couple and that sex is not just about penetration. It is about thinking erotic thoughts about your loved one and knowing you can relive those moments even if she is not around.
- age 35, South Africa
My girlfriend used to feel bad when I would masturbate after we had sex that day. This, however, was when I usually wanted to masturbate most because of the sex that was fresh in my mind. There was nothing at all wrong with her or the sex we had; it was great. I had to explain that having sex with her was showing affection and love, but that masturbation was celebrating the fact that I am a male. This same theory holds true for masturbation sessions with same-gender friends.
- age 24, Pennsylvania
Any woman who thinks it's cheating for a boyfriend to masturbate (or vice versa) is very closed-minded. While doing things with a partner can feel extremely good, masturbation has its completely different feelings; the two are both good but both very different. It doesn't mean the person is any less sexually interested in you or that you are less desirable — it simply means this person enjoys masturbating in addition to the relationship.
- age 17, Oklahoma (female)
Tell her she's right and you'll quit so long as she is there and willing every time you need her. And when that doesn't work, tell her she is the object of your sex fantasies when masturbating.
- age 24, Texas
That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Obviously a couple can never fulfill each other's sexual appetite completely, and that masturbation definitely existed before the "relationship" and should continue until death. I'd say to the other person, "Get over it — it's my penis and I will do whatever I want to it."
- age 20, Canada
At least masturbating saves you from actually shagging another person, hence cheating and hurting them further.
- age 18, Australia
I'd say what goes on between us is different from what goes on by myself. It's like comparing eating a gourmet meal to eating a cheeseburger: You totally love the gourmet meal, but every once in a while you still get hungry for a cheeseburger. I know I do!
- age 19, California
It's simple — we're sexual beings, and part of healthy sexuality is healthy self-sexuality, which includes masturbation. I might be young and headstrong, but anyone who in the name of a "healthy" relationship would deny me the most basic expression of my sexuality (masturbation) would not be what I'd call a stable and healthy partner, and would therefore not have a relationship with me. People who deny masturbation to their partners are often extremely jealous, insecure, and very controlling. Masturbation is part of an urge — no different from hunger or thirst. Would you allow someone to say you could eat food only in his or her presence? Then why would you allow someone to say you can express self-sexuality only in his or her presence?
- age 20, Florida
I'd explain, "Hey, it's plain and simple — sometimes a person needs to be alone, or sometimes one of the two persons isn't going to be in the mood for intercourse, and you should learn to understand. Once you've masturbated for a long time before you're ever in a relationship, you'll still want to, even if it's only once in a while."
- age 25, Oklahoma
If you still need to masturbate after being with your girl, you either need to have sex with her more or harder. That's what I'd do!
- age 17, Switzerland
I'd say no one "has" to masturbate! It is a privilege, a thrill, and a wonderful gift that we are honored with. Since masturbation is solo love and partner sex is shared, there isn't any reason to stop one for the other. They are different enough to be in no competition with each other. Why limit oneself to just half the pleasure?
- age 64, Texas
Your girlfriend has a warped mind, buddy. She thinks you may be thinking about other girls while you are doing it as well. Just let her know a guy has urges and that you are hers, and that's all. If she doesn't accept it, dump her. Honestly. Masturbating is TOTALLY normal and in NO WAY is cheating.
- age 16, Canada (female)
I'd say you are not in a TRUE sexual relationship, or at least not a fulfilling one. Masturbation IS part of sex. Personal sex is vital to complete happiness and is necessary to reach the pleasuredome!
- age 28, New York
Please inform her masturbation helps your sexual relationship with her. It helps you deal with premature ejaculation. Or involve her — it's a self-esteem issue. She may feel she is not satisfying you. So help her out — scream out in ecstasy! No, seriously — she will be okay if you explain the situation.
- age 37, West Virginia (female)
I would ask that person if they would stop eating chocolate just because they got a job in a candy store.
- age 17, Austria
My wife is one of those folks who thinks one shouldn't have to masturbate since I've got her, and she gets offended when she finds out I do take care of myself. I just say it's a different sensation completely, available at a passing whim (she can't be there 24/7 and wouldn't want to have sex as often as I want release), and it's more palatable than me going out and looking for other sex partners. She's not in total agreement but would rather have me at home alone than out chasing other people or keeping her from getting work done. And I try not to let on or show that I masturbate so as to avoid conflict.
- age 31, Washington
Masturbation is a great way to express sexual freedom. When I stroke my penis, it's a personal way to please myself. I love masturbation, and even if I were in a sexual relationship, I still think it would be essential, because that is personal time spent with you and your penis.
- age 16, California
"Get lost — I HAVE to masturbate!"
- age 19, Australia
Sometimes you just feel the need to masturbate without the hassle of worrying about the other person's needs or having to create a seductive atmosphere, dinner, and all that. Masturbating is a different experience from intercourse. They are not mutually exclusive.
- age 45, New York
Dump her!
- age 13, Colorado
Sometimes a person just needs to cut loose with their own fantasies. Masturbation helps you out with that. Whether you are in a sexual relationship or not has nothing to do with it. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years, and we both masturbate in spite of a great sex life. And anyway, it helps relieve tension and stress. I say do it — as much as you feel like it.
- age 21, Pennsylvania (female)
Masturbate without telling her. That's what I always did with my girlfriends. Except for one time when my girlfriend caught me! She made me masturbate in front my dog (for a reason I do not know.)
- age 16, New York
How many women do YOU know who would want to make love 2 or 3 times a day every day? I am 51 years old and feel the need to orgasm once or twice a day. Masturbation never interfered with a wonderful sex life through 22 years of marriage. (I'm divorced now, but not at all because of sexual problems.)
- age 51, Alaska
My girlfriend tells me the EXACT same thing! I tried to explain that no one knows your body better than yourself. Because of this, no one can push the buttons just right except you. So, masturbation isn't a better or worse sexual experience — it's just a different one. It's a good idea to assure your partner-in-doubt that even though you masturbate, there's no reason to feel ashamed, because believe me — even though masturbation is fun it's not nearly as fun as the real deal, no matter how much lube or how many toys you have. One thing I wish my girlfriend would do is masturbate along with me to know it's perfectly normal and should not affect our sex life.
- age 21, Arizona
I read somewhere that when men are in a sexual relationship, they masturbate less frequently (but don't stop), and when women are in a sexual relationship, they masturbate more frequently. That's definitely true for me. I'm married, and both my husband and I still masturbate. It's not cheating if you're doing it with yourself! Why would anyone want to stop? I just don't get that.
- age 28, California (female)
Anyone who's in a sexual relationship and DOESN'T masturbate is crazy. If not for the sheer pleasure that masturbation brings, then do it for the fact that you can learn how to please yourself, and thus, how you and your partner can please each other. Since I introduced my girlfriend to masturbation, our relationship is much better because we can show each other what makes us feel good. Besides, masturbation brings different feelings than other activities, and variety is the spice of life!
- age 17, New York
I would tell her, "All the better to love you, babe."
- age 50, Washington
"If she had a penis she'd understand and
get her controlling ass out of the room."
Tell her if she had a penis she'd understand, pass you the lube, and get her controlling ass out of the room.
- age 37, Massachusetts
She should feel happy her boyfriend is a full-functioning male and is able to please her as well as sometimes pleasing himself.
- age 15, New York (female)
Tell your partner you need to relieve yourself every so often when she is ill, on a business trip, pregnant, or having PMS. You are only being considerate of her by not pressuring for sex at times when she may not be interested. It's something you have always done, and nobody has a right to take something you enjoy away from you. There is no way you are being unfaithful — that would require another person. Guys should explain that "holding out" can make one frustrated with some discomfort in the groin area ("blue balls") that may not be too different from her period. You only think of her and, if she catches you, invite her to join in.
- age 41, Washington
Masturbation is a part of life and is a good learning tool for the individual. Masturbation is a way to learn about your body and how to be comfortable with it. Masturbation should be done because it teaches you what you like. You then know what your partner should or shouldn't do to make you feel right. Masturbation should be looked at as a lesson toward good sexual behavior.
- age 18, Michigan