I may be a bit odd, but I don't need an image to do it. I'm a bit of a Trekkie and have learned enough biofeedback that I can turn an erection off with the phrase, "Erection system offline; close intake valves; open release valves." However, I have to mean it.
- age 22, Missouri
This Week's Wackiest Response:
A bunch of elves running around the happy tree wearing big, pink strap-ons that have been colored red. Then, a bunch of demons from Doom (the Cacodemons) shoot the little elves with photons, and then this Web site explodes and my mom finds all the pornography that is hidden in my EarthBound box.
- age 13, Pennsylvania
I think of burnt toast. It works great. I also think of burnt toast when I'm getting oral sex and don't want to blow it too fast. Burnt toast sucks — it's not even worth eating. For some reason, that does the trick for me!
- age 19, Michigan
A male elephant trying to have sex with a male kangaroo always turns me off. I don't know why. I guess I'm not the Discovery Channel type of person.
- age 16, New Jersey
This is easy — I imagine what my stocks and 401K look like. Like everybody else, I've taken a severe beating in the stock market.
- age 40, Florida
Thinking of a utilitarian appliance such as an off-white, 10-year-old washing machine does the trick for me.
- age 17, California
A gorilla flipping me off.
- age 14, Indiana
I think of having my testicles squeezed or of being hit in the groin by a hockey puck or a baseball.
- age 45, Canada
My mom or my sister. It's not that they're ugly or anything — but they're my mom and my sister! I couldn't be aroused sexually while thinking about them — sick!
- age 17, Washington
Whenever I have a NRB (No Reason Boner) that I need to get rid of, I just think to myself, "My mom in a bikini, my mom in a bikini." It goes away in no time.
- age 18, Maryland
A dead animal, hit by a car on the road, and it's not quite dead — the kind of scene that would just break your heart.
- age 15, Michigan
I just think about my sons and how they worry me to death.
- age 35, Virginia (female)
A fork. This turns me off faster than anything else for some reason.
- age 14, California
Sometimes I think about business or the chores I need to do to get me out of the mood. The all-time fastest turn-off would have to be thinking of a family funeral. There's absolutely nothing the least bit sexy about a funeral, "Harold and Maude" excepted.
- age 48, New York
I would think of a bunch of insane lizards taking over the world, killing us all, and then eating our brains. Anything will turn me off if it's not sexual.
- age 15, Kansas
I think of something fearful, like being chased by a mugger or having to run out of a burning building.
- age 37, New York (female)
I was at my ex's house and so was her friend, who happened to be not so attractive. We started playing strip poker, and I started to get horny — but when she took off her shirt, I just lost it all and had no more interest in playing the game. She looked just flat-out gross.
- age 16, Georgia
I have been masturbating for quite a few years. Once I get my erection going, *no* thought is going to get me back down. I just have to keep my hands off and get dressed.
- age 21, Indiana
I would imagine the death of my close family members. Just thinking about the topic drives me away from all sexual thoughts. I'd probably have to think long and hard to find any thought more un-stimulating.
- age 15, Montana (female)
I concentrate hard on the game of baseball. I know, it's a cliché. But, it works for me. I just make up a situation.
- age 19, Florida
One of the guys in my grade is hairy, fat, and nerdy. His mom is a substitute teacher, and she's even manlier than he is. She looks like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Let's just say that picturing her gets rid of my boners in a hurry.
- age 14, Ohio
The best thing that works for me is to think of Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day. I live in the United States and don't even know what she looks like, but I imagine a quite wrinkly old lady. That disgusts me enough to do the trick.
- age 19, Pennsylvania
Picturing anyone on the toilet taking a dump would probably be my fastest turn off.
- age 13, Illinois
The thought of people vomiting would make my penis go down very quickly!
- age 20, Finland
My ultimate turn off is my math teacher naked, bending over in front of me with her arse covered in a No. 2. This would be such a turn-off because she is ugly, fat, and she honks. God only knows what the smell is like down there. It works for me every time!
- age 15, Wales, United Kingdom
I'd have to say the image of former Attorney General Janet Reno does it for me. I'm sure she's a wonderful person and a very good lawyer, but she is scary.
- age 32, Hawaii
When I need to lose my erection quickly (especially when I'm in the school showers), I just think about my circumcision "ceremony" on my 13th birthday. This was very embarrassing (many people saw my penis) and moderately painful for me — but because of my religion, there was no option.
- age 14, Burma
I think about two men groping each other and tongue-kissing. Nothing drains blood from my nether regions faster — not even road kill.
- age 21, Indiana
I would imagine myself shoveling big huge piles of horse manure behind the corrals with my old grandfather. His shirt would be off and all that skin and fur he has would be sweaty, with flies buzzing around him.
- age 16, Texas
Every time I enter the sauna after the gym class, sitting close to other nude guys always makes me aroused. Then I think about taking a shower in ice-cold water. It usually helps.
- age 18, Sweden
I always try to think of situations that make me very nervous or anxious — even simple things such as setting off for school in the morning. However, this usually has little or no effect, and my penis just gets more and more erect. The sexual feelings are just too strong. I wish I could find a much more worrisome situation to think about, since my classmates always laugh at me when they see that I have yet another erection — I'm sure that they think I'm gay.
- age 13, France
I think of Janet Reno standing naked in the rain. I'm not sure why it has to be in the rain, but it works!
- age 19, New York
Roaches, or someone excreting on me.
- age 17, Tennessee
Thinking of the embarrassing situation should my arousal be discovered is enough to remedy the situation.
- age 38, Florida
I combine techniques I read in a book and that I saw on That 70s Show. In the book, the character tried to *not* get an erection by thinking of wet fish and that sort of thing. From That 70s Show, I got a word game. It's like, "Wet fish, fishmonger, warmonger, wartime, M*A*S*H, Alan Alda, Woody Allen..." — that sort of thing. [This word game might backfire when you got to "Woody." -Ed.]
- age 16, Canada
For me, thinking of spiders does the trick. I have arachnophobia. Just one thought of the disgusting monsters crawling on my body shrivels my penis faster than you can say "a spider is not an insect."
- age 18, United Kingdom
I find it very hard to "un-arouse" myself sometimes. The most annoying time is when it's due to vibrations (such as when riding on a bus), because it's not something mental that I can counteract. The best method for me, however, is just to visualize my penis contracting to normal size — it works quite well most of the time.
- age 15, New Zealand
Trying to think about something non-sexual always backfires and becomes thinking about something sexual. What works for me is total distraction; I can't keep an erection if my mind is focused on something involved. So, I do non-trivial math — long number-theory proofs such as proving that every number has a unique prime factorization. BAM! — soft in 20 seconds, flat.
- age 20, Georgia
I imagine an obese, hairy (all over) female, fully nude, chasing me around and attempting to have sex with me.
- age 13, Connecticut
I think of Mimi from the Drew Carey show — naked and masturbating.
- age 18, Pennsylvania
Spaghetti. On a plate.
- age 16, United Kingdom
I could never think of something to become "un-aroused." I usually just ignore it, cover it up if it's necessary (although I don't care if it's noticeable), or walk around until I become un-aroused. It happens so often to so many of us that I don't think it really matters to a lot of guys.
- age 19, Ohio
I imagine being in a sauna with a bunch of big, fat Swedish men — yuck!
- age 13, Connecticut
Vomit. It may sound sick — no pun intended — but I imagine everyone around me vomiting on each other because they are "disgusted" with my being aroused. Sadly, this thought also kills my appetite.
- age 18, New York
Nothing — I am permanently horny! Well, maybe broccoli.
- age 13, New Zealand
The mere thought of taking a skinny dip in a friend's freezing-cold stream would work for me. I'll be a softie in a heartbeat.
- age 47, California
I simply imagine my gran's next-door neighbor naked in a cold shower. Well, not quite naked — she would have on her trademark wooly hat. This would turn off anyone, even if they had just overdosed on Viagra!
- age 13, Scotland, United Kingdom
Try singing (not out loud, in your head) the National Anthem, or hymns. It always works for me.
- age 23, New York
I am gay, so thinking of any girl naked would make me limp as a noodle in no time!
- age 17, Illinois
The best way for me to get un-aroused is to remember those Viagra commercials with Bob Dole. If thinking about Bob Dole with an erection does not turn you off, nothing will.
- age 20, Michigan
Actually, I don't think about anything. I do push ups — works like a charm!
- age 15, California
My ex-Mother-in-Law — she was the biggest "hard-off" I have ever met.
- age 48, Florida
Margaret Thatcher pole-dancing while wearing a small pink tutu. I think that counts as just a *slight* turn off. beep...beep...beep...beeeeeeeeeeeep. "Quick Doctor, start CPR!"
- age 16, United Kingdom
I had to do this in basic training to avoid getting erections during shower time. I would think about my mom dying. Strange, but that was the strongest emotion I could think of to keep my mind from wandering.
- age 29, Kentucky
Babies! Cute little babies that can't talk coherently. They're so cute! if anyone can stay aroused when they think about little babies, well, then they have other problems.
- age 17, California
I imagine walking into a church and the priest staring at me.
- age 23, Connecticut
Don't ask why, but I think of playing solitaire on my computer.
- age 14, Indiana
I have yet to solve this problem. Every time it happens, people end up noticing, and it's an awkward moment. But then, people have come to expect stuff like that from me.
- age 18, Minnesota
I think of cleaning calf pens at the farm.
- age 15, New York
I would probably think about something I had to do at my office the next day, and then my mind would wander. Soon I would be planning my work schedule and all that I would need to accomplish.
- age 19, North Carolina
I just think about something completely stoic and boring, like cauliflower. How can you have an erection while thinking about cauliflower?
- age 17, Canada
I know this sounds horrible, but I would think of dead kittens — all mutilated and stuff. I've had to do it before and it really works. It just makes you want to vomit — and let's face it, you can't want to vomit and think about sex at the same time!
- age 22, Connecticut
Walking around helps me; if I am walking, I lose my erection within 30 seconds. Mentally, there is nothing I can do, though.
- age 16, Washington
I would think about a garden, as it so beautiful I couldn't possibly be aroused.
- age 18, Mauritius
I think of cold water.
- age 15, Ireland
George Bush — simply because he's (1) male, (2) a conservative a**hole, and (3) rat ugly.
- age 26, Sweden (female)
Once I was in a history class, sitting in the back of the room and having a great masturbation fantasy, when the teacher called my name and asked a question. I had a tent in my pants...well, you get the picture. Out of nowhere came a picture of the look on my mom's face the one time she caught me, walking into my bedroom without knocking, and I was naked on the bed. My erection disappeared instantly — and I even answered the question!
- age 17, California