I would masturbate on our roof. As I see the silvery glare of the crescent moon, the twinkling, bright stars of the night, I'll masturbate like never before. I'll do it slowly then rapidly, slowly, and then rapidly again. When I climax and experience the ethereal feeling of orgasm, I'll think about all my sexual experiences: my masturbation sessions with my friends, the day I got "de-virginized," My first orgasm when I was 8, and when my girlfriend gave me unforgettable oral sex — all of it. And when I close my eyes, I'll shout at the top of my lungs, "I LOVE MASTURBATING!"
- age 15, Ohio
This Week's Wackiest Response:
Outside, in the rain, on a train, in a box with a fox, in a house with a mouse, in the dark — you get it.
- age 42, Oklahoma
First I would set the mood with a good glass of red wine; soft, erotic music (Dead Can Dance); a warm, humid room; candlelight; an adult tape in the VCR ready to go; a feather; and my Dolphin vibrator. Then I would slowly make love to myself, touching all of my spots that feel so wonderful — nipples, under my breasts, my stomach, inside my thighs — letting it build until I was highly aroused. I enjoy watching erotica while masturbating, so I would put in something by Andrew Blake, turn on my vibrator, and slowly let it build until I ride the wonderful wave of orgasm. As it would be my last time, I would make sure it was a multiple one and let it last for a few minutes. Ah, the joys of being a woman!
- age 32, Germany (female)
I would masturbate so hard, fast, and long that I would have a huge orgasm and then die of a heart attack before I could die of whatever else it was that I was going to die from.
- age 15, Australia
I would get in a hot bath and slowly touch the underside of my penis. This takes forever, but leaves me feeling great.
- age 20, Texas
I would want to be able finally to give myself oral sex. Then I would want to ejaculate into my mouth and swallow it.
- age 17, Massachusetts
I think I would abstain, and live forever. Now, as for sex, there are many nice ways to do that without masturbating.
- age 64, South Carolina
Simple — I'd make a device that would masturbate me all the time. I'd just set it very low so I wouldn't have an orgasm, and live forever! Of course, that would mean living forever without masturbating (assuming orgasm is considered the end of a session). So I must ask this: Would it be worth it?
- age 14, Canada
Quietly — by myself, masturbating as slow and long as possible.
- age 44, California
I'd do it just like any other time.
- age 15, Arizona
I'd masturbate with my wife of 38 years beside me while we hold each other.
- age 62, Nebraska
I would probably pass the whole thing up. I always ask God for forgiveness after I masturbate, even though I know it's a normal thing to do. I believe we can all be forgiven for anything, as long as we really mean it.
- age 15, Georgia
I would want to videotape my last masturbation session so there would be a permanent record of me in what I was doing.
- age 42, California
For one final blowout, I would simply indulge in my most intense fantasy — getting every guy I ever wanted to masturbate with me at the same time. We would be all over each other — kissing, feeling each other's bodies, and masturbating each other. And then they would all ejaculate over me at the same time. If die after this, at least I will have a smile on my face! They are going to have a hard time closing the coffin on my stiffie!
- age 15, Sweden
I would have my girlfriend with me. We would both get naked and masturbate at the same time. Starting slowly and getting faster, we would watch each other masturbate. When I am about to ejaculate, I would stop for 5 minutes and then start again. (Women seem to be able to start and stop much more easily then men.) We would continue this way until we, or I, could no longer stand it. Then I would finish the job.
- age 21, Canada
I would masturbate in the most public place in the world to let people watch me ejaculate.
- age 16, California
I would probably masturbate with my father and my uncle. It has been a fantasy of mine for a while. We wouldn't touch each other; we would just all sit on a couch watching porn and masturbate.
- age 19, Canada
I would masturbate in front of a tremendous audience. I think this would be sensational; it would be thrilling to think so many people are watching me. I would also like it to be a mixture of people and put on the television so everyone would know that masturbating is a good thing to do. I may not be famous, but at least I would be on TV before I die — and doing something I can do well and relate to.
- age 16, Australia
I would use a dildo. I've always wanted to see what it feels like with something in my rectum.
- age 19, Michigan
I am a friend of a boy at work who is very cute. In fact, his girlfriend and I are friends. I would probably try to have them over to have sex while i masturbate myself. Then I would let him masturbate me while his girlfriend sits on my face.
- age 17, Illinois
I would get into a convertible and drive out onto the highway. Then I'd strip down while driving and start masturbating. The more people I pass on the road, the better.
- age 18, Ohio
I am desperate to masturbate with a couple of my friends, but I've been too shy to ask them to do it with me. If I could masturbate only one more time, I would ask both of them if they would join me for a session in my bedroom. It would be too cool to watch their faces as they reach orgasm, and to see how much semen comes out of their penises when they ejaculate.
- age 15, United Kingdom
I would want to share my last masturbation session with my fiancée. (I hope she would be my wife by the time this happens.) I would want to experience that last time holding her, of her arms around me, and her free hand wrapped around my penis. And as we both looked down my body, she would whisper to me encouragingly and approvingly while she stroked me. When ejaculation inevitably comes, she would aim me so we both get semen on our bodies. When it's over, we would embrace quietly and savor the experience together.
- age 26, Illinois
I would run naked into the girls' locker room and masturbate frantically in front of them.
- age 17, Canada
A close girlfriend and I would go out into the Arizona desert, strip naked, and masturbate. We did it several times in college, and they were some of the most intense masturbation sessions either of us has ever experienced.
- age 43, California (female)
I would wank, tape it, and then send it to my parents, because they are always giving me a hard time about masturbating.
- age 15, Ireland
I would use a plastic 5-gallon water bottle with a latex glove in the neck, well lubed, put my penis into the glove, and go for old glory.
- age 56, California
I'd get naked and do it nice and s-l-o-w.
- age 15, Ohio
I'd get a few porno movies, some magazines, and plenty of tissues. Then I'd invite all my friends around, explain that it would be my dying wish to masturbate with them, and get them all to do it. We'd all have a good session using tips off this site to make it last longer, plus trying mutual masturbation. I'd tell them to celebrate my death every year with a group masturbation session.
- age 19, Australia
I would drag out the session as long as possible so I could enjoy myself for a long time. I would use a showerhead and I would have a guy whispering *dirty* things in my ear.
- age 16, Illinois (female)
I think that I would masturbate with my two sons, ages 12 and 13. I'm reasonably sure they have started masturbating together recently, so it would be nice to share our experiences during my last masturbation session.
- age 32, Ireland
I would masturbate with my best friend, because I've always wanted to and I think it would make us as close as friends could ever be before I died.
- age 14, Australia
I have trouble getting an erection when stressed, so I'd probably spend the time eating cherry pie (with vanilla ice cream).
- age 18, Virginia
Well I know I would *love* to do it in a huge public place where everyone could see me. I would also do it for as long as humanly possible — I mean, hey! It's my last time. That would be the biggest turn-on — and I think, a fitting end to my masturbation sessions.
- age 16, California
To get some privacy, I'd probably rent a hotel room with a great view. I'd bring along some music and nice-smelling oils. I'd probably splurge on the porn channel on the hotel television. I'd do everything very slowly to make it last and wouldn't skimp on the sound effects or the heavy breathing. I would masturbate almost to orgasm time after time. Then I would finally go all the way and watch my last ejaculation. They ought to make this offer to death row prisoners, instead of asking them what they want for their last meal!
- age 39, Florida
I'd try my best to get someone to do more than masturbate with me — but if it were simply non-mutual masturbation, I'd do it in the school cafeteria at lunchtime, just to see everyone's faces.
- age 15, Virginia
I would choose a beautiful setting that provides privacy and has a supply of whatever I might want for a very prolonged masturbation session (lube, pictures, porn flicks, sex toys, wine, food, etc.) Then I would strip completely and patiently, lovingly touch, caress, and pleasure myself, using all my experience of masturbating almost daily for over 50 years. I would bring myself right to the edge and then back off over and over. The session would last for many hours. When I finally ejaculated, I would raise my wine glass and drink a final toast to one of God's greatest pleasures that He has granted to his children.
- age 63, California
I would spend it with my girlfriend, whether it was oral or with her hand. I honestly love her and if I were to die, my final wish (besides being with my family) would be to be with her.
- age 14, Texas
I'd have plenty of lube, a good porn flick, the house to myself, and hopefully at least an hour to use as many techniques as I possibly could so I could build up to a memorable orgasm. Knowing me, though, I'll probably still masturbate after I'm dead!
- age 23, Mississippi
I'm going to die, and I'm spending my last moments on this planet masturbating? Okay, fair enough. Well then, I'd spend my last masturbation session lying down in bed, stroking with my right hand, rubbing my scrotum with my left hand, and saying my final goodbyes to my loved ones while they watch me and think to themselves, "So *that's* how he does it!"
- age 17, California
I don't think I would do anything special. I would do it the way I have usually done it since I was 13 years old. I have enjoyed almost every session I have ever had. I have tried every method you can think of — but in this case I would just lie back, rub it very slowly, and "enjoy."
- age 69, Ohio
I would get all my friends that are girls and tell them I was going to die. I would ask them to give me the best masturbation session I've ever had! I would try to get over 10 orgasms before died (if I could last that long). Then after the most intense and pleasurable masturbation session, I would just rest my body and wait for death to arrive.
- age 13, California
On live television!
- age 19, Pennsylvania
With my best friend — he's a boy my age. We live on the same street and we have been masturbating each other since we were 12. He knows all the things that get me excited. It's like we are linked at the penis. When we masturbate each other, it seems that there are no problems in the world. I trust him more than I trust anyone, and I know he would make everything okay if I were dying.
- age 14, Ohio
I would lie back, playing with my nipples, working my way toward my belly button, massaging my pubic bone, and stroking my inner thighs. I'd use one hand to massage my nipples and the other to run along my lips to the core, working the clitoris. I would constantly lick my lips to stimulate the skin.
- age 18, Canada (female)
Stripped — butt naked and in the middle of the grocery store — just so I could hear how they would say, "Cleanup on aisle 6."
- age 31, Pennsylvania
I'd be with the person who taught me how to masturbate when I was 12 at Scout camp. We are the same age, and that would be the best way to go out — the way I came into it all.
- age 24, Missouri