Opportunity knocks

I was about 12 years old when a school friend introduced me to masturbation. When I was at his house for a visit, he showed me his penis, and he had an erection. I had never seen an erect penis before, but suddenly also my penis became erect. I don't remember that I ever had an erection at all before then. He showed me what you can do with your penis, and he told me that when I stroke my penis a white liquid will come out, which would be that stuff children are made with, and it will feel great. I was a bit anxious because his mother was sleeping in the next room, but my friend seemed not to care. So we played with each other's penises, and when I felt the urge to urinate, I stopped playing with him and went into the bathroom. But nothing came out. It was an "almost" orgasm that I had stopped before I had ejaculated. This was my first try.

As soon as I came home I went to our bathroom and tried to stimulate my penis again. I wanted to do it even if the urge to urinate would come up. And so I had my first masturbation session ending with an ejaculation. But later I remembered that a few weeks or months before my experience with my school friend, I'd had a nocturnal ejaculation. I woke up and was ashamed because I thought I had urinated in a dream. (That was my dream, because I did not have any sexual thoughts or fantasies at that time.) I told it to my mother, who did not explain anything but didn't shout at all. Later I did not have "wet dreams" very often because I was masturbating at least 3 times per week.

The next time I got together with my friend, I knew more, and we tried to go to a place where we wouldn't be disturbed. We tried mutual masturbation and explained to each other our latest news about our new topic. We also tried to put each other's penises in our mouths, but we disliked it. As long as we went to school together we would masturbate together or mutually as often as we had the opportunity.

In our school a few boys would masturbate together in the toilets. That's how I first saw a circumcised penis. I also found out that some ejaculations were just creamy and not exploding, while others explode more than one meter away. And I also found out erect penises come in different sizes and forms.

When school was over and I was about 15 years old, I didn't get together with my friend anymore. I was sad. I could not masturbate in bed because I shared the bed with my little brothers. Later when I had my own bed, I was always afraid of somebody walking in on me. So I always masturbated in the toilet where I could lock the door. Sometimes I took a little mirror with me so I could watch myself masturbating. I always did it very fast; in about 3 minutes it was over. The question of where to put the semen was no problem — just flush it away — but I did have a problem hiding my erection, which would usually last 5 or 10 minutes after ejaculation. I tried to hide it in my trousers, but that hurt!

When I was 17 I was in a public toilet and discovered little holes in the thin stall wall. On the wall I could read many sexual words and drawings. And through a hole, in the next stall, I saw an erect penis. My heart went faster, because this was the first penis I had seen since I left school. Suddenly this man looked from above to me and asked me if he could come into my stall. I was so curious about what he wanted to do that I allowed him. He started to lick my penis. I had never imagined that someone could put a whole erect penis into his mouth. I was nervous, but I liked it very much. I was afraid I would ejaculate into his mouth, but I found out this was what he wanted me to do. After we were finished, I ran away and was very ashamed and afraid that I could become homosexual. But it was the horniest event I had experienced since school.

My feelings went up and down regarding this encounter, because I am very religious. I was afraid to confess details, but I always felt masturbation is evil. Still, I could not stop it at all. On an average I had an experience with mutual masturbation or the like once a year, and just by chance. I tried different masturbation methods, and when I was 19 or 20 I talked to a friend about this. He was not gay, either, so he was very glad to hear that others have had the same experiences. To talk to him helped me get around with my "problem." Sometimes I tried not to masturbate; the longest time I could quit was about one month.

When I got my own apartment, the first joy was to be alone and free to masturbate as often I wanted and for however long I wanted. Since then my preferred masturbation place has been my bed. I've tried various positions and used things to assist me. I always get turned on by reading a porn magazine and masturbate in front of a nice page. I solved the problem of where to put the semen by using paper tissues or a towel that I washed on my own. Sometimes I had casual meetings with gay men who asked me to masturbate my penis and then I let them do me. But I do not like to masturbate them. If somebody wants to suck my penis I also let him. It's a great feeling, and I can imagine that it's a vagina because it is such a warm feeling, and without doing something with my hands I can concentrate for the climax. The best orgasms I've had have been in someone's mouth, because I've never had intercourse with a woman. Not that I dislike women, but I had no chance when I was young, and now I've decided to remain single due to religious reasons. I hate to pay for sexual activity, and this is the reason I've never tried a prostitute. Usually I do not look for homosexuals to get aroused and sucked or masturbated, but if I find a situation by chance, I avail myself of the opportunity. That means I am not gay, but sometimes I let others do homosexual things with me.

When I was young I thought only boys masturbated. And I always felt guilty. But even after age 25 years I continued to do it. When I was 40 I started to talk about masturbation with a friend who is married. He admitted that he still masturbates sometimes, so when I heard that, my guilty conscience was taken away. Another friend confessed that he masturbates every day although he is married. We talk about masturbation in general but we never do it together. I do not like to persuade a friend into having mutual masturbation, but if a friend wanted to do it I would probably say yes.

Now I think masturbation is my way of having sex. When I have tried to avoid it, I had difficult weeks when I could think of nothing else than sex. I was horny all the time and had erections half of the day, and all I could think about was how to avoid thinking about it. Since I let things go and began masturbating as often as I like, I feel well balanced. Sometimes I use a magazine or a mirror or just my hands to get stimulated. Usually I masturbate before I go to sleep, because nobody can disturb me then and I have as much time I want. Sometimes I finish it up in 5 minutes, and sometimes I take half an hour, depending on how I feel. My dream is to find a straight friend who would like to masturbate with me sometimes.

When masturbation starts to get boring, I just have to wait a few days and it gets more interesting! I've tried to watch porn movies, but I dislike them. Maybe I would like movies about masturbation, but I can't find any. But I do not need movies to get aroused. I fantasize about experiences in the past, or what I would do if somebody asked to masturbate together, or I read something on JackinWorld. (I learned about JackinWorld in a book about the penis.)