My nearly 9 years of masturbation have been plagued with misinformation. I keenly recall one of my early experiences: I was watching Saturday Night Live, and Dr. Joycelyn Elders was being portrayed, just after all the hoopla over her now-infamous remarks. At that time, I had just turned 12 and had been getting erections for some time, but was still uncertain exactly what they were good for other than embarrassment. Speaking with my parents on anything sex-related was, and still is, difficult. However, I was soon to discover the many unspeakable joys that awaited me.
One evening after watching a TV sitcom episode that was laden with sexual innuendo and a few revealing underwear scenes, my young body had reached the breaking point. I surreptitiously slipped into my room, uncertain as to how to proceed. I began rubbing my entire body, which I had done before, but this time I was shocked to discover amazing sensations from my penis. I had never experienced anything like this before; it was the first time I experienced sexual pleasure. I hungered for more. I rolled over, began to rub my penis back and forth against the mattress, and in my super-stimulated state, quickly ejaculated. That moment was the source of much anxiety. I felt quite guilty and concerned; had I broken something? Would I be able to do this again without further repercussion?
The answer to the second question was a resounding yes. After merely a week, I tried it again. And again. And again. By the end of the month, my once-immaculate dark blue sheets were thoroughly soiled with quite a bit of semen. Why my mom did not questions the many stains is remarkable to me.
After about a year of relieving my tension with the assistance of the mattress, we moved across the country to the humid Mid-Atlantic region. I quickly discovered that although previously I could go for several days without a shower, I now required daily showers to keep the musk to a minimum. Naturally, all the steam and soap lather piqued my interest. I was rather disappointed, however; it takes only a little soap to cause a awful lot of stinging. As I grew older and was exposed to the school's sex-ed program, I finally was introduced to terms such as pubic hair, semen, and prostate. However, I was quite disappointed, because my favorite activity was never mentioned. I also discovered that I could achieve much more control by using my hands when I stimulated myself.
I continued masturbating frequently throughout this time, with merely my imagination to provide fresh ideas. I grew depressed and bored with masturbation. It had become merely a perfunctory activity to keep the erections at bay. If this is all there was to sex, I was in for many bitter and unhappy relationships. Why would I want to involve someone else when I could handle this myself?
My turning point arrived when I finally got connected to the Internet. Having led a relatively sheltered life, I was unprepared for what was available in cyberspace. I was aroused and chagrined at the same time, for I had a lot of learning to do. Due primarily to curiosity and aided by sexual frustration, I ran across JackinWorld and was awed with the resources available. If only something like this had been available in the early 90s when I needed my fears and questions put to rest, my life would have been much easier. Before going online, I still had no idea there was a name for the activity I performed many nights a week. Alas, I finally saw the light, and I was hit with a startling revelation: I was not the only one that participated in this fulfilling activity.
Being online also allowed me to chat with many people about their experiences, expectations and revelations, while allowing me to be enlightened. It also presented the opportunity to share some experiences with others. I cannot honestly say I have been guilt-free over the years. I am uncertain where this guilt was instilled; I had a religious upbringing, and my parents were probably a contributing factor by tacitly implying that any sexual activity conducted outside of marriage, was the source of all evil.
Contrary to all religious teaching, I submitted to the desire to have sex with a girl before marriage. I thought this would reduce the amount of time I spent alone. I soon discovered that the desire for orgasm was overwhelming after a few encounters. The relationship ended quickly, and on a sour note. Looking back on the experience, I would have been happier in the end had I waited for someone more emotionally attached, not just physically attached.
Over the years, I have engaged in and still practice a variety of techniques. I won't bore you or insult your intelligence by letting loose a tirade of negative comments directed at your particular preferences. Like everyone else, I have my favorites — those that are unusual, and those that left me more confounded and physically and mentally exhausted than I care to admit. However, I count each occasion as a learning experience. Understanding the many aspects of sexuality and masturbation in particular is a lifelong quest. After a slow start, I am looking forward to finishing the course full speed ahead armed with practical experience.
Do you find yourself masturbating more often during some seasons than others? Why?
Answer this question | Suggest a question
Answer this question | Suggest a question
Lifelong quest
Gender:
Male