Going to Antarctica

I am 20 years old, and it has been a long journey to be as comfortable with masturbation as I am now. My life and masturbation crossed paths when I was 12. My mother had dropped off some books, about all the changes to expect in my body, STDs, and all that fun stuff. I was reading them thoroughly, always hiding because I didn't want her to know I was reading them.

I always had an erection, too, but never knew what to do with it. That is, until the glorious day I read the paragraph entitled "masturbation." It made no sense — I was like, "how in the...sex with yourself?" But being curious, I went to the bathroom and whipped out that puppy, and followed the instructions: stroke penis gently. Easy enough. So, being uncircumcised, I stroked with my right hand, thumb on top. This went on for what seemed too long, and then something happened — a spark. I carried on. The sensations built. I would sometimes stop and wonder if that was it. I also would occasionally sit on the toilet for fear I may just crap due to excitement. Onward I went — and I swear to this day my thighs caught fire with a tingly sensation that I have yet to feel again: my first orgasm. I produced semen, too. I was impressed at this and in shock — it really threw me off. But the next day, I continued. I made it a rule to do it once a day and no more.

I was gutsy in my early adventures. I would cover myself with a folded blanket and just masturbate there in a room adjacent to a brother or my mother. To this day that impresses me. I had good friends at the time, but we never talked about this stuff — sex, yeah, girls, yeah, but not masturbation — until two friends and I had a campout in my backyard. I was 13 at the time. We were talking about girls and who we liked, and my one friend asked the rest of us what masturbating meant. He thought it had to do with fishing. To my surprise, my other friend told him; I was expecting silence, but boom — it just came out of his mouth. The naive friend didn't get it, either; sex with yourself was not a concept any of us really got. I provided my knowledge on the subject, and then he just asked to be shown. Since we all swam together, getting naked among each other was not a big deal, though with other friends it would have been. So we all pulled out our penises and basically demonstrated and coached him. We got quite a ways into it, but he really wasn't getting much out of it. So my other friend said to use some spit, which immediately caused some squirming from the "rookie." Then, boom — he orgasmed. It was a shock, my first time watching someone orgasm. He just couldn't control his body — he really shifted around. He ejaculated, too. There were my other friend and me, not even finished yet, mouths dropped and hands dead still. But that didn't go on for long, because right away he told us to finish if we were going to, because he wanted to see it, too. We both finished up right away. The days that followed were filled with enjoyable masturbation moments — not nearly as frequent as I would have wanted, but I am ever grateful.

In high school I made some new friends, and we talked about masturbation a lot. We made a code for it so we could openly discuss it. We called it "going to Antarctica," applying various metaphors — the plane ride, non-stop, landing, etc. They were pretty obvious and easy to understand once you knew. But it never went beyond that with the group — except there was this one guy who had lots of porn. I now detest porn for other reasons, but then I was 15 and horny as hell. So occasionally I would sleep over, and we would "get on a plane first-class to Antarctica." By this point I had realized I could be straight and still masturbate with another guy. These "trips" together were infrequent; they occurred maybe once every two months of freshmen year.

I went to a private high school that enforced the shower rule after gym, and to this day I fear communal showers. But this made seeing each other naked a regular thing. When we masturbated together we would generally keep to ourselves (masturbating under our own blankets). At one of our last adventures, my friend was saying that if he were going to die and could get one last chance to orgasm, he would have a guy masturbate him, because another guy would know how to do it proper. He said it would just be for the feeling and not lust, etc. He asked me what I thought, and I agreed. We spent at least a half-hour calming our fears about this idea. After a long pause, he then asked me if I would masturbate him if he agreed to do me. I had always thought I would be much more eager when presented with a chance like this, but I was hesitant — and so nervous I was shaking. We kept reassuring ourselves we were not gay, a huge fear at the time, and that this would be okay — we'd just close your eyes and pretend the other person was a girl. By now I was so horny I could have ejaculated right there. So I did it. He required lube — he was circumcised. I think he was afraid to tell me what to do, but I kept at it — just going slowly and adjusting for his body movements. He squirmed and was making more noise than ever before. We were upstairs in his room with a locked door, but his reactions were a surprise. Eventually he said, "Now, faster, faster" I obeyed, and then he just ejaculated. It was forceful and noisy, and he lurched into my hand. He recovered. I couldn't wait for my turn. He applied some lube, which I had never used. There I was getting this feeling, but I wasn't moving my hands. He used two hands, massaging my testicles as well — he was a real pro. I couldn't control the noises I was making, which had never came before. I actually had to take a rest. Then the moment came — he read me well as I tensed up — I orgasmed. It blew my mind. I had never felt it like that before. It was intense, yet I hadn't done a thing.

Junior year of high school I had my first serious girlfriend. Up to this point it was always just going to movies and kissing. Now I had a sexual relationship. She was wonderful. She actually would masturbate me through my clothes, and eventually hands-on. We didn't really talk about masturbation that much, like what we did on our own. But I found that my masturbation frequency decreased by a lot. She and I eventually decided to have sex. We did, and to this day I love that girl. She was great; we had a lot of fun.

Overall, my life has been great since I discovered masturbation. It's one of the ways I release stress before an exam. I rely on it, as well as relationships I am in, to get me from point to point with as much joy as possible. I don't regret any choices I've made; I probably wouldn't make them now, but back then, they were suitable. I look forward to many years of masturbation fun. My philosophy, quoting Ani DiFranco, is: "Go ahead and go boldly."