We believe all children are sensitive to their parents' feelings about sex and sexuality from a very early age. If you feel uncomfortable dealing with sexual matters when your children are babies, they will grow older understanding that sex is a taboo subject in the family. You will have communicated this by never discussing sexual things in front of or with them, being uncomfortable when they begin to explore their sex organs, and otherwise communicating "that part" of the body is to be kept hidden and not discussed. On the other hand, if you stay comfortable when your children explore themselves at age 2 or 3, and do not attempt to hide mild "adult" topics from them, then when and how you discuss masturbation will become less important. And you can show them your approval discreetly by leaving educational materials in their rooms and, after puberty, making sure lubrication and clean-up materials are freely available.
It is especially unwise for parents to demonstrate masturbation in front of kids. Children need their own private space to explore their sexuality and to learn about it. Your job as a parent is to make sure they have the right tools to do this. They will take care of the rest.]
I would try to keep a subtle yet encouraging approach to teaching my children about masturbation. Rather than ignore the obvious curiosity children experience, I would let them know masturbation is completely normal and that I respect their privacy at all times. I feel that being informed and taught about masturbation is vital to the growth (both mental and physical) of a youth. It has helped me develop into who I am, and I wouldn't change that for the world.
- age 17, Pennsylvania
I'll definitely be forthright with them, depending on when they begin masturbating — perhaps even earlier than their teens, right? The last thing in the world I would want is for them to deny themselves pleasure of that magnitude. I was always worried I might be doing something *bad*, and I think that detracted a bit from the pure joy I should have been feeling. That wasn't because my mother told me it was *bad* — she just didn't know how to handle it and didn't bring it up. But I don't see anything wrong with letting my kids know it's something that's very beautiful, and so long as they do it in the privacy of their room, or in the bathroom, I'm 100% okay with it.
- age 25, Florida
Unfortunately I probably won't say anything to them, just as my parents did with me. I believe this is the best thing to do. They are sure to discover masturbation on their own, but I will want them to decide for themselves what to do with it. I won't tell them it's good, nor will I tell them it's bad — not only because this would be strange for me, but for them, also. I will just let them decide on their own.
- age 17, Maine
I would let them discover it on their own at first, like I did. What a memory that was my first time I ejaculated. It would also allow him to experience the "I bet no one else knows about this, not even dad" feeling. But after all of that, I would talk about it, say it's normal, and say do it as much as you want (in private). If I had a girl, I would let my wife handle that!
- age 31, Massachusetts
I want to give my children the confidence I don't have right now; someone whom they can talk to freely about any topic. That way I will be demonstrating my real love for them, unlike other parents who apparently are too immature to talk with their children about subjects like masturbation. Interestingly enough, they are the ones who freak out if their adolescent boy or girl is going to be a father or mother soon. What a bunch of BS!
- age 16, Puerto Rico
I would explain masturbation to my children using a penis-type object (such as a cucumber) to demonstrate. I would also point them toward a good reference book or Web site such as JackinWorld. I think children should know as much as they can about their bodies.
- age 21, Canada
I'd say: Go for it!
- age 31, Virginia
I will most likely end up doing what my parents did for me — explain that kids often "explore themselves" when they get older. But I will not wait until their teens to tell them this; I'll tell them when they are 10 or 11, so that when they do begin "exploring" they'll already know it's perfectly natural. Of course, I won't go into too much detail, because I honestly believe puberty is a time for children to discover things on their own — especially masturbation.
- age 17, Connecticut
I will ignore the subject because I feel it would put my child in an awkward position. I will answer any questions I get asked and tell them how normal and natural it is.
- age 16, New Brunswick, Canada
If my kids ask me about masturbation, I'll be very honest and up front in telling them. However, if they don't ask, I'm honestly not sure if and/or how I would bring up the subject. Guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it!
- age 40, California
I think I'll leave masturbation to them. I don't think my children would feel very comfortable doing it if they thought I knew they were doing it. I know I feel much more relaxed thinking my parents don't know (even though I know they do).
- age 16, Missouri
I have a daughter and a son. My daughter is 15 and my son is almost 12. I have told them both there is nothing wrong with masturbation, and that they should not feel ashamed about it. They are certainly not the only people who masturbate. I don't want them to feel guilty about it, as I have. When I was their age and my dad caught me, he was so angry about it, and I could not understand why. This is one reason I do not want my children to feel guilty about something that is natural. We must let our children know that we are human, too, and we need to help them understand that we are here for them if they need any advice or have questions. We need to keep the lines of communication open.
- age 46, North Carolina
I wouldn't say anything. Sure, it's perfectly natural — but in my family it's perfectly natural to *never, ever* talk about it.
- age 18, Canada
When I have kids I will tell them *everything* there is to know about masturbation. I believe every boy should know about masturbation and not feel guilty about it. I will even encourage it. It's all part of growing up. And if JackinWorld still exists in 2030 or whenever, I will e-mail you the day I tell my son or daughter about masturbation.
- age 15 , Ontario, Canada
I don't have any kids, but I had to handle a situation a few years ago with my teenage cousin. His dad walked in on him while he was in the middle of a session. For days after, his dad gave him a really tough time about it, even bringing it up at Thanksgiving and laughing the whole way through telling what happened! My cousin was mortified, and I felt really bad for him. He and I talked later that day, and I let him know there was absolutely nothing wrong with masturbation and not to worry about a thing. I also told him I would rather he do this than go out and have unsafe sex or get a girl pregnant. I also told him I did it, too; he didn't say anything, he just smiled. We haven't talked about it since then, and he's become more like my little brother than my cousin.
- age 30, Georgia (female)
My two sons are older now (32 and 26), and in fact I did not say anything. Since I enjoy masturbation, I see nothing wrong with it and hope my sons enjoy doing it whenever they want without any fear or bad feelings. The same goes for my 28-year-old daughter as well.
- age 56, Massachusetts
I wouldn't say anything about it. I wouldn't want my parents to say anything to *me* about masturbation.
- age 15, Pennsylvania
When I have kids I think I will be totally open about it when they ask. If they want to know I will tell them about when I started, at age 8, and that at times I did it a lot, and that if they at times do it a lot that it is okay and normal. I also want to be open about nudity and the beauty of the human body. People in the United States are so uptight and prudish, and I don't want my kids and family to be that way.
- age 27, Georgia
I would probably tell them about it as soon as they start sex education, because that is the best time. I would tell them there is nothing wrong with it and a lot of people do it. I do it myself, but make sure you close your door or do it somewhere private. And, *you damn kids stay outta my porn magazines!* (Just kidding!)
- age 13, Washington
I think it would be hard to talk about something like masturbation with my kids, because I wouldn't want to talk about it with my parents. I'd feel way too weird. I would talk to them, though, if they had uncertain thoughts about it — like if other people are telling them it is wrong and that they should be ashamed, when in reality they shouldn't.
- age 18, Ontario, Canada (female)
I have two sons, 14 and 16. Although no one in the family masturbates openly in front of others, it is an open issue for discussion. All of us have spoken about it frequently. The boys will ask questions and describe their experiences to each other or to me.
- age 43, Nevada
When I have kids someday (I'm not in any hurry right now) I'll tell them about sex and masturbation. When I was 11 my dad told me "jacking off could make me go blind or crazy, and it just wasn't nice and not to do it." When I came home that weekend, my step-father talked with me, and somehow without directly saying my dad was a major jerk, told me different people had different views about things and that he felt masturbation was a natural and healthy part of sexual development and growing up. I think that's the kind of parent I want to be. But I still love my dad and think he means well.
- age 15, Virginia
I desperately hope I will never maneuver myself into a point-blank situation (like walking in on one of my kids doing it or being asked), because I would probably say, "Go ask your mother." But if there were no way to escape, I would put up the whole "understanding father" routine and tell them to feel free to do anything as often as they wanted, as loud as they wanted, and with as many people as they wanted.
- age 20, Germany
I will tell my children straightforward and honestly about sex and masturbation. I see no reason to try to hide or limit this information; after all, it is perfectly natural. I will also tell them I have no problem with them having (certain) erotic magazines in their rooms. I will tell them that if they have any questions not to hesitate to ask, and I will answer them openly and honestly.
- age 19, Massachusetts
I think I'll let them discover it for themselves. It's more fun that way. If they ask about it, my philosophy is that no serious question should go without an equally serious and truthful answer.
- age 21, Michigan
I think masturbation should not be spoken about to your kids. It is a very personal and private matter and is nothing compared to subjects like sex.
- age 19, Texas
[Editor's note: Huh?]
I will teach my children about masturbation when they are 10 to 12 years of age and may introduce them to your Web site. I will tell them there is nothing wrong with it — just to be discreet and sensitive to the sensitivity of others, about cleanliness (especially for females), and cautions (such as *never* put alcohol on your scrotum!), good techniques and bad ones, and that masturbation may be a good way to put off the desire to have intercourse or physical contact with others and thereby prevent STDs.
- age 38, Nevada
I have always thought masturbation was something you discover and explore yourself. Of course if my children had questions, I would definitely answer them honestly. Basically the only thing I would tell them was that it's okay to do it, but not what or how to do it.
- age 16, Illinois (female)
I do not and will not have children, but I beg all you mothers and fathers out there to please tell your children about masturbation and that it's okay. I got the "back alley" version of sex education 40 years ago, and a more positive attitude toward masturbation would have made a difference in my life.
- age 51, Oklahoma
I would tell them to avoid offending anyone with masturbation or frank discussion about it, and explain that many other people have religious beliefs that preclude masturbation as a demonstration of disrespect for life or the sanctity of life; that while they may masturbate freely and without guilt (as it is preferable to pre-marital intercourse or oral sex that may lead to abortion or disease), they should balance their activity with respect for the sanctity of life.
- age 34, Colorado
If asked, I would speak candidly and openly about it — and tell them it's okay, and everything you tell people on your Web site. But volunteering information, or saying too much, might just embarrass or scare the poor kid.
- age 15, Canada
I have four daughters and the subject never came up. Thank God for big favors.
- age 74, Iowa
I would probably tell them about it when I am telling them about puberty, and say that most men do it, and it is totally okay for them to do so, too. If I caught them doing it, I would just say, "Oh, sorry mate — you need a bit of privacy," or something like that.
- age 16, Australia
I actually talked to my son about masturbation and sex when he was 11. I told him almost every boy finds a lot of pleasure in masturbation and that there's nothing wrong with it. The first evidence of his beginning to masturbate happened very soon afterwards, when I heard noises in his bedroom which could only be interpreted as the noise of the pleasure of masturbating. It was difficult to bring up the subject, but I did mention it soon afterwards. At first he protested that I was mistaken, and I said, "Well, fine — but don't forget, we all do it and there is nothing wrong with it." I just assume he continued, but he never mentioned it afterwards. He is now happily married, and if he is like me, his masturbating will have continued.
- age 61, United Kingdom
I really don't know what I'd tell a daughter, but if I have boys it'll be my husband's job!
- age 17, Ontario, Canada (female)
I told my sons privately (32 and 22 years old now) when they were in their early teens that there was nothing wrong with masturbating as long it did not become an obsession. Their mother disagrees with me on this. But they seem to have grown up well-adjusted sexually. They are both married now.
- age 60, South Carolina
I'd tell them not to do it too hard or you can rip skin. Don't wear rings — they cause chafing. And *surely* use lubrication.
- age 16, Alabama
I would do it the way my father brought it up with me. When he noticed I had entered puberty, he waited a few months and then just asked me, "Have you started jacking off yet?" He did so with a smile on his face and with a gleam in his eye that let me know saying "Yes" would not be a problem. His response was, "Good. Just don't let your mother accidentally walk in on you, and make sure you clean up afterwards."
- age 35, Florida
Why tell them something they would inevitably find out themselves? Why chance mutual embarrassment (especially with my children) by explaining masturbation to them? When I first started masturbating, I didn't know what the word "masturbate" meant, and I thought I was the only one in the world who did it! So my opinion is it should be discovered on its own.
- age 16, Canada
I'd show my future daughters where their clitorises are and tell them it is there to give them pleasure. Then I'll let them figure out for themselves how to do it. As for sons, my husband can tell them what they want to know. My mother didn't say a whole lot about sex, but she did tell my brother and me that it's okay to masturbate. Bless her soul.
- age 27, California (female)
I think the mental relaxation, physical pleasure, and psychological relief I get from masturbation have been very important to my overall well-being for my whole (post-pubescent) life. If I had kids I would want to make them feel comfortable with touching themselves very early on. When the time comes (say, 11 years old) I would try to let them know that giving yourself that pleasure is good for you, just like exercise, eating right, and an education.
- age 31, Georgia
I would like to think I would discuss it openly with them and let them know it's okay. It would be hypocritical of me to do otherwise, considering that I do it myself. And if they wanted me to, I would buy them necessary items such as lube or something to help them. I would get them a lock on their door if they wanted, and I would also let them know I respect their privacy just as I would like them to respect mine.
- age 19, Tennessee
If I had a son I would simply tell him what it is and show him how to do it. No one ever told me how to masturbate, and I kept hurting myself until I saw a man do it in a porn flick when I was 15. I wouldn't want my son to do that, so either I would masturbate in front of him to show him, or let him watch some pornography to visually explain. If I have a daughter, that's the wife's job.
- age 17, New Hampshire
I will do the same thing my mother did with me: leave books on sexuality for me in my room. It was a very thoughtful and discreet way to educate.
- age 24, Ontario, Canada
I told my son frankly and with confidence that masturbation was a normal part of sexual life and a way to relieve sexual tension and energy that was both right and appropriate. Since we as a family believe sex is for marriage, I told him it was a way to maintain his sexual purity given his sexual energy.
- age 48, Tennessee
I know I'll say something. I'll be very open and honest, talking to my son (my wife will talk to my daughter) as if I were a brother, not a father giving him a lecture.
- age 16, New Jersey
I have three sons. My middle son turned me on to JackinWorld. (Their ages range from 17 to 21.) He found the Web site, and because we have always spoken freely and openly about masturbation, sex, growing and changing male bodies, it was not a big deal for me or any of my kids to view the site or discuss masturbation. Sometimes even their friends begin to admit to masturbating, as well as other stuff, after hanging out at the house.
- age 46, California
I don't think I'll say anything. I have to think, right now, I'd feel really awkward if my dad talked to me about it, and I'm sure my kids would feel the same. If I caught them doing it, I'd try to act like I didn't notice, but if they know I saw them, I might tell them it's perfectly natural and offer to buy them some magazines. Lord, I wish I had some magazines!
- age 14, Texas
I will make sure they know what it is, and then I'll tell them it's their decision. If they want to masturbate, I think that's great. I do and I get great pleasure out of it. I would much rather have my children be able to satisfy themselves than have promiscuous sex before marriage. But I think the final decision will be left up to them.
- age 15, New Hampshire (female)