I am careful when I masturbate from the time I walk in the bathroom, during the time I masturbate, to the time I clean up and walk out of the bathroom. It starts when I tell my little brother or sister (I'm the oldest) that I have to go to the bathroom to do #2; they think I'm doing that when I'm really masturbating. Then when I start masturbating, I make sure the milking method doesn't make any unnecessary noise. When I climax, I definitely have to keep my mouth shut, even though I wish I could scream at the top of my lungs. I've trained myself to just open my mouth as though I'm about to gasp and close my eyes. Then, depending on whether I ejaculate on myself, on the toilet, or in the shower, cleanup can take from 30 seconds to 3 minutes. When I ejaculate on myself, I sometimes lick it so there is no evidence; or, I take a lot of toilet paper and flush it down (that's why it makes sense to lie about doing #2). But I always check to see whether I accidentally ejaculated on the toilet seat or nearby. Then I walk out as cool as can be.
- age 17, California
This Week's Wackiest Response:
The relish is pretty easy to clean up. It's getting that damn chimp back into its box that takes forever – and a spoon of peanut butter.
- age 16, California
When I was a teenager, I thought I had the perfect solution to "hiding the evidence" – I would masturbate into a sock I had worn that day, and then put it in the laundry hamper. This worked great for a few months. Then one day my mother gave me a box of tissues and told me to "use these instead of your socks. I am tired of sticking my fingers in it when I do laundry!" So I guess I wasn't as clever as I thought.
- age 55, California
I put tons of effort into hiding my "evidence." After a session, I usually use only disposable paper towels which I flush down the toilet. If I use a magazine to help me masturbate and accidentally ejaculate on it, I have to rip out the pages and flush them down the toilet. If I watch porn on TV, I change channels twice afterward, so the porn doesn't come onto the TV when it's turned on and can't be accessed by the RECALL button. If I use the Internet to look at porn, I make sure to use the "purge searches" button on the address box to hide that I've visited those sites. If someone knocks on my door while I'm masturbating, I pretend that I was sleeping and "couldn't hear them at the door" to give me extra time to change back into my clothes. It's a lot of effort, but so far, I haven't been "caught."
- age 15, Sweden
I love to masturbate with soft cotton panties (bought at department stores, not stolen). They do a pretty good job of soaking up my semen. I usually put them in a plastic bag to hide the odor and then stuff them into the bottom of my laundry basket. I do my own laundry, so it's not a problem. I recommend using some kind of nice cloth (whether panties or not) for wiping up after masturbation. It's a lot simpler than messy tissues that tear and get stuck everywhere.
- age 20, California
When I am actually masturbating, I try to keep it secret. I turn on a fan in my room to drown out the masturbation noise. When I am masturbating at home, I put no effort into hiding evidence, because I do my own laundry. However, when I masturbate at school in the bathroom, I ejaculate into the toilet. There is no official penalty for masturbation in the Student Handbook, but if there were, I'm sure it would be severe!
- age 16, Iowa
Aside from the obvious step of showering when I finish masturbating, I do not leave soiled tissues or underwear lying around. However, I have a well-used pair of briefs under my bed that some of my friends know about. Nevertheless, I am rather fastidious about personal hygiene, since I came of age during the 1950s in the Midwest. Conversely, I would be the first to admit that I masturbate. I say so proudly, thanks to JackinWorld's valued information, which has changed my outlook on such a safe, pleasant, universal pastime.
- age 62, Michigan
I masturbate in the shower, so the evidence goes right down the drain.
- age 14, New Jersey
When I was younger, I would put much effort into hiding my "evidence." But as I got older, I realized everyone does it and everyone knows I do it, so there really isn't much point in hiding it.
- age 18, Indiana
I put a lot of effort into it. I use my computer to get pornography, and when I am finished, I hit my browser's DELETE button and everything disappears. I also usually ejaculate onto a tissue that I put on my stomach, so cleanup is easy. Then I go to the bathroom, which is right next to my room, and I flush the tissue. I make sure to urinate afterward so that any semen still in my penis is flushed out. I check all over the floor to make sure there are no spots of semen that might have gone farther than my stomach.
- age 15, New Jersey
My dad has known for years now that I masturbate, and my friends accept it and expect it by default. I keep my porn either on my computer or under some books, and I keep any sex toys or lube in a drawer next to my bed. No one ever looks, but I wouldn't really care if someone did. My dad isn't the sort of person to comment, nor would he care, so why would I care?
- age 18, Massachusetts
I normally masturbate in the bathroom. Before I start, I make a mental note of everything in the room that I move and count how many things I move. When I move them back in place after I have finished, I know if I have missed something by counting the items I move back. Also, I am careful not to leave water running for too long or to take an exceptionally long time in the bathroom; otherwise, someone would say something. (And they do – "Why was there water running for so long in the bathroom?" says one parent.) This is why I make good use of the times my parents are out the house.
- age 16, United Kingdom
I use worn-out sweat socks. When they get holes in them, I stop wearing them, clean them, and then use them for masturbating. The good thing is they absorb semen well and you can use them repeatedly – just wash and dry them once a week. I hide them under my mattress.
- age 38, Wisconsin
I do put some effort into hiding it from my parents and some of my friends; for example, I hide my lotion, try to cover my pile of used tissues with papers, and do my best not to get anything on any of my clothes that could be mistaken for semen. However, I put much effort into hiding the fact that I look at pornography. I keep all of my erotic DVDs hidden; I password-protect my computer and hide all of my stuff in folders on my computer; I hide any non-computer pornography in drawers under papers; and I wear headphones while watching porn. Also, I'm almost completely silent while masturbating (so my parents and siblings don't hear or suspect anything). And I wash my hands after I masturbate if I'm going to have any social interaction soon afterward, so that no smells remain – especially the smell of the menthol lotion I often use.
- age 15, Georgia
I have kids – two snoopy sons – so I hide everything! Except jackinworld.com.
- age 45, California
I don't try to hide anything about my masturbating – my mom knows I do it, and she even knows I look at JackinWorld. She checked it out herself to make sure it wasn't porn. She approved of me reading JackinWorld because I don't have a dad, big brother, or uncle to talk with about masturbation. And she has even bought me some lube.
- age 14, Florida
As a young gaffer, I would put a lot of effort into hiding signs of my masturbation. But since I got caught at school once doing it with a girl in a hiding place, everyone knew what I was doing. They couldn't find us for hours and actually brought in the cops. How embarrassing! After that, there was no way for us to hide. Also, when I started ejaculating, I wanted to curl up and die and just hide the darn thing. I hid underwear that I had ejaculated on until I could get rid of it by throwing it out. If I could help it, nobody was going to know that I wanked. But then surprisingly, my mom told me that as a teen, I should masturbate as much as I could to be sexually responsible and not get anybody pregnant.
- age 24, Illinois
Since I'm seen as the "perfect little angel" – I can't keep any obvious masturbation toys around. I got a little plastic massage tool for Christmas, and when placed right, I can grind it hard. Then it's safely returned to its drawer. Oh, and if my parents only *knew* that their electric toothbrush doubles as a very nice little vibrator!
- age 16, California (female)
When I was a kid, I worked out quite a system. Unfortunately, it all hinged on the bottoms of drawers and the *wonderful* hidey-hole some dressers have between the bottom drawer and the floor. Also, I hid my naughty magazines and inflatables. I just let my mother wonder about the mystery stains on my underwear, pajamas, pillowcases, and such. Looking back, I seriously doubt that she wondered. Now that I'm married to a wonderfully open-minded woman, I just don't masturbate in front of company.
- age 31, Florida
My parents and I are very open about masturbation. I do not feel the need to hide any evidence that I have masturbated, even though it is a bit embarrassing to realize at times that my parents know. I have a younger sister and I do my best to make sure that she does not know. I have used lubricant at times, and I put it in a drawer where it is not obvious. If I get semen on a sheet or my clothes, I try to scrub it off – but if I can't get it all, I usually don't worry much about it. I know that my parents are encouraging about the matter and that I can easily make an excuse for my sister. So it's usually not a problem.
- age 13, Illinois
Since I consider masturbating to be a private matter, I try to keep it as much "out of sight" as possible. I try not to ejaculate into my hand or onto anything that could get stained. Nor do I masturbate when I think somebody might notice. Since I'd find it awkward to "catch" any other family member doing it, I likewise try to spare them the experience.
- age 21, Germany
My mom knows I bust my banana regularly! Two years ago, she even got me a separate can for my tissues because they were piling up so much. (The can said "paper only," and I crossed it out and put "C-Men only" – ha!) My mom burns our paper garbage once a week, so she always comes up to get the can. She said she's noticed that when the can doesn't have many tissues in it, I seem to get into trouble a lot. But when the can is real full, it's like I haven't gotten into trouble for some reason. (I guess I just don't have time to.) She says she likes me better when the can is full!
- age 15, Pennsylvania
I live with my parents and I used to worry about masturbating. Whenever I ejaculated, I would do it into tissues or toilet paper and then flush it. But a few years ago I had a rather frank discussion with my parents about masturbation, and now I put the tissues straight into the bin and don't worry much – they know I do it. I do, however, have an old (very stained!) T-shirt that I sometimes use and hide at the back of my wardrobe after I use it.
- age 22, Australia
I don't worry about hiding much, considering that on a shelf of the table by my bed there is a roll of paper towels and a bottle of unscented Lubriderm (thanks, Mom). Almost every day, there are new wads of paper towels in my trashcan.
- age 15, Florida
I don't hide my "evidence" from my partner; he knows about my private activities. But I do keep my "toys" stashed away. It would be extremely embarrassing if my son came across them.
- age 47, Nebraska (female)
I try quite hard to hide it. My parents never look for stuff in my room because I always keep it clean. I'd just rather that no one find out about it. It's my business and not someone else's.
- age 15, Missouri
I live alone and have long since gotten over any hang-ups about indulging in my all-time favorite sport. I find orgasm and ejaculation to be a wonderful tranquilizer and usually drop off to sleep right after the cursory cleanup that I do. (Close your eyes if it shocks you, but I immediately lick my fingers, and then I scoop up all semen on my abdomen and lick it off, too.) Afterward, I simply drift off to dreamland. When I next awake, I put away the lube and any "reference materials" I have used to become aroused. If anyone were bold enough to ask me something about my practices, I probably would comment freely and hope they would do likewise.
- age 70, Texas
I don't put much into hiding it at all. Lots of times in the morning, my dad comes in to empty my trash can, and it is full of tissues – some even on the floor beside the can where I threw them from my bed. I usually never delete my history on my computer, either, which can lead to big talks with my parents regarding what I look at on the Internet.
- age 15, Canada
The only people who would notice the signs of my masturbating would be my wife or my best friend, who is at my house frequently. Both know that I masturbate, so there is no need to put great effort into hiding it. I do politely clean up after myself, though. I see no reason to force others to be involved in my personal activity.
- age 27, New Jersey
I usually masturbate with a plastic bag, and when I'm done, I just flush the bag down the toilet. Then I wash my penis with warm water and soap.
- age 17, Canada
My wife knows I masturbate and I've never denied it to anyone, but I really try never to leave the slightest bit of "evidence." The few pictures I really like are on a disk that I hide; the lotion I use always goes back to exactly where I picked it up; the sock or towel I ejaculate into goes straight to the wash; and I never do anything that takes preparation unless I know I will be home alone for several hours. I guess it's a carryover from younger days when my mom angrily confronted me about semen stains on my sheets and pillow case, after which I just tried to make sure that she never got any hint of how much I masturbated or in what ways.
- age 38, Iowa
I realize that as a girl, I don't have the same problems that guys do. But my parents are also very opposed to masturbation and I fear them ever finding out. I fall asleep only partially clothed sometimes, and I am afraid that in the morning someone is going to rip the covers off me. Sometimes, I have to force myself to move even when I don't want to. I also had a few problems with stray pubic hairs winding up in unlikely places. So for me, it is an all-or-nothing thing. I've had close calls, but I've never been "caught." And yes, "caught" is a terrible word – but with parents like mine it definitely applies.
- age 17, Canada (female)
I have yet to ejaculate so much that I clog the drain in the shower. That is about the only place I masturbate. My 13-year-old son has just started to discover the joys of masturbating, however. He thinks he is being very discreet in hiding his "evidence," but I know that smell coming from the tissues in his trash can and recognize those stains on his sheets and underwear. Plus, his bedsprings squeak and almost every morning before he gets up, I can hear them through the wall.
- age 33, Georgia
If I've been masturbating in my own room, I don't bother to hide any "evidence," but if I've been downstairs wanking in front of a video or the computer, I always make sure I wipe up any semen splashes and throw away all my sticky tissues. I don't care if they know what I've been doing; I just think it's a courtesy to other folks in the house not to have to face my mess.
- age 17, United Kingdom
I make no effort at hiding at all. My girlfriend is very sexual and does not care that I masturbate. I usually do it after she goes to sleep – in the bed, right next to her. I make no effort to be quiet or limit my movement. When I ejaculate, I use a tissue to wipe myself, put it on the nightstand, and fall asleep. In the morning, I throw the tissue away. My girlfriend is usually tired during the week, so I masturbate just about every night, even on nights that we have already had sex.
- age 29, Florida
I don't put in any effort to hide my masturbation. To me, it's thrilling when a hot girl notices that I've been masturbating.
- age 15, Tennessee
I don't like to deal with the mess, so I do my manly duty in the shower. My roommate, on the other hand, seems to be majoring in masturbation. I don't mind that he does it and don't even care that he does it with me in the room – whatever keeps your wheels greased! But I wish he would do a little more to hide it. He grabs whatever is handy to wipe it off and either tosses it in the trash or in the pile of dirty clothes under his desk. One night he got falling-down drunk, walked into the wrong room, and masturbated in my best friend's bed using my friend's underwear to wipe it up. He still hasn't lived that one down!
- age 19, Ohio
I have a nice system worked out – on the days I don't sleep with my girlfriend, I masturbate – and quite often. I'll wait until about 10 at night, lock my bedroom door, grab the bath towel I used for drying that morning, and ejaculate onto it. The towel goes back into the hamper, through the wash, and eventually, back to me some night (not unlike recycling). This way, there aren't any wigged-out moments at the dinner table. This has gone on for some two or three years.
- age 16, Arkansas
When I was younger and living at home, I went to great lengths to hide the fact that I was masturbating. I would wait up all night until I was sure my parents were asleep before I would begin to play with myself. Also, I kept a secret trash bag in my closet, which I would use to dispose of all the tissues and paper towels that I used for cleaning myself after ejaculating. Now that I am married, my wife understands that I have a greater sex drive than she does and does not mind if I need to masturbate on days when she is not in the mood to have sex. She will either roll over with her back to me so I can masturbate privately, or sometimes she just lies there and watches me!
- age 27, Illinois
I always check the bed, floor, or bathroom just in case something went where it shouldn't have. Sometimes I think that people can tell just by looking at me that I have masturbated.
- age 14, Virginia
I currently live with my family, so I need to sneak around the house at night or be alone in the house when I masturbate. I try to hide it by using toilet paper so that I can flush it down later; or, I do it before I take a bath. The reason for all this is that sex and masturbation is not an easy topic for many Japanese families, and mine is no exception.
- age 20, Japan
As a girl, I don't think I have to put any effort into it at all. It's so easy for me to reach under my jeans and masturbate. All I ever really need to do is wash my finger – oh, and delete some sites from the history list on the computer.
- age 17, Maryland (female)
Because both of my parents have told me masturbation is okay, I do not need to do much in the way of hiding. My parents have probably seen semen stains on towels and sometimes underwear while doing the laundry. I do, however, make a lot of effort to hide porn – every time I get some off the Internet, I clear the computer's history file. The porn is safe on the computer in my room.
- age 18, Indiana
I don't have to put a lot of effort into it. I think that using all that tissue and stuff is too much hassle and just provides more "evidence" of what you have been doing. Normally, when I've ejaculated, I just wipe it up with a dirty towel, hide it in the bottom of the hamper, and then I'm done with it. I don't really get why other people make such a big deal out of it.
- age 15, Tennessee
I'm lucky that I don't have to worry about hiding "evidence." My stepfather is an understanding guy. I clean up after myself, but my mom and stepdad don't go through my nightstand or anything. When my door is shut, that means to knock before entering. That's just one of the rules of our house. When I spent weekends with my dad, I would just wait until I got home, because he's real uptight about sex due to his religion. Now that I'm 18 and going to community college, I visit my dad but no longer stay overnight. I'm usually too busy with other stuff. In one more year, I'll transfer; then I guess I'll talk to my roommate or roommates about masturbation and privacy. After all, everybody does it.
- age 18, Virginia