I haven't tried out many of these techniques, so I can't guarantee they work well. Also, with some of them, you need to be very careful as there's a chance you might hurt yourself or get your penis stuck in something. JackinWorld will assume no responsibility for injuries incurred from something said on this page. Proceed at your own risk!
I take 4 Zip-Lock bags and a plastic grocery bag. I fill up two of the baggies with warm water, and I close them up and put one in each of the other baggies. Then I lay them on top of each other to make a kind of sandwich, and then I put them into the grocery bag and tie that up – that way it keeps the baggies from slipping around. Last, I cut the grocery bag at the sealed part (the bottom) so my penis can fit. Then I hump away. It feels great – almost like the real thing.
- age 18, Ohio
I leaned up against the side of the hair clippers once, and the vibrations felt really good and gave me an erection. I just kept leaning against them and ended up ejaculating in my underwear.
- age 16, Texas
I like to use aloe vera lotion for a lubricant, because it is all-natural and will not burn or sting if it gets into your penis (like soap or shampoo). I also like to use peanut butter from time to time – it works surprisingly well.
- age 19, New Hampshire
When I was 11 or 12, my penis was small enough to fit into the neck of a 3-liter cola bottle. Then, when I got older, I used the cardboard cylinder from either a roll of toilet paper or paper towels (with Vaseline of course!). Now, since I haven't found anything I can fit into, I just use shampoo or soap to lube up.
- age 15, New Jersey
About a year ago I read about a great way to do it. Take an old pillow and cut a 3" (8 cm) vertical slit in one end about 3" from the bottom. Then flip over the pillow and cut a same-size slit about 10" (25 cm) from the bottom. Finally, put a plastic bag (like a twist-tieable freezer baggie) through the pillow going in the side with the slit near the bottom to the other side. Tape down the closed end and tape open the other. You can then lube it up and hump away like crazy. It's really fun! I have found the baggie also works well for putting into other small holes (like a large plastic pipe) to hump into. One nice extra is you can clean up by just throwing away the bag.
- age 16, Minnesota
I've used dishwashing liquid and lotion, but I've found that hair conditioner works best. I also enjoy the roughness of potting soil occasionally. I used my dog's chew toy once. My favorite liquid is 10W-30 motor oil; it leaves behind a very nice smell, and my penis is very soft after I wipe it off.
- age 21, Oregon
When I was a teen, my dad had a Soloflex machine that had rubber hand grips so you wouldn't get blisters. He never used the grips and stored them away. One day I noticed that the hole in the hand grip might be perfect to stick my penis into. I lubed the hole in the hand grip and tried it on for size. It was perfect – like being in a vagina. I would often lube it up, put it between two pillows, and pump away. I used to masturbate with my cousin, and since there was a hole on either end, sometimes he would get on the other end and we would hump at the same time. His penis was a little thicker, so it was always a tight fit for him.
- age 29, Tennessee
I have used baby oil, shampoo, and soap to lube up my penis. I usually just masturbate dry with the fist grip – but sometimes I am really horny and want to feel like I am having sex. In these situations I have used pillows and thrusted myself between them. But when it's a regular day I put a sock over my penis and rub that up and down. The cloth really stimulates my head. This is good for you guys who don't want to make a mess on your sheets – explode in the sock and then clean it or throw it out.
- age 15, Connecticut
Use a super-soft sock – acrylic "fluffies" or cashmere – for the most intense orgasms ever!
- age 38, Florida
Here are some techniques I have used: 1. Lube up a toilet-paper roll on the inside (or tape rolls together if you're too big for one), and thrust it to it, or hold it with a hand as you place it over yourself. 2. Lube up a leather glove (it feels like someone else's hand). 3. Use a vibrator against yourself as you rub against the bed. 4. Cut a hole in a bar of soap ("Dove" preferably), and thrust into it in the shower. The suds are great. (A girl suggested this to me, because her boyfriend did it!)
- age 17, Oklahoma
Cover the floor with tons of pillows and put one of those paper-towel tubes in the middle and thrust in and out. I have used cloth to help my hand go up and down the shaft. The vacuum cleaner, too, is a wonder. It sucks, and boy, does that feel good.
- age 15, California
I have used a "Sex Box." I make it with a cardboard box, an old sheet, and a sponge. Cut a hole about twice the size of your hootie-hoo, put the sheet in the hole so your penis can fit in, and then put the sponge in so it can catch the sperm and imitate a pussy. It works pretty darn good.
- age 13, South Carolina
I have recently started using shaving gel most of the time. That seems to be the smoothest lube. Stay away from menthol, and use it slowly – it's great. I've tried mayonnaise, egg whites, Crisco, olive oil, the greasy substance around Spam, and aloe vera gel. Just the thought of something new each time helps the penis to get hard and shoot far.
- age 54, Indiana
For many years I've used the following two items: A girl's silk blouse, and polyester track-suit bottoms. I've bought both things only for good masturbating, and they work! First, these clothes make it easy to think about nice girls, and second, the great materials produce a very wonderful feeling on your penis. Try it!
- age 22, Germany
I've used some of my mom's flower vases. I get one of them lubricated and pump it over my erection. I've also humped pillows and our couch. My favorite thing other than my hand, though, is the jets on our hot tub – that feels wonderful.
- age 19, Oregon
Hair conditioner is definitely the easiest and best. It gives great feel and stroking power, and it cleans up really easily if you're in the shower already.
- age 18, New Jersey
I like to use vegetable oil and a little bit of hand cream.
- age 17, Maine
I have used an assortment of things – socks, Vaseline, a razor, and last but not least, my computer. I use the razor for trimming pubic hair. It gets me incredibly aroused – try it. One more tip: When you ejaculate a phat load into a sock, be sure to do a socks-and-underwear load in the washer.
- age 15, New York
I have used toilet-paper rolls, wrapped around my erection. Put a baggie between the couch cushions, lube up your penis, and pump away – that's a great feeling. I've also used Crisco oil and Hershey's chocolate syrup (way too sticky).
- age 31, Colorado
My mom used to have a small back massager that vibrated. I would hold it on my erection, and after 5 to 10 minutes, I would orgasm like crazy. It produced some of most intense orgasms imaginable. Unfortunately it wore out, after a hell of a lot of use.
- age 40, Michigan
I'll use anything to make my hand slippery – Vaseline, K-Y, or baby oil. This gives a very different feeling than not using anything. In the shower I might soap up sometimes. A friend told me about the "sleeping beauty," where if you wake up and you've been lying awkward on your arm and it's asleep, your hand can feel like someone else is doing it to you, which if you move fast enough is nice compensation for waking up like that. I've talked with friends about cutting holes in melons and humping them, but it doesn't appeal to me much. Weirdest was a guy who slightly warms raw liver in the microwave, puts it under his pillow, and thrusts into it with his penis. It probably feels great, but it's probably very messy!
- age 14, Scotland
I use a soft-bristled hair brush. Try it!
- age 17, New Jersey
Honey. I microwaved it and strained it through a cloth to make sure there were no crystals in it. Now, remember this: Don't stick your penis into honey that you aren't entirely sure has cooled off --my head was hurting for days afterwards! I had to cool down the honey in the fridge. Finally I got going, and an hour after I started (that stuff just would not cool off), it was great! I suggest using a lot. Hold your penis in your regular hand, and pour the honey into your fist. it might be a bit sticky at first, but the warmer it gets, the smoother it is. Also, I really enjoy the smell.
- age 21, South Africa
Rubber gloves are good. So are hand lotion, conditioner, olive oil, and Vaseline. The best is to take an empty toilet paper roll and put lots of hand lotion inside (if not you will get chafed). It's great!
- age 14, New Jersey
I first masturbated one night after I saw a woman on TV have her shirt torn open – nothing R-rated, just some cleavage showed. Well, that really got me excited, and that night in bed I was squeezing my pillow imagining it was her breasts, and I started pressing my penis against my bed, when I had a dry orgasm. After that night, I got into the habit of humping my blanket and pillows. I would roll them up into the shape of a woman and stick my penis into a crease. This continued until I was about 13 and was humping a pillow on my living room floor, after swimming at this cute girl's house, when I ejaculated. I felt so adult! Shortly thereafter I switched to the fisting method so I wouldn't leave semen all over my blankets and pillows.
- age 20, New York
I have used my chair. I get on my knees, and I move my penis in and out of the cushion. Then, after a while, I ejaculate into a sock. Wow, you should definitely try it --it's almost as good as the real thing.
- age 19, Texas
One night when my friend and I were having a sleepover, we were talking about masturbating and the different ways to do it. So naturally we both had erections. He then asked if I had some lube in my room and I told him no. So he left for a minute and came back with cooking oil. Talk about cooking up a storm! It was great. We did it like three times that night. And just because someone masturbates with the same sex, it does not mean that you or they are gay. It just means you know how to have great fun. Even if you think you might be gay, there is nothing wrong with it. Just be yourself!
- age 14, Louisiana
A neat trick I've found is to use the toilet seat. I get on my knees with the lid up, put my penis on the toilet, and lower the lid on top of my penis. With my penis between the toilet and the lid, I can "hump" the toilet until I ejaculate into it.
- age 14, Oregon
Baby oil and an eggplant – you cut off one end of the eggplant and carve out an appropriate-sized hole and fill it with baby oil. It helps if the eggplant is cooked.
- age 19, California
I usually nuzzle up to one of the jets in the Jacuzzi. I ejaculate amazingly fast this way.
- age 15, New Jersey
At the age of 15 I discovered that thrusting my erect penis between two pillows simulated contact with the female vagina. Sometimes I would read Penthouse or Hustler while doing it, and I usually wore a condom to keep from staining the sheets.
- age 27, Maine
I have been masturbating since I was 14. The most awesome way I've found is to get a plastic bag (usually a sandwich bag) and lubricate it with something (my favorite is strawberry "Emotion Lotion" I found in my parents' night stand). I stick that in between something such as the couch and its cushions. I then start thrusting my penis in and out of the lubricated plastic in between the cushions and pretend I'm having sex with a girl. You know how we guys are with being turned on by sight – well, let me tell you, seeing your penis thrust in and out of something is awesome. This also takes some of the guilt out of masturbating, since your hand never touches yourself.
- age 20, Texas