Other people tried to differentiate "gay" from "non-gay" behavior according to a participant's intent. For example, having opposite-sex fantasies while self-masturbating with a friend would mark "non-gay" behavior — but if someone is aroused by the sight of that friend masturbating, then that is "gay." Others differentiated "gay" and "non-gay" according to which label the person identifies with. Finally, some readers expressed disgust with the use of such labels altogether, preferring instead to focus on what feels good.]
Before I went through puberty, I would play tickle games with my best friend. This involved getting naked under the covers and playing with each other's privates. From about age 12 to 15, I masturbated with several of my best friends and my cousin. At age 17, I masturbated with another good friend while skinny-dipping in a river after a hot, sweaty hike. Even though we all enjoyed it very much, none of us turned out gay. It was just good fun and felt good, and I've always thought of it as a learning experience we shared. So, no, I don't consider it gay behavior. Now, if there had been romantic involvement, that would have been different — but we were into it for the pleasure.
- age 35, Pennsylvania
There is a big difference between homosexual behavior and being a homosexual. Many guys engage in same-sex activities but would never consider themselves gay.
- age 29, Canada
Masturbating together is obviously "gay;" but under no circumstances should that be a bad thing. The word "gay" just describes a sexual act between two people of the same sex. So, draw the line wherever you would like — but everyone should know that the only thing that keeps the act negative is the stigma that goes with it.
- age 15, New Hampshire
Especially for younger people, masturbating with another person of the same sex is part of their own sexual discovery and a long way from being gay. Even if they masturbate the other person and are in turn masturbated, it's not gay behavior, nor does it mean that either person is gay. I am not gay, but mutual masturbation with another person of my own age and sex for the first time was a defining moment in my sexual development. For older people who are fully developed sexually, masturbating with another person may be just an act of bonding, but it could suggest gay-leanings, or at least bi-curiosity. No problems with that, providing everyone knows what's happening.
- age 46, United Kingdom
When guys masturbate together, it's a gay activity. It disturbs me that so many straight people do it. No one I know has even spoken of such a thing. Friends should avoid sexual contact. I'm not against gay people; I just don't agree with people who say masturbating with another guy isn't gay.
- age 14, Canada
Masturbating with a friend is pretty much gay. The thought of doing it disgusts me.
- age 19, New York
The physical aspects aren't what make an action gay. An action is gay if the reasons behind it are. If you are engaging in stimulation with your best friend and are attracted to women and not to your friend, or other men for that matter, then your action is not gay at all.
- age 17, Delaware
There is nothing wrong with same-sex relations. It is a good idea for two guys or two girls to experiment sexually with one another so they can find out what they like and do not like, and whether they enjoy sex with the same or opposite sex, or both. When it goes from experimentation to clearly sexual and emotional, a relationship moves from non-gay to gay. I have never done anything sexually with another guy (though I wouldn't mind trying something), but I think it is good for young people to experiment sexually at reasonable ages.
- age 18, California
Although mutual masturbation is a gay act, it's more about pleasuring yourself and your friend. I've masturbated with a male cousin, and it wasn't about a relationship or love or anything. It was just two aroused kids who gave each other a helping hand. I explore sexual things with a close girlfriend, but we don't have a love relationship. It's sexual fulfillment — no more.
- age 16, Texas
It would be best if we moved beyond expectations and fitting people into categories and let people act and feel the way they want to at any particular time. Sexual nature is much more fluid than we allow it to be, and it would be healthier if we let go of our concern about which category we fit into. Do the categories mainly pressure us to fit in, or do they really reflect who we are? These friends are acting gay in this situation, purely because they're having a sexual experience with someone of the same sex. How "gay" they are depends on whether they do it more than once, touch each other, go on to other experiences with other people of the same sex, fall in love with others of the same sex, etc.
- age 36, New York
I don't think friends who masturbate together are gay. They might be, but they probably aren't. They just need to have a good time. I would draw the line if oral sex were used on each other.
- age 15, Connecticut (female)
Gay behavior and actually *being* gay are two separate things. Straight people sometimes do "gay" things, but that does not make them gay in terms of their orientation. You are gay only if you *prefer* those activities to heterosexual activities. You're not gay simply because you enjoy those activities. Likewise, a gay person might experiment with heterosexual behavior and may even enjoy it — but he would still be gay in terms of how he *feels* emotionally. All the guys who keep saying, "I am not gay, BUT..." need to lighten up, already! And for those who are gay, that is okay!
- age 22, Illinois
Masturbating with a friend is *very* gay. I talk and joke with my friends about masturbating, but that's all. I can't believe how many people have said in one way or another how they've masturbated with their friends, brothers, or watched their fathers or brothers do it. I can't believe that. Then they think it's not gay! I'm not bashing this site or anything — I like it, but I don't think you should let people think that mutual masturbation with another guy, however he's related to you, or group masturbation, is okay. It gives me chills.
- age 16, Massachusetts
All I know is, if two friends masturbating together *is* gay, then there's a *hell* of a lot more than 10% of us!
- age 35, California
If I did masturbate with a good friend of mine, I would even do a "mutual" if the situation led to it, because I have always been curious about being masturbated by someone else and seeing someone else masturbate. To me, that would not be "gay", as long as both of us were excited about the situation and straight videos or thoughts. You can't consider a person gay unless he or she is attracted to the same sex. In the same way that you don't classify a person as "gay" simply by the way he or she walks, you can't do that by the experiences they have. It's all about what you think you are doing.
- age 18, Brazil
Mutual masturbation could be, but doesn't necessarily have to be, gay. I am gay, but I could easily do it with my best friend (who isn't gay) without it being a "gay" thing (I'm not attracted to him). It would be great simply to bask in the intimacy of each other's pleasure. Such a time would transcend sexuality — it would be a sharing not of sex, but of our platonic and fraternal love for each other.
- age 21, Kentucky
I don't think same-sex masturbation is considered "gay." "Gay" refers to people who actually *love* each other, kiss each other often, and don't mind other people seeing them "in love."
- age 14, New York
I don't think that it is gay to masturbate with a friend or to masturbate a friend. My roommate and I occasionally enjoy a masturbation session together and we sometimes masturbate each other. It's nothing more than two guys helping each other out and giving each other some satisfaction with the masturbation being the turn-on, not the guy. And — from experience — I can honestly say that a guy can masturbate another guy better than any girl (and I have been masturbated by several girls). But for sexual intercourse, it's women all the way.
- age 25, Canada
I think that someone who masturbates with a friend of the same sex is bisexual, gay, or a lesbian. I don't see anything wrong with this and think we all are bisexual to varying degrees. Some people are just afraid to admit it because society views these types of people poorly, especially gay men. I think our society should see that it really isn't a big deal.
- age 17, Missouri
I don't think any physical activity can be gay. It's all about what's in your mind; getting out sexual frustration with someone and having fun isn't gay. I prefer women; I am straight. That doesn't mean that I couldn't enjoy physical sensation with another guy, though. Being gay means *preferring* the same sex and wanting to spend your life with someone of the same sex.
- age 18, Canada
I am gay. When I was younger, I used to masturbate with same-sex friends. However, I do not consider mutual, same-sex masturbation to be a "gay" activity. I would have to draw the line if it goes beyond masturbation — such as kissing or oral sex. To me, that's in gay territory — especially if it happens regularly.
- age 20, Utah
It's not gay. Even for two people to touch each other or stimulate each other is not necessarily gay. I wouldn't masturbate with another guy, but I don't really think there's anything wrong with it.
- age 17, Illinois
This question may be a little more difficult to answer for those of us who *are* gay, especially those of us who are gay and love masturbating above other activities. As far as I'm concerned, masturbating with another guy is just the most incredible feeling, so for me it's a *very* gay activity. But still, there's a continuum: Sitting side-by-side masturbating to pornography is less "gay" than watching and masturbating one another, which in turn is less "gay" than rubbing your bodies and penises together and climaxing with one another that way. And, of course, it depends entirely on the mindset of our hypothetical best friends. If they're just doing it to satisfy curiosity about how it feels, that's not so gay; if they're doing it because they love each other and want to express that through masturbation, or because you both get really excited by feeling each other, that's a little more gay. And of course, anything that two gay guys do together is automatically gay.
- age 24, Michigan
My best friend is a boy who is 15 — he's my 15-year-old sister's boyfriend. Sometimes the 3 of us masturbate together and mutually. I do not have a girlfriend at the moment, but I definitely like girls. I don't think our masturbation activities make my best bud and me gay. We are just having fun.
- age 14, Florida
Having masturbated with several friends during high school, both individually in the same room and masturbating each other, I certainly believe that those were "gay" behaviors, but it did not mean we were "gay." We also attempted some oral sex but we were young and clueless! I don't know that there is a "line" where behavior becomes "gay." Homosexuality has so much more to do with a lifestyle and desire to be in a committed relationship with someone of the same sex.
- age 42, Vermont
It is not gay. My mate and I are the same age have masturbated each other several times. As long as there are no intimate actions (kissing, etc.) I think it is normal. We are both sexually active with our girlfriends, but we have had some of our best orgasms by "helping" each other.
- age 16, Australia
It could be gay to both, gay to one and not the other, or non-gay to both. The line between gay and non-gay is one's internal perception, which can be different from what you say to a friend you are masturbating with, what you say to others. This is true of me. When I was a teenager, I always claimed that masturbation with my best friend was definitely not gay. Secretly, I knew it was. Years later we are still best friends. He is straight and I am happily and openly gay. Masturbation is about giving and receiving pleasure and with mutual masturbation sharing something special. The gender of your friend has no bearing on the fun, the pleasure, and the sharing. Far too many people think it does, as can be seen so often here with the phrase, "...but I am not gay." Lighten up — have fun with your friend and don't worry what others might think about it. After all, it's a private thing.
- age 54, Florida
I do not think it's gay unless the two friends want it to be. I can't say, "If you do that, you've crossed the line." If both are gay, and both know, then it's gay. If two straight friends do the same thing, then it's not. To me, sexuality is about love, not lust.
- age 15, Sweden
If "gay" were white and "straight" were black, most of us would probably be some shade of gray. I would think that actual physical contact between persons of the same sex would definitely be a lighter gray, and self-gratification in the presence of another person of the same sex doing likewise would be a darker gray. But who cares, anyway? Do what you like and forget the labels!
- age 48, New Jersey
The answer seems fairly simple: From the moment you do anything sexual (masturbating, French kissing, etc.) with someone of the same gender, your behavior is gay. It's a matter of fact that this behavior is gay, but not that *you* are gay. There are situations where males have a need to masturbate with other males, such as during puberty or in places where they can't find any women (prison, marine base), or if it's just for fun.
- age 16, Belgium
This one seems pretty simple to me. If part of the pleasure comes from being with or near another male, whether or not you touch each other, then it is a gay activity. For example, two guys watching a pornographic movie together, both masturbating, could be a totally straight activity for one of them — if he is not excited by the fact that he is with another male. But it could be a gay activity for the other if he is excited by the fact that he is with another male.
- age 25, New Jersey
I don't think mutual masturbation is gay, nor do I think that experimenting with oral sex is gay. But if two people start to feel romance and want to move further, like anal sex, that would be going over the line of being gay.
- age 16, Scotland
For two guys to masturbate together is absolutely not gay. When on vacation, a good friend and I always share a bedroom. As we do not have any privacy, we always masturbate together, each in his own bed. We also do not have problems being naked together, as we use the bathroom at the same time, even while showering. I would consider it gay if we masturbated each other.
- age 21, Germany
For me, there is gay behavior if there is physical contact. Two boys masturbating together is not gay, but masturbating each other is — even though for me, a "gay behavior" doesn't mean gay orientation. I've already masturbated with some other guys, particularly in summer camps, and it didn't make me think I was gay.
- age 16, France
I don't see it as gay, just as a way for friends to help each other out. At times you need a little variety in your life. I've done it with some good friends and I'm far from gay. You cross the line when you don't have feelings for the opposite sex and do more than fool around with the same sex.
- age 21, Pennsylvania
My "best friend" at the time and I masturbated together, and it got to the point where we had both oral and almost anal sex. I don't think it was gay at all but rather "experimenting." It's something I will probably never do again. And I like girls, so I definitely don't think it was gay.
- age 15, New York
The difference between "gay" and "non-gay" is not so much the kind of activity but rather the attitude toward the other person. Although I've masturbated with some guys (a cousin, a couple of high school buddies, a college roommate) I'm not into making love to a guy or romancing a guy — I think *that* would be gay! For me to masturbate with another guy is a normal way of addressing and exploring my sexuality as a male. I don't think I'm gay because I do that!
- age 22, Pennsylvania
I don't know where guys would draw the lines for themselves, but as a lady, I think if the two have an emotional connection beyond a friendly one, then it becomes lesbian. Touching each other would probably be a sign of the emotion, but then again it could all be in the attitude they have toward it. I think you draw your own lines and define it in your way to make it a homosexual experience.
- age 18, California (female)
I am a gay male, and I personally don't consider two friends masturbating together to be gay, especially after what I have read on this site. It's just a form of male bonding, and for young teens, a form of curiosity. I draw the line between non-gay and gay when it progresses beyond masturbating each other.
- age 22, New Jersey
"You are what you are, despite
some experiences you might have."
There is no such thing as gay or straight behavior. You may have sex with another guy and still be straight or with a lady and still be gay. The difference between gay and non-gay lies on what you like, what you enjoy, and what turns you on. People should realize that trying something (such as sex with a male friend) once or twice doesn't make you gay or straight. You are what you are, despite some experiences you might have.
- age 17, Argentina
Gay lies not in the behavior, but in the frame of mind or orientation. It's not a question of how far we would have to go for our behavior to be gay. We may only smile at each other and the behavior would be totally gay. The real question is, would the two friends prefer to have sex with others of the same sex rather than with members of the opposite sex? If they answer yes, then they may be gay.
- age 46, Maryland
I do not think mutual masturbation is gay. My friend and I masturbate together. Sometimes, we even do it to each other. But we also have girlfriends. His mom caught us once and we thought we were in big trouble, but she explained that it was normal for boys to experiment with each other. Best of all, she didn't tell my mom. If two guys who are 20 were to do this, then yes, I think they would be gay for each other.
- age 13, Florida
Gay — unless it is a male and female masturbating.
- age 25, California
I don't know where you would draw the line. My friend and I both like girls and guys. He stays at my house on weekends and we masturbate each other. If we didn't do it together, we surely would do it alone! It feels great and there is no guilt. I don't think it's gay. Being gay is cool in my book and we just don't think either of us is gay.
- age 16, Massachusetts
I'm not sure what it's like for girls, but I know that when I was growing up, I would not only masturbate with other boys in my neighborhood, but we would sometimes experiment further with things like oral sex. I don't think, however, that any action you might take, whether as a teen or as an adult, makes what you're doing "gay." Being gay is who you are attracted to, not what you do. While I am gay, many of the guys I masturbated or experimented with were not. There's a natural curiosity of what others are like — both of the same sex and the opposite sex. But calling any same-sex activity "gay" just further oversimplifies what homosexuality is.
- age 25, Florida
I've masturbated with my best male friend and with my girlfriend (at different times). There's nothing better than sharing such a wonderful experience with a friend of any gender. I don't think that just because I enjoy masturbating with my best buddy I'm going to slap a rainbow flag on the back of my car and give up my interest in women. It may be gay behavior for two guys to enjoy masturbation together, but it doesn't mean they *are* gay. Aren't the definitions of gay and straight a little too limiting, when so many people are probably somewhere in the middle?
- age 33, California
People are too quick to put labels on everything. But in keeping with the question, I'd say everyone just has to look at the difference between "gay acts" and "gay people." If two friends of the same sex masturbate with each other, that's a gay act. If two friends of the same sex fall in love with each other, that makes them gay (or bisexual) people. In other words, just because two people of the same sex have sexual encounters with each other, doesn't mean they lust over the same gender more than they do the opposite. This doesn't mean that gay acts don't contribute to someone becoming gay. I'm simply saying they're two separate things.
- age 16, Wisconsin