Two years ago this month one of my older brothers got married, and my mom and I had a house full of relatives in town for the wedding. There was absolutely no privacy, even in the bathroom, because there were always several people around and it just did not make for a good masturbation session. I tried a quickie, but I still could not do it. The day after the wedding, everybody who was staying at our house went to Disney World, so I just told my mom the truth – that I needed to masturbate and wanted to stay home so I could be alone. We can talk about stuff like that, and it's pretty cool. Anyway, she said she thought it was a great idea. Off they went, and off I got!
- age 15, Florida
This Week's Wackiest Response:
My parents' house was situated on an especially peculiar dimensional gateway, and one time it was infested with telepathic nuns, thousands of them. They were everywhere and had a really disapproving way to look at me whenever I merely considered getting an erection. I tried to cope by entertaining an unhealthy amount of clean thoughts. After a couple of weeks I couldn't stand it any longer and called Christopher Walken, who took care of the problem between two jitterbugs.
- age 20, Montana
When I was 14, I broke bones in both my hands and had a cast on each one. On my left hand, the cast went all the way to my shoulder; on my right, to my elbow. Not only could I not masturbate, but also my dad or mom had to help me clean myself after I went to the bathroom. Talk about embarrassing! For about 3 days I took painkillers that seemed to take away any horniness besides relieving the pain. But after that, I was quite ready for an orgasm. I thought about humping my bed, but I couldn't clean up. Besides, it's an old squeaky thing and even now when I masturbate, I'm careful that it doesn't make too much noise. Finally, one afternoon my best friend was teasing me about having my dad wipe my butt, and I said, Well – what's worse is I can't even masturbate. He got a funny look on his face, and said, "I can help with that." And he did – every day until the casts came off. The only thing he said was, "If you ever tell anyone, I'll kill you." I paid him back once my casts were off!
- age 17, California
I had hernia surgery in 1999. A week before the surgery, I was in such pain that I couldn't imagine masturbating; I could only imagine how wonderful I would feel after the surgery. Although the surgeon told me I couldn't injure the repairs, I didn't touch myself until my follow-up exam 10 days after the surgery. That night, I decided the tape on the outside of the incision would hold me together if I masturbated gently; my penis agreed, because in 15 seconds I had a throbbing erection. I slipped off my boxers, stretched out on the bathroom floor, and gently began stroking. In less than 10 strokes, I had one of the most explosive orgasms of my life. However, I never want to abstain again in this life!
- age 61, Michigan
I was at camp and didn't do it for almost two weeks. So I did it in the bathroom on the plane on the way back.
- age 14, New York
At age 19, I went into Air Force Basic Training. For 6 weeks I had very little free time and zero privacy, so I could not masturbate. After 6 weeks of basic training, I was transferred to a technical training school. After our in-brief, we were each sent to our respective rooms to unpack and get ready to begin training the next day. I wasn't in my room 15 minutes before I took some much-needed time to masturbate.
- age 35, North Carolina
When I was in France with my parents two summers ago, there were times when I had to go for two days or so without masturbating. It was horrid. Now mind you, this may not sound like much time (and it isn't). But being in Paris with all the women there kind of put my libido into overdrive. I dealt with it by just enduring the agony of being extremely horny and being able to do nothing about it. Let's just say I snapped at my parents a lot on that trip. I wonder if they ever figured out why. On the flip side, last summer I had to go 5 days on a backpacking trip without being able masturbate. But the exercise, lack of bathing, and breathtaking vistas took my mind off it.
- age 17, California
I've gone up to two weeks without masturbating on family or group trips, wanting to masturbate but never finding the time. It doesn't get any easier when you're a parent, guys. What's more, I didn't get any "wet dream" relief, either – even though I would have welcomed it. After the first 3 days, anytime I was sitting still or going off to sleep, the need for sex just stormed around in my mind. So I dealt with it by staying busy all the time and staying up late until I was almost asleep on my feet. I couldn't do anything about the thoughts I had about every woman I saw. You would have thought I was a dedicated group camper if you didn't know why I was working so hard.
- age 48, Nova Scotia
I worked at a camp this summer and was in a cabin full of 10- to 12-year-olds. I knew masturbating in the cabin with the kids there was out of the question. Plus, my friend and I had made a pact to go the whole 6 weeks of the camp without masturbating. So, 5 or 6 days, we decided to shorten the amount of time for our deal to the first two weeks (which was the first session of the camp.) On that first changeover weekend, we were ready to blow! I found the orgasm to be somewhat disappointing, having waited for it for two weeks. Still, it was one of the better ones I've had. Later that day, my penis was sore. I think the skin may have become sensitive without its usual daily contact with my hand.
- age 16, New York
I went with a college group on a trip to Negril, Jamaica. We decided to save money by camping at a small campground right on the cliffs overlooking the ocean. Our accommodations included tent space (shared by 4 of us), a brick-enclosed, semi-private toilet, and semi-private shower enclosure (running cold water, to be sure). During the trip, at the height of the tourist season, people were literally within 10 feet in any direction at all times. The experience was so overwhelming to the senses that even if I'd had the time and place to do the deed, so many other things were happening that it left one with sensory overload. I really never thought of masturbating for the first 6 days. However, by the 7th day I was really looking forward to the privacy of my own home, regardless of the nasty midwestern weather. When I did get home, I immediately called on a friend who likes to masturbate with me, and we immediately proceeded to "flush the pipes"! This was not only my shortest session ever; it also resulted in an almost frightening volume of semen.
- age 34, Indiana
I battle this problem every weekday from 6 AM to 3 PM.
- age 16, Missouri
About 5 years ago, I was counselor for a youth football team that went abroad on a tournament camp. For two weeks, I had to sleep in the same room as the boys I was caring for. I simply did not dare to risk being heard or seen masturbating. The showers of the youth hostel were common, so that wasn't an option, either. My solution was simple – I just refrained from masturbating. On our way home I had a cabin of my own, where I could deal with the two-week old stock of semen that had gathered in my testicles.
- age 35, the Netherlands
Almost 3 weeks – I was at camp for a week and a half, and then home for only a couple of hours before I had to go to another week of camp. Unfortunately, I used those hours to check my e-mail instead of something more, um, useful.
- age 15, Vermont
Just after entering a relationship with a very active and satisfying sex life, I still wanted to masturbate. I enjoy the quiet time, tension relief, and also the speed and ease of it all. I climax every time I have sex, but the freedom of doing it myself is unmistakably a great one. I missed that. After 6 months, my boyfriend asked me why I hadn't masturbated recently. (How could he know? I had never told him.) After that statement, it gave me the signal to go right ahead and go for it. Four years later we are still together, still have a very active and satisfying sex life, and yes, I still masturbate at least 3 times a week!
- age 36, Australia (female)
The longest time I've had to go without masturbating was for about two weeks on a trip to the United Kingdom. I was with a travel group and we shared rooms, ate together, did *everything* together. I had recently discovered masturbation, so I was doing it quite frequently, and this made for a big problem. I didn't get to masturbate at all on the trip – so on the plane ride home, I masturbated in the bathroom. It was quite enjoyable, actually. I masturbated with a women's pad, with lotion on it. Luckily, the plane had both in the bathroom!
- age 13, Alaska
About 5 months ago, I had to be circumcised; my foreskin was too tight around the shaft when it was pulled back. It took over 3 months for the stitches and skin to heal. By then, I needed relief badly. When the day finally came, boy, did I let it flow! I had trouble walking straight for days.
- age 29, Kentucky
I usually don't masturbate during examination period. When I have an exam, I won't masturbate for some two weeks beforehand, and surprisingly, it works! "Celibacy" has been a great way to improve my grades. Last year I was a senior at a new school and I had an exam every week. I could masturbate only about 10 times in 9 months. It was difficult, but it required me to concentrate exclusively on school. If I thought of anything else, it was sex. By the end of the year, when I could finally masturbate freely, it was an explosion of pleasure, semen, and yells. Signed, The straight-A celibate.
- age 17, Massachusetts
For about 3 months after I was married, I thought that because I was married, my trusty hand was no longer needed and so shouldn't be used for solo activity. Then I realized that such supplementary satisfaction is not wrong, but rather, often needed.
- age 63, Virginia
When I was 15, relatives stayed with us for two weeks. My cousin, who is 3 years older than me, slept with me in my double bed. We each slept in our Jockey shorts. Several times I would wake up, swollen and erect, but didn't feel comfortable getting off quietly, even though he seemed to be asleep. Once I tried to move our conversation around to what we do alone sometimes, but he took this attitude that I was too young to know anything. I figured that perhaps he wasn't horny – which would have been reasonable, since they were staying with us because his father had run off. When they finally left, I went into the bathroom, got naked, stood in the shower, and stroked. I shot across the shower with more juice than I'd ever had and then did it 3 more times that day.
- age 16, Mexico
I was on an antidepressant for about 6 months. I could get an erection, but I couldn't have an orgasm unless I put an extreme amount of work into it. Needless to say, it was very frustrating and almost depressing (no pun intended).
- age 49, California
The only time I have not been able to masturbate was when my mom took my laptop out of my room. I need something to look at when I masturbate, and without a computer in the privacy of my room, I had a hard time trying to masturbate. Before I could do it again, I had to find out where she had put it and sneak it out when she was away or asleep.
- age 15, Florida
I remember when a girl my age was living with us for one week for some reason. She and I had to sleep in the same room, so it was difficult to masturbate. One evening, we watched a film with lots of disturbing sex in it. Man, did I want to start doing it then! But I couldn't. I had an erection during the whole film and begged myself not to ejaculate. After we'd gone to sleep, I ejaculated with just a few strokes thinking about the teen girl lying right next to me. Maybe I should have just asked her to have sex with me!
- age 18, Finland
The longest time that I was unable to masturbate was when I went on vacation with a female friend of mine. We both slept in the living room of a condo and there was only one bathroom. We were there for two weeks, and after the first week I thought I wouldn't be able to handle it anymore. Finally, the only way I could do something about it was to use a public bathroom. When we were walking around in the mall or were at the movies, I would excuse myself to the bathroom and try to have a quick session. It ended up all right and I just took care of it when I needed to.
- age 15, Vermont
The longest time for me was two weeks. I was at the beach with my family and shared a room with my sister. My parents were in the room right next to us. We all shared a bathroom and the shower curtain was clear, so if anyone walked in, they could tell if I was masturbating in the shower! So I waited patiently. The last night, I couldn't take it anymore. I said I was going to the pool. Instead, I snuck down to the beach and sat there in the soft sand going at it. It was *so* pleasing!
- age 21, Germany
I was at camp and we had roommates. We had to bathe with other campers in community showers. It got so difficult, because just being naked was giving me an erection in the shower. I had to get in and out really quickly. I finally went to the boys' room at about two in the morning to masturbate. When I got there, I found two of my friends there masturbating. So, we just agreed that we either had to do it or walk around with erections all day.
- age 14, Massachusetts
I was on vacation and stayed at my best friend's house for two or three weeks. Although I had my own room with a lock on the door, I still felt uncomfortable about masturbating. However, one night I was talking to one of my good platonic female friends, and the subject came up. We are very close and sometimes we talk about sex and masturbation. She told me not to worry about it – just lock the door and do it. She said that if I were staying with her, she would expect it of me because it's something that almost everyone does. So I took her advice and *highly* thanked her the next day because it made me feel much better.
- age 18, Florida
Once I made a promise to a female friend before my vacation that I wouldn't masturbate until I got back. It was about 18 days before I could finally masturbate again. Sometimes I got so horny that I had to use ice to calm myself down. But I was happy that I made it through and kept my promise.
- age 16, Virginia
Four years ago, I went on a week-long vacation with two friends – one male, one female. All but the last night involved camping in a tent that we all shared. I am accustomed to masturbating at least twice a day, and suddenly I was in a position where I could not masturbate at all. By the 3rd day, I was going nuts. By the 5th day, I was having erections constantly. Finally, we arrived at the hotel for our last night before flying home. When I got into the shower, I couldn't wait to ejaculate. I managed to get off 3 times during that shower and another 3 times the next morning when showering. I don't think it would have been a problem with my male friend for me to masturbate; we are roommates and know each other's masturbation habits, so I think we could have made some arrangement. But the presence of the female friend complicated things. Anyway, I am once again happily masturbating every day, and that's all that matters.
- age 28, Canada
My longest time was for two weeks when I was at Boy Scout camp. We were in cabins with 8 people and no interior or exterior doors. Finally, most of us just broke down and started to masturbate in our sleeping bags, but everyone caught onto everyone else. Eventually, we all decided to devote a special time to doing it.
- age 16, California
I was on a class trip overseas and spent the first of two weeks with my other classmates touring southern Germany. We were together all the time. We spent the second week with a host family, and I wasn't about to try to find a way to pleasure myself in their house. (If I was caught doing it there, I'd just turn beet red for the rest of the trip.) I made it through by just thinking about anything and everything that wasn't sexual, which is very hard to do in southern Germany. All of the females were gorgeous!
- age 20, Iowa
I was on holiday for 3 weeks and shared a room with my family for the whole time. I could have done it in the bathroom or somewhere else, but I didn't. Instead, I wanted to save it up and have a killer session when I got home. Waiting was absolute hell, I assure you. It made me look at every girl as if I loved her and I *had* to see her again or I would die. It messes with your head. But then I got home and had about 6 sessions in one night. It was one of the best ever!
- age 14, United Kingdom
I was on vacation with my family. We were sharing bedrooms, so at first, I nearly went insane because I couldn't masturbate. Eventually, I snuck out and did it behind the house when everyone was asleep.
- age 18, Alabama
This situation has happened to me many times. I go overseas with my family to see relatives. We stay there for at least a month with little privacy. I go for a few weeks with no wakeful action, just "wet dreams." Then I sneak in a few sessions near the end of vacation, when I'm going completely insane. I've had some painful erections, but masturbating just wasn't worth it for that month. I can't imagine how I'll manage sharing a room in college.
- age 17, Indiana
I was on vacation with my parents. Having only one hotel room killed any opportunities for privacy. So after a week, I finally just got up and went into the bathroom. Ten minutes later, I flushed the toilet and came out. Nobody knew a thing.
- age 20, New York
I had to go about 3 months without masturbating. I was staying in Germany on an exchange. My host's house was not that big, and she had 5 kids in only 3 bedrooms. Of course, she had one bedroom to herself and the two girls shared a room. So the other 3 guys and I shared the other room. Basically, I was never alone. Finally, I could masturbate when I came back to the states, and let me tell you – it is hell to go 3 months without masturbating.
- age 14, Nevada
When I had a hernia operation, they told me I had to abstain from sexual activity for two weeks. I didn't know if they meant the sex act itself, or just the strenuous physical labor that usually entails. Either way, I felt pretty good a few days before I hit the two-week mark, so I did it. It was an awesome orgasm, but I was a bit sore afterwards.
- age 16, New York
I was on a holiday with a couple of friends in Spain. I shared a tent with one of my friends, and there was no private place on the campsite. I didn't get a chance to masturbate for about two weeks. Then I met a girl there and she masturbated me, which made a big mess. But of course, it was an awful lot of fun!
- age 22, the Netherlands
Last summer, I went to Japan with my friend and his family. When we got there, we stayed with his grandparents. The quarters were cramped, and I had to sleep in a room with him and his mom. For two weeks I couldn't masturbate, but when we went to the hot springs, I just couldn't stand it any more. I slipped under a waterfall and masturbated.
- age 15, Pennsylvania
It would be when I went to Vietnam last summer. I stayed with relatives, and there was no privacy in any part of the house. There was no running water in the bathroom, so I couldn't put toilet paper in the toilet, and I didn't think it was a good idea to put evidence in a wastebasket that everyone uses. And you couldn't leave the house without another person coming with you. I didn't want to eat my own semen or masturbate with someone knowing, so I didn't do it for the six weeks I was there. As soon as I got to the airport in Korea on the way home, I just couldn't wait any longer and went right to the bathroom! It was one of my most memorable sessions, for it was that time that I ejaculated the greatest amount of semen to this day. I don't think I could or would want to go that long without masturbating again – so the next time I visit my relatives, I'll be brave and either eat my semen or have one of my cousins take me to some deserted place.
- age 18, Massachusetts
I was at my grandparents' house for vacation for almost a week. I wasn't comfortable doing it, even in the shower. I think it was because my grandparents have a different image of me, and if one of them found me masturbating, I would be very embarrassed. Besides, my whole family was at the house! When I went back to my house, after that week, I had a really *wild* night.
- age 16, Mexico
When I first went to the university, I lived in a dormitory. The dorm had a community bath with no privacy except in the toilet stalls. I didn't feel free to masturbate in my room because my roommate was almost always there when I was. After about 6 weeks without release, I was desperate. I went to the bath to shower, but first I stopped by a toilet to have a bowel movement. I noticed white stains on the toilet door. This could mean only one thing – that guys were masturbating in the toilet. I couldn't wait any longer. I had an immediate erection and rubbed my penis vigorously. Within a minute, I ejaculated the largest amount of semen I ever remember, before or since. After that, I masturbated in the toilet stalls regularly.
- age 62, Texas
Last summer I was at a resort in Vermont with my family for two weeks and could not masturbate because there was just no opportunity to do it. I had to share a room with my cousin. Some of the time I just did the old grin-and-bear-it technique, but at night, I could lie in bed and rub my penis without actually bringing myself to orgasm. This helped me to deal with it.
- age 15, New York