Finally, a note of caution and safety about lubricants: Genital skin is the thinnest, most sensitive skin on your body. This means that it absorbs whatever is put on it much more readily than skin on your limbs, back, and chest. So, we at JackinWorld urge you to be most cautious in what you decide to apply to your genitals. Use your head and read product labels for contents. Don't believe everything you read or hear without first thinking about whether it's true. If something includes an abrasive, acid, or chemical solvent, chances are that it will not be friendly to your sensitive genital skin. Be especially careful with any menthol product. Carefully read JackinWorld's article on JackinSafety. Even if you are a young teen who thinks that you couldn't safely buy a sexual lubricant in a drugstore, there are ways for you to find and enjoy sexual lubricants in items that are common to most households. Enjoy and celebrate the wonderful feelings of masturbation as you protect the function of your sexual organs by using lubrication sensibly.]
Mud – in high school, I was paddling my way through Maine along the Allagash River. One day after a heavy rainstorm, my campsite was a mud pit. A primal urge ripped through me, so I stripped down and began to wallow in the cool, slick mud. Becoming aroused, I began to masturbate. I didn't really use the mud out of necessity; it was more like I just got caught up in the moment and it was there. Definitely, this was one of my more bizarre masturbation moments.
- age 23, Alabama
This Week's Wackiest Response:
I got in touch with my inner mouse and used cream cheese. It brought out the rat in me.
- age 15, Australia
When I was about 14, I had a notion to try Vicks Vapo-Rub for a lube. I figured if it felt nice and warm on my chest, how good it would it feel on my forever-erect penis. To make a long story short, it burned liked the devil. I never did that again!
- age 45, New York
One time I was so horny I crushed up a banana and mixed it with water.
- age 16, Michigan
While I have never been into lubricants, a friend who was always looking for a good lube once made the mistake of trying Ben-Gay. He thought it might add some intensity to his orgasm. It added the feeling of having his "marshmallows" roasted over an open fire. He went on to have a family, so I guess order was restored down there – but not without considerable fear.
- age 58, Georgia
I would say that the most unusual lube I ever used was oatmeal. It was great!
- age 17, Romania
I have been masturbated many times by professional massage ladies in the Orient. They insisted on using baby powder (talc) as a lube. It was terrific every time, but more because of the talented help than the lube, which was okay.
- age 79, Texas
I saw Albolene suggested on JackinWorld, so a friend and I went out to the store and bought some. It is in the make-up aisle because it is used to remove make-up. It is the best lubricant I have ever used.
- age 17, Indiana
When I read this question, the first thing I thought of was the time I used Hershey's chocolate syrup as a lubricant. It worked pretty well, but it made more of a mess than it was worth. The second thing I thought of was the time I used peanut butter – creamy of course. As I recall, the peanut butter did not make a very good lubricant. But in both cases, I had a great orgasm due to becoming very turned on when seeing the chocolate syrup running down my erect penis; and when I used the peanut butter, it was fun smearing it all over my penis.
- age 44, Michigan
I once hollowed out a cucumber – I heated it in the microwave for a few seconds, made a hole in the tip, and used that as a fake vagina. It gave me suction and lubricant – it was amazing! Just break it up after use and flush it down the loo!
- age 17, United Kingdom
Talcum powder. Most guys don't know about this. But after a shower, get your penis perfectly dry. Then apply a coating of talc. It provides a lube that's different. Physically, I think it's like millions of tiny ball bearings rolling around. It works well on me (I'm circumcised very tightly with no loose skin when I'm erect). You do need to keep the pre-cum cleaned up, or it will get gummy. I used this a lot during my college days when I had the time.
- age 63, Alabama
What an interesting question! I would say the most unusual would be aloe vera gel. It feels really cool, tingly, and soothing – and adds a whole new aspect to the orgasm, but it also dries up quickly. After a few minutes, it will get a little sticky and uncomfortable so that I have to add more. The orgasms have been explosive, though!
- age 17, Massachusetts
Never saw the need; after all, it's a lot easier to be stealthy about it if there's less stuff you have around for it. All I need is my penis, one hand (either one, ambidextrous, you know), and a few tissues.
- age 18, West Virginia
Warm bran mash – I was feeding my horses one cold morning and scooping out the mash for their morning feed when the idea arose. My mate thought the idea was weird till he tried it. It's a pity that the mash cools too quickly for prolonged excitation.
- age 62, Australia
I once cooked a bowl of refried beans for myself. It was hot, so I let it cool for a while. Then I began to watch this movie with some "good scenes" in it, so I got a big erection. I stuck my penis into the bowl of beans and when I figured I couldn't keep going like that, I just splotched some on with my hand and kept stroking. It was wonderful. The warmth of it was amazing!
- age 17, Tennessee
Peanut butter – and if your dog licks it off, it's not cheating because it's your dog!
- age 19, Canada
That stuff that kids use to blow bubbles – it comes in a bottle with a plastic stick with a loop on the end. You dip the loop in the liquid and then blow through the loop to make the bubbles. That stuff is a great lube. It must be pretty safe, as it's meant to be put up to your mouth – my guess is it's non-toxic. At any rate, it's a great lube.
- age 47, Pennsylvania
I used an egg white once. It was decent but didn't last long; it started out slippery but then degraded.
- age 16, Minnesota
I don't use a lubricant on myself when I masturbate, except for my own natural lube. Once when I was masturbating my husband (at that time he was my boyfriend), we decided to be a little "creative" and tried using milk.
- age 46, California (female)
Colgate toothpaste and water – I think the manufacturer should state, "Warning: DO NOT USE AS MASTURBATION LUBE!
- age 17, Illinois
Blood – when I was 14, I went into the woods and then into some bushes because there were too many people at home to relieve myself there. As I was pulling it, I noticed that it felt slippery and *oh so good.* I didn't notice that as I was crawling into the bushes, I had cut the inside of my hand. This was the most unusual lube I've ever used, and it was great, but it did leave a big mess on my white briefs. I wouldn't recommend doing this on purpose.
- age 38, California
I think that the most unusual lubricant that I've ever experimented with would have to be the aloe vera lotion gel that you put on when you get a bug bite or sunburn. I remember I'd just gotten sunburned and had applied it in the bathroom on my back. It felt so cool and nice that I locked the door, unzipped my fly, and started to massage it onto my penis. It felt great, and the orgasm was good, too. Although, out of ritual I like to taste some of my semen after I ejaculate, I didn't get a chance to do that – I didn't want to in case the aloe wasn't meant to be ingested and it got mixed into my semen. But, I was actually sorry I used the gel. My penis was cold and tingly for about an hour and the head was hypersensitive (especially around the urethra). And I had a throbbing and painful erection the whole time from the over-stimulation.
- age 16, Florida
I rarely use any lubricant since I have an efficient self-lubrication system. However, when I used to masturbate in the shower, I sometimes couldn't produce sufficient quantities of my own lube to compensate for the cascading water. Looking to try something handy, I grabbed a tube of shampoo, generously applying it to my penis and hand. Although it provided lubrication for a satisfying session, it also irritated my penis, especially the tip where some of it must have entered the urethra. By the next day, the tip was red and rather sore. I abstained for about a week and applied some lotion to help the healing process. That was the last time I masturbated in the shower with the water running. Someone later suggested I try baby oil, but I figured that if corn oil is made from corn, and olive oil is made from olives, I'm not touching baby oil!
- age 63, Michigan
Once I dipped my right hand into a tub of "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter," used that, and came to one of the best orgasms I've ever had! I definitely recommend it.
- age 16, Wyoming
My most unusual lubricant was a combination lubricant and prop that I read about on JackinWorld. It was suggested to use a plantain peel as a prop. Great suggestion – I occasionally pick one up just for fun when I'm at the grocery store. Stick it between your box spring and your mattress (just be sure to get all of the pulp out, poke a few air holes in the closed end, and you might want to wrap a cloth around the outside in case anything seeps out. You don't want to have to explain that stain to someone who later could be helping you flip your mattress!
- age 24, Indiana
Although I have been known to experiment with different objects and lubricants when masturbating (such as soft clothes, squishy balls with man-made holes inside, etc.), the most unusual lubricant I ever used when masturbating would have to be my own semen saved from a previous ejaculation. Using my semen produced one of the most sensational orgasms ever! To all of my masturbating cyber-friends, I highly recommend it – it's awesome!
- age 15, Florida
When I was 12 or 13, I would put peanut butter on my penis and lie naked as my dog licked it off. It's not something I would do with her now, but at the time, it was incredible.
- age 19, Washington
The most unusual lubricant I've ever used would be vegetable oil. Up until about a month ago, I never would have considered this – it just seemed too gross, but then I saw an article on JackinWorld about different lubes, and one listed was vegetable oil. It was very messy – the vegetable oil ran all down the side of the bottle when I tried to pour it, and got all over the floor, but once I got going, it was wonderful – it was just slippery enough to provide pleasure but not so slippery as to provide no friction. I recommend it.
- age 14, North Carolina
One day my brother was spending a long time in the bathroom and I suspected he was masturbating. When I finally got to use the bathroom after him, I noticed a loosely wadded up tissue in the waste bin. I was curious, so I unfolded it carefully, and found that it contained a rather large load of semen, which hadn't really soaked into the tissue. This discovery gave me an instant erection, and I felt an overwhelming desire to use his semen as a lubricant on my penis. I scooped it gently off the tissue and massaged it onto my erect penis. It was still fresh and only a little sticky, but there was enough to lubricate my entire penis. It wasn't the best lube I have ever used, but knowing that I was using my brother's semen for masturbating gave me a tremendous orgasm. I only felt a little guilty for a short while, and I am glad he never caught me.
- age 35, United Kingdom
Once I used muscle rub. It was really hot (heat wise), and it took me 20-25 minutes to get to orgasm. After a while though, the warmth felt good. When I finished, it hurt for a little bit and I don't exactly know why. Well, there it is – the weirdest lubricant I've ever used.
- age 16, California
I was in a real freaky mood one day, and among other goofy things I did that day, I created my own type of lubricant, composed of two other lubricants that I'm very fond of using. I put about two tablespoons of Vaseline into a Dixie cup, poured a decent amount of baby oil on top of it, warmed it in the microwave for about half a minute (then let it cool down!) and then mixed the two together and went to town. A combination of grease, warmth, and that awesome squishy noise ... ah, words cannot describe the feeling. It was pretty intense.
- age 23, Connecticut
Go-Jo waterless hand cleaner – it was so slippery, I just had to give it a try. It worked rather well too, but I was afraid it might cause some harm, so I washed it off right away. Part of the excitement, I think, was that it was something so very different.
- age 57, Illinois
The most unusual lubricant I ever used was a cream I had bought to stop myself from itching. It was quite slick and I thought it would produce quite a sensation. However, it turned out to be the longest masturbation session I ever had because, as I finally realized, the way the cream stopped itching was to stop sensation altogether. I finally had to give up. The cream also killed the top layer of skin, so I had a wrinkled, crinkled, and slowly peeling penis for several days afterward. After that I stuck to spit and hair conditioner.
- age 46, New York
Pumpkin juice. It was sticky.
- age 14, Washington
I once used 45-SPF sun block because I was out of my usual lubricant. The odor was very strong and since it was in the middle of winter, everybody kind of knew what I had been doing.
- age 20, Virginia
A couple of years ago, my mum made stick-date puddings for desert. She had too much leftover caramel sauce, so she stored it. I found it, heated it up in the microwave until it was just warm, slathered it all over my penis, and just went for it. The warm sticky gooey feeling was great. And the extra plus was that I could eat it mixed with my semen afterwards.
- age 15, Australia
I once used some of my girlfriend's urine that I had saved in a bottle.
- age 19, Illinois
Pam – that cooking stuff! My parents were down in North Carolina visiting relatives and I was the only one home. It was late one night and, having nobody to cook for me, I had to whip something up. So I started spraying down the pan and it went all over my penis (I had been running around the house naked earlier). So I started to wipe it off when I realized it felt quite good. It was slick and worked great, so I just started masturbating and ejaculated so hard I thought I was going to pass out. It was great! I cook for myself all the time now.
- age 15, Kentucky
When I was about 14, I used patchouli oil. It was horrible. My penis got swollen and stayed that way for about four days. I was quite scared and too embarrassed to tell anyone.
- age 47, New York