I knew about masturbation long before I actually did it, although I didn't exactly know what it was. For at least a year before my first orgasm (at age 12) I was looking in every medical book I could find to see if I could learn how to do it, and if anyone asked why I was looking through medical books, I covered it up by saying there was someone at school with a strange facial condition and I wanted to find out what it was. Well, that was kind of true; there was someone at school with this facial condition that made her face look all blotchy. I'm pretty sure, though, that my dad saw through my explanation, although he never mentioned it. Anyway, I thought there had to be more to masturbation than the dictionary definition: "Erotic stimulation especially of one's own genital organs commonly resulting in orgasm and achieved by manual or other bodily contact exclusive of sexual intercourse, by instrumental manipulation, occasionally by sexual fantasies, or by various combinations of these agencies"
I wanted to find out how you really did it. After ages of half-heartedly moving the skin on my penis up and down (I'm not circumcised), I began to think that was all there was to it — I wondered what the big deal was. But one night when I was sitting on the toilet backwards (just in case something did come out), I began to get this tingling feeling deep inside my penis. So I started pumping faster. Suddenly it was like my whole penis exploded in to pleasure. It was like having an itch, except inside my body. I didn't think I could stand it much longer. When the feeling got so strong I just wanted to reach inside and scratch at it, when suddenly my penis "exploded" for a second time — and this gray, slimy stuff came out. I was amazed. It was just so incredible. But after that, when I went downstairs for dinner, I felt incredibly guilty and was really self-conscious, particularly about the way I walked — if my penis got shifted the wrong way in my pants I would get a sharp reminder of what I had done. It was incredibly sensitive — almost too sensitive to touch. I was convinced that everybody would know what I had been doing. But nobody brought it up, so I went on masturbating.
Over the months I began to get more self-confident with my techniques as I realized that my penis wasn't yet big enough that the semen would get all over the floor if I sat back on the toilet seat (although occasionally it did — quite annoying, especially when it hit my pajamas, which were sitting about a meter away in front of me). Then I realized I could even do it in my own room if I was careful enough to do it when I was sure no-one was likely to walk in on me. This was definitely a good thing, as when I was in my "on the toilet" stage I always flushed the toilet twice — once to get rid of the urine, etc., and another time to get rid of the semen. I realized that this was probably very suspicious. Anyway, my orgasms became more pleasurable and I got more relaxed about it. But I still felt incredibly guilty about it all, and I was convinced that it was a sin and I would go to hell for it. Each night as I prayed I would ask God to forgive me for it, and to help me get over it. But that was a time when my faith in God wasn't very strong, and I had just started to get into looking at gay porn. I realized that most guys my age felt attracted to other guys for one reason or another, but I was going downstairs every night and going to gay Web sites and even masturbating then and there in front of the computer. It took me ages to get out of this habit, and sometimes I even have a relapse and do it again — but one of the things that helped me stop was that I found JackinWorld.
I was going into search engines and typing strings of sexual words, and one night among the many results, I saw "JackinWorld — the Ultimate Male Masturbation Resource." I thought, Wow, this looks good. From then on I admit I got a little addicted to JackinWorld. I spent hours looking at the Q&A section; other people's stories and questions fascinated me. I began to realize that masturbation was something most of the world's male population did — how could God condemn me for it? Of course, I did have the thoughts like, Well, most of the world swears and has premarital sex and God definitely doesn't like those things — but then JackinWorld's excellent article on masturbation from a Christian perspective came out, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief — I wasn't going to hell after all. JackinWorld helped me finally get over my addiction to porn and the obsession with sex that had been taking over my life — I had begun to find excuses to talk about sex with my friends. And I tried to find ways of walking in on naked men all the time. In fact, once at the school swimming carnival, I was in and out of the change rooms every 10 minutes, pretending to go to the toilet or get a drink, but actually I just wanted to get a peek at another guy's penis. But after I found JackinWorld and I started reading the Bible more, I got over this, and now I enjoy a healthy masturbation life.
But the story doesn't exactly end there. One of the down sides I've found from going to JackinWorld is that it implanted into my head the idea of masturbating with someone else. The thought had never occurred to me before. And although I've never directly brought it up with my school friends, I think a couple of them have misgivings about me, suspect that I might be gay, and think I'm a hypocrite and not really a Christian. It has caused a bit of pain for me. But I'm sure that if I end up gathering the courage to ask one of my friends to masturbate with me and explain how it's not a sin and it doesn't make you gay, I'll get over that, too.
All of this happened over a period of three years. It seemed like ages from the time I began to masturbate to when I realized I could do it in my room privately, but now I realize it was only a couple of months.
Do you find yourself masturbating more often during some seasons than others? Why?
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Strange facial condition
Gender:
Male