Midnight watch

My first orgasm occurred at age ten when I was climbing a metal pole on a playground. I had been pulling myself up with my arms and then tightening my legs around the pole while I slipped my arms up and continued climbing. When I got near the top of the pole, I experienced the wonderful, thrilling feeling of my first orgasm. I held on to the pole very tightly while it happened, and then I slid back down and sat on the corner of a sandbox to think about the experience. I was very excited by the discovery. I knew I hadn't had an erection when I started climbing the pole, but I did have one during the orgasm. I concluded that squeezing my penis against the pole with my legs while my penis was getting erect was what caused the orgasm.

I liked that feeling so much I knew I had to have more of it. During that summer, I climbed the playground pole almost every day and several times on some days, trying to get that great feeling again, but I never did. It was difficult because often I would start getting erect before I even reached the pole, and I thought it was no use to try when that happened.

I couldn't forget that orgasm and really wanted to figure out some way I could make it happen again. Whenever I was sitting on the toilet, I would try doing different things to my penis — squeezing it, pulling the skin tight, etc. Nothing happened. One day I discovered a sensitive spot on the underside near the tip. I tried rubbing that spot. It started feeling better and better, and fairly soon it worked! Success at last! I really enjoyed that second orgasm and was very glad I had found a way to make it happen without going to the playground and climbing the pole.

After making that discovery I masturbated a lot, always in the bathroom. It was the only place I had any privacy. I could lock the door to the bathroom. My younger brother slept in the same bed with me, and I didn't want to risk having him notice me doing it in bed beside him.

I didn't know the words "masturbation," "orgasm," or "erection" when I was that young. I thought of an erection as when "it gets big." I thought of masturbating as "getting that old feeling." I felt as if I had somehow experienced the feeling of an orgasm a long time ago — perhaps when I was a baby or very young. It seemed vaguely familiar. I'll never know why.

Many people describe how they ejaculated a lot of semen the first time they masturbated, but that wasn't the case with me. All my orgasms were dry for quite a while. I don't remember how long my dry-orgasm period lasted, but it might have been 6 months or longer. I'm sure I didn't have any pubic hair, and of course my erect penis was very small then. I knew how to use it, though.

I remember the first time a small drop of semen oozed out. I was disturbed about that. I imagined it was an important fluid my body had produced, and therefore I was wasting it.

One of my friends at school, who was a year older than the rest of us, told me he had masturbated in class and that our teacher had told him he shouldn't do that. I asked him how she knew he was doing it. He said, "She sees me when I cross my legs and go to work." I had never heard about a way for a person to masturbate with his legs crossed, and I thought it was very bold of him to do that in school. I tried doing it with my legs crossed after he told me that, but I didn't have much success. I kept using my proven successful method.

Problems started soon after I joined the Boy Scouts at age 12. There was a section in the Scouts' Handbook for Boys that said masturbation was a bad habit that must be fought against. That worried me. I had been suspecting that masturbation wasn't good for me. It seemed something that caused such a sensational thrill probably put some sort of a harmful strain on my body. I didn't know just what. I decided to quit masturbating before something really bad happened to me. I thought if it was a habit, maybe I would get addicted to it and wouldn't be able to stop. Maybe I would have to keep doing it more and more until it was completely out of control. I decided that although I was really going to miss it, I would never masturbate again. I went without masturbating for 2 or 3 days. Then I had a very strong desire to do it again. After quite a struggle, I decided I would do it just one more time, then never again. I went into the bathroom and enjoyed my "final orgasm."

Of course it wasn't final. A few days later, I had my "really last orgasm." Soon after that was the "positively, absolutely last time." Finally I had to give up trying to quit. I had to admit to myself I had become addicted to what I was convinced was a bad habit. I wondered what would happen to me. I started worrying about it and developed a very guilty conscience. There was nobody I could talk to about it. I wish there had been JackinWorld in those days — it would have prevented a lot of unnecessary worry.

I would go to Sunday School and church with my grandmother, who thought I was a wonderful kid. She would introduce me to her friends at church and tell them what a fine boy I was. I always smiled and acted polite, but I felt sure that Grandmother wouldn't think I was a fine boy at all if she knew I had a very bad habit and couldn't stop doing it in the bathroom all the time.

Jack, my best buddy, joined the Boy Scouts at the same time I did. He read the Scout Handbook section about masturbation, and he asked me if I knew what it was and if I knew how to do it. I told him I did. Jack said he wanted to try it and asked me to tell him how to do it. I refused, saying I didn't want him to become addicted to a bad habit. Nearly every time we were together he kept coaxing me to tell him, but I never did, even though he was my closest friend. I thought it would be like getting him hooked on drugs. Of course, eventually he found out and told me he did it, too. I felt a little better after that. He told me his father said he must never masturbate, but he did it anyway.

In the 7th or 8th grade, I started to notice that sometimes I had a really strong desire to masturbate. It wasn't just an idea; it was a definite physical need — having a full feeling in my abdomen and strong, constant sexual tension. I had difficulty concentrating in class and could barely wait to get home and masturbate. I never did it at school, though.

In high school I quit worrying so much about masturbating. I had been doing it regularly for several years, and nothing terrible had happened to me. I was in good health, making decent grades, and seemed to be getting along okay. I also concluded that masturbation must have about the same effect on a person as sexual intercourse. I knew that millions of couples were having sexual relations every night without harmful effects, so it seemed reasonable to me that masturbation probably was not too bad. I was a little uncomfortable about it, though. I looked at the school's honor students and athletes and couldn't imagine them masturbating. These guys just seemed too outstanding. Now I am sure most of them masturbated, but it seemed very unlikely at the time.

At age 18 I went into the U.S. Navy. I didn't masturbate much during boot camp at Great Lakes; they kept us too busy doing calisthenics and running around the "grinder" (drill field). I would be so tired at the end of the day I wasn't interested in sex. In a way I kind of liked that, but I still masturbated sometimes. There was seldom any privacy; there were no stalls around the toilets, and we showered together in large shower rooms. We slept in bunks that were close together in a large dorms. About the only place to masturbate was in bed at night. It had to be done quietly, too, so none of the sailors nearby could hear you. I got so used to masturbating without making any sound that I still do it quietly, even though now I could make all the noise I want.

One other place I masturbated in the Navy was on guard duty in the barracks during the middle of the night. It was risky — if I had ever been caught, I would have been in trouble. But standing guard from midnight until 4 AM while everyone else was asleep was very boring. We were not allowed to read or sit down or do anything except just stand there. I couldn't help thinking about sex and getting horny. Nearly every time I was on the midnight watch, I would check to make sure the officer of the day was nowhere in sight. Then I would quickly get a latex condom from the coin-operated vending machine in the hall and hurry into the head (bathroom) and slip it on. It only took a minute. Then I would quickly go back to my station. I would stand there rubbing the front of my pants very slightly to stimulate my erect penis just below the fabric, watching carefully and being sure to stop if I saw anyone coming. I could enjoy masturbating a long time that way during those long night watches. They always ended with a good orgasm. Fortunately I never got caught doing it. I'm sure I'm not the only man in the armed forces who has quietly masturbated during lonely guard duty.

In Navy school after boot camp, for the first time in my life, someone told me he suspected I masturbated. It was one of my friends in our company. His real name was Milton, but we all called him Milt. I forget just how the subject came up. It could have been on a Monday after I had enjoyed a lot of masturbation during the weekend, and he asked me how I was doing or something. I probably gave him sort of a lukewarm reply. But I'll never forget what he said then: "Maybe you have been beating your meat too much." It was completely unexpected.

"Why do you think that?" I asked. He said, "I first saw it in myself, and then I looked for it in others." To this day I don't know what he was talking about. I wish I had asked him for more details. All I can think of is that maybe I looked a little pale that day.

Anyway, Milt said he knew of a way that I could probably quit masturbating — that he and I go to the gym and do exercises every evening until we got tired. Then we would get up every morning before everybody else in the company and go out running. I told Milt I wanted to try it.

The system worked. I did not masturbate a single time during our physical fitness program. Sometimes I got a strong desire, and I would tell Milt about it. He would give me a "pep talk" and encourage me to keep up with our objective. That must have gone on for month or two until we graduated and were separated. I never saw Milt since then, but I remember him as a good friend who helped me do something I had been wanting to do.

I went home for 10 days leave after that, and I didn't masturbate at all while I was home. I felt proud of myself for accomplishing something that had always seemed impossible. It was the longest period in my life that I went without masturbating.

That period ended on the train when I was traveling back to the naval base. I was lying in my berth thinking how long it had been since I had enjoyed an orgasm. I thought about it a long time. Did I want to stay with the program Milt and I had followed, or did I want to resume masturbating? I knew it was an important decision. It took me a long time to make up my mind.

I decided masturbating was too enjoyable an experience to deprive myself of. There was nothing wrong with it. I had proved I could quit if I wanted to. I knew how enjoyable it would be to masturbate again. Finally I decided I was going to get that "old feeling" again. As the train rolled through the night and I could hear the clicking of the wheels on the rails, I looked out the window at the moonlit countryside and started to enjoy sexual pleasure again. I took my time and kept enjoying it until I brought on one of the best orgasms of my life. Afterwards I felt very good about it, and I have enjoyed masturbating whenever I wanted to ever since.